The Warmth That Thaws A Winter Heart
by Emperor Kumquat
Summary: Russia doesn't understand many emotions. Some, he doesn't know at all. People have always feared and hated him because of his cracked mentality, but what if someone figured out that he just needed help? Latvia goes against his fears and steps up to the challenge. Character development story with some questioning of morals and nonsexual love along the way. *Violence but no abuse.
1. Winter's Calm

The window was laced with frost from the bitter cold of the still winter day outside. The chill that seeped through numbed the hands of Latvia as he cleaned the windowsill, turning them pale and his fingernails dark. When everything had been satisfyingly swept clear, he frowned as he began to clean the glass itself, trying his best to ignore the cold burn that came from the direct contact with it. Once it became spotless and shining, he was able to look out into the yard at the blue sky and at the leafless trees that were supporting an even layer of snow on their branches. He could not help but feel captivated by the view and by how tranquil the outside world appeared. It was nothing short of beautiful when there was no storm that was so viscous that all he wanted to do was snuggle under some blankets and hide from its fury.

In truth, the unpredictability scared him. He loved when all seemed quiet and safe, but he was also afraid of such atmospheres. He never knew when the peace would shatter. Russia undoubtedly frightened him and the extent of his fear was not limited to the country's weather.

His eyes darted away from the window and he allowed one large shiver to run down his spine that shook his tiny frame. The reoccurring discomfort was affecting him, however he would not allow this or anything else to distract him from today's important task: cleaning the library by himself. Usually this kind of job was reserved for Estonia or Lithuania, for they were taller, but today they had recommended that he do it. They were currently busy in the kitchen hurriedly preparing a large order of food that Russia had said that he would need for some kind of meeting. Russia had not provided many details but one had to expect that it was very important. Thus, Latvia would stay out of the kitchen so that there was no chance that his nervous shivering would result in any accidents.

The library was not all that dirty to begin with for the whole place was cleaned so often by the Baltics. Nevertheless, Latvia thought that it would be worth the effort to take everything off the shelves and clean under where the books had been instead of halfheartedly just dusting around them. Small hands gently removed a few books at a time, setting them down in a stack to maintain their order. When the shelves were polished off, he slid them back into their regular places. It was because it was such tedious work that Latvia's mind started to wander, and this time, he set up a game of chess in his mind and began playing against himself.

 _I really wish I could play against someone else though._ The thought slipped through his mind as his body continued to move. _Like Estonia, if we ever had the chance, and I bet Lithuania would be good at it too._

He halted his game and looked despairingly up at the two higher levels of shelves that nearly reached the tall ceiling. After glancing quickly around the room, he could not spot anything that he could use as a boost except for the armchairs, but those were too valuable and he did not wish to risk dirtying or breaking them.

 _There's a stool in the other room I think,_ he thought.

He was pleased to find out that he had been correct. However the stool was nearly as tall as he was, so it was an effort to climb on and off it while bearing objects in his arms. It took a while to finish the lower shelf, but then the highest one loomed above him. He stretched up onto the tips of his toes to reach the books, and when he grabbed them, the stool wobbled. His heart leapt up into his throat, but he managed to catch his balance. For a moment he could only breathe while holding to his chest the books with Cyrillic characters printed across their fronts.

He carefully made it back down to the ground, taking a few seconds to let the panic settle down. He looked at the doorway but it was empty, to his relief. Russia might have been lurking around the house somewhere, or he was merely attending to his own business right then. It was always a shock for Latvia to spot him behind him, knowing that any mistakes he had just done would not go unnoticed by Russia. This happened often whenever Russia took a break, for he had this habit of suddenly appearing behind anyone from seemingly out of nowhere. In addition to this, not only did Latvia not want to attract his presence with the loud bang of a dropped object, he did not want him to stay and watch him working. He would only get more stressed, which would cause him to tremble uncontrollably and make this work even more of a struggle.

Latvia sneezed after having had disturbed a layer of dust. _I guess it wasn't as clean as I thought it was in here._ He reached far into the corner and dared the stability of the stool. There was a little glass bird there which he dragged towards him with his fingertips, thinking, _This should be cleaned too_ -

The stool collapsed and shot away in the opposite direction. Latvia yelped when only air remained under his feet and his eyes glanced up to catch sight of the bird sliding off the edge. He flung out his arm and grasped it in time, then he held it protectively against his chest as he fell. He smashed his right side off a metal-framed side table and he heard a sort of cracking sound in his shoulder. Latvia then rolled over onto the floor and landed on his aching side. He gasped in agony, then inhaled so sharply that it sounded like a squeak.

He set the glass ornament beside himself then tried pushing up from off the floor. Immediately he collapsed onto his right side and gasped again when the pain shocked his arm. He flopped onto his back and breathed steadily, racking his brain for an idea on how to deal with what he had just done to himself.

 _How am I always getting into these kinds of situations?_ his mind cried in dismay.

What followed promptly after this thought was the sound of heavy footsteps padding across the carpet towards him. Automatically his heartbeat picked up and all the blood drained from his face. He was sure that this familiar sound would always spark fear into him whenever he heard it approaching, but now the fear that stirred within him was much more intense as he lay there feeling so absolutely helpless on the floor.

"What happened here, Latvia?" Soft Russian words floated closer as the footsteps stopped by his ear. When Russia crouched down and gazed over him with a smile glued upon his face, Latvia squeezed his eyes shut.

"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Russia…" Latvia stuttered, then thought, _Why does he always check on me at the worst of times...?_

"Hmm? Why are you sorry?" Russia asked set a hand down on Latvia's shoulder.

Latvia immediately choked out in pain. The hand swiftly retreated. Latvia was left quivering in fear due to the additional pain that had been inflicted upon him. He looked up at Russia's face, afraid of how he would respond and unsure if he could even recognize the signs of terror that he was displaying.

 _What is he going to do to me now?_ Latvia despaired.

The floor dropped away and strong arms that could easily break him held him tightly. It took a lot of effort to not wail from being grabbed suddenly. Tears budded in his eyes and all he could think about were punishments as Russia walked away carrying him. He had hurt himself so he was not able to work right now; Latvia assumed that the other would surely be displeased by this result.

He blinked in confusion when he was gently placed in an armchair instead of being thrown and locked into the basement. Russia brushed up his arm, but Latvia only reacted when his shoulder was touched. He whimpered when the hand stayed this time, pressing around to find the sore spots.

"How did you do this all by yourself?" Russia mused.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Don't worry about it. I will fix it up."

" _What_?"

Latvia squirmed as his arm and shoulder were grabbed roughly. Russia shoved him against the chair, pressing him firmly against it while he pushed down powerfully on his shoulder. Latvia screeched and writhed, but this accomplished nothing and did not help him escape from the hands holding him. His cry of pain was however audible from the kitchen, and when it was detected by their ears, Lithuania and Estonia froze with dread rising up within them. Latvia was hurt. To them, the only conclusion was that Russia was involved.

"I'll go," Estonia said. "One of us will have to stay here at least."

Estonia, still with a ladle in his hand, raced through the halls towards the library. Lithuania continued working but he stirred the contents of his pot with a face downcast with worry.

Away from the others and still alone with Russia, Latvia screeched anew. He barely heard the pop over his scream. It was over so surprisingly quick and now Russia was stepping back to analyze him. He cast his eyes up and down over Latvia's shivering form before he chirped, "There, you are all better now!"

Latvia rotated his arm tentatively and his eyes widened in utter surprise when he noticed a vast decrease in pain. Yet as it dawned upon him that Russia had just helped him, he remembered some past experiences where apparent kindness expressed by Russia was followed by some kind of dark cruelty afterwards.

 _How will he hurt me_? Latvia could only think. _Surely, he will want to punish me for at least taking time out of his busy schedule?_

It was the fear that caused two twin tears to roll down his face. Russia saw them, but he assumed them to be from Latvia's continued pain. Russia smiled and wiped one of them away with a quick brush of his gloved thumb across his cheek.

"You do not need to cry, friend Latvia," Russia said. "You are all healed."

Latvia nodded automatically in response, driven by the fear of Russia smiling and touching him at the same time. These were never good combinations; Russia was always nice and calm before his mood darkened into something else on the turn of a dime.

"Yes, Mr. Russia. Th-thank you."

"Latvia!" Estonia burst into the room.

He went abruptly quiet when he saw Russia beside him. Now he thought, _Bad, bad, bad._

"Estonia," Russia uttered as he got up to his feet. "What are you doing here? Should you not be working in the kitchen?"

"I, er- I heard Latvia scream and I wanted to make sure he was alright," Estonia replied, trying his best to conceal his nervousness.

"Well, he is with me. There is no need to worry." Russia smiled a little at him, but it was one of those false smiles that was meant to intimidate the receiver of it.

Estonia took a step back instinctively, but he threw a glance behind Russia to check on Latvia. He saw that no marks had been inflicted upon his visible flesh, so he immediately wondered why Latvia had screamed like that.

It was daring, but Estonia had to do it anyway. He asked Russia, "What happened here, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Latvia slipped and fell. Very silly thing of him to do," Russia replied simply. Much too simply for Estonia's taste, thus he grew suspicious.

Estonia stared back at Latvia again, who nodded slowly twice. Sensing the mood, Estonia knew it was in his best interests to leave it at that. He dipped his head respectfully before whisking away back to the kitchen where Lithuania continued to wait anxiously. He had wanted to stay, naturally. He really wanted to take Latvia away from Russia and just lead him somewhere safe where he and Lithuania could talk with him and find out the full story. However, interrupting any of Russia's business would only worsen the outcome for anyone involved, so with a bitterness against Russia building up inside him, Estonia was forced to leave Latvia to his own fate.

"What happened?" Lithuania asked the moment he heard Estonia's footsteps approaching.

"As far as I know, Latvia fell. But I don't really know if he's hurt or if he is going to be. Russia practically had him pinned against a chair."

"And we thought he'd be safe not being in the kitchen at all today," Lithuania sighed. "Poor guy. He is so breakable, you know. If I could, I would take any of his punishments for him with no hesitation."

"It wouldn't do you good to be strong for all of us." Estonia glanced at him with a raised brow. "It'd be too much and he would break you."

"No. Russia will never break us." Lithuania spoke these words very lowly so that only Estonia could have possibly heard him.

* * *

The Baltics looked forward to the peace that usually came in the evening after they had finished their daily chores. At these times they had the opportunity to be together, to chat and to relax their exhausted muscles before they crawled into that one bed that they were all forced to share. It was a good time to read, but recently books in their own languages had been banned and none of them wanted to look at the Cyrillic alphabet any more than they had to. Instead they would try to recall stories of their people or even make up their own. They came up with whatever they could in order to strengthen the bonds with each other and share whatever happiness they could scrape up together.

Latvia was sitting on the bed with his pyjamas already on when Lithuania and Estonia came into the room. He had taken out a stack of cards and was playing a game by himself in the corner of the bed, but he stopped when they entered.

Finally, they could question him.

"Latvia, what happened to you today?" Lithuania started.

"I fell," Latvia said.

"Did you really, or is that just what Russia says?" Estonia demanded.

"No really! I was on a stool but I leaned too far and I fell off it. My shoulder hit the table all wrong, and I must have made a lot of noise because Russia came into the room immediately after. And, well- he figured out that I dislocated it because he grabbed me and shoved it back in. That was why I screamed. It really hurt, but after it felt a lot better."

"Russia _helped_ you?" Lithuania voice contained all his surprise and disbelief.

"What did he do after I left?" Estonia asked.

"That's the weirdest part," Latvia admitted. "You might not believe this but, I was so sore that he even told me to take a break. So I sat in the chair, then I watched him clean all of the top shelves for me... Really, it's true!"

"What?" Lithuania gasped.

"Yeah, he was strangely nice to me… but then again I didn't break anything so I guess that's why he wasn't angry."

"Ah," was all Estonia said.

They had managed to get through the rest of the day without any more concerning incidents. Now that the drama of the day had passed and they were relaxing in their bedroom, Estonia decided to sing for them. Russia had made some of his songs illegal, so he never sang those ones here just in case Russia was hanging around and would hear him. One could never be too sure.

Estonia had a phenomenal voice. His people liked to sing and have song festivals back in his country, so he had therefore acquired their love as well. Nevertheless, all of the Baltic countries were known for their music and how it expressed their old culture. Estonia encouraged Latvia to sing a _daina_ when he was done, and so he did.

Latvia started off quietly at first, but then his voice rose in volume as he beguiled himself with the words of his own language. His voice was always sharply clear and the words came out so smoothly so that whenever he sang, a calm would dwell in the room, making all of them feel quite sleepy and at ease. Each sentence ended unstressed and sweetly, but the next one always rose mystically and it was entrancing to listen to. However, his _daina_ was a short one, for it was only two paragraphs. It was over so quickly but its shortness only made them appreciate its perfection ever so more.

Latvia blinked a few times when it was over, as if remembering where he was. Then he said to Lithuania, "Would you like to go now?"

"No," Lithuania replied. "I think we can end off with something like that. I'll go tomorrow."

His folk songs, his _dainos_ , were similar to those of Latvia's. However, he preferred listening to Latvia sing instead of singing himself. When Latvia sang, it expressed all of the innocence that the small nation contained. Lithuania watched Latvia stretch then begin to snuggle in under the blankets, his movements so careful and gentle.

Once Latvia had settled in, he was heard piping up, "Goodnight, you two."

"Goodnight," Lithuania and Estonia both murmured in unison.

Lithuania got up and switched off the light, throwing the room into darkness. Once everything settled into silence, it was then that Russia decided to drift away from the spot just outside the door where he had been standing. He left without a sound so that they would not know that he had been listening to them the entire time.


	2. Blood and Ice

The next few days passed with nothing particularly interesting to note. Latvia's arm healed as easily as it had been injured, meaning that he could immediately resume his schedule of laborious chores alongside the others.

Some days consisted of early mornings and late nights in which their bodies knew nothing but the gravity of exhaustion that weighed down their muscles. They knew that they would have appeared absolutely dreadful to anyone who came by and saw them, however because no one but work associates of Russia made an appearance here, they would find no sympathy. There was however, one night that Russia seemed to be paying them more mind, watching over them with analyzing eyes and setting all of their nerves on end. He then eventually told them that they could take the day off tomorrow, and it was like the words that had been spoken had come from a merciful spirit who had temporarily possessed Russia. They had been wary and unsure of whether to believe their good fortune.

They went to bed as usual, however nothing disturbed them in the morning and they easily slept in to noon. When they finally made an appearance around the house, Russia quickly found them and gave them permission to go around the city. It was not like they could escape anyway, when their countries were occupied by Soviet soldiers and there was simply no place safe to go. The idea of escaping at this time was a suicidal one; if they took off, the punishment that would follow if they got recaptured would surely be unimaginable.

Nevertheless it still felt like a blessing to go out and wander the magnificently lighted streets. The fresh air and sights really perked them up and they held a jubilant skip in their step as they gazed around themselves in wonder. Everything seemed so sharp and sparkly in this area. The shops, buildings, streetlights, and solitary trees were all bright under the cool January sun that hung in a cloudless sky. They stayed out in the crisp air until they needed to warm up in a shop, but then they did not stay there too long because the excitement of exploring was too tempting and soon they were found back on the streets.

When they came back late in the evening, driven by clawing hunger, they found a placid Russia already finishing up dinner preparations.

"That was good timing!" Russa glanced back at them from over his shoulder. "I hope you all enjoyed today."

They thanked him in chorus, as what was expected, but they had truly meant it this time. Russia served them filling food and afterwards the Baltics happily made their way to bed. They went to sleep with hopeful minds, thinking that perhaps Russia's mood was improving and that this was something they could look forward to again in the future.

* * *

A few weeks passed and their arduous lifestyle returned. It was a continuous battle to keep Russia's massive house clean when there were so many rooms to take care of. Never could all of the rooms be clean at the same time and therefore there was always something for them to do. Keeping ahead of the collecting dust was also difficult when they still had to take the time to cook and take up any extra projects that Russia gave them to do.

Usually it was their responsibility to know what needed to be taken care of, but one day Russia suggested to them specific and obscure places to be cleaned. It was understandable that he might find these places to be dirty for they were not cleaned often, but Lithuania and Estonia felt sorry for Latvia when the task of cleaning down in the basement was given to him. Latvia had begun to tremble as if a death sentence had been put upon him, and Russia glared at his reaction but made no comment before leaving them to split up and work.

The moment Russia had left, Latvia let out a small cry of despair. The other two promptly comforted him, although their hearts were also pumping in worry. They all had been locked down there for a while when they had done something to displease Russia. That much was tolerable. However, the reason that fear flourished inside them at the thought of the basement was on the very rare occasion that they were taught a "lesson" down there. It usually took a lot to provoke that, but some days Russia was easier to offset and they had to conduct themselves carefully. They all knew though that Lithuania was the one who was familiar with the most horrifying of punishments to be received from Russia, and they knew that Latvia might have to be mopping up years-old bloodstains down there today.

"It's just cleaning," Lithuania assured Latvia.

"Yes," Estonia confirmed as he rubbed the back of his neck from his own nervousness. "Nothing to worry about at all."

It took Latvia a bit of time to convince himself this while he mopped in the gloomy darkness of the old stone basement. The dull lights above him flickered occasionally and his heart soared in the brief moments of utter darkness. Everything seemed so ominous and Latvia feared that even if Russia was not going to come downstairs for him, some kind of ghost would at least set itself upon him. So he moved around cautiously, shivering in silence while distracting himself with the sound of the wet mop slapping the floor.

The uneven ground caused the water to congest into random puddles all over the room. Latvia proceeded to the darker areas of the room and he came across a puddle that had collected ahead of him that he had been unaware of. His foot slipped on the wetness and also in some slick, unknown substance, then he crashed into the shadows with a metallic clang. Latvia felt around himself and found that he had crashed against a shelf here. Cold sharpness grazed his hand and he withdrew it swiftly with a gasp.

Those were blades; this was Russia's collection of tools. Or, as Latvia's frightened mind saw them, they were Russia's collection of _torture_ tools. He went to pull away, but his clothes had snagged onto something in the blackness that he could not see. His heart beat wildly as he tried again and again to get away from the objects that were causing him increasingly more distress. He gave up on pulling and instead summoned up enough courage to feel for the object by trailing down his clothing. He grasped his hand around something, but then there was a click and then the shrill shrieking of a drill rang throughout the basement. Latvia shot backwards in panic, forgetting that he was still caught on that unknown object, so when he fell onto his back he ended up bringing the entire shelf down upon him.

The tension on his clothes disappeared and he was able to roll away just in time as blades and all kinds of metallic tools crashed onto the spot where he had just lain. There was an uproarious clatter as everything smashed and slid far across the floor. Latvia's ears rang but the echos faded away as he started to peel himself from the ground. Once he was standing, it was then that he became aware of an awful silence that now reigned throughout the house. For a few seconds, everyone had stopped what they were doing.

The silence was broken abruptly. Latvia heard booted footsteps thumbing across the floor above him and the sound became louder and louder as they got closer to the entrance to the basement. Latvia flashed his head side-to-side, looking desperately for an escape route but found none. The only sound in the world he heard was those approaching footsteps, which were now heading down the stairs. He froze when he heard them stop partway down the steps.

He was so frightened of what he was going to see that at first, he did not look up. As though if he did not, what would be standing there would not exist.

He lifted his head hesitantly.

His eyes shone like dazzling, violet chips of sculptured ice. Clear and sharp, yet boring into Latvia's wavering eyes with a disturbing lack of warmth. It was unnatural; inhuman that his eyes could possibly be so cold. While Latvia stared back, unable to pull his glaze away, he realized that there was something else within the other that must be frozen to make his eyes be able to do that. However, he had no time to dwell upon the thought because in the blink of an eye, Russia had leapt down the rest of the stairs and was now marching towards him, his long scarf fluttering behind him and large coat billowing in the dim light.

Latvia was petrified. He did nothing but yelp into the hand that wrapped around his face and let tears fall down his cheeks as the other hand immediately clasped around his throat.

 _Hopefully this will be over quickly_ , Latvia thought, crying as he was dragged off his feet and along the rough floor.

His back cracked against the wall before his head snapped back and as well smashed against it. He slid down into a limp slump, breathing in deep gasps between small whimpers of pain. Russia backed away and Latvia rested his head on his shoulder in relief.

 _Well, that was about the worst he has ever done to me. But it's done. It's over...  
_

He blinked open his eyes when he heard the clattering of metal. He gazed over at Russia, who had his back turned to him as he kicked around some of the fallen tools with his foot. Latvia edged away from the wall and dazedly tried to make it back up to his feet, but then there was a rush of movement to his side and a foot caught him in the abdomen. He sailed backwards against the wall and Russia caught him before he collapsed onto his side. Latvia stared at him in confusion, trembling under the hand on his shoulder that held him forcefully against the wall.

His voice shook, "Mr. Ru-Russia..."

Russia tilted his head, as if expecting him to go on. When Latvia continued to shake without saying anything else, he dipped his head and glared at him with those icy eyes, which now seemed to be holding another quality behind them. It was a sort of intent that flamed like a frosted fire. _What is this?_ He had never seen Russia stare at something like this before. As frightening Russia could be, something was even more off about him.

Latvia knew. It was not over. He felt suddenly cold and he shook as though hypothermic.

"Why are you making me do this, Latvia?" Russia asked in a disturbingly sincere voice. As if there was truly, no other choice. "I do not want to be hurting you, but you seem to be needing a lesson..."

"Please, Mr. Russia," Latvia managed to cough out. "I…"

"You are too clumsy and you are always breaking things. I don't understand why you are like this"- but then he paused in consideration- "Hmm, but you are always doing the shaking. You are doing it now too, so maybe if you stop this you will be better. Are you agreeing with me?"

Russia smiled reassuringly. Latvia, understanding that he truly had no choice, only nodded to signify agreement. He twitched while doing so, and his face burned with hot tears.

"I'm glad," Russia murmured before his voice dropped a few octaves. "But now, I want you to face the wall."

Latvia did not move at first, but when Russia glared and leaned in slightly, he obeyed. He turned around and sunk down to sit cross-legged, then he leaned into his arms that were folded against the wall to quietly cry into them.

"Now take of your shirt, Latvia."

He complied, still facing the stone wall, and he tossed it far to his right onto the floor. As it left his grasp he let out a sob as he realized that he had been told to do this only to keep it from getting damaged. The waterworks opened and Latvia was soon utterly unable to control his crying. He dared not look back at Russia as he took off his gloves and discarded them to the side before laying a hand on the side of his neck. Latvia could not see how Russia slowly pulled out from his coat one of the curved blades he had taken from the pile of tools on the floor. It glimmered under the flickering light as he turned it in his right hand.

However, Latvia felt it when its tip jabbed into the soft flesh over his shoulder blade, and as it hooked deeper. Latvia screeched and dug his nails into the wall to tear desperately at the grit. His eyes were wide in shock and his teeth were exposed and clenched together as Russia tore it down his back, creating a deep cut that splashed hot blood over Russia's fingertips. Latvia choked when pulled it out, when the blade had snagged a chunk of flesh with it. He lowered his head into his arms and quaked, letting what happen go on because he knew that it might be a fatal mistake if he were to resist and try to get away.

Russia shifted his grip and seized the muscle beside Latvia's neck. Latvia began breathing rapidly in fearful anticipation before Russia began to saw down, breaking through blood vessels and squirting blood further up his hands. Parting his muscles strand by strand, in a steady and easy motion as though cutting apart meat and not a writhing person. At this point Latvia was screaming bloody murder so loudly that undeniably the other Baltics could hear him no matter how far away they were in the house. Russia seemed oblivious to the sounds, however, and he continued on but stopped just before he hit bone.

Latvia could feel the blood pumping out of him as thick streams running down his back. His racing heart shoved more and more blood out of his body and his thoughts as well, were pounding like his heart.

 _Why is he doing this? Why is this happening? I don't understand. This isn't right. I have done worse things than this before, so why now...? Does he want to kill me?_

Latvia wailed at the thought more than at the slashing strikes that Russia was now giving his back.

The shape of the blade left scores of not only just cuts but also puncturing stab wounds. He went back and forth haphazardly, crossing over already-made wounds as Latvia shouted, shrieked, and cried during the endeavor. Blood droplets sailed through the air, splattering across the floor and a sea of red washed down Latvia's back. When his back felt entirely shredded, Russia stopped and leaned in closer.

"You are still shaking."

"No!" Latvia wailed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm-"

The faucet struck the wounds in his back. Latvia had absolutely no idea were it had been conjured from, but upstairs Estonia and Lithuania covered their ears.

 _I don't want to die. Please, stop. Please, please...  
_

"Why are you still shaking, Latvia?"

The question echoed in Latvia's mind as suddenly all assaults were put on hold and Russia sat quietly while waiting for a response. Latvia did not know what to say so he was silent for a while. Russia jabbed a finger into a deep cut and Latvia grimaced as he knew that he had no choice but to provide him with a reply. It took all of his willpower to control his sobbing so he could speak coherently.

"Be-because!" he gasped. "I'm so terrified… of you. I can't stop…"

He was using up so much of his energy in just speaking, so he was not going to have enough to censure his words like Lithuania and Estonia had been teaching him to do. He was dimly aware of this, that his true thoughts were going to slip out and most likely offend the other, yet somehow the lack of energy and the dizziness were also making it harder for him to worry any longer.

"You are scared of me?" Russia mused. "I do not understand what you are meaning."

Russia absentmindedly drew a line with the blade across his right shoulder, which had been so far untouched. Russia's eyes stared over the line of red that followed, seeing it as just a burst of colour that attracted his interest. He looked over it dreamily, as though dazed. What he was doing in front of him could not be realized for what it was; the pain so unconnected to him that he could not understand the cruelty of his actions.

Latvia sniffed and wiped at his sore eyes with his right arm.

"You force us to obey you," Latvia whispered. "You threaten us with violence if we don't follow you."

"You are saying that as though it is bad thing."

"It is! You oppress and hurt us. That is a _really_ bad thing!"

"No, I am helping you," Russia said while patting the cut he had just created and releasing a hiss of pain from Latvia. "You are learning."

Latvia's eyes snapped wide open in shock. He turned his head over his shoulder and finally looked back at Russia.

"No!" he yelped. "I'm not learning, b-because I don't learn this way... No one should be learning this way! This is painful, you hurt people... and it-it is not right, don't you see? People can't take this. I-I can't take..."

He lowered his eyes as Russia only seemed to gaze at him in confusion without any hint of comprehension. Latvia looked back at the wall in defeat and expected another attack, although none came. Russia set the weapons to the side softly and rested his hands on his already-stained coat.

"What other ways are there to learn?" Russia asked. "Is pain not the best method?"

"No," Latvia murmured.

"It is not? Are you sure, Latvia? I always found it worked well on me."

Latvia whipped his head back around and stared at Russia, aghast. Russia was gazing back calmly, completely unfazed by his own words.

"You mean that someone...?"

"Oh, you stopped the shivering. That is good."

"Wh-what?" Latvia stuttered.

"You stopped shaking. I am glad."

Latvia's eyes flickered all over Russia's face. He found not a trace of anguish there.

 _He doesn't care at all. He really thinks it is okay for people to hurt one another_.

More tears ran down his face, but they felt a little different than they had a few seconds ago. At first, he had been crying because of the pain and misery of being unable to escape this situation. Yet now, the idea that Russia's cruel behavior had underlying reasons left Latvia feeling like he was in such a powerless position. He had no idea what to do with this information, and how he could possibly explain what cruelty is to Russia if he was already this far gone.

"Who did this do you?" Latvia asked.

"Hmm?"

"Who has hurt you?"

"Sometimes my bosses when I needed some punishment." Russia nodded once enthusiastically. "They do it to help me become better."

"But that's not helping you!" Latvia cried. "W-Why can't you see that? Helping is healing, not hurting. Helping was fixing my arm… and that was a good thing. Y-You understand, don't you?"

"I am not understanding, but you have lost a lot of blood, so maybe right now you are not thinking so well?"

Latvia placed his head against the wall. _I can't do anything. He can't be helped._

"Yes," he sighed, finding no other option but to agree. "You're probably right."

Immediately after the words left his mouth, he fell unconscious and Russia caught him before he cracked his head off the blood-covered floor. Russia looked at him with cautious curiosity before he gathered him into his arms and headed back upstairs.

He paused when he saw the other two Baltics standing in the middle of the room. They gasped and trembled as they looked over Russia, with his coat that was drenched in blood and his completely crimson arms that carried a limp form. Latvia's head was rolled to the side with his eyes closed, and they saw how his back was a complete mess of ripped and bloody tissues.

Tears of horror sprang to their eyes.

"No, no," Lithuania gasped. "Is he-"

"I did not kill him."

Never in their entire lives had they seen Latvia so brutalized like this. Something close to this had happened before to Lithuania, but even he knew that he had been pushing it. They stared at Latvia and tried to hold back the overwhelming feeling of rage from the injustice of what had happened to him.

 _Why did it have to be him_? Lithuania's mind cried. _He is innocent. He never deserved this!_

Russia continued, "You two can be taking care of him now. I have important business with my boss, so I hope you will have cleaned everything up by the time I get back."

And with that, he set Latvia onto the hardwood floor. Even before Russia had left the room, the two of them were panicking to find all the first-aid supplies that they needed.

" _Oh god, oh god, oh god_ ," Lithuania hissed out while he pulled Latvia into a sitting slump.

When his back moved, fresh blood oozed out, but they were immediately wrapping thick bandages around his torso. The blood soaked through instantly, but they kept going until they soon ran out and Estonia had to scramble away to fetch more. He was quick to come back and cram more bandages into Lithuania's hands.

When the white finally retained its colour, Lithuania took a hot, wet cloth and began cleaning off his back and stomach. Once his skin was clean they both carried him to their room, removed his red-stained pants and disposed of them, then gingerly placed him in bed and tucked him in. After the rush of treating him ebbed away, they looked down at his slowly-breathing form with a blend of anger and sadness in their eyes.

"This should not have happened," Lithuania said. "Out of all of us, he deserved it the least."

"Russia went too far this time," Estonia fumed. "He is disgustingly sick and dangerous. Regular people get arrested for doing this kind of thing, but here, there is no one to stop him."

Lithuania brought a finger to his own lips to signal that he should be careful about what he says aloud. Estonia furrowed his eyebrows and went quiet.

They then left and came back with a glass of water and put it on the table beside the bed where Latvia could reach it if he woke up by himself. They had to leave him there in order to complete the rest of the cleaning tasks that Russia had requested them to do, but first they were obliged to clean up the blood. Lithuania cleaned the hardwood floor of the other room and Estonia went downstairs to clean the basement. Half of the room was clean, but the other half was a blood-smeared mess with tools scattered everywhere in the corner. Estonia found Latvia's clean shirt a meter away from Russia's blood speckled faucet and a carving knife that was sitting in a puddle of dark red.

In a tone edged with pure bitterness, Estonia uttered, "I hate you, Russia."

* * *

Latvia was sitting awake when they came back into the room that evening. They knelt down beside him and fretted over him gently. Very careful hugs were given and they stroked his forehead comfortingly while they asked about how he was feeling.

"Are you hungry?" Estonia asked. "You missed dinner, but I can get you something from the kitchen."

Lithuania stayed with him while Estonia took his empty glass and went into the kitchen. He hesitated at the door when he saw Russia in the corner busy baking something, but he proceeded softly into the room. He collected a plate, opened up the fridge and grabbed a few things from inside. Lastly he moved in beside Russia to refill the glass with water from the sink, before he left the room. Not once did Russia stop and pay him any mind.

Estonia came back with a small plate with some raw vegetables, berries, and baked goods on it. The bed was empty and Lithuania explained that Latvia had been able to walk so he had gone to the bathroom. Latvia came back now changed into his pyjamas and looking quite pale, exhausted, and downcast. They helped him get comfortable again and Estonia passed the plate to him. He nibbled at the food while the other two tried telling him happy stories.

As Estonia was in the midst of telling one, Lithuania leaned forward nervously as he noticed that the bandage over Latvia's shoulder had become soaked through already. Estonia paused and stared at it as well as Lithuania shuffled across the bed to investigate the wound. He nervously peeled off the bandage slightly and recoiled as a lake of blood that had been contained under the bandage rose up and spilled over his fingertips.

"This one is really bad," Lithuania moaned. "I don't think the bandages are going to stop this. We will have to... close it up."

Latvia gasped and quivered. Estonia looked at him sympathetically before he murmured, "I'll get the things."

Lithuania stayed by Latvia and stroked his arm and whispered words of encouragement to him. Estonia returned with a sewing kit and some towels. He threw the largest towel over the bed, and Latvia hesitantly went with Lithuania and sat on it. Estonia passed the materials to Lithuania before he walked over and stood in front of Latvia.

"Look at me," Estonia said. "I'll finish the story for you."

As Estonia began the story, Lithuania snipped away the bandage and toweled up most of the blood. Latvia squeaked when the sewing needle stabbed into his flesh on both sides of the wound, and when Lithuania drew his hand upwards as he ran the string through. Estonia continued to talk, but as Lithuania kept puncturing him, he made low whimpering sounds while tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Latvia," Lithuania whispered behind him. "Hang in there."

Latvia nodded slightly, and with the best of his ability he continued to pay attention to Estonia. Shortly after though, the tears broke over his face and refused to stop flowing. He sat quiet and still and he did not tremble as he reminded himself constantly that this pain was to help him, and that Lithuania had no choice but to do this to him. He whined as Lithuania tugged half the wound tightly closed and he squeezed his eyes tighter together.

The story was over just a minute before Lithuania cut off the string above the final, solid knot.

"There," he murmured to Latvia. "It's over now."

Lithuania dried off most of the blood on his hands with a small towel before he covered back up the stitches with bandages in case it would start to leak out blood later. After that, he collected all the towels and took them away to get washed, and thereafter his hands for they still had traces of his friend's blood upon them.

"I'm sorry," Lithuania said to him once again as he reentered the room. "I hate that you had to be hurt even more today."

"It's okay," Latvia whispered. "It wasn't so bad compared to... Thank you, though."

It was a great relief for them when Latvia made a small smile tinge his face. They then only continued to comfort him for the rest of the evening, and not once did they mention Russia at all that night to him.

* * *

Russia stood alone in the silent kitchen as the hours grew late. A cake stood before him on an elegant glass stand, whereupon he spread sweet white frosting around it. He added a flawless ring of icing around the sides as well as some smooth swirls and designs on the top. He rubbed sliced, blanched almonds around the sides and then carefully placed glazed fruits on the top among the swirls, finding the right locations to demonstrate artistic design.

He may not have the resources for many things at this time, but Russia was quite skilled at creating handmade things such as this. The ingredients he had used to create this cake had been a little more expensive than what he was usually comfortable in paying, but for now he found it more suiting. The cake just had to be the highest quality he could provide in these tough times.

An equally exquisite glass lid was lowered to enclose the cake inside. He carried it over to the table and set it in the middle, before propping up the note he had written against it. He sighed then cleaned up the kitchen before he went off to his bed. The route there was quiet, lonely. The halls were so long and dark as everyone else in the house had already settled in their sorrowful corner. Now, it was his turn.

Russia reached his room and leaned back into the door until it closed behind him. His finger found the light switch before he gingerly started to peel off his clothes and replace them in the silence. Russia flicked off the light then slipped into his utterly cold and empty bed. Once he crawled in, he brought the blankets close and clung to them. His face twitched as he tried to relax and close his eyes, for once his sight beheld only blackness, he saw images of ripping flesh and shadowed red.

His guts twisted in discomfort and he rolled around, trying to find a comfortable position but feeling the same no matter how he lay. His hands started to remember the feel of Latvia's warm blood running over them, and Russia rubbed at them in an effort to get rid of the feeling. He remembered simultaneously the sounds of Latvia's screeches of terror and he clenched his teeth together. He was not sure why everything was disturbing him so much, but he was feeling so entirely lost as he lay isolated in his bed.

After an hour of this, he eventually ended up falling asleep in a confused state of depression.

* * *

 **For all who are thrown off by these occurrences, it has come to my attention that the bloody scene should be explained. It is not a part of a cycle of regular abuse/torture sequences. Even the characters in this story were surprised by this turn of events, with Latvia himself wondering why this has happened. I do not see Russia as an abusive psychopath, and he will not be written as such here. He is however, unstable, and can be violent/ cruel without understanding what he is doing, or that it is bad (according to the creator's response to a fan question). This chapter was in no way sexual. The scene is not intended to be random; the intention is to only appear random at this point in the story and be analyzed later.**


	3. Dim Firelight

When the Baltics came into the kitchen that morning, they were surprised to see such a beautiful cake sitting on the table. Estonia held up the note and they all read it simultaneously. It merely said e _njoy_ , in Russian.

Curious, Lithuania lifted off the glass lid and set it to the side. They came in closer to look at what lay tantalizingly before them. It was undoubtedly gorgeous; creamy white all around with decorative swirls, delicate slivers of almonds, and glazed fruits. It appeared as something far too expensive for them to touch. They checked over the note again, looking to the paper and the cake repeatedly, wondering if the two were truly connected.

"I saw him in the kitchen last night, but I didn't know what he was doing," Estonia said. "Though I can't say I understand why he would be making this for us, after… well, you know…"

"It really does look nice," Latvia murmured. "And he might be mad if we don't touch it..."

"I guess there is really no other choice, is there?" Lithuania said.

Lithuania slid open a drawer and took out forks and a knife. He dropped them on the table as Estonia passed out plates to each of them. Lithuania took the knife in his hand and held it hesitantly over the cake, before he brought it down and cut into it. He extracted a slice and placed it onto Latvia's plate, and when the cake had been opened up to reveal what was within, they breathed out in awe when they discovered that it was a delightful vanilla cake. Latvia tasted it and his eyes shone while he did not hold back his exclamation of delight.

After seeing his reaction, Lithuania and Estonia glanced at each other before each of them tasted their own and became equally impressed. In no time at all, the plates had been polished off and Lithuania was dropping an extra slice on Latvia's plate as Latvia sucked on his fork. Estonia and Lithuania then started preparing breakfast as usual, and they let Latvia rest while they did it. He sat and finished the slice while watching them cook, sitting up straight so that the bandaged back under his shirt did not touch against the chair.

As good smells filled up the kitchen, Russia suddenly made an appearance at the doorway. Sometimes his footsteps were very loud and intimidating and one knew right away he was coming. Other times he never made a sound, and he would just appear like he had done just now and startle everyone. Whenever this happened, they questioned whether or not they had been doing something bad when he had sneaked up on them. Even when sitting at the table, Latvia could not stop himself from wondering if they had been wrong and had not been supposed to eat the cake, and if something bad was now going to happen to them as a consequence. He stiffened and tried to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible, and he concentrated very hard on not trembling as Lithuania took away his plate and put a new one in front of him. He thanked him quietly and Lithuania heard the stiff fear in his voice. He gave him a sympathetic look in return.

Fortunately for the Baltics, they did not have to remain in that tense situation for very long. There was of course, an extra plate set out for Russia, which he grabbed before filling up a large glass of water and leaving the room abruptly. They were confused and relieved, but then when they did not see him for the rest of the day, they truly appreciated that they did not have to work with his foreboding presence around them. Throughout the day, they only saw him at mealtimes, in which he would appear just like he had earlier, grab the next dish, and head back into a closed room.

Lithuania had found out that what had happened was that Russia's boss had unexpectedly arrived early this morning- most likely while they had been cooking so they had not noticed, and now he was discussing something with him. Both Estonia and Lithuania were extremely glad that this was happening because now they were able to save Latvia from working that day, letting him just curl up on a chair, sleep, and relax without Russia finding out about it.

Lithuania was the one who kept choosing to change Latvia's bandages, although Estonia was completely capable and willing to do it. When they returned to bed, Lithuania was in the process of doing this now despite how they had been changed only a few hours ago. Although Latvia had hardly moved around at all that day, the bandages that had once been pure and white were soaked red from the reopened cuts.

"How are you feeling today?" Lithuania asked from behind him.

He carefully wrapped the cloth around his small frame, taking every care not to rub against the barely scabbed-over cuts.

"Better," Latvia replied quietly.

When Lithuania finished wrapping, he came over and knelt before him. He grasped onto both of Latvia's arms.

"You are being very strong," Lithuania murmured with inspiriting emphasis. Estonia looked over at the two sadly, understanding that Lithuania knew too well what it felt like to be in Latvia's position.

They turned off the light and went to sleep soon after. Silence reigned in the room as Latvia lay on his side and faced the wall, breathing out slowly as the relentless pain in his sawed shoulder pulsed hotly. He could feel it oozing out blood still, and how the bandages soaked it up so that it wetly stuck to his skin. So soon however, everything disappeared and he fell sleep with the others.

Hours passed into the night before a distressed moan rose followed by pitiful whimpers of fear. Lithuania and Estonia creaked open their eyes, so exhausted initially that they did not understand what was going on. But Latvia continued and whined out a few words, speaking so clearly that at first they thought he was awake and was trying to ask for something. Estonia called out his name although he received no intelligent response.

"Please stop, please stop… no…"

He jolted, and when the other two sat up, Latvia had begun to thrash out erratically until he had kicked his corner of the blankets completely away from him.

"We have to wake him up!" Lithuania yelped. "Before he hurts himself!"

Lithuania snapped on the light while Estonia crawled over and shook Latvia by the arm. Instantly Latvia wrestled away from the touch with a shriek with eyes that were still glued shut. Estonia's hand snapped away as he breathed, "Whoa."

Lithuania sat beside him and leaned over him.

"Latvia!" Lithuania called. "Latvia, wake up!"

Latvia lay there for a few moments, shivering and crying silently without having heard Lithuania at all. His lips pulled back into an expression of fear then he cried out thinly.

"It hurts… stop..." he whimpered, before breaking out into a wail. "It hurts so much! Please- it hurts! It hurts!"

Lithuania pinned both of Latvia's arms to the bed just as he was about to lash out and throw his body around again. Latvia screamed when he was restrained. Lithuania and Estonia instantly panicked and shushed him hurriedly, terrified that he was going to wake Russia.

Lithuania whisper-hollered, "It's just nightmares! You're having the nightmares!"

The words were not understood, but the increase in volume from the yelling put Latvia into a panic. He fought against him, pleading with screeches for them to stop and for him to be released. The other two Baltics despaired when he yelled out Russia's name before he curled up into fetal position and cried in his sleep.

"We should try pouring the water on his face," Estonia said. "Or something..."

He reached for the cup of water he had brought here for Latvia earlier, but he froze as the door swung open and Russia thudded into the room.

"Mr. Russia, we're sorry that we woke…" Lithuania trailed off when he realized that Russia was still wearing his day clothes. It was the middle of the night but he had evidently not gone to bed yet.

"He's having bad dreams," Estonia explained nervously. "We can't wake him up."

"Ah, I see!" The dark shadow on Russia's face disappeared in a flash but he was still left looking at them with his unnaturally cheerful smile. "Da, then I can be taking care of him."

"What?" Estonia and Lithuania gasped.

Russia approached Latvia, who was obliviously shivering in a ball.

"Er, um, don't worry about him," Estonia said hastily. "We'll take care of him... you don't have to bother yourself!"

His ploy did not work however. Russia paused and glanced at Estonia with eyes that narrowed dangerously. The look made his heart skip a beat, but then the murderous glint dissolved and Russia then only stared at him calmly, saying, "I don't mind at all. I can be taking him while you guys get some sleep."

Russia dragged Latvia off the bed and he began to scream again until Russia clapped a gloved hand tightly over his mouth. Latvia squirmed and pleaded in muffled cries, and Estonia and Lithuania jolted forward but had to stop themselves. Russia held him tighter until he was so restrained that he could no longer move anymore. Latvia could only let tears roll off his face from his complete helplessness and they splashed onto the floor as Russia started taking him away. Intense stress flooded over the other two, for they desperately did not want Russia to take Latvia away and hurt him again, yet they hesitated as they also felt that they could not do a thing.

Lithuania cried out as Russia was almost at the door, "Be careful with him!"

"Why is it that you are telling me to be do that, Lithuania?" Russia looked over his shoulder at him. Once again, with that dangerous glint in his eyes.

 _We're in this together then_ , Estonia thought. He joined in the defense with Lithuania.

"He's still injured!" Estonia protested. "And he's just terrified and having some nightmares- he can't control it, you know!"

"Please don't punish him," Lithuania pleaded.

Russia looked back and forth between the two of them. Then he smiled, again in a disturbing manner, and he said, "Both of you have no need of doing the worrying. Goodnight!"

Russia flicked off the light with one free finger and walked away. They were truly unable to leave the room now that Russia had told them that, so now they were doomed to a night of troubled sleep. They frowned and slowly crawled back under their blankets while listening to the heavy footsteps growing distant.

Russia brought Latvia into the room he had just been working in: the one with the couch in front of the fireplace. Carefully he set Latvia down on the couch while he sat down on the empty cushion beside him. Russia wanted to get back to work right away, but then Latvia had started to hiccup and have trouble breathing because of the heavy sobs afflicting him. He felt compelled to do something at least, so Russia took off his gloves and set them on the side table then reached over and gently started petting Latvia's hair. Russia was not entirely sure if this would be something that would work, and after a few seconds in, the tiny Baltic gasped and jolted from the touch.

Russia paused as he wavered between the decision of continuing or stopping this if it would only make things worse. Very delicately, he recommenced stroking his head with warm fingers and very soon he was surprised to find Latvia quieting down until his breathing had returned to something normal. Latvia was still shivering intensely however, and Russia decided there would be no working until he took care of Latvia properly. He leaned in closer to his sleeping form and moved his hand onto his lower back to rub soothing circles. Latvia eventually sunk into the cushions as he relaxed, and Russia smiled contently as he saw that he was succeeding in calming him. He lifted up the back of his shirt to directly massage his skin, and Latvia only twitched once before settling down into silence.

 _That wasn't so hard_ , Russia thought to himself. He continued the action for a few more minutes until he turned away to pick up his important files and papers once more. After sitting in silence for approximately twenty minutes, Latvia spoke, so loudly and clearly that Russia stopped what he was doing.

"I'm sorry," he had said.

Russia looked over, but Latvia's eyes were closed. He realized that Latvia was still sleeping. He pet his hair again and the downy softness that grazed over his palm made him smile pleasantly when he felt it again.

"Shh," Russia sighed before turning back to his work.

But ten minutes later, he had to halt again when Latvia suddenly breathed in a large sob and released a hitched exhale.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Russia!" he squeezed out while straining to get a full breath. "Please don't hurt me anymore!"

Russia raised his eyebrows in surprise and a foreign feeling pricked his heart. He raced to pet Latvia, hoping to make him calm again. Latvia scrunched up when touched, before he lifted his hand to touch Russia's _._

 _Is he waking up?_ Russia thought, stopping the petting motion and letting his hand rest in the hair and be grasped.

A small hand closed around his, then Latvia dragged Russia's close to his chest. While still asleep, he cuddled Russia's arm tightly while holding a look on his face that expressed how he needed to cling as though his life depended on it. Russia tried to pull away slowly, but Latvia clung on tighter and dripped tears onto his fingertips.

Russia's voice was very soft when he asked, "Latvia?"

He felt another strange feeling as his arm continued to be held, and it was very warm and pleasant. It made him smile again and he found himself feeling more concerned for Latvia than he normally would. He put his work to the side again then very slowly put his arm under Latvia and lifted him into a sitting position. He remained quiet as Russia brought him closer so that he leaned against his side.

Russia wrapped his free arm around him, now being much more careful with him than earlier when he had carried him away from his room. Under his touch, Russia was awed by now small he felt against his side, with his mouse bones that seemed so thin and brittle. Russia looked down at him, and a realization struck him.

 _He's so breakable_.

He surprised himself with that one thought. Never had he been concerned over something like that. Right after he first thought this, he considered how easy it would be to throw him against the wall and smash him against it repeatedly, snapping his bones and pounding his organs. Going full out like that, he knew he could kill the Baltic in less than a minute and leave him as a mutilated corpse collapsed on the floor. It would be easy to kill all of the Baltics. He did not know what would happen if he killed them while their countries still existed; perhaps other versions would be born to replace them. If so, they would be young and easy to manipulate. Nations could kill other nations; he kept these three around, but he did not have to if they were not useful.

Latvia murmured something, then let go of Russia's arm to hug the body he was nestled up against. Russia gasped, and all the bloody images faded away. The cozy warm feeling returned, and he felt that prick at his heart again as he wondered how he could have possibly thought of killing Latvia just a few seconds ago. He brought him closer to him and hesitantly cuddled him, awed by the opportunity to be close to another person when often he would not be permitted to. No one ever willingly let him come this close to them besides his family. It was known that he would hug people when he was in a pseudo-cheerful mood and was trying to act in a friendly manner, but they would always begin to shiver, and now he knew what that meant. Currently, it did not matter to him that Latvia had no idea what he was doing at that moment. Just this allowance of closeness was rare, and it was therefore very meaningful to him.

Latvia's expression was calm and Russia started to look down at him kindly and with absolute appreciation. He did not truly ever want to let him go, to have this one-time event of comfort be taken away from him. He had never gotten a chance to just hold someone like this ever before, and now that it was happening, he disregarded his work to just submit to complete comfort. He felt so light and happy, so he stayed with Latvia like this until he eventually drifted off to sleep.

Two hours later, he felt Latvia stir, and he immediately woke up. He watched Latvia's eyes flicker open and drowsily look up at him. He seemed very exhausted and confused, but then recognition hit and he gasped. When Latvia started to shift away, he noticed how he was clinging to Russia, and how Russia had his arms gently wrapped around him.

"It's okay," Russia murmured and pet the back of his head. "Go back to sleep."

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know how I-"

"You were having bad dreams, so I brought you here."

Latvia stiffened and he stuttered, "Really? I-I can't r-remember…"

Russia saw how his eyes widened and knew that at that point he had just remembered the nightmares he had been having. Latvia quivered, and Russia brought him back closer.

Latvia's voice shook as he asked, "I… didn't talk aloud, did I?"

"You were talking. Da. Very clearly."

"Oh no, I-I…" Latvia went pale and he stared at a couch cushion in shock.

Latvia panicked in his mind, _He knows what I was dreaming about!_ _  
_

He waited for Russia's calm mood to snap and turn into anger, and he flinched when a hand brushed through his hair. When he looked up however, Russia's eyes were full of an unusual warmth, like that of the dim fire burning in the fireplace in front of them. The ice he had seen there before was completely gone.

"Don't worry," Russia murmured to him. "I just want you to rest now."

Russia forced his head to lie against his coat. It was new, and Latvia almost stressed out again when he thought about the reason why. He held back a whine of fear as Russia's fingers touched his back, for he expected his hand to go upwards and mercilessly poke fingers into his wounds. The hand stayed on his lower back however, and Latvia blinked when it made massaging circles there. He was rigid from his confusion and concern, but Russia did not stop gently stroking him, even if it took many minutes for Latvia to recognize that he was trying to calm him. Latvia chanced a look back up at him and he saw how the eyes looking down at him were still soft.

As he looked over Russia's calm expression, he then suddenly remembered his absolute exhaustion, and his eyelids began to droop. Russia pulled his head back to tentatively lie against him. Latvia shut his eyes and soon fell away into a deep sleep and in no time at all, Russia too fell asleep as he held that warmth that he so desperately wanted to keep, beside him.

They slept until late in the morning, where they were awaken by the terrified Estonia and Lithuania, who had wandered the place worriedly trying to find them until they had found them here together.

* * *

After breakfast, when Russia had disappeared to his isolated corner to work, the other Baltics immediately began interrogating Latvia.

"Are you okay?" Lithuania asked him.

"Did he hurt you?" Estonia demanded.

"N-No…" Latvia murmured. "I woke up, and he was hugging me. I started to get scared, but then he was calm and nice and I was so tired… I just fell back asleep."

Lithuania's eyes were wide like moons when he exclaimed, "After having, well- those kinds of nightmares?"

"Yeah..."

Estonia exclaimed, "How tired were you?"

Latvia clasped his hands together timidly, "Well, he said he heard me talking in my sleep, but he wasn't mad or anything. So, if he was going to do something, he would have already. But he didn't, so it was alright I guess."

Lithuania let out a sigh of relief, not as interested as Estonia was in how Latvia had been able to handle his stress around Russia.

"As long as you are okay," was all Lithuania said.

* * *

Russia observed his three subordinates that day, with an extra focus upon Latvia. He wanted to know how fast he was recovering and how he was conducting himself. However, whenever he came into the area, Latvia's neutral expression dropped into one of stark fear and he seemed to shrink into himself as he walked around the room and tried to work. Russia's chest felt as though there was another painful sliver in it, so then he left the room and left Lativa alone.

He later decided to sneak up to their room to attempt to receive information about Latvia's condition. They were quiet, with voices thin with worry, and Russia heard small snips of scissors. He could assume that they were tending to Latvia, removing his bandages and replacing them with clean ones.

"Not as much blood today," Lithuania whispered.

Latvia caught a glimpse of the balled up bandages before Lithuania dropped them into a bag. Only a few small, pink spots stained them.

"How are you feeling now?" Estonia asked.

"Much better," Latvia murmured. "But right by my shoulder... that one hurts the worst. I still can't lift my arm."

"He cut through the muscles," Lithuania sighed. "This one might take another day or two before we can take the stitches out."

"So cruel," Estonia muttered. "Undoubtedly insane."

There was a silence where Lithuania nodded once and then bowed his head. When Russia heard nothing at all, this much he could assume was happening. Russia gazed down and looked blankly at the bar of light that escaped into the hall from their room. He stood in the darkness, heart thudding as he exhaled silently through his nose.

 _Insane._

It was not the first time he had heard this term used to described something he had done, but he had never heard himself be directly referred to as insane. No one had ever dared say such a thing to his face, so he was now caught in utter shock.

 _This is how they see me? This is what Latvia meant when he said he was scared of me? Because they think that I am insane?_

And then Estonia had also used another word: _cruel_.

 _No, I am not this. I punish them because I have to... it is what is only necessary. Does everyone think that hurting them is a bad thing? It can't be though. He doesn't understand those words. My friends would never say something about my that wasn't true. When they do this, I... yes. I punish them._

Yet Russia did not barge into the room to correct them. Somehow, no desire came to him that would make him jump in and snatch Estonia by his throat, rendering him unable to expel any more words that Russia considered to be lies. He stood stiffly, nervously itching to hear more. There was a want within him to know how they truly felt about him. He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.

The next thing he heard was a sniffle and he knew that it belonged to no other than Latvia. As Russia clawed at the shirt over his chest, he heard the other two murmuring soothing words as they hugged Latvia between them.

 _I don't understand this pain,_ he thought as he retreated away. _But it started after Latvia told me those things. I can't... think about hurting them. Maybe, I need to try a different method._

As he lay alone that night, he heard once again in his mind the echoes of Latvia's screams and the words he had said to him in a teary voice from a raw throat.

 _Scared of me. Talking behind my back. This is not how friends treat each other. Do they not think of themselves as my friends?_

He thought back to all those times he had posed this question to them. The stiffening in their muscles, the wobbly smiles as they trembled and agreed. The realization hit him hard, and he gasped out both out loud and in his mind.

 _Have they been lying to me because they were scared?_

He grabbed a pillow and clutched it desperately. A more terrifying thought struck him then.

 _Do they not like me?_

He tried to dismiss this thought, but it could not be brushed away. It stayed prominently in the front of his mind.

 _How do I change this? Can it be done by giving them more things that make them happy? I really do like to see them happy. They liked the cake a lot and it made everyone feel better after what happened yesterday, did it not? Or do I have to give them more?_

* * *

The week passed by as he debated how he could win their trust and friendship truly. Once the next week came around, Latvia began to have another thrashing nightmare. At this point, the stitches had been removed and his wounds had completely healed into white scars which refused to disappear although he had the fast-healing ability natural to nations. So this time at least, the others did not have to worry about Latvia harming himself. Yet he was still impossible to wake.

Once again Russia appeared in their room. This time, he took away Latvia without saying a word, and Estonia and Lithuania stared worriedly after him, not sure if they should object. In the end, they said nothing at all.

Russia had so much work to do and he had originally planned on sleeping less to maximum his working time. He sat down on the couch again while putting Latvia against his side. He snagged the wool blanket he had had over his lap earlier and he wrapped it around Latvia's shivering body. Russia recollected his documents to the side and clicked his pen to began to quietly scratch at the papers while the firelight danced on the white sheets. When the whimpers to his side threatened to increase to panic, Russia wrapped his arm around him and dedicated his left hand to petting his hair until he eventually ceased to make any more noises. Russia narrowed his eyes at his work in utter concentration, hardly conscious that his hand was still stroking him even after his nightmare had faded away.

At one point the other shifted slightly in his sleep to seek a better position, and when he nestled tighter in against his side, Russia froze as that unexpected warmth kindled in his chest. He could not stop his eyes from closing and from a small smile overtaking his lips. His things were dropped at his feet as the exhaustion so suddenly caught up with him. He wanted nothing more than to fall asleep with this fuzzy feeling inside him. Russia snaked an arm around Latvia and leaned against the couch. Here he could not bring himself to care about his original plan of working late; not when this comfort was here beside him, making him once again ignore everything else and slip into darkness.

At least when Russia woke in the morning, he had more energy to do his work. So even after the warmth had died down when Latvia became conscious and was staring at him fearfully, Russia still did not regret what he had done. Perhaps Latvia would be grateful for the comfort, and this could get him to like him.

But it did not seem to work. Latvia still trembled slightly in his presence, cringing and walking stiffly, with wide, shining eyes looking at at him pleadingly and miserably, resembling nothing but a puppy who had been kicked too many times. Russia knew that he needed to try harder, to demonstrate how hard he was truly trying to cheer him up. While he did not have time the next day to bake again, he wondered if perhaps he could buy something instead. The only issue was that he was unsure upon what they would like, and so for the next few days, he eavesdropped on them every night in hopes of obtaining an idea. However, every night proved fruitless, because they had reverted back to telling stories and singing songs again.

He tried paying more attention to how they worked, wondering if he could instead learn about their personalities and likes. In this way, Russia came to learn and be impressed upon the cleverness of Latvia. He had recognized a while ago the talents of the other two: Lithuania's remarkable, strategic intellect, and Estonia's quick and calculative mind. He had never paid so much attention to Latvia until then, and now he could only find interest as he noticed how Latvia could accomplish whatever assignment that was thrown his way. For someone who claimed to be a meager agricultural nation, he sure had no trouble in picking up new skills and exceeding expectations. When Latvia was forced to do work for him, Russia would now beam at him approvingly whenever he took the completed task. Latvia sighed with relief and dropped his tense shoulders every time.

Then one day, Russia caught Latvia standing instead of working, facing the bookshelf. He crept close to him and peered over him at the book clutched in his small hands. It was an old story that Ukraine had once given to him as a gift, written in Russian and now forgotten here to collect dust as Russia went on with his busy life. Russia was mostly surprised that Latvia was willingly reading a Russian book on his own when all of the Baltics seemed to shy away from his language whenever they could.

He remembered that book well now. It was a romance story about a princess who rebelled against her family to be with a chivalrous knight. He was not one for the romance genre, and even if his sister had liked it, it was still not to his taste. He thus looked at Latvia curiously as he flipped the page and continued to be utterly absorbed in the story.

 _I did not know that he had an interest in these things_ , Russia thought.

He backed away and left Latvia alone with it. The idea came to him, that perhaps he could buy Latvia these kinds of books as presents, but a better idea was given to him that night as he listened to the Baltics talk among themselves. Latvia had lamented upon how much he missed the game of chess and was trapped with the option of playing against himself in his mind. Russia's eyebrows shot up in absolute admiration when he heard of Latvia's ability, then it was so that next week an unopened box was lain on their bed for them to find.

The three of them had been, of course, disturbed that Russia had obviously overheard their conversation. However, Latvia's mood flashed into one of utter excitement as he opened the box and pulled out a gleaming, polished chessboard. Soon he was contently stroking the smooth, wooden back of a knight, gazing at it dreamily as though he was imagining it all.

Russia came by their room before he went to bed and he came just in time to hear Latvia jubilantly cry, "Checkmate!" and then the chuckling groan from Estonia that ensued. He then heard a laugh from Lithuania, and an open-mouthed smile lit his face as he listened to it. Rarely had he heard such a pure and clean laugh from him before.

 _Are they really so pleased with the present?_ he thought as he felt happiness stir within him. _Am I doing better now? Will this method really get them to listen to me, and like me?_

* * *

 **I had originally wrote the cake to be a Russian honey cake, but after just learning how to make one, I realize that this recipe cannot work for this time frame and type of storage.**


	4. Long Shadows

Eventually Latvia's nightmares changed from once a week to once a month, until it became an annual event. Russia always carried him away and no one said a word about it. Everyone, even other nations when they were forced to live here like them, learned to accept the occurrence. But all were confused and wary of why Russia would treat them with kindness then later loom by them and utter threats when they had displeased him.

It was because Russia no loner forced every Soviet country to live with him all the time, that it was only a few others that the Baltics had to explain the nightmares to. His sisters had to live here sometimes but Russia wasn't cruel to them like he was to them. He did not let them see him reprimand them, because it upset Ukraine so much. Russia's discomfort was clear on his face and the turmoil was palpable in the air. It scared the Baltics, making them wonder if he was going to crack and lock everyone in the basement, even his sisters, to regain control.

The Baltics were jealous that they were treated more kindly, although Ukraine and Belarus also had to do some chores and did not always get enough food either. They were gone for now, working in fields elsewhere to provide for Russia. The Baltics wished they could do that labor too, just to escape being right under Russia's watch in this prison of a house. But they were considered too rebellious, and the rebellious ones stayed.

This was how Prussia came to stay with them for a while. Immediately after seizing East Germany, Prussia was taken to become a permanent resident like the Baltics. Little Moldova as well for a time, because he was too attached to Romania. None of the Baltics necessarily liked Prussia because of the past they had with him although they liked the idea of a lighter chore load. However, they pitied him when he would obtain blows after having had openly voiced how he despised Russia. It was a relief in any case, that none of them was taken down to the basement. Now it was just quite the horror story that Prussia had to hear about.

Moldova was young, so when he heard the screams in the night, he came to their room frightened and tearful. To him, they only explained they were just from nightmares. They could not tell him the reason why this kept happening to Latvia, for they had the desire to preserve his innocence. Prussia had learned to hate Russia right off the bat, but Moldova did not know to fear Russia yet. He did not shake like the Baltics did; he was just a gentle child so it was hard for him to break things and he never had anything bad to say. Nevertheless, he did notice how everyone else acted around Russia so it got to a point where he was frightened, despite how he was rather tolerant to spooky things like his brother. He got disturbed when Russia requested he call him "Big Brother", but other than that, he was comfortable in his presence.

There was a day in which Estonia, Lithuania, and Moldova were all working in the same room while Latvia and Prussia worked elsewhere. Moldova was mopping, and he was playfully working because he found it fun to twirl around when the mop was taller than he was. He bumped into a table and a vase ceremoniously tipped over and the pieces slid across the floor.

"Oopsies!" Moldova exclaimed after having broken his first item in Russia's place. Estonia and Lithuania stared at him aghast and in but a few seconds, Russia appeared at the doorway with a smile on his face.

"What happened?" he asked sweetly.

Lithuania opened his mouth, ready to take the blame, however it was far too late. It was obvious who had done it because Moldova was still beside the mess, looking guilty.

"I'm sorry, Big Brother Russia," Moldova mumbled. "It was an accident."

Russia beckoned Moldova towards him. The Baltics fidgeted as the child was taken into the hall and Russia knelt down to look him in the eyes.

"You did a bad thing," Russia said.

"I'm really, really sorry," Moldova sniffed, clearly upset at his mishap and not because he sensed any danger.

"You can't be doing things like this. Do you need to be punished?"

" _Oh no_ ," Estonia whispered urgently into Lithuania's ear. " _We can't let him hurt a child!_ "

" _I know_ ," Lithuania whispered back. " _I swear, if he tries to hurt him, I will do something._ "

"No," Moldova mumbled. "It won't happen again…"

Russia narrowed his eyes and leaned in close to him. He murmured something into his ear and the Baltics saw Moldova's face go blank.

"Wh-What...?" Moldova replied, loud enough for them to hear.

Russia whispered a few more words and Moldova's face went pale. His eyes went wide in fear. Russia then stood up, patted him on the head, and walked away. Moldova stood there in shock, then started to cry as Lithuania and Estonia raced over to him.

"What's wrong, Moldova?" Lithuania asked. "What did he say to you?"

Moldova tried to reply, but his hitched speech was too hard to understand. They brought him back into the room and let him sob into a pillow while curling up on a chair, until he had calmed down while they had continued to do the cleaning.

He looked at them with red eyes filled with emotion. "He-he asked me if I knew how he p-punished people," Moldova whimpered. "A-And I didn't know, so then h-he said to me…"

"Yes?" Estonia asked softly.

"H-Haven't you heard Latvia at night?" He rubbed furiously at his wet face. "Now I'm scared! What did he do?"

Lithuania knew now that there was no point in lying as Moldova stared up at him so expectantly.

"He hurt him," he muttered. "Russia isn't as nice as he might have been seeming to you. Be careful around him, okay, Moldova? He's not afraid to do bad things to people because he doesn't care about anyone."

"I-I want to go home," he whined.

"Shh," Lithuania whispered, putting a finger to his lips. "You're also not supposed to be saying those kinds of things."

* * *

 _I can hear him_ , Russia thought as he walked away, referring to Moldova's crying. _But I had to scare him at least, so he will learn. Then he doesn't need to get hurt…_

Russia walked by Latvia and Prussia with his face shadowed and his eyes sharp. He looked like he was in a dangerous mood to them, so they worked rigidly- but he hardly paid them any attention. He was still trying to justify away the annoying pang he felt in his chest.

 _They should be thankful, really. They should know that if I am scaring them, then they will be better and I won't have to do anything to them_.

At least, this was the plan. After a while he let Moldova go back home, although he still belonged to him and would not be allowed to visit his brother. He did this as a precaution, just in case a time would come when he was not being careful. He feared the burst of anger that had briefly gripped his heart as he saw what the child had done. He feared too much that his screams would only soon be ripped out from under his hands if he stayed.

 _They would hate me if I hurt him,_ Russia had realized when he had stared at the broken pottery. _And then little Moldova would only fear me._

He stuck desperately to the new method, but everyone who was around Russia in the late Soviet Era only believed he had become more dangerous. He was more threatening than before and he had increased his surveillance on all of them. Every day, they expected him to lash out at them and when he did not, they only continued to believe that it would happen, just later.

Russia did not realize that despite his efforts, they just feared and hated him more in the end.

* * *

Years had passed after that incident with Latvia, but to that day, it was something that haunted Russia's thoughts on late and lonely nights. It made him remember every time he had punished any of the three Baltics, and all of those bloody memories hitting him at once when normally he would not think of them at all made him feel all twisted up inside.

It just so happened that Russia had been having one of those nights. He was still wide awake at midnight, trying to sleep when he heard wailing. It took him a moment to realize that it was not coming from a memory, then he left his room in a hurry and barged into their bedroom. The Baltics were all awake and gathered by Lativa, but they had never figured out how to get him to stop. Prussia was here too, disturbed and pacing the room. He could be a deep-sleeper, but he never slept when Latvia was having nightmares because he claimed that if he fell asleep to the sounds, he would have nightmares for days. They never heard him, but in the days that followed he would walk around the place with a disturbed look on his face and he would hardly respond to anyone.

Russia rubbed crud from his eye then looked at the shivering ball that was Latvia.

"He is really good at the screaming," Russia said. "He is very loud."

He scooped up Latvia then departed. Everyone looked at each other, unsettled by the comment Russia had made.

For the first time, Latvia woke up with a grasp in Russia's arms. He realized quickly the situation, but was surprised when he noticed Russia was taking him into his bedroom. Russia pushed the door closed with his foot and walked over to his large bed.

"What...?" Latvia trailed off, confused.

Russia pet his hair and laid him down gently onto the mattress.

"You are having the bad dreams again," he said, and then got into bed beside him. Latvia sat up to dive away, but Russia caught him before he was able to hop off the bed by wrapping his arms around him and dragging him closer. This was the most conscious Latvia had ever been out of all the times Russia and taken him away, and thus Latvia realized a fear of being so close to him. He squirmed and tried to pull away, but Russia held him tighter.

"I will not hurt you, Latvia," he murmured past heavy lips.

He had relaxed his grip and leaned Latvia against him. The Baltic cringed, but Russia started to rub Latvia's neck. Latvia stiffened in order to avoid trembling in front of Russia, but Russia could feel it and he poked at the muscles unhappily. So far he had not been hurt, but Latvia's fear only grew increasingly with everything Russia did because Latvia would wonder, _Why is he doing this?_ and then was unable to answer his own question.

He hoped Russia would not feel or notice how his pulse had increased from this stress. He chanced a look at Russia, afraid that his eyes would be murderous, but found that he was looking at him in away that was nothing like the terrifying Russia of his nightmares. Latvia could dimly remember seeing Russia looking at him like this before, and he thought of the fire and recalled it was the first night he had his nightmares. Yet the memory had been formed in fatigue, so now that so much time had past, he had forgotten how softly he had looked at him before.

Russia however, furrowed his eyebrows as he gazed at the shine of fear still in Latvia's eyes. It made Russia despair under his surface. He thought, _Why is it that no matter what I do, you are still so afraid? That you still have these nightmares? What can I do?_

Latvia tilted his head in confusion as he watched a sadness cross Russia's face. When Russia reached out and stroked his hair, he sat still and let him do it, for something had sunk in his heart as he saw this sorrow in Russia's eyes and a frown where there was usually a smile. He gradually relaxed as more time passed and no indication of danger was given. The moment his muscles went slack, Latvia watched a small smile lifting the corners of Russia's mouth. The instinct to pull away vanished as he saw that somehow, he had just made Russia happy. He did not resist when Russia lay down and brought him with him. Latvia allowed his head to be set on Russia's chest and for his arm to curl around him.

Russia's hand stroked his back and Latvia was surprised to find a calm as the tender fingers occasionally pressed into the tense parts of his back. Latvia inhaled slowly, taking in the smell of clean clothes and blankets around him, and finding himself becoming drowsy. As the hand continued to pet him, a warmth leapt into his chest that was unlike anything he had felt before. No one had ever before done this to him before, cuddling and caressing him in order to bring him comfort. Lithuania and Estonia had never been this close to him.

Latvia curled up his legs and let Russia slip a thin pillow under his head. Blankets were drawn over him then he felt large hands tucking them snugly around him. A tranquil smile played on Latvia's lips and he shocked himself with it.

 _A smile?_ his mind exclaimed.

Russia could not see his smile, nor could Latvia see that he was smiling too. And it was his real smile. Russia liked how it felt different from his false smile, the one that he wore quite often while this one only came so rarely.

Just before Latvia actually fell asleep, he murmured something to Russia. It was quiet and shaky, but he had caught it.

"Thank you," was what Latvia had said. "I-I'm not used to this, but it's… nice."

"I like it too," Russia whispered.

"Why?" Latvia asked.

"I want you to like me," Russia said., "and I want to do kind things for you. It also feels so warm inside when I get to hold you, and when I am doing this, I don't want to stop. "

 _He means… that he is trying to be kind to me? As in, h_ _e cares about me?_ Latvia thought. _But why? Why would he enjoy doing this?_ _  
_

"I don't know. But it is making me happy," Russia responded. Latvia blinked a few times, as he realized that he had just uttered the last question he had been wondering aloud.

 _This isn't bothering me as much as it should be._ Latvia was careful this time to keep the thought within his head. _But he isn't going to hurt me and he only wants to be nice to me right now. This can't be bad, right? Maybe... I can just enjoy this?  
_

This time when he fell asleep, the nightmares did not come back.

* * *

"Where are they?" Estonia asked after they had peeked their heads into the room with the fireplace where they usually would be asleep, only to find it unoccupied.

"I'm worried about him," Lithuania said. "Russia was acting weird last night… what if he decided that Latvia needed a different kind of "help" in order to get him to stop?"

Estonia exclaimed, "That's a horrid idea- punishing him would only give him more nightmares!"

"He's crazy." Prussia sauntered up to the two. "Do you believe that he'd actually care?"

"But we heard nothing... unless, Russia gagged him..." Lithuania said.

" _Scheiße._ "

Prussia's eyes narrowed in all seriousness. During his entire time here so far, the Baltics had only observed his hatred grow. He held a bitterness like that of Estonia's, but he was much more open about it. They knew it was only a matter of time before this would get him into a lot of trouble.

"Well, it might not be a bad idea to check if Russia's sleeping in his room," Lithuania continued.

So they all went, even though it was only usual for one of them to go to Russia in the morning and be at service in case he required something. Just before Lithuania knocked on the door however, it opened and they looked down to see Latvia there, still in his pyjamas and holding open the door.

"Oh, g-good morning!" Latvia exclaimed.

Lithuania gasped, "Latvia! What are you doing here?"

"Oh I-"

"I am wondering same thing about you guys." Russia came up from behind Latvia to rest his hands upon his shoulders.

No one responded, all uncomfortable and believing that someone else would just speak up. Russia narrowed his eyes at them and Latvia watched them grow unsettled. But Russia's touch was not heavy, like it would be when he wanted to convey a warning.

"They wanted to check on me." Latvia looked up at Russia to explain. Russia looked down at him coolly, but as long as the touch remained gentle, he did not feel scared. Latvia glanced back at the three in front of him who were staring at him oddly. "But it's okay- really! Mr. Russia took care of me."

Latvia looked at them and blinked innocently. Russia glared and all except Prussia nodded slightly before leaving. Prussia gazed at Russia suspiciously before he joined the others. Latvia saw the look Prussia had given Russia, and although he did not think much of the Germanic nation, Latvia grew worried for him. He pressed back against Russia, wanting to divert any violent feelings he may have been getting.

Russia remembered him and he leaned forward. Next to his ear, he muttered, "Go get changed now."

"Al-alright," Latvia stammered. Russia released him to return to his own room.

* * *

The next night, Latvia entered their bedroom and found everyone waiting for him. Estonia and Lithuania were sitting cross-legged on the bed and had been staring at the door for his arrival, and Prussia was standing and staring resentfully at the wall. Latvia froze, realizing instantly that they planned on interrogating him.

"Latvia," Estonia said with a fully serious tone that barely disguised his anger. "What did Russia do to you last night?"

"N-Nothing," he said nervously. _Why is everyone so concerned this time?_

"Tell us the truth," Estonia said. "Be honest with us. You don't have to feel as though you have to hide anything from us."

"He was nice to me again," Latvia said. "It wasn't any different-"

"You were in his bedroom!" Prussia burst out, snapping his bright eyes away from the wall and locking them with Latvia's. "And you were acting weird this morning! Also, he seemed pissed to see us- like more than usual!"

"Huh?" Latvia cocked his head.

At that moment, footsteps stopped at the carpet at their doorway. Prussia's eyes widened and he snapped his mouth shut.

"I am thinking that you will all stop with the questions and go to sleep now. I will not be happy if I hear any more voices." Russia threw a glare at Prussia. "I am wanting you to go to your room now."

Prussia swallowed. He slipped out of the room past Russia with the cold eyes following him the entire time. Russia then flashed a look at Estonia and Lithuania and they stiffened. Russia then left the room and his footsteps were heard receding down the hall, but the threat that pressed down on them made them quietly recede into the bed, carefully moving as to not make any sound at all, lest Russia find an excuse to come back.

Latvia crawled into his corner and settled into bed with the other Baltics. He lay on his side with his back to them, biting his lip and watching the wall as though it was interesting.

Unbeknownst to them Prussia was meanwhile clutching his pillow angrily. He shook in a silent rage, after realizing and then hating how he had just demonstrated such humiliating submission to Russia again.

* * *

The morning started with a bang. Prussia was late getting up, or at least that was what they had believed. Everyone had been in the kitchen, already finished eating, when he barged into the room and slammed a fist against the wall. He was looking down with sharp eyes blazing brightly, and breathing deeply. Not from any physical exhaustion, but from obvious, barely controlled anger.

"I want to see my brother," he growled.

Everyone in the kitchen froze. Latvia hugged a stack of clean plates near his chest and he began to quiver. He was still facing the counter, beside the other Baltics who were watching the scene unfold. Latvia stared straight ahead but heard Russia set down a cup onto the table heavily before he sent his chair screeching backwards as he stood up abruptly.

Latvia turned slowly and watched Russia stride powerfully towards Prussia. Latvia saw Russia's eyes and it almost made him drop the plates in terror. They were vicious and serious, and they pierced into the smaller nation that he stood tall and intimidatingly over. Yet Prussia stared back with rebellious fury in his eyes; something that was dangerous to possess here.

 _This is bad…_ Latvia cringed.

"And I don't care what you say," Prussia hissed. "I will be going now!"

"I do not think so." Russia placed a heavy hand on Prussia's shoulder. "You belong to me now, so you will do as I say. "

Prussia tossed his body to throw off the hand. Latvia felt his heart halt for a terrifying moment and he neary passed out from the hot fear.

" _Nein_ , fuck you!"

Prussia barged past him and bolted. The Baltics yelped when Russia wordlessly flashed away and tore out of the room after him. The three scurried after them, holding onto the doorway and skidding around the corner in pursuit. Every one of them had adrenaline pulsing through them and hearts that thudded erratically against their chests as though they were trying to escape their bony cages. Prussia's actions were unthinkable. The Baltics knew better than to _swear_ at Russia. It was beyond rationality; no one knew the limits of Russia's strength and no one wanted to him to demonstrate it upon them. If small crimes such as breaking his things could snap his patience, it left all three of them hurrying down the halls with minds filled with horrible ideas of what those powerful hands would do now to Prussia.

 _No!_ Latvia's mind cried. _Don't hurt him... don't kill him. Please..._

Around the corner, they heard a crash and Prussia hollered. They arrived just in time as Prussia hissed through his teeth and shot away from the wall, trying to pelt past the man before him. A gloved hand snatched his hair and grasped it roughly before the other hand clamped onto his shoulder. Prussia snapped his eyes shut tightly as he yelled out in pain, before Russia bent his arms then snapped them out to smash Prussia against the wall. He choked at the first hit and his eyes flew open to stare right up at the ceiling. The second time he cracked against the wall, he made no sound. Russia released his grip and allowed Prussia to slide down the wall limply and crumple over with his eyes closed.

The other Baltics were locked upon the specks of blood on the wall, and upon the trickle running down Prussia's neck. But what Latvia found all the more frightening, were the emotions darkening Russia's eyes. There was ice there, but something else as well. Calmness, as though he had reached some kind of satisfaction- and then there was also calculation, as he too regarded the red staining Prussia's pale skin.

Russia uttered quietly, "No one can leave."

The three onlookers shivered as they recognized that those words had been directed towards them. They all looked at the example, which was the fallen person at Russia's feet. After a few seconds of watching, their eyes widened as they saw something that was to them, absolutely astonishing.

Prussia shifted and he blinked up at Russia with fire still burning in his eyes. Inextinguishable hatred; like the dog that no kick could stop it from emitting that one last final growl. He tilted his head up weakly, barely holding it up as his vision darkened and the energy drained from him rapidly. His lips pulled back before he muttered, "F...Fuck you..."

Russia knelt down with a disturbing smile planted on his face. He reached out and snatched Prussia's chin to turn his face towards him so that they were staring eye-to-eye.

"Hmm?" Russia's voice rang sweetly. "Are you still doing the swearing?"

Prussia inhaled a ragged breath.

"I said…" but then his eyes flickered shut, and Russia dropped his hand to let Prussia's head roll to the side. Russia chuckled quietly and the Baltics trembled even more so as they stood uncertainly in the background.

"That's okay, you can be sleeping now," Russia said to Prussia's unconscious form before he slid a glance over to his audience. "You three should be working, do you not think so?"

They stared back with hallow and fearful eyes. Even if Prussia had not been liked much by any of them, they were terrified to exit the room and leave him alone to endure whatever torture Russia wished to inflict upon him. However, they hesitantly obeyed, and they had no choice but to turn their backs and leave him.

* * *

Prussia was missing for the rest of the day, although Russia was seen wandering around occasionally with a tranquil look upon his face. The Baltics went to bed without chatting, feeling ever so uncomfortable and anxious. Then in the morning, when they crept into the kitchen, Prussia was seen sitting at the table, cradling a cold cup of milk in his hands.

His face was haunted and there were rings under his eyes. Russia was behind him, however he did not pay attention to him as he was busy cooking something. The Baltics checked Prussia over, but he was amazingly unscathed. In truth, each of them had been expecting to see him return torn up and covered in bandages, maimed beyond anything they had ever seen anyone suffer here at this house, after such a defiant attitude.

"G-Good morning!" Latvia chimed. The other Baltics murmured the same then crept cautiously into the room.

"Good morning," Russia purred. "Sit down, I'm making the breakfast today."

 _This air... this tension,_ Latvia thought as he sat down beside Prussia. _If only we could explain to the other countries how it makes us feel to be here!_ He gulped. _I can't possibly eat... feeling like this…_

Russia seemed oblivious to the atmosphere in the room. _Does he even understand how others feel?_ Then Latvia remembered. _Of course he doesn't. He didn't even know why we tremble... that we are scared of him._

Russia smeared jam and added a sprinkle of sugar to each pancake before he set the plates in front of everyone. He even set down cups and utensils on the table, and filled all their cups with milk. After he left the milk out for them, he took a plate and cup for himself and began to leave the room.

"I will be with my boss all day today," Russia said. "But things are looking good, so why don't you all take a day off?"

"A day off?" Estonia echoed.

"Just be back for dinner."

Russia was gone. After a few moments of silence, Lithuania broke it by asking, "So, where would you guys like to be going?"

"You decide," Estonia replied.

He rose and walked to the doorway, checking that the halls were clear. He returned and looked at Prussia to ask, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" Prussia replied before sipping at his milk.

"Where were you?" Latvia asked timidly.

Prussia grimaced as he said, "He locked me in the basement, but let me out in the morning."

"He didn't punish you?" Estonia and Lithuania chorused.

"No, actually…"

"You are lucky, so lucky!" Lithuania gasped. "He's done it for smaller things like breaking the dishes!"

They ate, and were once again amazed at Russia's baking abilities. They did not like to admit that Russia was good at sane and normal things, like baking and knitting, because it seemed so unnatural to them that it would be that way. However, the warm pancakes that were so sweet and filling, even if they were made by Russia, made it seem like it would be a good day for them.

* * *

"I will be leaving tomorrow," Prussia whispered after returning from checking the halls. A week had passed since his outburst, but the spirit was still within him. "I've been here too long, and I can feel that the people of the East are feeling the same. They want to unify, and I want to live with Germany again."

"But how will you do it?" Lithuania inquired.

"I'm just going to make a run for it," Prussia murmured. "Tomorrow, I will clean by the front door and then I'll just run out. I know he will try to catch me, so I will run into the city and steal a car or something."

"I don't think it will be so easy," Estonia said.

"I want to at least try… I will do whatever it takes to get out of here."

"We can't help you though," Estonia said. "Really…"

" _Ja_... I know," Prussia said. "But I've always been good at doing stuff alone, so don't worry."

* * *

The next day, the four of them were unnaturally quiet, although this only made them seem more suspicious. They could at least hope Russia would not catch on to the atmosphere and their moods, as per usual. The hours dragged by and Prussia crept closer to the door as he cleaned the area. He tried not to check if he was being watched and he would just ignore the chilling presence behind him if he happened to sense Russia behind him.

His heart started pounding and he had to contain his excitement and anxiety so that he still appeared calm. _So close_. He set a bucket at his heels, so that when he dipped a sponge into it, he would have an excuse to turn around without looking like he was checking over his shoulder. He lifted his eyes up and glanced around. No one was here.

He backed up and slowly unlocked the door. Quietly, he opened it then made his way outside. It was November and it was quite cold, but snow had not yet stuck to the ground so he did not have to worry about leaving footprints. Slowly, he dragged the door shut so that it closed without a sound.

He took off running. He zipped away, expecting anything to happen as he crossed the property in open view of the windows. _Russia might be targeting a rifle at my back right now_ \- he whipped his head over his shoulder and looked back at the house.

He saw Lithuania staring at him from a window in amazement and dread as he raced away. Escaping the place was not the challenge he feared for Prussia, but finding a safe place was. There was a chance of Prussia making it to East Germany safely, but he would still be in hiding even in his own home, to avoid capture. It was hard for any of the Soviet countries to say whether escaping at this time would benefit them when everyone was controlled by Russian military.

But Prussia disappeared from view of the house. Lithuania let out a slow breath, then gloved hands fell upon his shoulders and he stiffened.

"Hmm, he runs very fast, don't you think?" Russia chatted sweetly from behind Lithuania.

"O-Oh, Mr. Russia…" Lithuania was at a loss for words.

"I am wondering how long he will last."

"Will... Will you be going after him?" Lithuania asked nervously.

"There's no need to! If he tries to get over the wall, he will be shot." Russia smiled. "So you see? If you try the escaping, bad things will happen to you!"

"Y-Yeah..." Lithuania uttered.

"It is good that you understand." Russia patted him on the shoulder, then left.

* * *

And then it was on the news. After several weeks of unrest from the citizens of East Germany, the government announced that on November 9th 1989, the citizens could visit the west. People climbed over the walls, celebrating and rejoicing with their separated families and friends. There was a shot on the news, and it was of Prussia practically flying up the wall to tackle Germany with a hug. There was a closeup of them smiling and laughing for a few seconds, and then the cup in Russia's hand shattered. The Baltics gasped, and blood trickled through Russia's gloved fist that he did not seem to notice at all.

"If you know what is good for you, go to the basement," Russia spoke lowly. "All of you."

"What?" Estonia gasped before his eyes flashed defiantly.

Russia stood up so abruptly that they all jolted. He did not lay a hand on them, but in a chilling voice, he said with the utmost sincerity, "Go. Unless you want to die."

Latvia squeaked from inhaling too fast and the others stepped back and gasped again. Lithuania let Latvia clutch his side with violently shaking hands so that Latvia could feel protected by him. Lithuania and Estonia slowly retreated towards the basement, quivering as well as they pictured near and horrible futures for them all. It was because Latvia was still attached to Lithuania, he could follow along with his eyes squeezed shut.

They headed down the stairs silently but they froze in their descent when they heard the heavy footsteps marching toward the door. They glanced back in time to catch a glimpse of Russia grimacing, before he slammed the door shut and enveloped them in darkness. A heavy snap as the lock was clamped shut, and then they heard the sound of his footsteps again as he departed this time.

* * *

 _"Nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet_!"

Russia paced briskly back and forth outside so that the Baltics would not hear him. He slammed the faucet pipe against a tree, causing slivers of wood to fly out while embedding the pipe deep into the wood. He tore it out, and then smashed it against the trunk again and again, despite how the vibrations hurt his wounded hand. Eventually exhaustion overtook him and the pipe fell from his hand as he collapsed against the damaged tree.

The anger dwindled away until his emotions only sank into sorrow.

 _Why is it that I don't feel so angry anymore?_ he questioned himself. _I should be angry, but now I just feel sad again.  
_

He pulled off his torn glove, and heavy drops of blood splattered across the ground. He examined his hand and was surprised at how the shards from the cup had made the cuts that deep. The bleeding seemed endless. He dropped his hand to his side and ignored the numb feeling as the blood pumped out of him.

 _He left me. He never was my friend. He hated me, although I tried hard not to hurt him… any of them_ , he thought. Then he questioned himself, _But why? Was I too easy on him? Is it necessary to punish them in order to get them to stay? It's been so long since I had to change my coat... Yes, Latvia was the last._

He thought back to that time, and most importantly, he remembered the words that had been said to him. At the time, he had hardly cared about Latvia's words because they had been hard to understand, but after the years of considering them at night, he had pulled some meaning out of them.

 _Trembling… I know that means fear. They fear me. That's why I haven't been punishing them, because I… I don't want them to… or do I? Does it matter? I am in charge of them; they belong to me. But I want them to be my friends, and I thought they would start to like me... but now I think that they won't no matter what I do._

Russia sighed and put his confused head back against the tree. _My boss will be looking for me now, so I better get going._

He went inside and bandaged his hand first. He did not feel like dripping blood all over the house, but then his mind asked him why he cared, when the Baltics could just clean it up for him. He headed towards the door to the basement next and he put the key into the lock. He unlocked the door and pushed it open slightly before he walked away.

 _Why did I put them down there anyway? Would I actually have killed them if I hadn't isolated myself for a while?_ He was utterly unsure. That blind rage, when he broke the cup, had been intense- but then it disappeared entirely in only a few minutes. Now, he wished he could be angry, because he did not like feeling so lost instead.

"There you are!" his boss exclaimed when he met him. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I already saw the news." Russia bowed his head. "The German Democratic Republic wishes to leave the Soviet Union."

"The loss may seem humiliating for this country, but we will be fine without it. We have some important decisions coming up however, and we might have to have very good relationships with the other Soviet states. You must take care of your subordinates."

 _He wants me to make them stay._

"Yes. I will."

 _Maybe there is no other solution. I might have to go back to using my old methods._

* * *

Latvia looked at Russia nervously as he approached him. Latvia had been by the door organizing the closet when Russia had walked down the stairs to wander over to him.

Russia said, "Good morning, friend Latvia."

Latvia stared up with wide eyes at the hand that crossed over his vision as it came to settle down on his head. It immediately pushed down and Latvia felt hot pain shoot up his spine.

He choked out his reply, "G-Good morning, Mr. R-Russia."

Latvia made no sound at all as Russia still stood there with his hand continuing to crush him. Russia seemed sidetracked by a thought that darkened his gaze, but when Latvia twitched, he glanced back down at him. Russia met his eyes and saw the tears that gleamed over those of Latvia.

A thought struck Russia and his expression immediately dropped.

 _He... He is in pain. No, this isn't right. I don't want to do this to him._

Russia looked at him concern, which was an expression that Latvia had never before witnessed Russia looking at him with. The pressure disappeared, then the hand twisted and stroked the side of his face before rising back up and running through his hair. Russia felt now the delicate fluffiness that moments ago, he had been unable to feel at all. His heart stung as he thought about what he had just done to Latvia; how he had just given him more reason to fear him. His hand breezed all the way to the back of his head before it drew back and did it again, trying so hard to make up for what he had just done.

Russia whispered to him, "Do you like when I do this?"

Latvia closed his eyes and did not reply for a few seconds. Then he looked up at him, slowly nodded, and finally murmured to him very quietly, "Yes."

And because Latvia had said it, he believed his answer.


	5. Dropping Golden Petals

_He's behind me again_.

Latvia forced himself not to look, to ignore the feeling of his eyes upon him and continue working. _Pretend he's not there..._ he told himself. But now that he was being watched, he was trying considerably harder not to make a mistake and that only made him become stressed. He started to tremble and he forced himself to grip every item he cleaned tighter so as to not lose his grasp on them.

"Why are you doing the shaking again, Latvia?" Russia muttered.

Latvia did not dare look at him. _How do I respond? I can't say the wrong thing now!_

"I told you a while ago that you shouldn't be doing it."

"Y-Yes of course, Mr. R-Russia. It's just that I- I can't control..."

 _Oh no! That wasn't the right thing to say, was it?_ Latvia cringed when he heard Russia walk towards him. Hands laid themselves on his shoulders. Latvia froze.

Russia sighed behind him, "Please... stop."

He slid his hands down his shoulders before he held Latvia against him and embraced him softly for a few moments. Russia withdrew soon after, leaving him stunned and still. Russia emitted a sigh, and Latvia finally glanced back just to catch sight of him as he left the room.

 _He wasn't trying to threaten me,_ the thought came to Latvia. _He truly just didn't want me to be scared... But, why?  
_

* * *

At a rate that was so startlingly fast, Russia found himself losing the USSR-aligned countries one-by-one. The last few years had been extremely stressful for him, and it only continued to get worse.

He blamed his current boss. He was so different from his former bosses; he was much more opposed to violence and discipline, and he wanted to bring more freedom to the people of the Soviet Union. But then, he was too confident when he allowed the other countries the possibility of basically leaving on their own accord. His boss had been too sure that they would choose to stay, but Russia had known that no matter how hard he had tried, he could not keep them all tied to him.

 _This system doesn't work unless we use excessive force_ , he thought. _But my boss isn't punishing me and he isn't murdering everyone like Stalin did… but which is better?_

That question burned throughout his mind whenever he regarded the Baltics.

 _When are they going to try to leave?_ he wondered. _Today? Tomorrow? Their countries are being so rebellious and this must be affecting them as well. So what do I do with them?_

A weight pressed down so heavily upon him as he strolled the halls and felt as though a cloud of darkness followed to determinedly hang above him. He padded around quietly until he passed by a room and saw movement within. He backtracked and hung in the doorway, peering in and finding Latvia busily working. Russia gazed at him tiredly, and he watched how after a few seconds, Latvia had begun to shake although he had been perfectly calm and still before.

 _It's me_ , Russia thought. _I haven't done anything to him, but he is afraid._

"Why are you doing the shaking again, Latvia?"

Latvia continued trembling, and he kept his back to him.

 _Is he afraid as well to look at me?_

"I told you a while ago that you shouldn't be doing it," he said.

 _It is better if you don't… then you won't do anything bad by accident… and this pain in my chest will go away if you stop being so scared._

"Y-Yes of course, Mr. R-Russia. It's just that I- I can't control…"

 _It really hurts a lot._

"Please... stop," Russia sighed.

He hoped he would be able to notice the pain in his voice. Russia understood the emotion of sadness he was feeling, but there was still that stabbing pain that he just could not identify. It made the sadness twist and become something so much more powerful and when he felt Latvia quiver in his hold, his throat started to hurt. He slowly released him and Latvia stilled.

Russia sighed, and then he turned and left the room. In the hall, he felt something on his face. He brushed his gloved hand over his cheek and something wet glistened on his finger.

 _Why this?_ he wondered.

* * *

"Is it just me, or has Russia been acting weird lately?" Estonia asked.

"No, you are definitely right," Lithuania nodded. "I really think he's up to something."

All three of them were in their room and the hall was constantly checked by Estonia, who was standing and pacing a little while Lithuania and Latvia sat on the edge of the bed.

Latvia murmured quietly, "He's been watching us more than usual. Every time I turn around, he's there."

"Yes, it is just ridiculous," Estonia agreed. "Although I'm not sure if he is trying to intimidate us or if he is really looking for an excuse to be lashing out at us. He probably has a lot of the stress right now, so he might use us to take it out on."

"Do you think that's also why he keeps baking things? Like, all the time?" Lithuania added. "He doesn't even eat it; he just keeps giving it to us."

"I can only guess so much about what goes on in his mind." Estonia shrugged.

 _There is something going on with him_ , Latvia thought to himself as he brought up his knees to his chest and hugged his legs. _He's been acting different, but it isn't just the stress. He watches us all the time, and the threats still come. He is more terrifying than before, but then... he has been doing all those nice things to me. He not only spends his time comforting me after every nightmare, but now he is doing those other things... like what he did this morning. Should I tell Estonia and Lithuania about what happened, or...?_

In the end, he stayed silent and just listened to them finish discussing Russia's behavior. He felt as though if he had brought up what had happened, they would only use it as more fuel to discuss the insanity of Russia.

* * *

The soft fabric slid over his fingers as Lithuania folded the laundry with care. He deposited this neatly pressed shirt into the basket on top of the other already folded clothes, and he ran a hand over it to erase any creases. As he worked in peaceful quiet, he picked up the softest sliding of feet over the carpet. He immediately knew who it was.

"Hello, Russia."

Russia's eyes narrowed in reaction to the impolite, untitled greeting that was so unlike Lithuania to give.

He then smiled however, and chimed, "Hello, friend Lithuania!"

Lithuania suppressed a repulsed twitch as he focused on his work. He knew how to act, how to be composed and well mannered, but the constant eyes on his back, the lack of safe places where they could talk freely without fear of being eavesdropped upon, and the shape that occasionally stalked all of them from far down the hall- everything was pulling his already stressed nerves impossibly taut. He tried all he could to keep them from snapping, and bringing upon himself unimaginable trouble.

But he could not find it in him to softly smile and relax himself, and the bitterness kept him from trembling at all from his slip in courtesy.

Lithuania asked, "So, how are things going today?"

Something hot boiled under Russia's surface, but Lithuania was not looking up to see it revealed in his expression. Russia recognized that there had been a taunt in there, some kind of sarcasm. He knew that Lithuania understood fully the situation of how everything was falling apart. Then their eyes met for a few seconds, and Russia saw something he had not seen in a while- a spark of cunning and spirit in Lithuania's eyes. Here he saw the person he had once destroyed; the inner passionate warrior that had ruled much of Eastern Europe before with Poland. Even though Lithuania lowered his face back to the laundry, in the very brief moments Russia had seen his face, Russia felt a desperate anger overtake him.

"I have an assignment for you," he muttered, although not that he had anything particular in mind, he just felt the absolute compulsion to exert his dominance.

"Do you?" Lithuania replied.

Russia's eyes gleamed and stressed his Russian, "Yes. I do."

Lithuania got the message and he switched from English, but he then said, "But if you are truly strong, why is it that you want us to do your job if you are perfectly able to do it yourself?"

Lithuania's head rushed when he was lifted to his feet suddenly. He gawked at Russia in confusion then in the next second a blow smashed the side of his face and he was felled. He tried to shakily pull himself off from the ground, but soon enough a solid hand snatched his throat and brought him back to his feet. There was a brief flash of murderous intent in Russia's eyes, but then it faded away and with a grimace, he unhinged his fingers and released Lithuania. The Baltic stumbled for balance, inhaled deeply, and then touched the tender part of his face.

"Remember your place," Russia muttered, then swept out of the room before Lithuania could reply. Russia did not see how Lithuania glared at him when his back was turned.

Russia hurried down the hall with his scarf lifting long and sinuously behind him. But he could not escape what he had done. Now, the thought came to him, _I hope that doesn't bruise._

But it did. By dinnertime, Lithuania walked into the kitchen bearing a colorful cheek that immediately caused inquiries from the other two Baltics. Russia hung by the doorway as they asked for details, saying nothing and waiting until his presence was noticed. When it was, they instantly went silent. Russia strode into the room, humming as he took a seat and tried to break the silence. He sat across the table and gazed over the three who stared back at him uncomfortably. He could see the wrinkles where Estonia and Lithuania's eyebrows were tensed, how ringed Latvia's eyes looked, and how pale and disturbed every one of them appeared. No one of them could hold eye contact with Russia when he smiled at them with false cheer. Their hearts sank and the fine hairs on the back of their necks raised as they registered danger in the air.

Although Russia still smiled, he thought inside, _I shouldn't have done that._

He did not like looking at Lithuania and seeing the bruise on his face, how upset Estonia seemed, and the fear upon Latvia's face whenever he flashed a glance at Lithuania's injury.

 _I am trying so hard to get them to like me, but then I keep ruining my chances. Can I make up for this, or is it too late now, especially now that they think I am going to punish them again?_

At the end of the day, Russia fell onto his bed and held a hand over his chest while clenching his teeth. It hurt so much there, but it was not happiness, sadness, fear or anger… _what other emotions are there_? _Annoyance… maybe pain if that is considered an emotion. But none of these seem to be the problem._

He felt like if he at least knew what was hurting him, if he had a name for it, he could diminish this _weakness?_ _Issue? Whatever it is called I suppose_. It was restricting him so much. He felt as though if he just let go, took all three of them to the basement and painted the floor with their blood, then afterwards treated them with nothing but aggression and strikes- then they could be broken and forever terrified of his power.

However, the thought of that made tears prick at his eyes and threaten to spill over his face. He did not want to do that. He wanted so much to have them as friends, and he desperately wanted them to stay because they liked him, and that they just did exactly what they were told and there were no problems.

 _What am I doing wrong?_ his mind wailed. _I don't know how else to get them to obey me. I thought they liked me, but everyone has lied to me and no one really likes me at all!_

He squeezed a pillow to his chest and a pained whine escaped his throat. So much did he want comfort. For a moment, he wished Latvia would get a nightmare and he could get to feel that warm, nameless feeling again when he got to hold him that was almost like happiness but better. But he threw away the hope, because the thought of Latvia being so traumatized by a nightmare about him made him feel sick. Especially after what he had done today, which practically gave Latvia every reason to fear him.

 _Don't fear me... you can fear punishments, but please, do not fear me! I want to be your friends. I want us all to live together happily. But even if the others hid it well, you slipped out the truth that everyone is scared of me, Latvia. They hate me. And now I know why you always cry, always shake... but I don't want you to anymore_.

The eyes that had been tightly squeezed shut snapped open suddenly. He could sense it- some kind of excitement in the house. He leaped to his feet and silently left his room.

* * *

Today, the Baltics had been ordered to stay up late, in order to finish the assignment that Russia had thrown upon them as he had promised Lithuania. They were far enough from Russia's room, but it was still risky when Lithuania glared at the two of them and whipped his hair to the side, flashing his bruise while exclaiming, "This is the last time I am going to take this. We can't live with this guy anymore!"

"You think that we'll be able to leave like the others?" Estonia said, taking the pile of work and plopping it on the table in front of them. They blinked at it unhappily, an atmosphere of misfortune over them all.

"It's tough working for Mr. Russia..." Latvia sighed, gazing exhaustively at all the work that they had been told to finish despite the late hour.

Lithuania clenched his hands into fists and the vigorous light returned to his eyes. He announced, "We can't stay like this! We have to take action!"

Seeing Lithuania getting worked up shot energy into Estonia. He exclaimed, "You're right! It's about time we do something!"

"If we join forces as the Baltic States, we can escape from Russia's house! The time is now!" Lithuania raised a hand into the air, the adrenaline racing within him as he felt as though he was on horseback again, about to lead his forces into battle. He looked upwards and then said, "I… declare independence from Russia!"

The other two jolted.

"What? Now? Wow, talk about a hasty decision!" Latvia quivered, and nervous tears sprang to his eyes. "But, but… I'm sorry, I'm not mentally ready yet…"

Lithuania flashed his attention to Estonia.

"Um… I'm currently using this plan where I steadily gain full rights and eventually seize full authority… I have to adjust it to see if I can advance the time frame…"

Lithuania huffed, and he was about to open his mouth to relay a speech that could drive inspiration into their hearts- but then his expression dropped and his face was wiped of the passion. He was left only staring forward blankly. The other two went ridged in terror and they stared at the hands gripping Lithuania's shoulders and weighing down on them heavily.

Russia leaned to Lithuania's side and he asked them in a voice that rang merrily, "What are you guys talking about?"

Sweat beaded on Lithuania's face and he swallowed.

"Y-You heard me, I'm sure," Lithuania said after a pause.

" _Hmm._.. maybe. How about you say it again, for me?"

"I…"

"Yes. Go on."

Lithuania exhaled very slowly, and then while under Russia's hold, he stood tall as the passion alighted his gaze once more.

The words burst from his heart, emerging out through his mouth as he proclaimed with his chin raised high, "I declare independence from you!"

Latvia and Estonia gasped. Lithuania shook himself from Russia's grasp and whipped around to face him with fiery seriousness lighting his gaze. Russia stared at him now severely, no longer pretending to be ignorant.

"You?" Russia uttered. "Are you really believing that you can survive? You won't be able to protect yourself on your own. A small country like yours will be easily crushed by other bigger and stronger ones, and don't think I won't stand by and watch while it happens."

"Then I will fight to protect my culture and people until they kill me. I would rather die than have to rely on you."

Russia said monotonously, "I do not think that is a wise decision, friend Lithuania."

"I won't let you stop me," Lithuania muttered.

Lithuania marched past him as Russia stood rigid and still, with only sharp and calculating eyes following him. Lithuania went straight to his bedroom, and there he gathered as many of his possessions as he could fit into a large bag. In only a minute later, he was making a beeline to the front door, and Estonia and Latvia rushed to meet him there.

"Lithuania, watch out," Estonia said. "Russia just ran off somewhere, and we are not knowing where to."

"Alright, thank you." He dipped head solemnly to them. "I wish you the best, and I am hoping that soon you will both be free as well."

"Good luck," they chorused.

The wind made the door slam behind him, and it echoed resoundingly throughout the house. Lithuania jogged across the yard while looking around himself prudently. He did not see Russia nearby, but before he could breathe out in relief, he took a look back at the house. His heart jolted when he saw his silhouette high up in an open window.

A terrified voice whispered urgently in his mind, _The window is open._ Lithuania inhaled sharply as screams and flashes of red filled his mind as he remembered Bloody Sunday and the horrifying things he had seen Russia do as he stood and watched helplessly behind him. Lithuania tore off sprinting, not daring to waste any time taking another glance back. He knew that he needed to put distance between himself and Russia. He knew what would be in his hands. Every step he took seemed quieter than his thudding heart as he anticipated the assault at any moment.

Russia watched Lithuania dash away under the moonlight. The black metal of his AK-47 glimmered as he leveled it on his form.

 _He knows how good my aim was on that_ day, Russia thought. _He knows that he isn't far enough to escape._

Lithuania's breaths were hot and every fiber of his being coursed with adrenaline. He sprang to the sides randomly, trying not to be predictable. Trying not to be a target.

 _That won't help you_.

Russia's finger stroked the trigger. He rubbed it up and down the cool metal indecisively, pondering whether to press it or not.

 _I could kill you_ , Russia thought. _I could let you go, and maybe you will die on your own. Maybe you will survive and I'll regret my decision forever. Again I wonder, which is better?_

But as it turned out, the night was to retain its peaceful silence.

* * *

"Wow," Estonia commented.

"He… let him go?" Latvia asked.

"We can't say that yet. His boss seems more easy-going than the last ones, but who knows if they will change their minds and send over some Russian troops to force them back?"

"D-Does he really need any of us?" Latvia said. "He has enough land, d-doesn't he? He doesn't actually _need_ Lithuania..."

"He is obsessed about the idea of everyone becoming one with Russia. He wants the world to be his," Estonia said. "He is crazy and power-hungry. Honestly, he cares about no one else, and that's why he is not afraid to hurt us."

 _Not afraid to hurt us_ , Latvia looked down. He thought about Lithuania's bruise, but at the same time he heard Russia's voice in a memory saying, _I don't want to hurt you, but you seem to be needing a lesson_.

 _He punished us because he thought it was the only way to teach us. He never did it because he enjoyed it. And now, hasn't he been acting a lot nicer to us? Or... well, at least to me? I don't know if I should tell Estonia about the things he has been doing to me... he might get angry and tell me to stay away from him. But if Russia is doing this instead of hurting me, is it really such a bad thing? Doesn't it mean that he really does care about me, and that he has an ability to care about other people?  
_

This thought nagged at him that night. He was lost and unsure of what he could do, but he never came up with any solutions because directly in the morning, the Russia they met was grim and sharp-eyed, and both Estonia and Latvia carefully tread in his presence, as quietly as possible as to not attract his attention.

At the table that morning, Russia said to them, "Things are going to have to be different."

Estonia and Latvia did not dare look away as he stared right into them with piercing eyes.

They were no longer allowed to work together in the same room. Latvia and Estonia were no longer permitted to converse with each other at night, and Latvia was forced to switch rooms and occupy the bed Prussia used to have. From now on the only language permitted here was Russian. If they spoke or were caught writing in any other language without permission, they would get a severe punishment. Latvia despaired at these new rules, but the harsh look he got burned away his tiny reservoir of hope. The soft gaze Russia had demonstrated before was gone, and it looked like it would not be returning.

And soon after they discovered that among these rules, even more intense surveillance would follow. The days of Russia popping into the room and standing behind them for a minute, watching them, before leaving- were over. Now it came to the point where Russia purposefully sat in the room, with some papers or occasionally, with nothing at all. He might work to keep himself busy, but for the most part, he did only what he had come for.

He watched them.

Days dragged on. Weeks. Staring eyes, observing every moment as though waiting for one of them to fail so he could pounce upon them and tear them apart. No longer did Russia waste his time in the kitchen baking for them when he spent all of his free time monitoring them. And no longer did Russia touch him gently and treat him kindly; he kept his distance and only held an intimidating glare upon him whenever they met. The nightmares Latvia had had before were desired, for now he had to face an even more tolling challenge: insomnia. After the stress of the day, he curled up absolutely alone in his room, his body exhausted and begging for rest although his jittery mind denied him of it. In the mornings he dragged his enervated body around the house, moving frail arms that always dropped heavily to his sides and legs that felt so unattached from his body.

The pressure was tearing Latvia apart. When Estonia was being observed, he would stare right back at him every once in a while. Russia knew that in his mind nothing but images of his escape flashed behind his calculating eyes. Yet Russia knew that the new treatment was detrimentally impacting Latvia, and although he felt the stab in his chest- a knife that turned and tore up his heart as he saw what he was doing to him, Russia was without solution. Everyday tensions only rose higher. The Baltic people were stirred, already rising against authority, and what despaired Russia further was that the Soviet soldiers seemed to allow more and more to pass everyday. Lithuania was gone, like many others. The only two he had his grip on now, right here under his eyes, were Latvia and Estonia.

But Estonia was growing braver, taking after Lithuania's example. He did not know if he could hold him here for much longer.

Russia strode into the room and seated himself on the couch. Latvia heard him and he went petrified as he stood with his back turned to him. His throat was dry as he felt the eyes staring at him in the utter silence. The pressure threatened to crack his tiny frame, and he wanted so much just to drop everything, fall to his knees and cry. But he could not allow himself to. He only imagined what would happened if he did. What Estonia had told him a month ago would happen if he did. He stiffened his legs so that his knees would not buckle.

He began to shake. He panicked, trying so hard to control himself, but the terror only increased the intensity. Russia blinked a few times rapidly as he watched this happen.

 _Oh no_ , his mind whispered. _I am doing this to him._

Latvia whimpered when he heard Russia stand and move towards him. He turned slowly with a feeble apology ready on his lips. He knew it would not save him, but he could not help himself from doing it. Just as the first word was out of his mouth, Russia knelt before him and wrapped his arms around him.

"S _hhh_ ," Russia sighed into his ear.

Latvia cried when he felt the gentle touch. He clung to Russia and buried his tear-stained face into him, and he wanted nothing else but to be held and comforted as the world around him was so empowered and he was at its mercy. The knowledge that this was his oppressor did not disappear, but rather it made him never want to be let go of. He did not want the kindness to end for he had longed to receive this soft touch again, to be treated nicely while his feelings and suffering were recognized. He never wanted to feel pain from the other ever again, and he feared that once Russia let go, nothing like this would happen again.

All Russia could think while Latvia held on to him was, _Please don't leave me. You accepted me. You were honest. Please... let me just hold you like this. Don't go._

"Latvia," Russia whispered. "I want to promise you something. I really want you to believe me. Please trust me."

Latvia gazed up at him. Russia regarded his sparkling eyes that held such a captivating colour, and he wanted nothing more than to make those tears disappear and rid those eyes of those sorrowful emotions.

"I promise," Russia said, "I will never hurt you again."

Latvia blinked.

"Wh-what...?" he choked.

"Never again."

Latvia stood and watched him with wide, confused eyes as Russia left go of him and backed out of the room.

 _Never again?_ the words echoed in Latvia's mind.

He thought of the nights beside Russia, the gentleness of his hands on his back, and the softness in his gaze as he looked down at him. Latvia inhaled deeply.

 _He meant those words._

* * *

Estonia burst into the room Latvia was working in.

"Quickly," he hissed. "We have to hurry!"

Without hesitation, Latvia understood and he raced to his room as Estonia hurried away to his own. They crammed all of their things into bags, and Estonia snatched the last few things of Lithuania's that had been left behind. Latvia stumbled after Estonia, his heavy and full bag crashing against his leg as he ran.

 _This is it!_ Latvia's mind cried in rapture. _After those decades, we are all going to finally be free!_

Estonia threw open the door, and let Latvia hop outside before he carefully closed it behind him. They scrambled away and both could not help but throw a glance back one last time at the magnificently huge building that towered behind them. It merely stood calm and undisturbed, although a history of suffering had taken place within it. They pelted away, and Estonia sighed with a shaky laugh beside him. Latvia's legs pumped with an energy that he had been unable to summon up anything close to in the last couple of months, and he matched Estonia's pace.

But as the distance between them and their former prison grew further, one thought burned itself into his mind.

One word. One name.

 _Russia._

Latvia looked back again, but he did not stop running.

* * *

Russia twitched as his boss was talking. He received a curious look.

"What is it?" he said.

"Something has happened," Russia said. "It's bad."

He stood up, but his boss waved his hand by the wrist side-by-side nonchalantly.

"Sit down, we have to decide these things now. Whatever it is, it can wait."

Russia complied, but he knew that whatever had happened, it most certainly could not wait. And that now, it was too late.

* * *

1990-1992 included the neck-breaking pace of Baltics' steps to independence. In the years that passed, transitions of independence were declared and then recognized. There was of course, resistance, but they were resilient, and they survived through every hardship.

In the next decade, the Baltics came to create their own currencies and establish successful business relations with each other and outside of their countries. Eventually, even the new executive body of Russia recognized the independence of the Baltic states. A new law granted automatic Russian citizenship to anyone living outside Russia's borders who applied for it, after the immigrants who came to the Baltic nations during the Soviet Era were stripped of theirs.

Time passed, people moved and settled, and things began to calm. The Russian military had completely left the Baltic countries in 1994. The Baltics solidified their safety by joining NATO, and grew their economy further by joining the European Union.

Nothing would ever be the same, and those three were happy for the change- for they had survived. It became to be so, that on a regular basis, they would meet each other and celebrate their independence that had all been accomplished after their escape from that Hell they had used to live in.

* * *

The house was now unnaturally silent and completely devoid of activity. The winters that followed were eerie, and it made Russia appreciate the commotion of the world meetings, because it reminded him that there was life.

 _But, everyone else is happy to be gone,_ a voice in his mind murmured to him. _No one cares that it is cold and lonely here._

He let his boss take whatever measures he thought was necessary. The emptiness inside him made it hard for him to think, or grasp any kind of emotion besides the one that seemed to displace his weight, hallowing him and then throwing crushing heaviness on his shoulders. He was perfectly fine with stepping down and decreasing his work load. At least now he could dedicate his time to combat the melancholic agony on his own.

Until 1996, when Belarus came back.

"If you marry me, Big Brother-"

The conversations usually started like that. He knew, deep down, that she only cared about him, but he never felt comfortable living with her when she acted in this way. It disturbed him too much, and so when she chased him and he had to lock himself up somewhere, he was a mixture of disturbance and sadness.

It took him a while to connect his feeling of depression to the loss of the Baltics. He came to realize he how much he missed having them around. He liked hearing other voices, being close to other people, and having their presences fill the house so that it did not feel so empty and large. He liked listening to them settle down at night, being friendly to each other, talking, playing, and sometimes singing. Even if they sang in their languages in his own house, which they really were not supposed to be doing, he still found it comforting.

 _I suppose if I had killed them, I would have felt like this then_ , he thought. _But I still don't know what I could have possibly done to make them stay. They didn't respond so well when I tried to do nice things and they only feared me when I… punished them. That used to work so well too! But Latvia… I don't remember how I was able to hurt him_.

He felt that prick in his chest. It happened every time he thought about the Baltics.

 _He was so breakable… so small. And I punished him for shaking, although I made him do it in the first place._

The bloody memories came back to him, about how he had savaged him in the basement. Intense pain attacked his heart and the strength of that unknown emotion made him collapse to his knees right in the middle of the hall.

He rubbed at his aching throat, pulled himself to his feet, and stumbled over to the phone. He punched in a familiar number, then gasped out, "Ukraine! I am really needing to talk to you. I am having this weird emotion, and I don't know what it is!"

"Oh, why don't you describe it to me?" she replied tenderly.

He continued in English again, afraid that his own language might offend her.

"It hurts a lot, and it is like something is stabbing me in the chest," he explained. "I feel almost sad, but it feels different than the sadness. It is also very stressful, but I have so much difficulty in getting it to be leaving me alone."

She asked, "And do you know what triggers it?"

He replied, "It happens usually when I am thinking about the Baltics, but especially Latvia for some reason. Like when I am thinking of the time when I had to punish him back at my home, I get the horrible pain."

"Do you mean you feel like what you did was wrong?" Ukraine asked.

"I am not so sure, and lately I have been becoming very confused. I used to think that pain would help him learn, but now I am remembering how small he was and that maybe it was too much for him."

"Then I think that you might be feeling guilt," she said.

"Guilt? I have heard of that but I do not know what it is really."

"When you feel guilty, it is because you don't like something you have done. But it is a bad emotion to have, because it will only grow and make you feel so wrong that, yes, it really does hurt. If you try and make things right, and then it will go away. Does this help you, Russia?"

"Da. Thank you, Big Sister."

He hung up.

 _Make things right?_ he thought. _How do I do that?  
_

* * *

Over the next few days he pondered it while going about his daily life. He realized he should have asked her about the warm feeling too, but he did not want to disturb her again so soon.

 _Should I talk with them? But what would I say?_ Russia wondered. _I don't know how they would react if I start talking about this emotion called guilt… Would it make them angry or make things right?_

He had tried looking it up on the Internet. Russia started to appreciate the invention because it was an easy way to find answers to problems without having to worry about dealing with other people. He looked up the word his sister had provided and he read up on it. It was definitely bad and it only made him feel more certain about the severity of his past actions.

This left him in turmoil. _How will they be able to forgive me? What can I do to show them how strongly I feel this emotion?_

He then went and checked out Estonia's blog. He scrolled through the posts. _He is doing so many interesting things like these weird festivals and events, and then he is posting pictures of them all. He seems very happy on his own…_

Russia sighed and looked back out the window. It was winter again, and once he stopped moving, there was absolutely no sound in his house. It was snowing and the flakes were gently falling onto the ground. _They are peaceful_ , he thought. _But it only takes some wind to change their mood. Is that like me? Or have I changed enough? Can I try harder and then destroy this emotion of guilt?_

"Maybe I will visit them," he told himself. "At least I can try..."

* * *

"This lake is the closest to my place," Estonia pointed out the shining and clear-surfaced frozen lake to them. "I saw some people on it yesterday and it will also be good for using today."

There was actually no one there currently, as it was the middle of the day when most people were either at work or at school. Lithuania and Latvia were glad that Estonia had chosen this place and that time for that reason. It would be awkward if anyone recognized them and watched them skating, then they would probably be bothered.

Immediately upon touching the ice, they glided about elegantly. At times like these, it felt good to be a winter country. All of them liked the ability to have so much control on the frictionless surface, to be able to circle, skip, and jump while the cool, crisp air blew in their faces and made the world seem so sharp. They were all even in skill, so they did not worry about looking bad or seeming like they were showing off. Right then, it was only about how they felt on the ice, and they hardly noticed each other until they got close. Then, they would just skip nimbly to the side and carry on. They remained silent so that all they could hear was the sound of their blades scraping the ice.

Russia's feet crunched on the frost as he rounded an icy willow and saw all three Baltics enjoying themselves on the lake. He hesitated, wondering if he should wait and come back later. He had arrived without any problems but when he had found that no one was at Estonia's home, he had wandered around, trying to get a general sense of direction to where he would be.

Without having reached a solid decision, he stood by the tree and only watched them skate. He was there for a few good minutes before Estonia's trance faded and he finally noticed him. Estonia full on stopped and gawked in surprise, and as Lithuania glided by, he tapped him on the shoulder.

"Russia's over there," he whispered.

Lithuania skidded to a stop and then stepped up to his side. Carefully he glanced over, daring a quick peek and confirmed to himself that Estonia was indeed correct.

"What should we do?" Lithuania asked.

"I feel like I should tell him to leave," Estonia said quietly. "I mean, he _did_ come here without permission."

"But he's not doing anything," Lithuania replied, but not defensively. "He's just… watching us."

"It's very creepy," Estonia agreed. "But I will talk to him anyways. After all, I'm independent now and I have the right."

"I'll come with you," Lithuania murmured.

They both skated side-by-side and then walked up the shore with their skates still on. They came up to Russia, who still had not moved from his spot under the tree.

"Hello, Russia," Estonia said calmly. "What is bringing you here?"

"I was wanting to see you, Estonia," Russia smiled. Estonia suppressed a twitch.

He replied, "Well you should have called or something first, because I am busy and you should also not be here unless you have the permission."

Russia frowned, "That makes me sad that you are saying that."

As Russia spoke, he stared past them with narrowed eyes. Lithuania and Estonia glanced behind them in the direction he was looking. They found that Latvia was standing in place far out on the ice, giving them an inquisitive cock of his head after finally noticing that everybody had left. He had also noticed Russia, and he was calling out to them in an inquiring tone although he was hard to hear because of the distance.

"Latvia, come over here!" Lithuania called out. "You're too far out!"

Latvia still looked at them confusedly, not hearing him well. However, he took a few steps forward in their direction, then halted abruptly.

Lithuania yelled out, "What are you doing?"

Latvia stepped forward again, more carefully than the last time. He staggered suddenly, as one foot broke through the ice and was immediately soaked with numbing cold water.

"Oh god!" Estonia exclaimed.

Latvia managed to pull his foot out, and he put it down beside the hole. Heart thudding so hard that it was shaking his body, he dared put weight forward to take another step. A crack appeared before him and he stumbled backwards, only to have the ice beneath his feet fall apart. As he fell, the observers on shore watched his head snap back harshly upon the ledge of ice before he then plunged into the water.

" _Latvia!_ " Estonia screamed.


	6. Exchange of Misfortune

"Stay here," Russia commanded.

In the blink of an eye, Russia had thrown his heavy coat and scarf off and was sprinting across the ice. Estonia and Lithuania stood rigidly as they were panic-stricken and dumbfounded by what they were seeing. Russia did not slip or trip as he ran, although the ice cracked angrily below his feet. A couple of metres before the hole Latvia had fallen through, the ice finally gave way and he plunged into the water.

Lithuania and Estonia watched from the shore, not daring to move as Russia as instructed them. In their worry, they forgot that Russia no longer had control over them, for his words had been so powerful that their instincts had taken over. And unconsciously, they held a confidence upon Russia, and they waited while clinging onto their hopes.

Russia had no time to question his actions. The moment he fell through, he powerfully pressed the water behind him and launched downwards. He hardly noticed as the shock of the cold water seized his muscles and chilled his blood. He was separated from himself; losing all fear of himself drowning as the one objective burned on his mind: Latvia. He swam deeper into the darkness as his limbs grew stiff and weary, and he felt around desperately in the empty, cold water, holding onto the hope that he was not already beyond reach and lost.

Russia was sure that he could feel some kind of presence below him. That sort of sense hit him, as it always did when someone who was more than an ordinary person was in the area. He stretched out as far as he could, every muscle straining as they reached outwards-

He snatched Latvia's shoulder and instantly latched on with an iron grip. There was no way he was willing to lose him now. He hooked his other arm under one of Latvia's and shoved his head down before he looked back up to the light above that seemed so distant. He kicked towards it, fighting to rise but feeling so dragged down by the dead-weight of Latvia. He furrowed his eyebrows and thought despairingly, _Can I do it? Do I really have enough energy?_

The urge to inhale was so powerful and he clenched his teeth hard to suppress it. His chest screamed in agony, so he let out all the air in his lungs to release some of the pressure. Once he did that, he knew his time was seriously running out. He was so tired, and he felt like he was going nowhere.

 _I have to drop him…_ his mind whispered. _Or we'll both die…_

Yet his arms refused to release the small limp body he was carrying with him, and Russia knew that the reluctance could not solely be blamed on his rigid muscles. He forced whatever energy he had left in his body to kick more powerfully, and when the light hovered above their heads, he shoved Latvia with all his might over the ledge. His scrawny body skidded far across the thin ice.

The effort had drained him and as colours blinded his vision, he inhaled by accident. Water started to enter his trachea, but then he broke the surface and briefly got a breath of air before he fell back under the surface. He panicked and thrashed back upwards again, snatching onto the ledge and clinging on. He heaved up the water he had taken in and took a few deep breaths before he tried pulling himself up. The ice snapped under his weight and he fell right back in. He coughed and trembled as he tread water, and then he whipped his head to the side to check on Latvia. He was motionless, but safe further away. Russia exhaled in relief.

He then tried to climb out once more, but the ice only broke again. And again, and again. He kept clawing at the constantly breaking ledges desperately with gritted teeth, raking his fingernails over the ice as he reached out and pulled. After many attempts, he managed to push down and pull his torso out, but then he heard a snap and he fell face first into the freezing water. He reemerged with a hoarse inhale, whipping his drenched hair backwards and staring wide-eyed at the blue sky above.

"I don't know if he can get out..." Lithuania said with tight worry pulling his voice. He went to step on the ice, but Estonia touched his shoulder.

"Be careful. We don't want to be adding more victims."

Russia kept trying, although his movements only became rapidly weaker. He clung on to the edge again, breathing heavily although the cold air only shocked his throat painfully. He set his chin on the numbing ice and his eyelids began to droop. His hands slid backwards as the water seemed to beckon him with a heavy pull, and he was becoming more willing to sink into its grasp. His eyes drifted over to look at Latvia once more then at Lithuania, who was hurriedly approaching them.

 _Latvia's... okay,_ he thought with a mental sigh. _That's all that matters... I hope he can at least forgive me now._

Russia realized then how Latvia's eyes were open and he was looking over at him as he was still holding onto the edge. A trickle of red trickled down Latvia's wet cheek, and one arm was stretched in front of him, desperately wanting to grab for him although Latvia was completely unable to move his frozen and wounded body. His eyes were circles that stared pleadingly at him as he lay helplessly metres away.

 _No... I can't die in front of him_...

Russia stretched out his arms and clawed into the ice. He slowly spread out his weight and eased himself upwards, dragging his body over the ice. There was a terrifying crack below him, but he pushed himself forward and crawled away from the hole towards the thicker ice.

As Russia dragged himself over and neared Latvia, he could hardly feel the cold anymore on his skin under his tight, clinging shirt. He looked over the dark blotch of blood that stained the back of Latvia's head as he started to push Latvia's barely conscious body across the ice. Lithuania paused, then he followed along beside them, unsure of what he could do. When they were much closer to the shore and it was safe to stand, Russia dug his shaking hands under Latvia and collected him into his arms. His head fell limply against him as Russia cradled him to his chest and walked towards Estonia.

Russia's voice shivered as heavily as his body did.

"T-Take off his cl-clothes s-so we can give him those."

He gestured at the dry clothes he had discarded earlier with a flick of his head as he set down Latvia for them to tend to. Russia threw off his shirt and tossed it into the pile of wet clothes, then came over, picked up, and wrapped his huge coat around Latvia. He was able to bundle him up completely because it was so large on him, and he used the ends of his scarf to dry off Latvia's face. He then wrapped it around Latvia's neck, face and ears before tucking the long ends into the coat.

"My house isn't far," Estonia assured them.

"Hurry," Lithuania whispered while collecting all the clothes and Latvia's skates, and then starting to jog to set a swift pace. Russia had Latvia in his arms and he trotted with them, more energetic once out of the water, but unable to feel his legs and feeling like someone else was in control of their movements.

As they went on, a biting wind began to blow. Russia's exposed skin was burnt red, and Estonia and Lithuania kept looking at him in concern as they all ran side-by-side.

"Russia…" Lithuania said to him. "Aren't you… cold?"

"I'm fine," he said, but his eyes were gradually becoming more and more lethargic.

Everyone got tunnel vision once Estonia's house was in sight. Estonia sprinted ahead, unlocked it, and held the door open as everyone tore through.

"The fireplace!" he called, and everyone followed. They came into the room and as Estonia started lighting the fire, Russia placed Latvia on the carpet before dead-flopping beside him. It did not take long before the fire really grew and the warmth began to creep back into their skin. As Lithuania and Estonia went to fetch warm things, Russia kicked off his soaked pants.

Russia then breathed out weakly, "Are you warm now, Latvia? You are okay?"

"Y-Yeah," Latvia murmured.

"Good…" Russia sighed before finally blacking out.

Estonia held blankets while Lithuania entered with pillows and a towel. They were surprised to find Russia completely unresponsive. Lithuania dropped and checked his pulse, putting a few fingers over his neck as he dried Russia's hair.

"He is breathing a little," Estonia pointed out. Lithuania nodded.

Latvia sat up while Estonia took away the now slightly wet coat and scarf so that he could be totally enveloped in dry blankets. Lithuania dried his hair gingerly, wiping away the blood while being careful to not put any pressure on the injury. He put another clean towel over a pillow then helped Latvia lie down slowly onto it.

"Thank you," Latvia said quietly.

"We should really be thanking Russia," Lithuania murmured. "He risked his life, really."

"And God only knows why." Estonia shook his head in awe.

Latvia curled up and nuzzled the soft blankets as he quickly settled into sleep. Lithuania and Estonia watched them in silence for a few moments, until Lithuania asked him, "Can I use your kitchen?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Estonia said. "I'll watch them."

Lithuania went to see if he could make everyone some warm food while Estonia settled down on a chair and picked up a book that had been lying half-read on a side table. It was twenty minutes later when Lithuania returned with a plate of hot pastries and a cup of hot chocolate. He passed the cup to Estonia, who graciously took it, then Lithuania set the plate on the side table.

"I don't think they will be waking up anytime soon," Estonia said.

"That's alright. The pastries and the soup I am making we can just warm up later," Lithuania said.

"Great," Estonia nodded.

Estonia realized a few minutes later that the clothes were still lying wet all over the floor, so he took a minute to grab them, spread them out, and place them by the fire to dry. Lithuania came back after cleaning up and putting everything away in the kitchen, and he brought over two bowls of soup for both him and Estonia to have. Estonia set the book aside and took the bowl, and then looked down at it curiously.

"Borscht?" he questioned.

"Sorry, it was the first thing that came to mind… it wasn't a planned thing at all," Lithuania replied. "And you happened to have all the ingredients for the meatless version."

"Ah," Estonia said, before going on ahead and swallowing a spoonful.

As they were finishing up, Latvia stirred. He crawled out on his stomach from his cocoon of blankets to look up at them.

"That smells really good," he yawned.

"I can get you some right now." Lithuania stood up.

"Y-Yeah, please," Latvia smiled, then completely emerged out of the blankets. He shook the clinging towel off of his head, then stumbled in the right direction to the bathroom.

That left just Estonia and Russia in the room. Although the other lay quiet and still on the floor, Estonia could only stare at him in an uneasy suspicion. When Latvia returned, he tried to wipe the look of judgement off from his face. Latvia went down to his bundle of blankets on the floor, but he knelt on them first and looked at Russia's face in concern.

"Is he really alright?" Latvia asked. "He's so quiet…"

Latvia touched Russia neck just as Lithuania had done before. He felt warm now and he was relieved to feel a faint but steady pulse.

"Don't touch him," Estonia said. "Er- I mean don't worry about him. He's fine."

"Okay." Latvia withdrew slowly, then was startled when he noticed Lithuania had been waiting patiently behind him with a bowl of steaming soup the whole time.

"Here," Lithuania said, and smiled at him nicely.

Now Latvia seemed quite awake, and he sat and faced the fire while he ate the soup with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Estonia got up and stretched, then pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"Lithuania, can you come with me?" Estonia asked, then noticed Latvia glancing up at him. "We'll be back in a bit, Latvia."

After they had left the room, Latvia was surprised to hear the door slam as they both exited the house. Latvia finished the soup while watching the flames dance before he put the bowl to the side. He hugged the blankets and lay back down next to Russia. After a moment, he lifted his face to take a peek at his resting face.

 _Why did he do that for me?_ Latvia thought as he found himself edging closer to Russia with interest. _I saw the look in his eyes... He was willing to die back there. For me. No one would have blamed him if he stood on shore and did nothing, but he didn't do that._ _He's never risked his own safety for me before, even if he has been nice to me at times, this very different…_

The nervousness faded away as Latvia thought this. When the calm atmosphere remained, undisturbed, he wiggled in the last few centimetres so that he was pressed against his side. Latvia went on to think, _He cared about me more than himself, as though he was nothing and he wanted to exchange the misfortune. Take my death for me. The guilt that he must be feeling in his heart... it must be tremendous if he wanted to do all that.  
_

He found himself feeling so suddenly safe in his position against Russia's side. It was cozy and warm here, and he just could not summon up any fear this time that would make him shuffle away. Latvia ended up resting his face on Russia's blanketed arm and delicately putting a hand on his warm chest.

 _So many years ago he hurt me. But so many years ago he stopped, and he gave me that promise. It was hard to truly believe at that time, but now there is no doubt. He has changed himself, and the part of him that drove him to do those things to me is forever gone. I started figuring it out, all the guilt he is feeling. But now, after all this time, that guilt must have been tearing him apart. How can I possibly hate such a broken person? He has no one. He has changed, but he is still destroyed by his emotions. I... maybe I can do something for him._

 _Perhaps, it is possible for me to forgive him._

He closed his eyes peacefully and breathed in slowly, registering a nice scent from Russia that he had never noticed before. It made him feel so relaxed and rather sleepy. He felt as though he was practically melting beside him, and he could not stop himself from preceding to climb up and lie across Russia to embrace him carefully.

 _Nice… This feels really nice_ , he decided.

Latvia laid his head over Russia's heart and listened to it. There was something addicting in being so comfortably close to him, for even when Russia moved slightly, he did not jump away. Nonetheless he had ignored the risk, and Russia's eyes flickered open to meet Latvia's. Latvia's heart leapt in surprise when he was caught in that act and he went to move off him. Russia softened his gaze as he pulled his arms out from under the blankets to carefully place his hands on Latvia's back.

"Wait," Russia whispered. "Please, stay."

His hands too, were warm, and the feeling was so pleasant that Latvia calmed and stopped moving.

"R-Russia..."

Russia pet Latvia's downy hair with one hand before letting it trail down his face and drop off. Latvia was amazed by the calmness and clarity in Russia's eyes, and he found himself instantly forgetting his fear. All past caution and logic faded away, and Latvia placed his hands on Russia's shoulders and moved up closer to his face. His lips brushed against Russia's right cheek for a second, and then he pulled away, blushing and blinking rapidly as he was astonished by what he had just done.

"Oh- I-I- I'm sorry! I don't know what-"

"Latvia," Russia murmured. "Don't worry. It's alright."

However Latvia had shocked himself and he had nearly passed out. He snapped out of it as Russia rolled onto his side and brought Latvia with him, wrapping his arms around him and cuddling him gently. Latvia snuggled into the blanket trapped between him and Russia, feeling oddly fuzzy inside.

Russia rested his face in Latvia's hair, and his heart felt like it would burst from just the delicate feeling. Everything about the moment just seemed so perfect, and Russia wanted to hold him like this always, cozily and sharing their warmth. He wished that he could feel this way forever, knowing that for the first time in his life he had been forgiven, and that someone could trust him. Latvia could not see the single tear that ran down his face as Russia thought, _Someone actually cares about me._

"Russia," Latvia murmured.

"What is it, Latvia?" Russia whispered.

Latvia lifted his head so that they were face-to-face, and looking right into each other's eyes. Russia blinked and wondered if Latvia could see in the dim light how the held-back tears shimmered in his eyes.

"Why have you been nice to me? " Latvia asked. "I don't understand. Why do you care about me?"

"You are so innocent," Russia murmured, "and you have been so kind to me. Maybe you don't realize how much you have done for me. How you have changed how I am looking at life."

"O-Oh…"

"I don't know entirely what you have done to me," Russia said, "but I can't stop thinking about you. There is this strange emotion I feel near you, but I am not knowing what it is exactly. I just know that something makes me want to make you never feel any more pain ever again. You do not deserve it. I... I want to keep you safe."

Latvia felt completely lost for words as an awed fascination struck him. He wanted to come up with some kind of response, and he kept trying to ask something else, but then he was unable to keep any thoughts in his head. So in the end, he just blushed again and rested against Russia, slowed his breathing, and listened to the fire with him.

* * *

"What are we doing out here?" Lithuania asked when the door had closed behind them.

"We need to be doing something about Russia," Estonia said.

"And what are you exactly meaning?"

"We've been independent for years and he keeps coming back," Estonia pressed. "He is wanting us back for sure."

"Well, so far the Russian military isn't taking us back by force."

"Only because Russia isn't strong enough to do it right now!" Estonia argued. "He definitely wants to, but his economic problems and our new alliances are the only reasons we aren't in his basement right now."

"Yeah..." Lithuania sighed reluctantly. "I mean, it was only like, one year after I believe- when he was asking us if we want to join something called the Commonwealth of Independent States. It was him and his sisters' idea or something…."

Estonia spat out his words, "Practically everyone else joined it except us. He never really treated anyone else as badly as he did to us. But we're never going back. Ever."

Then Lithuania said, "I'm not sure if we would have to be living with him though."

"I don't care. I want nothing to do with him."

"So you would like him to be leaving your home now then?" Lithuania asked.

"To be honest, I never want to see his face around here again."

"But we can't make him leave right now," Lithuania said. "We owe him that at least after what he did."

"I know. I do not like him here, but I will at least let him stay until morning. And Latvia can stay here for as long as he wants," Estonia said. "But the fact that Russia came here randomly and without permission is bugging me a lot. He just showed up without a care at all, like he owns the place still."

"It's weird that he said he was wanting to see us," Lithuania admitted.

"Yeah. But of course there's no way I will believe him."

"So what will you tell him then?"

Estonia replied, "Well, I was wanting to ask you if we could continue our telling of him off like we were doing earlier."

"Oh- uh, sure."

They went back inside after Estonia was finally done taking out his anger with ranting. They came back to the fireplace and saw Latvia curled up under the blankets, but Russia was nowhere to be seen.

"Latvia, where's Russia?" Estonia asked.

"B-Bathroom."

Latvia sneezed before he calmly closed his eyes and settled down again. Lithuania saw Estonia narrow his eyes, obviously displeased at having Russia wander around his house unattended. Not because he was the type to steal, but because Estonia hated to have him get to know his place better.

"You should have made him wait until we came back," Estonia uttered.

"Oh- I didn't think about it," Latvia murmured. "Sorry."

"Honestly!" Estonia was exasperated.

"Sorry," Latvia mumbled with a low tone of dejection in his voice. "But I wouldn't have known how long you guys would be gone for because you never said where you were going."

"That's okay, Latvia," Lithuania cast a glance in Estonia's direction. "We were just talking anyway."

"About what?"

"I am wanting to know as well."

Russia, with his astounding ability of walking in at the wrong time, entered the room. While he was only in underwear, his presence made both Lithuania and Estonia fidget. None of them were used to seeing him without a heavy amount of clothes on him, and now they could see how much more powerfully built his frame was compared to theirs. Of course the coat made him look larger, but seeing the outlines of his muscles exposed like this made all previous confidence disappear.

 _He isn't looking all that weak, Estonia_... Lithuania thought.

"We were deciding when to have you leaving." Estonia forced himself to say this with a lifted chin.

"Oh," Russia muttered. "Why is it that you are wanting me to leave so soon?"

"Well it is because-"

"He can stay!" Latvia exclaimed, but then covered his mouth to excuse his sudden outburst. "I- I mean… couldn't he?"

"What? Why?" Estonia demanded. "Just because he helped you? He shouldn't have been here in the first place!"

"He hasn't done anything wrong," Latvia replied quietly.

Estonia huffed, "Which is why he can stay the night."

Latvia suddenly appeared saddened, and Lithuania noticed this and looked at him in confusion.

"Okay," Russia murmured and glanced over at Latvia as he spoke. He walked back over and slipped under the blankets, flashing his gaze at Latvia beside him before he closed his eyes and settled down.

"B-But, I did prepare some food," Lithuania said. "If you want some, you are welcome to it."

Russia reopened his eyes and rolled over. He nodded at him.

Latvia also piped up, "I... I am kind of still hungry..."

Lithuania nodded and he started to ask Estonia, "Could you help...?"

"Yeah."

They both departed to the kitchen to fetch the food and drinks for them. Russia peered over and saw how again, Latvia was looking at him. Russia sat upwards and inclined towards him, reaching out a hand and running it down the length of Latvia's right arm as he lay there. Latvia was surprised at how his heart fluttered at the touch, and that warm feeling burst to life again and spread out throughout him, overwhelming all his senses. He smiled nicely, and he slowly sat upwards as well to face Russia. However, he only sat there without an objective until Russia shifted closer to him and murmured down to him.

"Latvia. Can I... hold you? Just a little... Please, I won't hurt you."

Latvia did not reply, but he crawled over to his side. Russia turned and lightly wrapped his arms around him, and brought him in closer. When Estonia and Lithuania entered the room, they were shocked at what all had taken place in the few minutes they had been gone for. Russia's countenance was nothing but placidity as he glanced down and regarded the floor, yet they were frightened to see how Latvia was trapped in his hold, where easily and at any second, Russia could press in his hands and crush Latvia's ribs inwards and burst his organs. They regarded the bodies that were still entangled in blankets, and where parts of Russia's muscles could be seen; bare, solid obliques and toned arms around Latvia's thin, fragile body.

Lithuania and Estonia were too shocked to say anything at first, for they could not believe how much Latvia seemed to enjoy being held by him. Latvia rested his head comfortably against a blanket that crossed over Russia's chest as he hugged the softness tighter to him.

"U-Um, here is your food," Estonia swallowed.

Latvia seemed to wake up and he looked over at them sleepily.

He yawned, "Ah what? O... Oh."

When he noticed how they were staring, he remembered suddenly where exactly he was. He pulled away and Russia released him to shuffle back to his own spot on the floor. Russia turned his head to watch him, and Lithuania fearfully stepped in and exclaimed, "Here!" while he passed the bowl to Russia in order to divert his attention.

However, despite any further efforts they made, they could not break up the disturbing sights before them. Russia was quite unwilling to leave Latvia's side, and to their surprise- vice versa. Latvia shifted back over and laid against Russia as they enjoyed the borscht that they had been given. And afterwards, they could not persuade Latvia to separate from Russia. Latvia nestled into his side to fall asleep with him for the night, in order to provide him with the comfort that he had missed for the last twenty years.


	7. An Act of Trust

Russia left Estonia's house without resistance, which was exactly as Estonia had hoped it would turn out. As he left, Latvia said that he might as well be returning back to his place as well, but the other two Baltics had tried to make him stay so he could relax and recover. He declined, feeling guilty inside because he was allowed to stay while Russia was not.

 _They both hate him_ , Latvia thought while he finally flopped on his own bed. _And I guess I can understand why… but somehow I just can't feel the same way._

He wondered if he should think back to any memory in which Russia had hurt him. Over the years of painful repercussions, it was not hard to come up with many reasons as to why he should hate Russia. Being grabbed and crushed, hit, kicked, shoved, and- Latvia twitched at the thought, tortured.

 _I know he hasn't been treating Estonia or Lithuania like he has been to me, but he hasn't been doing anything mean to them either. He's so different now, after a process that has taken him years to complete. It started under the Soviet Era, when he bought us gifts and started to be gentle with me. He has no more desire to harm us, and he has increasingly kind and affec-  
_

Then he felt his heart freeze when another thought hit him.

 _But wait- could it be that he is being affectionate because he... loves me?_ _He let me… kiss him… but does he know what that can mean? Maybe he doesn't realize or care because he kisses people all the time when he greets them. Does he even understand how I felt while he was holding me?_ Latvia desperately clung to his pillow, searching for some kind of comfort. _I kissed him... although he hurt me before a long time ago, the way he looked at me was just... what was with his eyes? And when he touched me, I felt so safe and warm and I really like it. Why though? Could it be that over the years, after I started to sympathize and care about him, after what he did that day that I've_ _started_ _... to love him?_

Latvia snapped his eyes open.

 _But Russia? No, I can't just like... so wait… does this mean I'm… gay? And maybe Russia too? Russia?! Well, I guess I never imagined him liking anybody in this way in the first place, so I suppose I didn't expect him to be going after a lady either. But does he know or care? Our people aren't so pleased about these things. Pride parades just get torn apart all the time, and the laws are harsh… This is bad then? Is this wrong?_

After having had such a long day of traveling and stressing, he was starting to feel extremely tired. Latvia tried clearing his mind and falling asleep. However, he shivered and felt too cold, so eventually he could not take it anymore and he grabbed at more blankets then threw them over himself. However he grew too hot so he kicked them off when he had started to sweat. He snatched the pillow again and hugged it while curling into a ball and keeping just a thin blanket draped over himself. It still did not help. No matter what, he just felt so uncomfortable.

 _I want Russia here_ , the honest thought appeared before he could question or suppress it. _Don't think that_. But he did, because it was only the thought of being comforted that allowed him to fall asleep when he felt so alone with his problems.

* * *

There was no way Latvia could know that at the same time he was going to bed, Russia was as well sorting out his own confusions. He understood that he was feeling sad, and he knew immediately that it was because he had to go home and leave Latvia behind. Not that he was in any danger, but Russia just could not help but want to be close to him again.

 _Maybe we can see each other again?_

Russia was afraid that he would not be able to. After all, even he could tell now that Estonia and Lithuania did not want him around. They had been so commanding when they first interacted at the frozen lake, instantly informing him of their independence and the power they now had because of it. Then again, at the house, they had repeated the process.

 _Do they still hate me then_? He assumed so. They had been so pushy and Russia guessed that they must not have been afraid if they had not been trembling. _But so many years have passed..._

Yet he felt happy that Latvia did not hate him. When Latvia had appeared calm, even though he was beside the one who had hurt him before, it made his heart feel as though it was not being stabbed anymore.

When Russia climbed into his bed, he pulled a clump of blankets towards himself just so he could hold something. He knew that it was because he missed Latvia, for he really wished that he could be there with him so he could just hold him again.

* * *

"Do you want to come shopping with me here?"

There had not been any delay for introductions on the phone. Russia had picked it up and the question had been the first thing out of Latvia's mouth. Russia gulped down a gasp that had almost broken free. It had been three months since that day he had pulled Latvia from the ice; three months of being alone and longing for the intimacy that he had been given so long ago.

Every night he had thought about that gentle kiss on his cheek, the hug, and how he had gotten to sleep with Latvia alongside him. He had ached so much inside until eventually everything plunged into a spiral of hopelessness. He had truly believed that perhaps he had been wrong, and that Latvia did not care about him and was only thankful that he had been saved. Latvia had never contacted him, so he had assumed that it was because he did not want to see him. Russia was unaware that the real reason had been that Latvia was trying to dismiss his confusing feelings that proved to be impossible to remove after all that time.

Russia's heart picked up in joyful excitement. He closed his eyes and smiled as he sang, "That sounds fun!"

"O-Okay," Latvia could not help but blush a little after he realized how abrupt he had been on the phone. "Meet me at my place then at..."

Now what he had not done was tell Russia that he had also invited Estonia and Lithuania. Nor vise versa. He knew that someone at least, would have refused because of the presence of another. He had planned to invite the other two Baltics to come earlier, so they could stay and get comfortable instead of being able to leave right away at the sight of Russia before he could stop them. So when they both arrived at around the same time, he gave them food and drink in order to occupy them while he secretly waited.

 _Russia is really trying to be nice now, I just know he is,_ Latvia thought. _If everyone is together, then maybe they'll figure it out too and also want to help him learn.  
_

Russia arrived on time, which was about twenty minutes after the others had arrived. The other two Baltics had looked confused when they heard knocking at the door, which Latvia immediately excused himself to go answer.

"Hello," Latvia greeted him sweetly.

Russia swayed with a smile on his face and with his hands behind his back. He chirped back, "Hello!"

The next thing Latvia realized was that Russia had put something into his hands. Latvia looked down at a small pot that contained a feston rose in bloom; one that held multiple blossoms of fiery, gorgeous sun colours. Latvia gasped quietly and he then delicately took the little note attached between his fingertips. In neat writing, it said: _Thank you._

Latvia smiled down and he murmured, "It was kind of you to give me this flower, Russia. It is a really nice present."

"You like it?" Russia's face light up. "Ah, that makes me feel the happiness!"

Latvia carefully thumbed the silkiness of a leaf as he said, "But you didn't have to, though."

"Hmm, but I really wanted to! I am very, very happy that you wanted me to come over!"

When Latvia heard footsteps approaching, he clung the pot fearfully to his stomach.

Estonia looked over coolly from the cup he had brought over and said, "You never did mention that _Russia_ was coming here."

Russia smiled back at him, "Well, I am thinking it is actually nice surprise to see everyone here."

"Um, well…" Latvia turned his head to them and started to explain, "I thought he never went shopping and walking around places in a group before, and I thought it was a nice idea, actually."

Lithuania looked quite concerned and Estonia glared irritably. Latvia immediately felt upset that they would express their emotions so freely, even if he understood every reason as to why they did not like Russia. _He's not doing anything bad right now, so they should at least try not to be so rude_.

"So, where will we be going?" Russia carried on, regardless of the looks he was receiving.

"Just downtown. There are some cool antique shops that you guys might want to see," Latvia replied.

"Ah, I am interested to be seeing them!" Russia nodded enthusiastically.

"Then we can go now, yes?" Latvia said, and he looked back again at the other two. "How about you guys get your things and we leave now?"

They hesitantly left to collect the money from their bags. Latvia quickly took the flower pot away and placed it in his room before he hurried back and met everybody at the door. Russia had stayed on his porch the entire time, and Latvia felt a little bad that he had not invited him in to make him feel comfortable.

 _He didn't want to feel like he was intruding. But... it was kind of polite of him to consider something like that._

Before they departed, Lithuania and Estonia had previously imagined that Russia would have been awkwardly and creepily trailing behind them while they walked. However, they found themselves completely wrong, for Russia seemed intent on walking beside Latvia the entire time. Uncomfortable with Russia being right up with them, it was the two of them who stayed a bit behind, but not so far behind that it would attract Latvia's attention.

Latvia led them into the shops he had mentioned. At least this occupied them all, and each could find something of interest within the store. Estonia and Lithuania also felt that it was by far nowhere near as weird as it would have been to go shopping for something like clothes, with Russia. Lithuania ended up buying something after being unable to walk away from it, Estonia wandered, and Russia picked up many items to observe them with genuine interest, making Latvia feel contented to see that Russia was finding some kind of beauty in things around him.

Latvia told him while he hovered by his side, "If you want something, you can tell me and I'll buy it for you."

Russia turned and blinked at him before he smiled softly and said, "That is very nice thing of you to offer."

Russia did not request anything, but the kindness given to him raised his mood. He hummed something as he went off and explored the rest of the store, and as Latvia followed closely, he listened to it and found some comfort in the tune.

The next thing they all did was visit a large bookstore, and here they split off to find their own interests in the languages offered that they could understand. It was because most of the books where in Latvian, Latvia just wandered off and soon found himself planted in the romance section. He had recently finished all of the books of this genre that he owned, so he was now out hunting for some new ones today. After about twenty minutes of flipping through different ones while kneeling on the floor, he heard heavy footsteps approach him from down the aisle.

"So what books did you go look at, Russia?" Latvia asked, knowing it was him without looking up.

Russia replied, "Nothing really in particular. I don't really do any of the reading all that much, so I can't say that I know what I like. But you like the romance novels, do you not?"

"Er, yeah," Latvia said. "I'm always reading them whenever I have some free time."

Latvia felt a gloved hand brush his hair, and he jolted a little before he realized what was happening. Then, he felt a warm pink growing on his face, but he hid it into the book he was holding so Russia would not see it.

"Will you be getting more today?" Russia asked as he withdrew his hand slowly and almost hesitantly, as though he had not truly wanted to stop but had made himself anyway.

"Oh yes, and I really think these two will be good." Latvia hopped up and collected the books he had set aside.

When they all went back outside, they noticed that some clouds had rolled in while they had been inside the store. Now the sun was completely hidden behind a thick grey ceiling, and the heavy smell of rain was in the air.

"We should go back to my place now," Latvia said while glancing upwards. "I think the rain will be coming very soon."

Everyone nodded in agreement and they then headed back the same long way they had come. Unfortunately, despite how fast they had tried to walk, the rain began sprinkling down steadily until it grew heavier and began pouring until they were completely caught in the downfall. The sound of the water crashing to the ground in torrents was deafening and what struck them in the face splashed into their eyes and made it hard to see. Estonia called out about how unlucky they were to get caught in the bad weather, and Latvia then tried to apologize but Lithuania only cut him off.

"It came out of nowhere!" he shouted out over the noise of the rain. "You couldn't have known!"

Most people had retreated into shops while they waited for the flash storm to pass, but the four of them did not really mind it so much so they just carried on walking down the sidewalk.

Latvia hopped over a puddle and landed onto the pedestrian crosswalk. As he padded on ahead, he glanced and watched everyone else take large steps over the puddle and follow after him. Then, over the sound of the rain he heard a powerful roar and a ear-grating screeching sound. Latvia squeaked when he was snatched by the arm and yanked strongly backwards. A huge blast of wind with the stench of petrol buffeted against him, warm and dense.

He was pressed against Russia's coat, held desperately tight there.

Lithuania yelled, "License plate!"

"I got it," Estonia gasped.

The van was long gone, after it had sped dangerously around the corner with a dreadful skidding noise and headed away. Estonia had pulled out his phone and was already reporting the recklessly driving vehicle to the police, and Lithuania came over to check on Latvia, who was quivering from the cold and the shock.

Russia let him go but Latvia did not move from his spot close to him. Lithuania faced him and sighed with relief when he was sure that Latvia was completely unscathed.

"That was too close," Lithuania said, then sheepishly looked to Russia. "Ah...Thank you."

Russia only replied, "There is no need to be thanking me."

The rain soon thinned out a bit, but they were all still getting drenched to the bone and becoming increasingly colder. They hurried back to Latvia's place, decidedly trusting the police to deal with the problem without them. Once inside, Russia took off his heavy coat and hung it up. Fortunately for him, his clothes underneath were quite dry. Everyone else however, was drenched. Latvia started up a fire in the fireplace for Estonia and Lithuania to sit and get dry by before he left to go to change in his room into some dry clothes while Russia hung by the others.

Here by the fire, Estonia was looking back at Russia with a glare, although Russia was only sitting in a plush chair with a hand cupping his cheek while absentmindedly regarding the wall. After about half a minute, in which Lithuania was looking at Estonia questioningly, Estonia cleared his throat and finally broke the silence with a tense utter.

"What are you planning, Russia?"

Russia drifted his eyes over to Estonia, who was sitting rigidly with his back to the fire and was now looking at him.

"Hmm?" Russia dropped the hand on his face to rest it over the end of the chair's arm.

"What are you trying to gain by helping him today? And last time?" Estonia narrowed his eyes. "Actually, you don't need to answer. I already know why."

"I have no idea what you are meaning," Russia said. "I am not trying to gain anything."

"Yeah. Like anyone here is going to believe that," Estonia replied evenly. "So you should stop trying."

Russia furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "Trying what?"

Lithuania now faced Russia as well, but he only quietly listened and let Estonia talk for now.

"To be getting him to come back," Estonia scoffed. "We know you are trying to win him over so you can get control of his land again. But we won't let it happen, you know."

"None of that is true." Russia looked into Estonia's eyes. "I'm just keeping him safe is all."

"So he will be thinking that you are nice now, somehow?"

"No. I'm telling you that it is not why I am doing it. I am actually wanting to be kind to him, you are understanding this?"

Estonia retorted, "You don't care about him, so don't be acting as though you do."

"But I do."

"No. You don't," Estonia uttered. "You've hurt him before, and you'll hurt him again. You're insane and no one is safe around you."

Russia felt a bitter dislike grow within him for Estonia at that moment. There was that vexing, confident tone again, and now it was continuously accusing of him things he truly felt against. He really wanted him to stop talking, but there was a rebellious spark in Estonia's eyes, and Lithuania was looking sincerely supportive at his side, ready to join in if this continued on. He therefore knew that there was no chance of them stopping on their own.

 _So how do I make them_ _stop?_ he wondered.

Estonia and Lithuania watched as Russia's face suddenly was wiped of any emotion. Latvia walked in at that moment, and paused when he noticed something suspicious going on between the three of them. When Russia stood up abruptly, it surprised everyone in the room.

Russia muttered, "I need to do something."

He promptly left the room and he was out of their sight as he walked back towards the front door where his coat was hanging. He gripped it in one hand, and he debated on whether it would be better if he just left while he was feeling upset like this.

 _I can't be scaring Latvia again_ , Russia thought. _I can't… use those methods here._

He opened up his coat to go through the large inner pockets. He sighed in relief when he found what he was hoping he had brought with him for times like these.

 _One should be enough._

Then he thought about taking just a sip of vodka too, but decided against it. He took a few deep and long breaths to collect himself, and then he headed back to the others.

"Well, I guess I can make some food and you can stay or go home- whatever you want," Latvia said to them all.

Russia entered the room with a smile on his face as he said, "I would like to stay."

Lithuania glanced at Estonia, then spoke for them both.

"We'll be staying as well."

After Latvia had prepared some quick and filling food for them and everyone had eaten together in an odd silence at the table, it had become fairly late. In fact, by the time they were done eating, they were ready to settle down and get ready for bed.

"I'm really sorry, but I only have two guest rooms," Latvia said sheepishly. "But the beds are kind of big, so I guess you two can share?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Lithuania replied.

"Okay, I'll show you. Also, if you want to brush your teeth or something, I have extra things so go ahead! R-Really, because I know this unexpected and you couldn't prepare…"

Estonia said, "Yes. Thank you, Latvia."

Latvia first showed Russia to his room, and then Lithuania and Estonia to theirs. After that, he headed off to his own bedroom and bathroom to shower and brush his own teeth. Russia had been the first to take up Latvia's offer, then soon had returned to his room. However, during the time in the bathroom and the time he spent now in his bedroom, he could only think about what Estonia had said earlier about him inevitably hurting Latvia again.

 _I'm being really_ _careful_ , he thought. _I don't think I'll hurt him ever again because I really don't want to. And I really want Latvia to know that too... I told him that I would never hurt him. I promised it. Does Latvia believe me? Maybe I need to prove it to him_...

After ten minutes of formulating an idea in his mind, he snuck from his room and found Latvia's. The door was open, but he knocked lightly on the wood to announce his presence instead of just entering. Latvia, who had begun reading the moment he was fresh out of the shower, put down the new book and greeted Russia at the doorway.

"Hi," Latvia said while clutching a hand onto the doorframe. "Is something wrong?"

"No. I was just wanting to see you."

"Er- okay, you can come in."

Latvia moved over to sit on the edge of the bed as Russia walked in.

"You really scared me today," Russia commented as he sat down beside him. "I didn't think I was going to be fast enough to pull you away."

"Uh, yeah… I'm sorry. I haven't really been lucky lately, have I?" Latvia chuckled nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Please be more careful," Russia said, with a voice suddenly becoming quieter and gentler. "I really do not want you to get hurt. It would make me very sad."

"Would it?"

"Of course," he nodded. "I just... I want to protect you. I care so much, but no one wants to believe me when I say this. But you do, don't you? Please be trusting me. Nobody is else is doing that, so I was hoping that you would."

"Y-Yes, okay," Latvia said. "I mean, I know you are trying, so I can do that."

"But I am not just wanting you to say that. I want that you really mean it and for you to stop being afraid of me," Russia stressed. "Because maybe you don't fully yet..."

Russia clasped a hand on Latvia's shoulder, who stiffened automatically when touched without warning.

He continued, "And I am not understanding why you still do this when you seemed to have liked being close to me before. I wonder if it is because you need to be really tired, or if you have to decide, or if you aren't completely trusting me although you said you would be."

"I-I'm sorry. It's just, uh…" Latvia was afraid to admit that perhaps he was still influenced by habitual fear, and that perhaps everything he had said was actually true. _Although I'm surprised he has been thinking so much about this that he would be able to come up with those conclusions._

Russia said, "Okay. I have an idea that will make you trust me, but you aren't going to be liking it at first. Which I think will make this work better."

"A- And what is your idea?"

"I cannot tell you, but all you have to do is listen to me, okay?"

"Yeah…" Latvia murmured.

"Good. Now, I want you to look away from me and face the wall."

"Th-the wall?" Latvia practically squeaked. _Did he say those exact words purposely?_

Russia nodded. Latvia's fear spiked, but despite that he turned and sat cross-legged on the bed.

"You do not necessarily have to do this, but I think it might be easier this way," Russia said from behind him. "Take off your shirt."

Latvia trembled. _No, not this again! Oh god, no…_

"I-I'm sorry," Latvia whispered. "I can't…"

"If you really want to trust me, then you will surely trust me after if you do this."

"I want to, I swear that I want to trust you, Russia… but I just can't do that..."

 _Why is he bringing back those memories? Why does he want to reenact the time when he... hurt me..?_

"Please, Latvia…" he whispered, and Latvia's attention perked at the tone of sadness now infecting his voice.

Latvia felt dizzy from the fear, but he ended up pulling off his shirt and dropping it off the side of the bed. Now, he stared at the wall with his exposed back to Russia. Waiting, certain that he had just wandered into a trap and that something was now going to strike his exposed flesh. He waited for a knife, the faucet… he waited for pain. When Russia put his hands on his shoulders, a few tears escaped because he did not know what had occurred at first.

He started shaking uncontrollably. Russia put his hands on Latvia's face and confirmed that he was crying when he felt the wetness of the tears hot on his cheeks. He brushed them away, and then lowered his arms so that he was now hugging Latvia. Russia rested his chin on his shoulder and pressed the side of his face lightly against his.

"You're okay," he whispered. "I won't hurt you, Latvia... I promised. Do you remember? I'll never hurt you again."

Latvia closed his eyes as Russia withdrew. He felt the hands place themselves back on his shoulders, and then he felt fingers digging pleasantly deep into his muscles as they started to massage them. He inhaled a choppy breath, but was able to exhale slowly and release all stress that was within him. He relaxed under Russia's hands, who smiled in relief and moved up to his neck.

Now that Latvia's heart rate had gone back down, he felt a pleasant warmth creeping over him. There was something in just how Russia's hands felt that made delightful chills run down his spine. They were warm and callused, powerful but also gentle, and so the feeling made him just submit to utter relaxation and forget fear.

Russia had him lie down on his stomach so that he could easily massage his lower back. Latvia sighed and smiled, absolutely content at getting this kind of treatment when no one had ever really done this to him before. It was an equally good feeling to just lie back and let someone take care of him instead of worrying for himself all the time. He thought, _I really am trusting him completely right now… just letting him do whatever he wants to me and just believing that he won't hurt me. He could still turn on me at any moment, but somehow I don't feel like worrying about it._ _Like there's no point in doing that._

Meanwhile, Russia was incredibly delighted that it had worked out this way, that Latvia was trusting him to keep him safe while he rested. _After letting me do this, I hope he won't be so scared every time I touch him from now on_.

He revisited his shoulders and neck muscles, and Latvia continued to be limply flopped and happily helpless. Russia stroked over his scars, his eyes downcast as his fingers grazed over the white bumps. He murmured, "I don't know how to fix this."

Latvia flickered open his eyes and breathed, "What do you mean?"

"Latvia," Russia sighed. "A long time ago I made a mistake... it was a very big mistake. I don't know how to tell you, but do you know that at that time I was not knowing what I was doing?"

"I know," he whispered. "But you've changed."

Russia said, "But I mean... I couldn't stop myself. It wasn't me who was doing that... it was..."

Latvia lay there, unsure of what to say to him. For a moment the massage stopped, as hands glided over his shoulders and the warmth of Russia's chest momentarily crossed over his back as Russia's face came close to his ear.

"Latvia... I am very sorry. Even back then I never wanted to hurt you like that. How do I apologize for my mistake?"

"Your guilt is enough," Latvia whispered. "I promise. I could only hate you if you felt nothing, but you feel a lot more now, don't you?"

"I do," he murmured as he pulled back and continued digging his fingers back into Latvia's muscles. "I always feel so much pain in my heart when I think about how I treated you, and everyone else too."

He pressed deep behind his shoulder blades before he breezed away his hands and gave out a final sigh. He bent to the side to retrieve Latvia's shirt from off the floor and give it to him. He dipped his head after Latvia took it from him. While his gaze was lowered, Russia said quietly with only the utmost sincerity, "Thank you for letting me do that."

He slid off the bed without looking back at him. Russia started towards the door but when a hand grasped his, he stopped.

"Wait," Latvia said, "You don't have to leave, you can stay- if you want to, I mean."

Russia blinked, but then a small smile broke over his face and he looked back at Latvia. He returned to his spot at the edge of the bed, but Latvia crawled into the middle of the mattress and was now beckoning him over to come sit beside him. Russia shifted over closer to him, but he was not sure what would be too close and would frighten the other, so he still stayed far from him.

Russia merely looked at him tranquilly, but said nothing. Latvia swallowed, then said hesitantly, "So... the flower you gave me really is pretty."

"Mmm, thank you. But you already said this, did you not already?"

"I know, it's just..." he flashed his eyes away from Russia's gaze and regarded the flower pot on the dresser. "I was wondering if you meant anything else by the present."

"Anything else? What do you mean?"

"Why do you care about me?" Latvia blurted out. His spine snapped straight and his gaze bored into a crease in the blankets. "I'm not special. I am a small country that the world wouldn't care so much about if I just disappeared."

"What?" Russia shifted a little nearer to him and lowered his head. "I do not agree. You are very special. Why do you feel like no one would care if you disappeared?"

Latvia hesitated. Russia felt a prick and he murmured, "Was it me? Did I make you feel this way?"

Latvia looked back up at him, and it was enough for Russia. This wordless confirmation made tears prick his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Russia said again. "I never wanted you to feel like property. I did not know what I did would hurt you this much."

"I know you didn't know," Latvia whispered.

"But you aren't an object," Russia continued. "I know you are a person. A very smart and nice person. I still think that you deserve to live more than I do, so please don't be disappearing or dying."

Russia was surprised when Latvia's head fell against his arm. Latvia scooched in closer, leaned against him, and replied, "You deserve to live too you know. You've tried so hard."

His arm slipped around Latvia, and his heart jolted with lovely tingles as Latvia responded by snuggling into him.

Russia asked worriedly, "Are you feeling tired right now?"

"Not really," Latvia replied.

 _So he is doing this all because he is really choosing to?_ Russia was ecstatic, and he brought around his other arm and clasped onto his own wrist. They stayed like this for a minute, while the entire time Russia could only question reality if what was happening was true. He hesitantly leaned his face down and set it into Latvia's hair, and when this wonderful moment remained uninterrupted, he closed his eyes and just enjoyed the fluffy touch of his hair, which smelled refreshingly like shampoo.

Latvia found one of the ends of Russia's scarf and he rubbed its softness between his fingers.

"Russia," he said. "This..."

His face felt pleasantly warm.

"This feels nice."

Russia murmured to him, "I like it too."

Latvia considered these words for a bit. After another minute, Russia felt surprised and concerned when Latvia moved to leave his grasp. He immediately allowed Latvia to break out of his arms, but he felt a strong ache from the apparent rejection. However, Latvia only shifted around him so that they were now facing each other. He reached up carefully, leaning over Russia's crossed legs and wrapping his arms around his neck. Tenderness filled Russia for this appreciated closeness.

"I-Is it okay if… can I..?" Latvia blushed, facing Russia's chest.

Russia nosed his hair and let out an inquisitive, "Hmm?"

Latvia rose up on his knees so that he was now face-to-face with Russia. He leaned in and softly placed his lips against his. His heart pounded, and when he pulled away slowly, he stared at Russia timidly, unsure of what would happen. He only received a kind gaze in response and he felt Russia's hands place themselves on his lower back. It was enough of an invitation.

The second kiss was longer, and so simplistically gentle and warm and not demanding of anything. Latvia felt the cotton of the scarf under his arms, and heard only the sound of his own heart beating in his ears. Russia as well, felt his heart pick up just a smidge as the warmth heated it, for only joy could flood through him from having Latvia so close to him. The kiss was such an act of intimacy, something that no one had ever demonstrated to him before. Delight overwhelmed him for he knew that Latvia did truly care about him, and that he was willing to share such a wonderful piece of happiness with him.

So caught up were they in that moment, that they were unable to hear the sound of footsteps coming up to the room. A hesitant voice absolutely drowned in a tone of profound shock cracked out, "L-Latvia?"

Latvia withdrew slowly and turned his head towards the doorway. He still had his arms hooked behind Russia's neck, and Russia's hands were still on his back. He was deeply confused, but then realization hit him so suddenly that he snapped away from Russia.

"L-Lithuania?" he gasped.

"What on Earth are you doing?" Lithuania cried out. "What... Why? Oh no..."

Lithuania dashed away. Latvia sprang off the bed to his feet.

"No, wait! Let me explain-"

But he was already long gone. Lithuania tore down the hall and as his pounding footsteps came near, Estonia popped his head out of the bedroom to see what the commotion was all about.

"What's going on?" Estonia asked as Lithuania hurried over to him.

"Estonia!" he gasped. "You're not going to be believing this, but I just saw Latvia and Russia- and they, they were… well, they were kissing!"

"What the hell?" Estonia exclaimed. "No, no way. How could he do that to him?"

"But it was Latvia who was doing it! He was doing it all on his own!"

"Hell, no!" Estonia growled. "Russia's been tricking him into this, but this is just too far. We have to do something!"

At the same time, Latvia was scrambling around his room.

"Oh no, oh no," Latvia moaned. "What do we do? I don't know what to tell them, I don't know-"

"I am not understanding the problem," Russia said. Latvia looked at him with wide eyes.

He exclaimed, "They won't like it, don't you see? They don't understand that you've been changing and trying, and they aren't going to listen to me…"

Russia seemed genuinely confused and hurt.

"So we weren't supposed to be doing all that?" His eyes shimmered. "But..."

"Yes… no!" Latvia cried. "Well, they think yes, but I think it's alright but…"

"I think that you are becoming stressed, so maybe this will help?" Russia got up and he locked the door. It was great timing, because only a few seconds later there was angry banging against the door that made Latvia jump.

"Latvia!" Estonia yelled. "Open the door, right now!

"N-No," Latvia responded. "Not when you're angry like this..."

"So you think you are better off locked in a room with Russia instead of talking with us?" Lithuania exclaimed. "Latvia, you know what he's done to us and others! He is a dangerous person and you don't know what he's thinking!"

"Of course I know what he's done- but he's changed! I know you guys really don't want to believe that, but it really is true!"

"He is insane. I don't think it works that way," Lithuania said, more calmly now, in order to try and get him to understand. "He couldn't just change on his own even if he wanted to all of a sudden."

"But I don't think he was born this way. He isn't a psychopath; it's just that he has bad morals. But he knows now, and he's been trying to change for many years," Latvia was quick to reply. "S-So don't you want to support him also?"

"If he is trying to change, there is no need for you to get involved," Lithuania stated. "Don't feel like you have to be doing this."

"No, he's not dangerous-"

"Please, Latvia." Estonia placed his forehead against the door. "It's too suspicious and we don't want you risking your life. Come out of there."

Lithuania added, "It's unsettling that you are swinging that way, but we wouldn't interfere if it was anyone else. You just definitely can't be with Russia."

Russia, who was sitting on the side of the bed, felt a pang of pain within him instead of any kind of anger. It was that feeling of guilt, because he realized that the situation that was occurring was his fault. But he was also worried. Very worried that they were right and that Latvia would agree with them. Heart thudding, he slid over to Latvia, who was sitting at the end of the bed, and he wrapped his arms around him. This time, the sudden touch did not frighten him. Latvia could feel the emotion in it, and it felt like a plea to him. He leaned backwards against him and rested a cheek against his chest. He wanted Russia to know that he was still on his side, believing him and not letting himself be swayed by what he was listening to on the other side of the door.

"But what if I want to be with him? Could you trust me, even if you don't trust him?"

"Latvia, we trust you a lot, and you are knowing that," Lithuania replied. "But we all know that in the past you were not so good at being around him. You were too good at offending him and saying the wrong things."

Russia looked down at him, and Latvia only stared at the door with glimmering eyes. Russia realized how stressed this was making him, but he was having trouble figuring out what to say to help, or if it was actually just better to remain silent. Now however, Latvia did not know what to say, so there was a long and tense silence.

"Come out here," Lithuania finally said. "Actually, it's your room, so make Russia come out."

 _Make him?_ Latvia thought. _Well, he might listen to me now, but it's not like he has to just because you want him to_.

"N-No, he can stay with me," Latvia spoke quietly at first, then managed to summon up more courage. "And then one of you guys can have the other guest room!"

"What? We're not letting you sleep with him!" Estonia hollered, pounding a fist against the wood.

Latvia jumped in surprise at the aggression.

"Why are they so angry...?" Latvia murmured. Well he knew why, but he just wished they would understand or at least leave them alone.

"I'm sorry," Russia whispered to him. "They are mad because of me, da? I can go."

Russia released him and went to move away, but Latvia tackled him around the middle and made them both fall backwards onto the bed. Russia was lying with Latvia practically pinning him down, or trying to- but Russia did not move as he listened to what Latvia had to say.

"I don't care what they say!" Latvia exclaimed loudly enough for those outside the door to hear. "This isn't really anything th-they are apart of!"

Latvia flopped over Russia, and waited for a response from outside. There was more silence, before Estonia muttered something, and the sound of retreating footsteps was heard. Latvia sat up and dabbed away the tears that had been budding in his eyes, but his heart felt heavy and low now. _I wonder if they hate me.._.

"I guess we should be going to sleep now," he said quietly to Russia. _Was this the right choice? I don't agree with them, but was it worth all this trouble?_

"Okay. And, I hope you aren't minding this…" Russia said as he began to pull off his own shirt. "But I don't have other clothes to change into..."

"I-It's fine," Latvia said, but he could not help but feel a tad apprehensive.

He got up to turn off the light, and when the room went dark, he heard the metallic clink of Russia's belt. He jolted, hesitantly turning around. There was still enough light in the room to see the silhouettes of things, and he saw the blankets rising as Russia slid under them. Latvia padded over, unsure, as Russia created an opening for him to crawl into. He slipped in slowly, looking at the dark eyes staring back up at him as he came close. He glided into the bed and tensed as the covers and an arm were thrown over him. He quickly peeked, and was no longer so frightened when he saw that Russia had kept on his underwear. It was however, still unnerving when he was hugged and felt the bare skin of Russia's torso.

As he was encouraged to lie close, he soon found a pillow had been set between their lower bodies, giving Latvia the space he needed from Russia to feel comfortable. He was surprised that Russia had considered his feelings, and Russia confirmed that he was consciously trying to calm him when he caressed the back of his skull with soft fingers. Latvia's heart slowed and he nestled into Russia. The longer he cuddled with him, the more the apprehension ebbed away and the more he discovered that comfort came when he simply just let himself trust that he was safe.

 _I wanted to be with him_ , he reminded himself. _He is here now. And there is no denying that I feel, truly, that I can be happy like this._

They both soon fell into a deep sleep.


	8. Midnight Confessions

**Just so people understand, I want to point out that I reference things I saw in ORESAMA NO BLOG (Prussia's five page blog made by Hidekaz Himaruya). I recommend that people read it. It is short and entertaining, and it can be found as easily by typing it in a search engine. I used the exact words from the translated version.  
**

* * *

When Russia went back to his place, it was a long time before Latvia saw him again.

Latvia felt too worried to invite Russia over to his house alone. People in the streets who recognized the Baltics never cared when Estonia or Lithuania came over because it was such a common event. However, if it was someone like Russia, Germany, or Sweden, the public would think some serious business was going on and they would get worried or interested. People talking was the worst fear he had and he just desperately hoped that Estonia and Lithuania had not already blabbed about the subject to other people already.

 _But even if they say nothing, no matter how many times I decide to meet up with Russia, I would always feel bad because I know they would hate me for it,_ Latvia thought gloomily. His heart felt wrenched by the possibility that he had lost his friends over all of this. _Why did Lithuania come to my room anyway? I guess it's too late to find out now. If only I had closed that door in the first place! But how long could it have been kept a secret? Or would it be better if everybody knew so I could see him whenever I wanted to?_

He shook his head. _We would only get harassed by the other countries, by our own government, and people. There's no way this can work out, so I have to stop._

He had then tried to acquire a hobby when it became too hard to focus on reading without his thoughts drifting off and distracting him. He started working out on his own, jogging around and doing push-ups and sit-ups on a yoga mat at home. It was incredibly boring to exercise alone, but it passed the time and he could find satisfaction when his endurance improved gradually.

By doing this he was able to stay away from Russia for another two months, but the time that passed was quite lonely and depressing, for he had made hardly any friendly contact with anyone. Some people called him, but only Sealand actually wanted to talk to him about something other than business, and then Latvia never called anybody in return.

He also had started taking long walks in order to change his surroundings and force himself to be around people. That day, he went downtown, to that area where he had gone shopping with the Baltics and Russia before, and it was there that he heard someone call his name.

"Hey, Latvia!"

Latvia immediately recognized the distinctive voice. Prussia ran up to him eagerly and stopped just in front of him. Latvia was startled and he stopped in his tracks.

 _Why is he here?_ he thought in bewilderment.

"U-Uh, hello Mr. Prussia," Latvia stammered. "What are you d-doing here?"

"I want to take a picture of you," he grinned.

"Huh?" The demand was so random that it surprised Latvia further. "W-Why?"

"It's for my awesome blog!" Prussia replied. "I need to touch your hair and post about it!"

 _What?_ Latvia thought, but then he caught sight of the small yellow bird perched on Prussia's head and he remembered that it seemed to always be around Prussia. _Well, maybe he pets it and it's just something he likes doing?_

"My h-hair?" Latvia repeated.

"I was asked to do it." Prussia smirked again.

 _Asked? Who would ask him to do something like this? Russia? No that doesn't make any sense; they hate each other. Probably Sealand, fooling around again. But should I let him do it? I hardly know him and he's so bold and rough that I feel like I'll just get knocked down by accident..._

"U-Um…" he was unable to respond. After the weeks and weeks of monotone routine, he just did not know how to handle something so sudden like this.

Prussia exclaimed, "Alright, I'm going to do it!"

Latvia, who had not truly agreed to it but was now too timid to protest, shrunk up nervously. Prussia patted his hair with his right hand while his left hand snapped the shot. His fingers did not run through his hair like he had thought they would have, so it was a completely different feeling than when Russia had done it. It did not feel so bad either, because Prussia had been more careful than what Latvia would have expected from someone with a personality like his.

"Ha! Soft like a little bird," Prussia commented when he was finished. "Check it out tonight!"

Prussia bounded away laughing, and the bird hopped off and followed enthusiastically by flapping behind him.

Latvia could only blink in confusion after them.

* * *

Yet he was quite interested to see what had been posted about him. He was not used to people talking about him or doing these kinds of things because he was not exactly popular with the other countries. He was known of; people had seen him around at meetings. However, all of the Baltics' homes were small in land size and quiet in personality, so only people who had history with them really knew or cared about their existence.

Latvia had looked at Prussia's blog a while ago, but he did not follow it or chat with people in the comments, mostly because he was too nervous to participate. He did not often go on the computer anyway since he preferred reading so much more.

There it was: the most recent post. The title of the post was simply: _I patted it_. Then there was the picture of Latvia, clearly nervous and with Prussia's hand on his head. The description ambiguously said: _I've been told to pat him, so I did!_ And then: _I like how he feels good to touch._

Latvia thought, _I really should have asked who told him to do it, because now I want to know._

He then wondered if he should comment to this. He felt like he had the right to, especially if he was a part of the post. But then again, he had no confidence in his response. He could not help but think, _What would Lithuania and Estonia think?_ although he hated that he kept asking himself that question for everything.

 _But I wonder who will comment, and what they will say_ , he continued to think.

He closed his laptop for now and decided he would check in the morning to see if anyone had said anything. Maybe if he waited, he would find out who had asked Prussia to do it.

In the morning at breakfast however, he was absolutely surprised when he saw the comment section. There were only two comments, and one was from Russia.

Latvia dropped everything and rushed forward to read it. _Cute!_ was the title of his comment. And then, he had written: _Very cute! Let me touch next time!_

Prussia had responded to it, telling him to get lost. But Russia's comment remained, undeleted, and Latvia stared at it.

 _He's not mad that I haven't been talking to him?_ Latvia thought. _Is he trying to hint that he wants to see me again?_

He reread Russia's comment about him. No one else would probably think anything of it, but he felt a warmth and excitement from it. He sat in front of the laptop staring at the words while a blush snuck onto his face without him knowing about it.

 _I have to go see him_ , he thought decidedly.

The train ride was going to be long, so if he left around dinnertime then he could get there early in the morning. After he had wasted the day away, he got ready by packing a bunch of things into a bag. He threw in some extra clothes and other supplies in case he would get to stay, which he assumed would be a likely possibility, then he departed without telling anyone, not even his boss, where he was going. He put on a sweater and put the hood over his head, so he could look casual enough that no citizen would notice him in a crowd and recognize him.

He got on a train that departed quite soon after he had arrived to the station. Once on board, he fell asleep for most of the long ride. When he woke up eventually, he knew they had crossed the border and that there were only a few more hours left still of the ride. But ten hours were gone, and he was firmly stuck here on the train with no choice but to be committed in his goal now, despite all the risks. He pulled out a book from his bag and then occupied himself.

* * *

He knew the way through the streets of the city and he walked under the eyes of the citizens as they went on their way. It was all so easy, until he had to cross the yard and pointedly walk to the massive building that was Russia's home. Yet he was able to summon up that courage and he made it to the front door without looking back.

 _What if he's busy?_ The thought came to him. _No,_ _I can wait. I'm here, so I have to see him._

He rang the doorbell and stepped back. He waited timidly with his hands held together, feeling small in his loose hoodie. He heard approaching footsteps, then the door opened. The doorway became occupied by Belarus.

"Hello," she said bluntly. "What are you here for?"

She had not said it in a mean way, but it was to the point. Latvia swallowed.

"I-Is Russia busy?" he asked.

"No."

"Oh, good! Er, can I see him?"

With a predatory glare, Belarus asked him, "Is this for business?"

"No, ac-actually," he breathed slowly, trying to contain his nervousness under those eyes. "I wanted to visit him…"

"You?"

"Y-Yes…"

"Why?"

"Well I- ah…"

 _What do I even say? That I want to see how he is? That I just want to talk to him?_

She hopped onto the steps and faced him. He was startled by the sudden action, and he squeaked in surprise as she threw off his hood then shoved her hands in his pockets.

"W-What are you-"

She patted him down before snatching the bag at his feet. She hung it upside-down and let the articles unceremoniously empty out onto the lawn. Her eyes scanned every falling object intently, and when she shook the bag to clarify its emptiness, she nodded to herself once.

"Big brother doesn't have guests, so I had to make sure," she said.

Then Latvia realized what she had been doing.

 _Checking for weapons... Does she really think people hate him that much?_

"I understand," he mumbled.

She stepped back into the doorway and watched him kneel and jam everything back into the bag.

She then asked, "So are you on vacation or something? What's with all the stuff?"

Latvia fidgeted and thought, _She asks so many questions! It's hard to respond without seeming suspicious._

"Yeah…" he replied, convincing himself that what he was saying was at least partly true. "So is it okay if I-"

"Yeah. Sure."

He followed her inside timorously. The door slammed behind him and he jumped, but Belarus paid him no mind as she led the way through the house. Soon they came to the room with the fireplace, and Latvia immediately recognized Ukraine sitting on the couch next to Russia.

"It was Latvia at the door," Belarus muttered as she walked into the room, "and he wants to see you."

Russia pushed off the couch and walked over to meet him. Latvia started to raise a hand to induce a regular greeting, but he was instead cut off with an embrace. He gasped as salutation, and looked over at Russia's watching sisters. Ukraine was smiling nicely while Belarus glared with jealousy, but he felt unsure and nervous. He ended up looking awkwardly away while he only placed his hands on Russia's arms.

"I am happy to see you," Russia said as he released him. "I wondered if you were not trusting me anymore and did not want to see me."

"No, that's not it! I-It wasn't you, but I was afraid that…" he trailed off, not wanting to say the true reason around his sisters, fearful that they would question the conversation.

"It is alright," he replied. "I just really missed you. So, do you want to be joining us today?"

"Oh! You already have plans?"

"We are going to go to the cinema and then eat out somewhere," Ukraine told him. "Then we were thinking of having some fun downtown. Of course you are welcome to join us!"

"Oh wow, that's-"

"Please come with us." Russia put his hands on his shoulders. "It is not often we are doing things like this."

"Okay!" Latvia looked up to him and nodded.

"That's great!" Ukraine clasped her hands firmly together. "The more the merrier, right?"

"Meh," Belarus replied.

* * *

The entirety of the walk through the city included a light and skippy feeling in Latvia's chest. This time he forgot to hold back his feelings and instead he let his joy and excitement flow through. The person beside him became all he could think about until they pattered up to the entrance of the movie theatre. Here, Latvia finally remembered to ask them, "Have you already decided the movie?"

"We let Ukraine pick it," Belarus said.

" _Tale in the Darkness_ ," Ukraine said. "It's a drama!"

"That's nice," Latvia sighed. "I-I don't think I could have handled a horror movie..."

With popcorn and drinks collected, they sat in the back row. Latvia sat to Russia right side while Belarus was quick to snatch the seat to his left. Ukraine smirked a little at her antics before she sat down beside her sister.

 _This is such a normal thing to do_ , Latvia thought while observing the three to his left as they settled. _Before, I never would have believed Russia was capable of doing things like this. I bet everyone else, especially America, would be surprised to see how well we all are getting along with each other! If only they knew, then maybe people would be willing to try to get to know him better?_

The film was in Russian, but Latvia was able to understand it after all of those years of being forced to speak that Slavic language back in the Soviet Era. It was an enjoyable film for them all, but of course the most pleasure came from just being alongside each other in such a relaxed and calm atmosphere. Latvia found himself unable to escape the seemingly magnetic pull, so he leaned against Russia, who eventually slipped an arm around him while also leaning slightly against him. Latvia smiled warmly once he was held, and he sighed quietly while adjusting himself so that he was snug against Russia's side. When Belarus caught sight of what they were doing, she grew envious and locked onto Russia's other arm. He gasped when viciously snatched from the other side, but calmed when she continued to merely cuddle it against her chest.

The movie finished and they walked out contented from the cinema. After emerging into the city, the next thing on the itinerary included a visit to the trail by the river. Belarus and Ukraine walked side-by-side in front while Russia and Latvia trailed behind together. Russia's eyes drifted down, and he became tempted by Latvia's swinging hand. However, his own hand remained stalk-still at his side as he considered the other people around them that were currently populating the park. With a mental sigh, he instead only observed the other as they walked beside each other. Latvia's attention was pinned upon a swarm of ducklings that were orbiting their mother in the water, so neither of them noticed how Belarus occasionally threw glances back at them.

They left the trail after a while to arrive at a high-grade restaurant. Belarus, again, was quick to claim the spot beside Russia, yet Latvia was content to sit across the table from him with beside Ukraine. He took the heavy menu into his small hands and flipped through the pages, immediately uncomfortable with the prices he was seeing. Latvia promptly stated that he would pay for his own, but Russia abruptly refused his request.

"Just don't order alcohol." Ukraine winked at him. "That's for later!"

He nodded, and just took water.

Latvia was surprised at how quickly they got engaged in conversation after everything had been ordered. He did not expect that Russia would partake in it so much, for the Russia he was used to was one that ate silently and headed off to work afterwards.

"No, I have not really been watching any shows lately," Russia replied.

Ukraine asked while fiddling with her fork, "What have you been doing in your free time then?"

"Trying new things," he said, with a quick glance in Latvia's direction. "Reading and drawing for example, and both I am finding to be much fun."

"You should show us some time," Belarus uttered. "I would like to see what Big Brother draws."

"Okay, but I'm not so sure how good I am at the sketching..."

"I don't care. I would like it anyway because you are the one who made it," she replied.

 _I never expected that they could be such a nice family_ , Latvia thought. _I wonder… if I had trusted him earlier, would I have learned this before I became independent?_

"So, Latvia," Ukraine addressed him as a new topic was initiated. "After this we're going to a bar. I've heard rumors about you being able to drink an incredible amount. Is that true?"

"Er, yeah- it is true that it is hard for me to get drunk. B-But I try not to drink so often, really..."

"Can he even order alcohol?" Belarus grumbled. "He looks young."

Latvia immediately protested, "I know I'm small, but seriously, why does everyone think-"

"Don't worry. If it is a problem I will take care of it," Russia cut in. "He will get to order whatever he wants."

He had gone out drinking before with Estonia and Lithuania without any problems. _I'm not a child like Sealand!_ _And_ _I bet I can drink anybody under the table although I'm smaller._ Latvia suddenly felt a little mischievous. _Maybe even Russia._

"We should have a drinking contest." Latvia flashed a smile to them.

Ukraine grinned and tilted her head towards her brother.

"How fun! Russia, do you accept his challenge?"

"Of course," he smiled at him pleasantly. "I do not like to get drunk, but I will not be upset if I lose."

It started to get dark as they walked to the bar, and the chill of the evening was a unpleasant reminder that summer was coming to a close. Latvia pressed against Russia's coat for warmth, and once again Russia had to restrict himself from doing any movements that would arouse harassment from the public.

"Big Brother has been too close to him all day," Belarus muttered to Ukraine quietly, so Russia would not hear her. "Especially at the cinema today."

"It is good that someone is making him happy," Ukraine replied.

"I can do that for him! He doesn't need anybody else!"

"Don't be like that, Belarus. If more people are making him happy, then that is a good thing," Ukraine pressed. "I know you want this for him too."

Belarus spoke bitterly, "But if Big Brother just marries me, then he will always have someone and he won't ever get lonely."

"You must understand that he does love you. But there are different kinds of love, and he loves you differently than, well…" Ukraine cast her eyes at the two walking in front of them.

Belarus shoved her head close to Ukraine's and growled lowly into her ear, "Are you saying that he loves _him_?"

"We've been talking a lot on the phone lately. He just has so many questions. I know now that our brother is learning to feel emotions that he has forgotten. Don't be jealous. Just be glad for him."

"But that guy is in my way."

"Don't hurt him." Ukraine held onto her shoulder. "He is very special to Russia. He has been helping him, and there is nothing wrong for them to think, well- more _positively_ about each other. And for our brother's sake, please don't tell anybody about this. He would get in a lot of trouble."

"Fine," Belarus muttered, and shook off her hand. "But I will cut that little Latvia if he _ever_ makes Big Brother unhappy. I promise that."

Ukraine seized her into a hug and squeezed her against her gargantuan chest. Belarus grunted disapprovingly, but did not struggle to escape.

"You care about him so much! I'm glad you were so accepting. It'll mean a lot to him!"

Russia glanced back in confusion as he watched Ukraine release Belarus from an embrace after having squealed something excitedly into her ear.

* * *

A row of ten shots were lined up in front of both Russia and Latvia. Ukraine hovered by the side with her video camera out, and Belarus watched expectantly at Russia's side.

"Ready… _go_!" Ukraine cried.

Russia and Latvia raced to down the shots as fast as possible. Glasses thumped on the table as they were slammed down after being emptied. Latvia snatched two per hand and skillfully swallowed them both at once. Soon it was Latvia who was sighing and looking victorious over his row of glasses while Russia glanced over with a twinkle of awe in his gaze as he held his last in his hand.

"I can already tell that tonight is going to be a challenge," Russia said with a smile before finishing off the last shot with less hurry.

"That was great!" Ukraine laughed. "Now order something classy... like martinis!"

Then it was so. Once the alcohol was set down in front of them, Latvia fished out and gulped down his olive before feeling that rush of mischief reenter him, compelling him to use his toothpick to steal the olive from the other drink. Belarus chuckled as Russia slowly turned his head and regarded Latvia with interest.

"What do you think about that, Big Brother?" Belarus asked.

Russia smirked at the rambunctious culprit.

"He took something from me, so I can have this, right?"

Russia snatched away the other martini and chugged it down before Latvia could protest. He drank Latvia's while holding his own at a distance so it could not be stolen as Latvia reached out for it. He finished off both before ordering when bartender soon came by again, to replace Latvia's.

After waiting for a while to see if the alcohol was affecting them yet, Ukraine announced, "Alright, let's see how you're doing. It's time for the sobriety tests!"

Russia and Latvia stood up and were led to a dart board. Latvia went first, and was able to sink the dart in the twenty point zone. Russia snatched his and nailed it deep into the green ring outside of the bulls-eye.

Belarus commented, "No good, they are both too sober. We'll have to step up our game."

"Alright. Next, we're going German with a beer round!" Ukraine exclaimed.

Russia and Latvia grabbed hold of their large mugs of beer directly after they had come.

"Now drink and don't breathe until I tell you to." Belarus leaned in beside them with a sadistic glimmer in her eyes. "I'll be watching, so don't think you can cheat. Go."

They both closed their eyes and drank deeply. After only a few seconds she gave them the command to stop, and they put the mugs down on the counter and took in a few breaths. She cut them off mercilessly and they were forced to continue. This time it was longer, and their faces scrunched up as they kept gulping down alcohol through throats that were growing uncomfortably tight. Their grips tightened and they tried drinking faster, in hopes that they could finish sooner.

"Stop."

They gasped, and Latvia coughed when he inhaled some beer.

"Finish it off in one go."

They took deep breaths and tipped back their mugs. Both sighed at the end and sunk back in exhaustion.

Then, the next was to be something sweet that Ukraine would chose for both of them. Russia excused himself for a moment to go to the bathroom, and Ukraine called after him to remind him that vomiting would mean that he would lose.

"Perfect," Ukraine said once Russia was out of earshot. "I'm sorry, Latvia, but we're going to cheat a little a put a little something extra in his drink."

"Oh, okay. Um… why?"

"He rarely gets drunk, so we know it's alright if he does it just this one time. Don't worry though; he won't mind."

When the drinks came, she drank part of his and then refilled it with something from a flask she pulled out from her bag. It was not the same colour as the other now, so Latvia was told to finish his quickly so Russia would not notice when he came back. The whole affair made him nervous.

"What is he like when he's drunk?" Latvia asked.

"Hilarious," Belarus stated.

"That's what this is for." Ukraine tapped the video camera.

Russia walked towards them, starting to look a little dazed. He plopped onto the stool and stared at the drink, but not with any suspicion. They knew that he would not notice anything off about this one because he rarely drank any alcohol other than vodka.

"Stronger than I thought it would be," was his only comment after sipping it. The truth was that it was strongest thing he had drunk all night.

In a little while later, they did the next test. It was simple: walk in a straight line. Latvia managed it well, he walked slowly and carefully down the crack between two hardwood planks. When Russia stepped up, he had trouble putting his foot on the crack itself, and he kept missing or swayed off it as he walked. The other three laughed at his failures, and Russia eventually gave up and leaned against a billiard table.

"So has Latvia won?" Ukraine asked him.

" _Umnuh_ ," Russia grunted.

"Was that a yes?" Ukraine poked at him.

"Wasn't a fair match," he mumbled. "He's… _Irish_ …"

" _Haha_ , what?" she cried. The camera focused on Russia's face as he stared down at the green felt with intrigue.

"And _German_ …"

The camera looked at the perplexed Latvia who was standing by and blinking at Russia.

"So here we got the Latvian-Irish-German according to Russia," Ukraine reported, trying her best to hold back her laughter.

From behind Ukraine, Belarus muttered, "We should pay now so we can take him outside and mess with him."

When asked, Russia fumbled through his coat pocket, drew out a wad of cash, and handed it to her. Ukraine paid while Belarus dragged their brother outside into the cool night air. They all went back to the park from earlier, and that was where Russia stood in confusion while Belarus unbuttoned his coat. She pulled off it off him when he offered no resistance.

"What...?" he asked lethargically.

She put her arms through the sleeves, putting the huge coat on herself, before she then leapt at Russia. She yanked off his scarf and raced away.

" _Nyet!_ " he yelped and ran after her. " _Belarus!_ "

She dodged around trees nimbly, hindering him when he had to grab the trunks to keep his balance as he turned around them. She chuckled and tore back to the other two, tossed the scarf into Latvia's arms, calling out, "Run like hell!"

She continued to run with the coat billowing out behind her. Latvia squeaked in surprise then saw Russia's eyes flash from Belarus to him. He turned and fled like a distressed rabbit, trying to copy the strategy of going around the trees to escape. However Russia was fast, surprisingly so, although he stumbled around the corners. Without having to look, Latvia knew he was right behind him, almost close enough to grab him. He heard the pounding footsteps and the fast breathing close by.

"...Gonna get… you," Russia breathed lowly. It sounded threatening, but Latvia sensed that that was what he had been going for. Latvia wrapped the scarf around his neck so he could pump his arms and run faster.

Russia grunted when he tripped on a root, and Latvia knew he had one chance. He threw himself at a tree, one that was thin and straight up without many branches. To everyone's surprise, he was able to shimmy up it and get up high enough in time so that Russia just barely missed when he jumped up to grab a hold of his ankle.

"Damn it," Russia stated, looking unhappily upwards at him.

"Whoa," Latvia exhaled in awe as he clung to the trunk and looked down. "Did you really just swear?"

Ukraine and Belarus had jogged over. Ukraine exclaimed, "I know right? He only does this when he's drunk!"

Russia put his forehead against the tree and emitted a groan. He clutched at his stomach in pain.

"Running… was not a good idea…" he uttered.

He stumbled away, pointedly towards one of the park's garbage cans. He clung to the rim and with his back to them, they heard him vomit into it. Latvia crawled down and joined everyone as they came over to Russia while he was catching his breath. Ukraine slid out a water bottle from her bag and passed it to Belarus. She unscrewed the lid and tossed its contents at him. The water splashed against his face and he gasped, with his eyes squeezed tight and his mouth gaping open in shock as the water dripped from his hair. Latvia could not stop himself from laughing with everyone else as Russia slowly rubbed the water out of his eyes.

"Russia!" Ukraine scolded him. "Now we have to get you more alcohol!"

"No," he protested before slipping and whacking his head off of the metal rim.

"Do you want some more water?" she only continued to ask with a chuckle.

"Mmmn da…" He lifted his head.

Ukraine handed him another bottle to drink from. He swished some water around his mouth, spat into the garbage, and then drank half of the bottle at once.

"Is your head okay?" Latvia asked at his side.

"No... it's great."

"Is there anything we can get you?" Ukraine asked.

"I…"- his eyes stared thoughtfully into the distance- "Bread."

"Bread? Are you hungry, Big Brother?" Belarus inquired.

"No," he said and faced them with a serious expression, and he mimicked holding something in his hands. "Like this, and then... I will punch it."

Latvia clasped a hand over his mouth and giggled into it.

"You want to punch bread?" Ukraine asked with a laugh. "Why?"

"Mmm it's art…"

Latvia joined in with, "Really? Is it some sort of Russian art that I didn't know of?"

He nodded and slurred unintelligibly in Russian.

"Don't forget how to speak English," Ukraine corrected him.

"Da," Russian continued to nod all-knowingly. "It is fucking Russian art."

Ukraine nearly dropped her camera in the fit of wild laughter that overtook them. Latvia was bent over laughing, clutching his middle as though to hold in his guts. He halted when he suddenly felt arms wrapping around his middle. Russia leaned heavily on him, but held him close and dipped a chin to lay down upon his shoulder. Latvia relaxed and pushed against him, but this provoked a grin from Russia.

He ripped the scarf off him and sprang away.

"Latvia, you let him take it!" Ukraine cried. "You were supposed to guard it!"

"I know how to distract him!" Russia sang as he skipped and let the scarf wrapped around his throat victoriously twirl with his movements.

He stopped the dance and cocked his head in consideration.

"Hmm... but maybe I should punish him for taking it."

Latvia was close to being afraid, but he knew it was another game when Ukraine yelled at him to run. Once again he was being chased, but this time however, he made the mistake not dodging enough, and soon he was tackled and pinned to the ground.

As his sisters came into earshot, Russia announced, "This is how they do it in _Estoniiaaa_!"

Latvia was thrown in the air. He gasped, completely confused until he found himself hanging upside down over Russia's back with his legs over his shoulders. He grabbed Russia's waist before he fell and that was when he realized what Russia had done.

Russia started to jog away. Latvia cried out in protest as he leaped over roots and rocks, fearing that Russia would fall over and end up with one of them getting hurt. To everyone's surprise they both survived and Russia came back towards his sisters. However, that was not the end of it. He decided to spin around in circles and Latvia started feeling the alcohol within him as they spun. He clung tighter as to not go flying off and when he felt too nauseous, he tapped Russia's spine.

"Careful, or else I'm going to puke this time," he groaned.

Russia stopped with a chuckle. He sat down on the grass so Latvia could slide off. Latvia got to his hands and knees, but then Russia turned, pounced, and held him against the ground again.

"Don't go…" he murmured. Latvia saw his sisters standing by and looking at them with interest, and he tried to keep down a blush.

"Okay, I won't run anymore," Latvia complied, and somehow felt as though he had promised to something more than just that moment.

Russia jumped up to his feet energetically and stretched out. Belarus punched him in the gut as he was stretching backwards, and he crumpled forward with a gasp.

"That was _evil_ ," he complained.

"No you are," she replied, then added, "Well, in all the American movies that is."

Ukraine crept up and asked him with mock horror, "Oh no, how does that make you feel?"

Latvia thought, _Wait. This is something that I think would usually upset him, but how will he react now?_

" _Mrguh…"_ he started, then quickly swallowed before exclaiming, " _Pipe of pain!"_

His sisters smirked, assuming nonsense, although Latvia went rigid.

 _He's not thinking right at the moment, but should I be concerned? His sisters aren't, but…_

"Latvia..." Russia drawled.

He stalked over and then seized him by the shoulders.

Latvia spoke with a shiver in his voice, "W-Wait Russia, y-you're really drunk-"

"Haven't…want to..."

Latvia's heart pounded in nervous apprehension.

"W-What?"

" _Zdravstvuyte!_ " he shouted, grabbing Latvia's face and then pulling him into a kiss.

Latvia froze, and he stuttered for words after Russia had pulled away. He was cut off however when Russia put his hand on the back of his head and kissed his cheeks three times.

"No one does that greeting anymore in Russia," Belarus muttered sourly beside Ukraine.

"R-R-Russia…" Latvia stuttered. Russia was now hugging him, and although there were no other people around, they were still in public.

"Let's go home now," Russia said to him while drooping his head in exhaustion. "I'm tired…"

They took a taxi back, using up what was left of that wad of cash that Ukraine had been given.

"I'll upload these and email them to you all tomorrow," Ukraine said at door. "Shall we be going now, Belarus?"

Belarus hesitated, casting a stern look at Latvia before she left with Ukraine from the house. Neither of them had asked about his plans for the rest of the night, which Latvia considered to be quite the relief as he locked the door behind them.

Latvia was surprised to find that Russia was more capable than he had thought, or at least, he had been conscious enough to go off and get ready for bed on his own. When Russia returned, he gazed at Latvia drowsily and mumbled, "If you are wanting to, you can use the shower too."

"Okay."

Latvia found that the towels were still in the same place as he was used to. He went into the steamy bathroom and took a quick but relaxing shower, changed, and brushed his teeth before going back on his own to Russia's bedroom. Russia was here lying on his side under the covers, and he was turned towards the door so that when he flickered open his eyes, he could watch Latvia as he came in.

Latvia turned off the light and crawled in beside him, shifting in towards his warmth. Like he had expected, Russia threw an arm around him the moment he was in reach, enveloping him in the pleasant scent of clean soap.

 _Now. This is the time I should ask…_ he thought with a thudding heart. _  
_

Latvia whispered, "Russia, I want to ask you something."

With his face lightly pressed against Latvia's hair, Russia _hmm_ ed inquisitively in reply.

"I've asked you something like this before… but I need to really know…"- his heart beat faster- "I am just so confused. How do you feel about me?"

"I don't understand what you are meaning."

"Do… do you well, er- do you _like_ me?" Latvia said, his face starting to feel hot.

"Da."

"How much?"

"A lot," Russia replied softly, but still in a tone heavy from the alcohol.

"But d-do you _love_ me?" Latvia choked out.

Russia sighed and said, "I do not really understand what that means."

"L-Love?"

"Da. Can you explain it for me?" Russia said, casting his eyes off towards the wall.

Latvia felt something within him sink, but then he told himself, _It might just be the word. He might feel it but not know the name_.

"It's like…" Latvia thought carefully about how he should describe it. It just seemed like something that everyone knew about and did not need to be explained. "I mean you can love things and family, but when you love someone in a... a _special_ way… they mean everything to you. And you know you love someone like this when you care about them just as much as you care about yourself, and maybe even more. You want to be with them and you make them happy all the time, and you do things nice things for each other… yes?"

Russia looked down and then stared at the pillow in the darkness. Latvia could not see him, but he knew he was deep in thought in the silence. Latvia spoke after a while, his voice sheepish.

"I… I feel this way about you, Russia…"

But still, the silence remained. The seconds dragged by for Latvia, who waited for some kind of response.

Russia finally ended up asking, "Are you happy right now?"

"Y-Yes," Latvia replied.

"Then, I love you too."

* * *

 **If the language the characters are speaking is English, any foreign words will be romanized (of course variations exist) unless the language is specified, then the speech will be translated for the readers' understanding.  
**

 **Tale in the Darkness is a Russian film produced in 2009.**

 **Estonian-style carry for the wife-carrying competition was what was demonstrated.**

 **In Russia, kissing used to be common as a greeting, regardless of gender, but this has grown to be uncommon. Three kisses was the usual number, as odd numbers are considered to be lucky in this country.**


	9. Casting Seeds of Doubt

They cuddled with each other until their hangovers passed and they could leave the darkness of the room and face the light. Russia admitted that he was absolutely famished, which he concluded to be because he had thrown up all of his dinner from last night. Latvia was surprised that he remembered, but then it turned out that Russia remembered everything from other day.

"You called me Irish," Latvia laughed and poked him in the side as Russia was pouring milk on his cereal.

"I know," Russia sighed.

"You swore a few times; it was hilarious!"

"It's not that big of a deal, is it?"

"But you wanted to punch bread!"

"I know…"

Latvia giggled over his spoon, "You had the most serious face, and you told us that it was Russian art!"

Russia covered his face and groaned, "Don't be going off and telling people what I did- I'm embarrassed! This is one of the reasons why I don't like getting drunk…"

"I won't," Latvia nodded after he had swallowed.

Russia continued to sigh, "My sisters are evil…"

"You guys actually get along better than I thought you would," Latvia commented. "I don't think many people know that. Do you think people would like you more if they saw how you were last night?"

"I am not so sure, but I do not want them to watch the videos and for me to be getting bad reputation."

"Y-Yeah," Latvia agreed while thinking, _He has a point there. I can only imagine how some people would react if they saw those!  
_

When they were putting everything away, Russia said, "I have a little bit of work to do, but it is not very much at all. I think it will only take an hour or two, but then we can do some things after?"

"Yeah, that's fine. I brought books with me anyway."

"Okay. And if you are wanting something, go ahead and help yourself while I am gone."

Latvia went and retrieved an almost-finished book and then a new one from his bag in Russia's room. He brought them with him to the library, where he curled up comfortably in one of the chairs. He read through an entire chapter until he recalled something.

 _This is the chair that Russia put me in when he fixed my arm_ , he thought, pausing his reading session to drum his fingertips on the page. _That was I think, the first nice thing he really did for me. He hurt me not so long after, but what was he thinking when he did helped me? Did he have any kind of feeling like the one he says he feels now?_

Latvia was so sidetracked that he did not hear the footsteps approach him from behind. He gasped when something cold pressed tight against the side of his neck, and a low voice murmured by his ear, "If you scream, I will slit your throat."

"B-Belarus?" he squeaked out.

"Come outside," she hissed. "Now."

Belarus grabbed one of his wrists and locked the arm behind his back. He stumbled out of the chair, and then he was pressed close to her with the knife daring to break his flesh as they went quietly out of the house through the front door. She had made Latvia unlock it with his free hand, which made him wonder how she had gotten in if not by through here. They walked out and she took him around to the side of the house, where he was immediately shoved against the wall.

He was held there with a hand against his chest. She was strong; amazingly powerful despite her appearance, and her hand pushing on him was quite painful. He felt so small and powerless, which sparked a flame of frustration in his core. He wanted to fight; he hated how people could push him around like this so easily- yet the weapon she held made any passion he had die away until he grew gradually more fearful.

"What do you think you're doing here?" she growled, grabbing a fistful of his clothes and shaking him harshly. He gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. She was staring at him with such intense ferocity that he was afraid to look at the face hovering right in front of him.

"Answer me!" Belarus snarled.

"I-I-"

"Only I can be with Big Brother, got that?" She threw him to the ground. "You can't see him!"

Latvia put his hands on the grass and sat up, looking up at her with hurt and bewilderment in his eyes.

"W-Why are you doing this?" he cried out. "Yesterday y-you weren't so-"

She jumped on him and slammed a hand over his mouth before he could scream. The hand with the knife was raised high into the air, poised to plunge downwards into his skull.

"I'll give you a chance," Belarus muttered coldly. "If you leave now, I won't kill you. But, you must _never_ come back."

She got off him and stared down at him expectantly. However, he was shocked and he remained petrified where he was on the ground.

"B-But I want to see him..." Latvia stammered, "a-and he l-likes when-"

"You better start running," she uttered.

"Please, st-stop, Belarus. I don't want to g-go…"

She snarled and lunged at him. He rolled away fast enough so that the knife missed him, sinking into the ground where he had been a moment ago. He sprinted away, taking no time to look back as Belarus yanked the knife from the dirt before pursuing him. He heard Belarus catching up to him; her thudding footsteps and cat-like growl getting louder. She was fast, and the front door seemed so far away. He felt a fear desperately rising, and it was one that told him that he would not make it, so he screamed out, " _Russia_!"

Her hand caught his throat, making him choke at the end as he was pulled back roughly. Belarus hissed impatiently into his ear, "If you run the other way, I won't chase you, you know."

"Please!" he cried. "Let me stay!"

"Do you really want to that much?" she spoke threateningly, but Latvia did not see how she had raised an eyebrow.

"Y-Yes," he breathed out. As he trembled in her arms, he rubbed against the blade. A thin cut trickled blood down his neck. Belarus noticed this and observed it while her expression turned blank.

"So if I let you go, you will still go running to him?"

Latvia cringed and nodded slightly. She exhaled slowly, and Latvia only expected some kind of punishment to come upon him then.

Belarus only then said calmly, "Good. You passed the test."

She released him and backed away slowly. He looked at her with tears in his eyes, still unsure, and he began to edge away cautiously. She watched him move away, but she did not attack him again. Latvia backed away until he crashed into some kind of solid wall. He glanced backwards in surprise, and Russia wrapped his arms around his shaking body.

"You didn't have to do that," Russia said to Belarus.

"So you heard that?" she sighed. "Well, I was only making sure that he _really_ cared about you. Even when I told him that I would kill him, he still wanted to come back to you no matter what."

"You scared him though," Russia also sighed, and he pet Latvia's hair as he pressed against him.

"At least now you know the extent of his loyalty," she replied.

"But I still trusted him anyway."

She twisted her head while staring directly into his eyes. She asked, "Big Brother, do you hate me?"

"O-Of course not!" he stuttered, surprised at the abrupt question. "You're my sister!"

"Okay. So you like me, but how exactly do you feel about him?" She pointed the knife at Latvia as indication.

"Belarus… I- Why are you asking this?"

"I need to know," Belarus said, "Because I was talking to Ukraine."

Russia murmured, "Ukraine? Alright then. It's fine if you know then."

After a brief hesitation, he bent over and held one side of Latvia's face. "I feel like this…"

He delicately placed his lips against Latvia's cheek, who immediately gasped and blushed while Belarus was startled. She exclaimed, "Big Brother, you can't do that! People around here do not like those kinds of things!"

"Then let's be keeping a secret," he sighed as he placed his chin on Latvia's shoulder. "Because I cannot help but... hmm, what was that word? Da, love. I cannot help but love him."

"So you admit it," Belarus muttered. "Then Ukraine was right. Fine then, Russia. I won't tell anyone, for your sake. But it doesn't mean I entirely like it!"

"Thank you," he replied in a sincere manner.

"Goodbye then."

She strutted away, and they watched her go. Then, as Latvia leaned against Russia, he asked, "Did you finish all of your work?"

"Not yet," Russia murmured.

"I'm sorry," Latvia said. "For interrupting you."

"Don't apologize," he smiled, and then stood up straight. "Actually, you can just come with me."

"Huh?"

He followed Russia back inside and was led to his office. Latvia paused at the doorway, surprised, and Russia just smiled at him again.

"You can come in," he said. "Just don't tell my boss, alright? I am going to be trusting you not to look at whatever I have on my desk."

"Y-Yes, I promise!"

Russia regarded the trickle of blood on Latvia's neck. He turned and snatched a tissue, dabbed the corner into a glass of water, then approached him again. Russia put the tissue against his throat, and delicately rubbed the red away so that all that was left was a barely noticeable line.

"It is bad that this happened to you," Russia said. "We'll do something nice today to make up for this."

"Okay," Latvia replied.

As Russia settled down at his desk and took on a serious air, Latvia investigated the corner of the door. There were atlases, and he took one out and opened it up randomly. He regarded the Balkans, and found himself soon memorizing the biggest cities in each country and the rivers that cut through them. He found it useful to know about other countries, in fact, it was quite respectful to do so in his opinion. Some people hardly ever looked at maps, and they were so ignorant about the world that it just baffled him. He knew America was bad for this. If asked, he surely would not remember where the smaller European countries like the Baltic countries were located. It was not just him; even people like Japan were always forgetting even the names of the three of them.

After a while, he glanced over at Russia. He was glaring intently at the papers on his desk, paying absolutely no attention to Latvia.

 _He probably wouldn't even notice if I took down and looked at some of those files over there_ , Latvia thought. _For once, he is really trusting me instead of the other way around. Though I wouldn't do it, and not because I_ _am afraid of him, but because it feels really good to be trusted and to not break that trust._

Latvia strolled over to Russia, but honorably kept his eyes away from the table. Latvia thought, _I wonder if he would like it if I did this for him. After all, he did it for me and it felt really relaxing. If it bothers him, I can apologize and then stop I guess..._

He put his hands on Russia's broad shoulders then gently began to massage them to the best of his ability. Russia gasped and went rigid.

"I'm not looking!" Latvia exclaimed in Russian, so that he would get the message immediately.

"No, no," Russia scrambled to reply. "It's just that I wasn't expecting that..."

"I can stop," Latvia said.

"No, sorry, I mean no one has done that to me before and it really surprised me. But it feels really nice. You can keep going."

"Sure," Latvia settled down. "But maybe you should take off your coat so it's easier?"

"Okay."

Russia stood and quickly threw it off, dropping it on the floor beside the chair, before he sat back down again. Latvia carried on, finding it much easier to press and pull his muscles now that only the fabric of his shirt was in the way. Russia happily rocked back and forth to the motions, and then carefully, Latvia moved his fingers closer to his neck. He timidly slipped his fingers under the scarf and stroked his neck, running over bumps of scar tissue. Russia did not react to this, so Latvia calmed and pressed his fingers deeper into his neck to make small circles. Russia's eyes fluttered and he smiled contently.

He suddenly remembered his work, and he gazed downwards to finish up the reading. But after only a minute, he had truly had completed everything, so he nudged everything into a folder and slid it to the side. After that, he closed his eyes and went limp, just letting Latvia continue to massage him.

 _Russia's always had some kind of cute side,_ Latvia thought, looking down at his relaxed face. _His face looks so innocent right now._ _  
_

When his stiff shoulders were revisited, he sighed and his head rolled to the side. By now, Latvia's hands were hurting, so he only went on for a little bit longer before he stopped and flopped over Russia.

"Thank you," Russia sighed with a purr in his voice.

Latvia replied, "Well, you've done it for me before, so I guess it's only fair."

Russia glided his eyes over and looked at Latvia adoringly with a pleasant smile. Russia asked, "After we have lunch, well- dinner I suppose, do you want to go to the forest?"

"Oh, yes! That sounds really nice!"

They ended up making some sandwiches to be quick, before they then drove out to a nature reserve. Once stepping out of the car, Latvia took a deep breath of the rich air, feeling himself become energized. He gazed around at the magnificent autumn colors: the fiery leaves carpeting the dark soil and hanging dazzlingly above, and the pines bursting through here and there with their healthy green sharpness.

" _Wow_ ," Latvia breathed.

"It's really pretty," Russia looked around them wonderingly. "But sometimes I forget to come here, and when I remember, it's winter, so I have missed it."

They went down to a boardwalk, where Russia made Latvia go first so that he could decide the paths and directions they would take. Latvia continued to be awed by the colours, the landscape, and just everything around him. He was also quite excited every time a bird flitted among the branches, and when a red squirrel chattered from the top of a tree.

"Do you like animals?" Russia asked after watching him for awhile.

"Yeah, but only the small ones," Latvia said. "The big ones... not so much."

When the boardwalk soon ended into a small clearing, Latvia spotted a little grey rabbit. He practically squealed in delight before he raced towards it.

"What are you doing?" Russia called after him.

To his surprise and disbelief, the rabbit did not dash away. Latvia scooped it into his arms, sat cross-legged, and started to pet it.

"It's so soft!" Latvia declared before giving it a kiss between the ears.

Russia walked over, baffled.

"How did you do that?" he asked.

The rabbit put its paws against Latvia's chest, and Latvia stroked his hand down its back in response.

"What do you mean? I thought people like us are really good at getting animals to like us."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Latvia replied. "I mean I think so. I've seen other countries holding animals, or having them follow them around. Some keep them as companions, but I just like to pet or play with them. Even America managed to become friends with a whale!"

"Even him?" Russia muttered. "But I don't understand… the animals here don't seem to be liking me, although I've never done anything to them. Like not long ago, I had this polar bear gnawing on my head."

"Animals are really sensitive, so you have to let them know, I guess, that you would really like to be friends."

Russia sighed as he knelt down beside Latvia, "I tried doing the friendship with a hamster when I was younger, but I only got rejected."

Latvia tickled the rabbit's chin, and then lifted it up carefully from under the arms. He held it out to Russia, asking, "Here, would you like to try again?"

Russia nodded, and then very gently took the rabbit from his hands. It startled a little, but Latvia rubbed its ears reassuringly and it stopped. Russia cradled it against him, sat, then started running his fingers through its fur.

"It is very sweet," Russia murmured. "But I am having trouble believing that this is really happening."

"I'm really glad that it didn't run," Latvia said to him. "That means that it trusts you too."

"It does? Ah, that makes me really happy!" Russia smiled when it rubbed against the warmth of his coat.

 _I don't care what anybody else says_ , Latvia thought while watching Russia cuddle the rabbit to his chest with gleaming, joyful eyes. _If they tell me that Russia hasn't changed, they couldn't be more wrong.  
_

* * *

After much internal debate, Lithuania grabbed the phone and punched in Latvia's number. After letting it ring a few times, Lithuania huffed and dropped the phone back down on the receiver. A few hours later, he tried it again but still, there was no answer.

He tried one more time just before he went to bed, and now he was quite suspicious by the third time. Even if he had been out all day or had been busy, surely now, he would have picked up. Worried now about his whereabouts, he promptly called Estonia, who answered immediately.

"Estonia, it's me," Lithuania said. "I've been trying to call Latvia, but he hasn't been answering. I don't think he is home."

"Oh god, surely you are not meaning..."

"I think he went to Russia's house," Lithuania stated.

"I feel the same way, but maybe we should make sure?" Estonia suggested.

"What do you mean? Should I be calling Russia and asking if he has Latvia over there? I don't know if he really likes us because of… so it might just make him angry or something."

"I'm not afraid of Russia," Estonia said firmly. "I'll call him and talk to you after."

* * *

Russia threw a pillow at Latvia, who caught it with a little gasp of surprise. Russia tried to conceal his smile of amusement as he plopped on the couch beside Latvia. In front of them there was a bowl of snacks on the coffee table, and with the lights off, the room attained the perfect mood for watching a movie.

Naturally it could not be a horror movie, for that was what Latvia had insisted with the reason being that he might faint. Instead it was going to be some kind of innocent family movie of his choice. This was fine with Russia, who was quite eager to view something that was cheerful and had one of those endings that made one feel really good afterwards. He was truly thankful as well that he did not have to watch something with blood in it while Latvia was around; it would only bring back bad memories.

Russia reacted just in time to snatch the pillow before it had crashed into his face. When he moved it out of his view, Latvia had already lunged for him, using the distraction to catch him unexpectedly into a hug. Russia felt himself grow pleasantly warm, for there was an amazing elation of happiness every time Latvia showed some kind of affection towards him. It was an assurance that he was not just forcing his feelings upon him, and that Latvia actually wanted to be with him. Russia gave him a quick snuggle then let him go to fetch the remote.

Latvia leaned to the side and gripped it in one hand while pointing it at the television to choose a movie. He set the remote to the side as they decided to lie down and stretch out across the couch to become more comfortable. Russia put his head on his hand and lay on his side as Latvia laid himself close alongside him. For a while they focused on the screen with smiles on their lips and a lightness inside them. When the second commercial break came around, Russia put his arm over his side and moved in closer to Latvia. He lowered his face and nuzzled him, rubbing over the soft hairs of Latvia's neck before running the side of his face against his. Russia continued to do this delicately for a while, and Latvia looked to the side and noticed the dreamy delight in Russia's eyes that made him look as though he could easily begin to purr at any moment.

Latvia turned his head and extended his neck to open himself up for him. Russia hummed softly and contently nuzzled him again, smiling more when Latvia pressed his face against his. Russia stopped soon after and lay back down, but this time moving up his hand to stroke a finger over the curve of Latvia's thin collarbone a few times. He felt so calmed as he cuddled Latvia, and so happy that he was allowed to be close to him. Russia felt utter warmth and bliss that chased away all feelings of loneliness, and he absolutely loved being able to treat him tenderly to help him forget the pain of the past.

As he slid over his hand to rest warmly over his manubrium, the phone rang vociferously from not so far away. Russia froze and his face shadowed with unhappiness, then he reluctantly peeled away from Latvia with an apology before he slipped away to answer it.

He picked up the phone and automatically answered, "Da."

"Hello, Russia. It's Estonia."

"Estonia? What is it that you are wanting?" Russia asked.

"Yes, well, I was wondering if Latvia happened to be there."

"Latvia?" Russia said. "Why? Are you looking for him?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. I am. Lithuania was trying to get a hold of him but hasn't been able to at all today," Estonia said, with a tinge of a suspicious tone.

Russia immediately caught on to it.

"So you think he is with me?"

"Are you going to answer the question, or no?"

"He is here," Russia replied.

"Can you put him on then?"

Russia came back to Latvia and told him who had called and what had been said so far. He followed him back, and then picked up the phone timidly.

"H-Hi, Estonia…"

"Latvia! What do you think you're doing over there?"

He cringed. He most definitely did not want to talk to Estonia if he was already going to be like this.

"W-Well, I really wanted to see Russia, you know, so I came over... yesterday."

He automatically regretted what he had just said. _Why can't I ever keep my mouth shut when it should be?_

"Yesterday?" Estonia exclaimed. "You've been there for two days?"

"P-Please stop making it such a big deal," Latvia said. "We've been having a lot of fun, and his sisters were here and we all went out... it's just been really great…"

"How can you like him so much?" Estonia said. "We honestly just can't believe how you've seemed to just have forgotten everything he's done to you! Do you not remember how he made our lives a living Hell for all of those years? How he punished us? He's almost killed Lithuania before. And how could you possibly not remember how he tortured you?"

"Ah-ah..." Latvia stared at the wall, silent and with tears brimming in his eyes. Russia stood a bit away, but he stared at Latvia's turned back in concern.

When Latvia failed to respond, Estonia went on.

"Just think about it, will you? Why would he love you after doing all of that? To be honest, it all sounds rather sick. But the answer is only obvious: he is tricking you. I admit, he does seem different, but maybe it is a bad thing. I've been thinking about it, and I've talked about it with Lithuania. He doesn't need your land, and it's not really an advantage to him if he gets you to rejoin him. So, now we are worried about what he really wants from you…"

"S-Stop talking like that," Latvia said. "Y-You don't even know what he's like now! Don't accuse him like t-this..."

"Latvia, we lived with him for decades and we still hardly understand how he is thinking. You may think you know him, but there is most definitely something wrong with this all. He is lying to you- I just know it."

"You are both just suspicious, and you'll never be able to see-"

"He's hiding something from you," Estonia said. "I don't know what, but I was able to learn one thing about him after all those years: when he was keeping something to himself."

"H-How could you tell something like that?" Latvia said, with his heart thudding heavily.

"The last time we were all at your house and when you were out of the room, I was questioning him. But it wasn't his answers that I didn't like, it was when this blank look overcame his face and he left the room hurriedly. Because I had been provoking him, he should have been mad or at least pretending to be cheerful like he usually does. And if he is changed like you said he was, then he should have looked sad. But no, Latvia. He was none of these."

"Why should I b-believe something like that?" Latvia quivered. "Y-You might be m-mistaken…"

"If you aren't going to listen to us, then fine. But pay more attention to how he acts, alright? And _definitely_ don't let him do anything to you that you don't want him to."

Estonia hung up, and left Latvia fearful, angry, and flustered. He slowly put the phone down, then turned and remembered that Russia had been standing a bit behind him the entire time. Of course, he had heard Latvia's entire end of the phone, and had completely known that the conversation had been about him. He looked downcast, and his posture looked like he had utterly lost all of his energy.

"Russia…" Latvia said quietly. "Why do you say that you love me?"

He felt terrible for being swayed by Estonia like this, and having to ask Russia about this in order to clear away his new doubt. Especially when Russia looked so depressed already.

"Because it is true...?" Russia said, unsure of what answer was expected of him.

"Sorry, I meant why do you love me?"

"W-Why?" Russia asked, surprised, but still maintaining a face of concern. "I do not really know what to say, because I don't really know why and I don't want to be saying the wrong thing..."

"That's alright," Latvia sighed. "But I just really wanted to know if you would ever keep a secret from me…"

"What? Of course there are some things I cannot tell you because of work… but what kind of secret would I be keeping from you?" Russia said, sounding increasingly more depressed.

"Something about us, I guess."

Russia cried out, "Please don't listen to them- I would never lie to you!"

Latvia was surprised by the sudden emotion, and then it dawned upon him of how unfair he was being to him.

"Of course, I know… I'm so sorry…" Latvia came over and gave him a well-deserved hug. "Forgive me for asking."

"I know you have every reason not to be trusting me," Russia replied quietly, putting his hands on his back. "But because you do, I would never be dishonest with you. You have no idea how important you are to me."

By the now the movie was so far along that they did not care about it anymore. The snacks were put away, and they decided they might as well go to bed. Russia lay down, and soon Latvia came into the room. Instead of turning off the lights, he hopped onto the bed, crawled over to Russia and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry," Latvia murmured. "I'm _really_ sorry."

Latvia slid up his arm and ran his fingers through his silky hair, and Russia cast his eyes to the side. He stroked over his forehead and briefly down his cheek, trying so hard to comfort him with gentle touches, although nothing he could do could erase that sad look in Russia's eyes. Latvia put his hands on his shoulders and carefully set himself down, and eventually Russia's hand arrived and placed itself on his back.

 _Did I really hurt him that much? I don't understand why is he still sad,_ Latvia thought while putting his ear to Russia's chest and listening to the steady tempo of his heart.


	10. Dancing with Death

In the next week there was a World Conference. For the most part this time, many people were quiet and taking it seriously. However the truth was that it was quite dull and hardly anyone really wanted to be there anyway.

"Russia," Latvia murmured after trying his best to listen for quite a while now. "I'm a little bored..."

They were far enough away, so they were not likely to be noticed as long as they tried to keep their voices low.

"Is there something you have in mind?" Russia replied quietly.

"Well, not really. I just don't want to fall asleep and get yelled at."

"We can talk then?" Russia asked.

"No, wait… I feel like reading, but I don't have anything. Do you know any stories?" Latvia asked. "That should make the time go by."

"That depends. What kind of story?"

"Anything that has a happy ending, I guess."

Russia smiled a little sadly.

"Hmm," he sighed. "That's a little hard."

"And… can you tell it in Russian? So people won't know what we're doing... a-and because I like how it sounds."

Russia flicked his eyes towards the end of the table where people like Germany, Britain, and Japan were actually discussing the topic. They looked engaged enough in what they were doing that they should not notice them.

"Okay," Russia complied and was immediately more comfortable speaking his own language. "But I only can think of the one right now."

Latvia carefully and slowly shifted his chair so that he was closer to Russia. He stared at the smooth wood of the table as he listened attentively.

" _A teenage boy was sitting at his computer one night in the quiet confines of his bedroom. It was a big house and he had a large bedroom in the basement. He liked it because no one could bother him._

" _But then as he played some kind of video game, he heard a tapping on the floor above him. Heavy, like footsteps. He thought nothing of it at first. It sounded like his sister was dancing up there. That was all. So he continued playing his computer game for a little while until the sounds_ _really_ _started to distract him. Just a constant tap-tap-tap that would not cease. He sighed then he yelled out so his sister could hear him from upstairs, 'Stop with that dancing up there!' and he hoped she would understand how loud she was being._

" _There was silence. He exhaled and turned back to his screen. After a minute he heard the tapping again, but this time closer, near the top of the stairs that led to the basement. Again he got annoyed._ What a pesky sister _, the teenager thought to himself._ Surely our mother will get her to stop?

" _But then he remembered. His mother had left town and his sister had gone with her._

" _He was home alone._ "

Latvia's eyes stretched open in his growing fear. After Russia had been mumbling to him for a while, some other people close to them noticed and were now glancing at him, but then ignored him when they found that they could not understand was being said. However, Belarus had noticed that he was telling a story so she had slunk out of her seat and had snuck over to cling to the back of Russia's seat to hear better. Ukraine just listened in, watching with interest. Lithuania and Estonia, sitting to Latvia's side, started to pay attention out of curiosity.

" _Now he was worried. There must be someone here, a robber perhaps. So he called up bravely, 'Tell me who is up there or I will call the police!'_

" _Dreadful silence. He took a step forward, ready to confront this person. But then. Without a sound, he watched as a hand come into sight as it placed itself down on the first step. A hand, not a foot. Not right, not right. The hand was discolored; it was blue and bony. The skin was wrapped so tightly around the fingers, as if there were no muscles at all. Another hand came down slowly, and its cracked, yellow fingernails tapped on the stair._

" _The boy backed away, and he crept into his closet and locked himself in. His heart pounded- his body throbbed in tune and he sweat coldly in deathly fear._ What is that? _he thought as he clasped a hand over his mouth to quiet his breathing. But he didn't want to know. He didn't want to guess either. For he knew, that this thing was not natural, with its dead and rotting hands that moved._

" _The tapping entered his room. Circling around. Searching for him. He trembled and dared not to breath. In the dark of the closet, he looked out the crack that allowed him to see a part of his room. The tapping was by his bed, across the room, and he saw a form crawl by… no. Not crawl. It was moving across the floor on its hands and feet, but its body and head were bent over backwards so that its stomach faced the ceiling._

" _He didn't want to look, but he was captivated in horror. He saw the gaping mouth with its blackened teeth, empty eye sockets, and torn, moldy flesh dangling off all over its body. He wanted so desperately to be quiet. Even the tears that ran down his face were too loud. It came closer. He slammed his eyes shut._

" _Tap-tap-tap."_

"R-Russia," Latvia whimpered. "I said happy… this is a horror story!"

Russia flicked his eyes over the five listeners. Latvia looked terrified and the other two Baltics appeared thoroughly disturbed.

"I promise, it will get better." Russia told them.

" _It passed by and the sounds of tapping grew distant. He exhaled very slowly and wondered,_ Should I run to get my cellphone? Is it safe to grab it and run back in here? _His hand reached for the doorknob, but then he heard the tapping come back into his room. Frantic. It scrambled around the room and then it threw itself against the closet door, banging- scratching! Tap-tap-tap-tap! Endless._

" _It knew. It knew that he was hiding in there. The boy screamed bloody murder. He covered his ears and curled up in the corner, the farthest he could possibly get from the creature although he was trapped._ "

Russia was clicking his fingernails on the table every time he said the sound. The Baltics twitched as they imagined the scene in their heads. At this point, some other countries were distracted by what Russia was doing and they watched his hands instead of paying attention to what was being discussed.

" _All he could hear was that noise. He sobbed, and he thought to himself,_ This can't be happening. This isn't real. This can't be happening-"

"Hey! What are you doing over there?" Germany cried.

Russia and the five listeners looked over and realized that they were indeed, caught in the act. Germany had noticed that many people had been staring away at something, he had followed their gaze and that was how he came to see Russia muttering darkly and tapping his fingers while diverting the attention of the people beside him.

"Yo, dude. Are you like, threatening them or something?" America called over. "'Cause they look so terrified!"

"Oh no, Mr. America," Ukraine replied in her brother's defense. "He was telling us a scary story!"

"There will be no kinds of distractions during a meeting!" Germany banged the table. "You will all pay attention to the matters at hand and only that!"

Belarus frowned in disappointment and crept back to her seat.

"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Germany," Latvia piped up. "I asked him to do it. I-It's my fault."

"I don't care whose fault it is! All that I care about is that it is stopped this instant!"

Latvia, not used to being yelled at, cringed and trembled slightly. Even after Germany went on controlling the meeting, Latvia kept fidgeting after a minute had passed.

"Latvia," Russia whispered. "You are alright. He is not really that mad at you."

He sneaked his hand under the table and clasped Latvia's warmly. He rubbed circles into his palm with his thumb, wishing that he could just hold him instead. But, this was indeed the closest they had managed to get in public without anybody noticing.

Almost.

"What are you two doing?" Lithuania whispered and cast a frightened gaze at the two of them.

"What?" Estonia had heard Lithuania and was now turning to see what he was talking about. When he had caught sight of their hand-holding, he huffed, "Why are you doing that kind of thing in public?"

He had said it loudly enough for other people to hear and become curious.

"Huh? Do what?" Poland jumped in.

"Be quiet already," Switzerland growled.

"What is it?" Finland said.

Russia had let go of Latvia the moment they had started getting attention. But, even that was not enough to stop Estonia from getting confident as other people started looking at him for answers.

"Honestly, get a room," he muttered, but cleverly and purposely loud enough so that not only Latvia and Russia heard it.

France, catching what Estonia said, started chuckling while some others cocked their heads in confusion. Belarus put her hands on the table, glowered at him, and hissed through her teeth, "You shut your mouth, four-eyes."

"Now what?" Germany said.

Everyone stared expectantly at the commotion that was happening at that part of the table again.

Lithuania said to Latvia, "Maybe you should be telling everyone what you have been telling us?"

"You too? S-Stop," Latvia said. "Just keep it a secret…"

"Why?" Lithuania said, his voice growing louder. "You seem so confident, so why should it matter if people know that you and Russia are in a relationship?"

There was a silence in the room, and then it was broken by the uproarious laughter of America. And then, everyone went wild. Immediately, there was disbelief, scoffs, laughter, and many questions were pelted at them from every side.

"What?"

"Russia? No way…"

"Whaaat? That can't be right…"

"Whoa, did Estonia just call Russia gay?" America wheezed out. "Is this an actual thing? _Haha_ I'm gonna piss my pants!"

" _Aiya_. People should just calm down. It is obviously a joke," China said. "That would probably be breaking one of his own laws!"

"Uh…" Germany looked at the chaos with furrowed eyebrows, but he seemed lost and unsure if he should try to reign control again or not. "Is this… true?"

Russia's eyes flashed around the room, but other than that, it was hard to read his face. Latvia on the other hand, looked around fearfully.

" _Ohonhonhon!_ Do tell us, Latvia, I want to hear if Russia is really a romantic..." France purred. "Does he call you sweet names, give you kisses, and make you feel really special when it gets late in the night?"

Latvia choked and went red. Immediately, people reacted to France's comment with disgust.

"Those two? That's just sick…"

"Why the hell did you have to give us that image, France?"

"Good God, please don't tell me that's a thing..."

"Hell no."

"Shit," Romano flicked his hand to the side. "You two don't actually fuck, do you?"

"Wait a minute," Lithuania said to him in a concerned tone, after Latvia had continued to remain silent in shock. "You haven't really done anything like that with him, have you?"

"I-I-I… no…" Latvia stuttered. "It's not like that-"

"Then why are you blushing?" someone, but he didn't know who, called out.

 _What an unfair question! No matter what I say, they are just going to assume the answer, and there is no way I can convince them!_

Russia glanced at Latvia, and saw how stressed this was making him. This only made him feel more upset as well. Russia thought, _My boss can't know… but how will this stay secret now that everybody knows?_ _And now they're making it worse… how do I make them stop?_

Belarus slammed her hands on the table, and as if Germany had done it, people froze and cast their attention towards her. She glared murderously at everyone else.

She growled, "This is none of your business. Get rid of your damn perverted thoughts."

Ukraine stood up, walked towards the other two Baltics, and faced them.

"Do you have any idea of what you've just done?" she gasped. "Of what might happen to Russia now?"

By the way their faces changed, starting to look full of dread, served as proof that they really had not been thinking about Russia at all. They looked at Russia with wide eyes when he stood up abruptly, but he merely walked past them as he went to the door to exit the room.

Britain called out, "Hey! You can't leave- this is a conference!"

"Are you sure?" he muttered in response, and as he left, Latvia leaped from his seat and hurried after him.

Russia slowed down his strides so Latvia could keep up. He threw open the front door of the building, and the crisp, cool air blew into their faces.

Russia said, "I'm sorry, it's my fault again. I don't think anybody would care if it was anybody else."

Light footsteps were heard from behind them. They turned, and were surprised to see who had followed them out.

"C-Canada?" Latvia gasped.

"Yeah, hello…" Canada said gently. "Maybe no one else noticed, but it really was quite rude what they did back there. But at my place, people are raised to be accepting of pretty much anything, so I am with you."

"Th-Thanks, that's really nice of you," Latvia replied.

"And I'm sure they don't hate you. A lot of them think like me too, but maybe they just got a little excited over this because it's new news? I can try talking to some of them, and if they listen to me, then I can get them to apologize," Canada nodded and smiled politely. "America may have laughed, but his opinion on subjects like marriage equality is still pretty divided. I might even get him to change his mind."

"Thank you Canada!" Russia smiled back. "That would be helping a lot. And, could you please tell them not to be spreading it around? My boss…"

"Okay, you can count on me!" Canada said with healthy determination. "They may or may not have noticed that I've left the room, but I will do whatever it takes to get their attention!"

Just that last sentence alone was not so reassuring, but after the neck-breaking speed of everything that had just occurred, just Canada's words of condolence were truly well-appreciated.

* * *

They went back together and stopped at Latvia's house. Russia insisted that because they had left early, he had some extra time before he had to go back his his place and meet his boss. He sat on the couch, slumped over, and put his head in his hands while Latvia went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. When he came back, he set the mugs on the coffee table and sat down beside him.

"I think it'll turn out alright," Latvia said. "And even if your boss hears about it, you can deny it and say that someone made it up in order to get you in trouble."

"Da. I guess I can do that," Russia sighed, and took a sip from his cup.

* * *

"West!" Prussia cried out as the door opened and Germany stepped in.

"You're excited to see me, so I'm just going to assume you want something," he sighed.

"Huh? Not really," Prussia stretched out in the armchair dramatically. "I was just waiting to hear about what you had to do at the World Conference."

"I don't know why you are so interested. It was the same as any other: absolute chaos," Germany watched Prussia lean over and stretch his legs. For a moment, his brother's face seemed forlorn, but when he looked up at Germany, his expression was just as energetic and rambunctious as usual, so Germany assumed it must have just been the light or the angle.

"Come on, tell me!" he smirked. "Did you yell at everybody again?"

"Don't act like it is something humorous; I do what is necessary," he grumbled. "And yes. People kept getting distracted all the time although the subject supposed to be discussed was the development and distribution of environmentally-friendly technology."

"So you guys have been making progress at the meetings?" Prussia asked. "That's more specific than a few years ago."

"Slowly," Germany huffed. "But we would actually get places if people like Russia didn't decide to tell horror stories to a bunch of people and pull their attention away."

" _Hahaha_ , what? That must have been scary as Hell!"

"And then everything went into chaos when we were informed that… Russia and Latvia are supposedly in a relationship."

"Whoa! Are you serious? Russia? That creepy dude? Dating?" Prussia laughed shook his head in disbelief. "Whose joke is that supposed to be? More like he took a hostage!"

"I wouldn't have believed it, but then they both left the room after everyone started throwing questions at them. So I guess it must be true…"

"Wow, I really wish I could have been there to see it!" Prussia said.

"Why, so you could join in the ruckus?"

"I'm bored," Prussia yawned. "I hardly care about Russia; I hate that guy. I just want to get out and see some excitement."

"Well, I'm going to take care of some things right now, because of course, everyone's relying on me again," Germany cut him off. "So go and entertain yourself for now."

After Germany left, he stared at the floor.

" _Again?_ " Prussia muttered.

* * *

 _Russia would never do something like that_ , Latvia thought.

He had decided to go to Russia's shortly after he had left. He bought another ticket, and once again he was on the train. He assumed it would be alright to come over when it was closer to dark, when Russia would be going to bed and his boss would be gone.

 _He's not that kind of person. He wouldn't do that…_

He just could not shake away the memory of what the others had said at the meeting. The uncomfortable things. Although Latvia had done the first two things with Russia, the last thing France had said was beyond Latvia's comfort zone.

Once at the door, he took out the key. Russia had given him a spare as he was departing last time, saying that he was allowed to come into his house at anytime as long as no one saw him. Even in the dead of night, he said it did not matter. He was the only one beside his boss that would have that kind of access.

He had held Latvia's hands, looked him in the eyes and said that not even his sisters had any keys to his house. So now, Latvia felt amazed with the trust put upon him. He slid the key into the lock, then he slipped into Russia's dark house. He took care to take the key out, close, and lock the door behind him. He softly took off his shoes, and neatly put them and his coat away in the closet, closing the door to hide them from sight.

He turned, and Russia's silhouette was there. But he did not jump as he felt no danger. Russia crept towards him, a blacker shadow in the darkness, and embraced him.

"Hello, Latvia," he whispered. "I am happy you came over."

Latvia put his hands on Russia's chest and leaned in against him. He replied, "I thought after what had happened, it would be good if I was here for you."

"Thank you," Russia smiled, although it could not be seen.

They went towards the light of the bedroom. Latvia took his bag into the bathroom first, got ready, then joined Russia. When he walked in, Russia was sitting, cradling a sketchbook and working intently upon something under the soft light. His face was hard and clear, and he practically glared at the paper as his hand twitched precisely. Before, Latvia would have been afraid of this kind of face, but now he realized how much easier it was to understand Russia's facial expressions. This face was now obviously nothing he should fear. It was different; this was concentration and thought, although it did resemble anger quite closely.

 _That's right. I remember him mentioning to his sisters that he started drawing.  
_

"So what are you drawing?" Latvia asked. "Can I see?"

"Are you sure?" Russia said, not taking his eyes of the paper. "I think it might scare you. I can't seem to be drawing anything except for the disturbing things…"

"But even if you draw scary things, it doesn't mean you are a bad person," Latvia replied as he crawled onto the bed. "Art is just creativity."

He snuggled up against Russia to look, and the moment he saw it, he gasped. Russia sighed and closed it.

"I'm sorry, I tried to warn-"

"No, no," Latvia reached out and put a hand on Russia's to stop him from putting it away. "I was just surprised how good it is."

"Is it… good?"

"Yeah," Latvia nodded. "That was so detailed!"

Russia hesitantly opened it back up so Latvia could gaze over it.

"It's the creature from your story," Latvia said.

It was the side-view of the creature crawling in that unnatural way, with its back bent backwards like in the bridge yoga pose. Its face was turned so that its empty orbits looked at them. It had crinkled skin, a black gaping mouth, thin, dry hair, loose and tattered clothes, and long nails. The background was the bedroom, just like in the story, and it was very somber. However the most intriguing things were the little unexpected additions that were not mentioned in the story. Its hands were dark with blood, and the smears were left on the floor where it had shuffled across. Grasped under one of its hands, was a wilted sunflower.

"How long did it take you to do this?" Latvia asked.

"I've been working on it since last week," he said. "It is taking such a long time…"

"It is scary," Latvia admitted. "But because you did such a good job on it. And it's so interesting… can you… tell me how that story ends?"

"Da," he said. "I'd love to. You need to know the happy ending."

He started speaking lowly again in Russian.

 _"All he could hear was that noise. He sobbed, and he thought,_ This can't be happening. This isn't real. This can't be happening.

" _He kept thinking this, then the sounds got quieter. The tapping seemed softer, and eventually, it faded away and he could no longer hear it. He waited, unsure if it had stopped and was only waiting for him to come out. He was sure that's what it must be doing, so he waited a little longer. But it didn't feel so dangerous anymore. He felt... like it was safe to come out, although he couldn't tell if there was a presence lingering outside of the door or not. He tentatively put his hand on the doorknob again, unlocked it, and slowly opened the door._

 _He saw nothing out of place. No tapping came at him. No smell or trace at all. Blissful quiet. In fact, it was too quiet. He wondered if he should do something about that. For some reason, he felt an urge. His mind felt cleared, like he had no control._

 _He started to dance, and he clacked his feet off the floor._

 _Tap-tap-tap._

 _Something moved in the corner of his vision. Something low and shorter than he, entered his room from the hall. It also went tap-tap-tap._

 _But he hardly paid it any attention, as it grabbed him with bony, cold hands, and climbed upwards. It rose up to its feet until it was face-to-face with him with its empty eyes and open mouth centimeters away. Now it could stand although it had a broken spine, by holding on to him._

 _For he was no longer capable of thought nor fear, the boy only danced._

 _And then the dead danced with him._

After finishing his story, he looked at Latvia.

"Was that okay?" Russia asked. "Is that considered a happy ending to you?"

"Y-Yeah," Latvia said. "It was really scary until the end… but then it turned out to be really nice."

"It isn't my story," Russia smiled. "But when I read it, I couldn't help but like it for that reason. It made me wonder why it was feared in the first place. It was being unnatural and creepy, but when you are thinking about it, it never did anything bad."

Latvia gazed at the picture, and could now look at it differently.

"It looks scary, but it doesn't want to do anything wrong."

"Who can tell, just by looking at it? Can you tell by looking into its eyes?"

"No. And I think that's actually sad," Latvia leaned over and hugged Russia. Russia put the sketchbook and utensils on the nightstand, then gathered Latvia into his arms. He put his face into his soft hair, and cuddled him like that for many moments.

"You are so important," Russia finally said. "I already said this but... I don't know what I would do without you."

Russia leaned back and made them both lie down with each other. Latvia closed his eyes and snuggled against him, relaxing further when Russia went up onto his side and began to stroke his head. Soon Latvia had turned to lie on his back while Russia looked at him softly as his fingers breezed over his face.

The hand caressed Latvia's face as Russia then slowly moved a leg over him. Latvia's heart leapt the moment Russia was over him and he was reminded of how powerful Russia was, and he now felt so small and helpless underneath him. Latvia inhaled brokenly and he stiffened as Russia leaned over him, so close and leaving hardly any room between their bodies.

Latvia quickly glanced to the side to look for something that could help him escape, for it would only be all so easy for Russia to pin him down, crush any resistance, and do whatever he wanted with him. He suddenly remembered Estonia's warning, and he felt dread that he had come this close to Russia now.

Latvia twitched and looked up at Russia's face with fear flashing in his eyes. Russia paused and blinked at him, recognizing the fear, and then Latvia watched as something broke painfully within the other.

"Is it… okay if I kiss you?" Russia asked hesitantly. "You have to tell me if you don't want me to, please…"

 _Kiss... that is all he wanted to do. He isn't thinking like that_ , Latvia thought, now feeling guilty for having had that fear. _It's obvious he doesn't want to do anything that I don't want to do. How could I have thought that? I hate how the others at the World Conference made me think that way!  
_

"O-Of course!" Latvia said. "Yes, you can. It's perfectly fine."

Russia nodded, and then leaned in and gently took him by the lips.

"Latvia," he whispered, after breaking away. "Did I do something to scare you? Please-"

Latvia pulled Russia's head closer to encourage another kiss, and he stroked his head soothingly during the second one.

Afterwards, Russia froze, staring at something while beginning to shiver. Latvia saw that he was looking at his shoulder, which was slightly exposed because of how his shirt was pulled to the side. He realized that Russia was fixated on the white scar beside his neck. Russia's face then went completely blank, and he pulled himself off of Latvia in a way that seemed cautious. Latvia looked at him in confusion as he left the bed.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Where are you going?"

"I have to do something," Russia replied quickly as he left the room.

 _What is happening?_ Latvia thought, sitting up straight. _Is this… oh no, is this what Estonia was talking about? Where is he going? What was with his face? Should I follow...?_

He then thought that he should not. _Russia said he would never lie to me. I'll ask him. When he comes back, I'll ask him what he was doing._

In five minutes, Russia returned to the room. Latvia was ready to pose the question, but he when he saw him, he halted.

"I'm sorry," Russia whimpered. "I should have asked first before I did that... I didn't mean to scare you..."

Tears flowed freely down his face, running over the fingers of the hand that Russia clutched at his face with. Latvia leaped off the bed in absolute shock.

"Why are you crying?" he gasped. "No, don't cry- it's fine! Everything's okay."

"I'm sorry," Russia inhaled brokenly. "I'm so sorry, so sorry…"

Latvia took Russia by the hand and led him back to the bed. They lay down, and Latvia slid in close so that Russia could hold him. Russia trembled and twitched from his silent sobs, and his face was wet with tears that refused to stop coming.

"I won't hurt you," he cried. "No, please... I won't hurt you... I'm so sorry I did that..."

Latvia shushed him and hugged him.

"I know," Latvia said. "I'm sorry... I just... No, Russia. Don't be upset. That was my fault."

"No," he choked. "I should have known... No, no, no... I'm so sorry, Latvia! Please... please forgive me. I love you... I wouldn't do that to you..."

Latvia shushed him again and crawled over his chest. Russia stroked his hands over his back before holding him protectively against him.

"I trust you, Russia. I won't think that of you again, okay?" Latvia whispered.

Russia sniffed, then Latvia moved up and ran his hand over Russia's forehead and through his hair. His eyes flickered shut, and his chest stopped jolting the longer he was pet. When he finally stopped crying, Russia opened his eyes and looked over Latvia's face. He reached out and stroked his fingers over Latvia's cheeks, down the sides of his neck, and then to the end of his arms. So delicately, that he barely touched him. As if he was truly afraid of pressing too hard and breaking him.


	11. White-hot Fear

"Canada, you have a skill in making me feel like shit," America groaned.

In truth, this was the second time Canada had ranted about America's faults and had reduced him into a beaten mush of a human being. The last time, it had been a rant that lasted a few hours and had forced him into tears. Once he got America listening to him, he had such an ability.

"I'm glad you realize that you are in the wrong," Canada nodded matter-of-factly. "You ought to realize that Russia is doing something good, and then you go off and try and discourage it. Do you want him to be cruel and evil or something just so you can hate him? What kind of person do you think you are?"

America faltered under Canada's passionately-spoken words.

"Alright, alright dude. Calm down! What do you want me to do?"

"You are going to be nice to them," Canada said. "I want you to call and apologize to both, and think of a way to make it up to them!"

"Come on man, do I really have to do all that?"

Canada immediately jumped upon him with another minute-long rant. America, feeling even more crappy as a person, sighed and put his hands up in defeat.

"Fine, I'll do everything you say!" he exclaimed. "Just stop talking, dude!"

Once Canada left his house, he reluctantly picked up the phone. He figured it would probably be easier to talk to Latvia first, so he looked through his book of contacts, found the number, and punched it in. He was surprised when it kept ringing through and there was no answer. He hung up, and then summoned up the nerve to call Russia. He received a Russian greeting he did not understand, so he just cleared his throat and said, "Hey, Russia… dude. It's me."

"America?" Russia voiced his surprise. "What is it?"

"Well… I was talking to Canada you see, and I realize I might have been a douche the other day. So, I am calling to say I'm sorry for everything offensive I did…"

There was silence on the other line. Russia was, to be honest, awed that America was actually admitting his flaws for once.

America asked in confusion, "You still there?"

"Da," Russia replied. "But that is good to hear... what you are saying."

"Yeah…" America twirled the phone cord around his fingers. "So listen. I think it's probably better to actually make it up to you instead of just saying words, but I don't really know what to give you. Maybe… you would like to come over? It's hot in the southern states, even in winter, and I thought that you might be interested?"

"Wow, that sounds really nice, America!"

"And you can bring Latvia too, of course," he added quickly. "Tell me the place and I'll book everything and send you the tickets."

"Hold on, then."

Russia turned to Latvia, who was standing silently to the side, and said, "He is offering to let us vacation anywhere we want in his country. Where are you wanting to go?"

"I think California would be a really good choice," Latvia said. "It's really hot, and there are cactuses and deserts. It's really different from here, so it should be fun!"

Russia returned to the phone.

"California is good," he said.

"Yeah, alright. Good choice, dude! Rocking it out in the heat! Well, peace man."

* * *

At the same time America gave Russia a call, Prussia was tittering as he approached Austria's house. He spotted Hungary and Austria talking at the front door, then he sauntered up to them. They caught sight of him, and immediately gave him twin expressions of perplexity.

"Prussia, what do you want?" Hungary immediately inquired.

 _Hi to you too,_ Prussia's mind retaliated.

"I was bored, so I thought I'd come bug you guys," he shrugged.

Austria protested, "Well, don't come just here to annoy us!"

Prussia sorted through his mind for a better excuse to offer as to why he was here. He ended up blurting out, "If you let me in your house, I'll clean things for you!"

"As if I would let you go through my things!" Austria huffed. "I simply will not allow you to do such a thing. Not after what you did with my underwear last time you cleaned here..."

 _Great. I need another excuse to be here…_ Prussia thought.

"Sure," Prussia shrugged again. "Wanna chat? I heard that something really exciting happened at the last world meeting!"

"Oh, _that_ ," Austria said. "Why on Earth do you want to talk about _that_?"

"So Germany was right and Russia is totally-"

"I don't want to hear it again," Austria interrupted him.

 _I need another idea._

"We should go do something!" he burst out mildly.

"We already have plans for today," Hungary told him steadily. "So don't feel like you can just come here whenever you want and expect us to entertain you."

Prussia asked, "Well, what is it that you two are going to do?"

" _We're_ going to go for a quiet walk around town," Hungary replied.

"And I can't come?" Prussia asked. "But that sounds like something I can totally join in on!"

"We were hoping for something quiet and peaceful," Austria stressed.

"If I'm quiet, will you let me come?"

"No."

"Can I stay in your house?"

"Of course not!"

"Fine then! I have no choice but to follow you!"

* * *

Prussia kept his hood up until he was safe at home and in the bathroom. It was there where he threw off the hood and looked at the mirror, troubled. He watched himself poke the nasty blue bruise on his face, and he cringed.

"Why did it have to be the face this time?" he sighed in German, with the flashing image of Hungary's frying pan still in his mind. "This is much harder to hide!"

He pulled out the makeup from his pocket that he had sneaked from the hiding place he had in his room. He opened it up and started to smear it over the bruise. It was tender to the touch, and he had to apply a generous amount to completely cover the colour. He tilted his head in different angles to make sure he had done a good job, and then he hid the makeup away again.

"I'm awesome," he told himself. "I don't need anybody because I am so awesome!"

He made himself flash a grin at the mirror, and it helped him feel a little better. He jogged down the stairs and met Germany in the kitchen, and he acted as wild as he usually would.

Germany noticed nothing different about him.

* * *

Latvia asked, "So will your boss really let you go?"

Russia replied, "He is already more than happy to be taking control whenever he can, so he is fine to be completely in charge while I am gone."

"Does that frighten you? What if he does something bad?"

"I cannot really object either way," Russia shook his head. "But don't worry. We are going to have so much fun! I am so excited to go somewhere warm."

"Warm? It's going to be scorching hot!" Latvia exclaimed.

He watched Russia packing, and shook his head in disagreement. He rapidly picked out the sweaters and pants and said, "You don't need that stuff! Just shorts and shirts! I promise."

"I don't have too many of those," Russia admitted.

"We'll buy tons of things there," Latvia said. "It'll be fun to go shopping too. Just think of the interesting things we might find!"

"Okay," Russia broke into a smile.

Soon afterwards, they departed to the airport with their luggage, then spent the long flight sleeping and watching movies on the plane. Although they had suffered the cold in the light clothes they had put on before they had left Russia, once they landed in the American airport, immediately they could feel the heat.

Latvia excitedly jogged over to the glass that looked out over the airfield. They regarded the sand, dry plants, and squat palm trees.

"Wow," Latvia breathed.

Russia said, "Let's go, so then we can be seeing more up close."

With a rented car, they drove across the dusty roads and arrived in Los Angeles. It was later in the day, so they were able to check into the pre-booked, nice, four-star hotel. It was also satisfying to know that America had gotten over himself and had had the consideration to get them a room with a single bed. Russia immediately threw himself backwards on it the moment he had deposited his suitcase to the side.

"It's so hot," he commented. "But, that _is_ a good thing too…"

"I think that your scarf is way too heavy for this heat," Latvia replied. "You know, we can go buy a lighter one. Maybe one of those decorative ones?"

"Da!"

He got up suddenly bursting with energy, and they soon departed. Before dinner, they visited a large mall, and it was in a clothing store that they found a large selection of decorative scarves in the corner. While no one was around to watch them, Russia pulled off his scarf. Latvia passed him possible choices, and he tried them on and let Latvia judge.

"Wow," Latvia said while he pulled the next one off a hook. "This one, you have to try!"

He passed a black scarf with skulls on it to Russia. Russia smirked, and wrapped it around his neck. Latvia looked at him in awe.

"You look awesome!" Latvia declared, although his mind had used the word _badass_.

Russia stared at himself in the mirror as he adjusted it. Latvia peeked out from behind him, and he added, "I think you should buy that one!"

"You are really thinking so?" Russia asked. "It is okay to wear?"

"Yes, it looks really great!"

After it had been purchased, Russia put his thick scarf in the bag and exchanged it for the new one. Latvia looked over him again in fascination as he walked beside him, before pressing close and looking around with him for the next store that they wanted to go into.

Later that evening for the first time ever, they were able to have dinner together as just the two of them. They did catch the attention of a few people in the restaurant, but it was harmless because absolutely no one recognized them. They were safe here, and it was a pleasant change.

Both felt jet-lagged, so they agreed that they would go to sleep earlier so they could wake up earlier the next day and have more time to do things. At the hotel, they each took turns in the bathroom showering and getting ready, before settling down and watching television. Latvia crawled over Russia's chest and hugged him.

"This is really fun," Latvia said. "I'm so glad we could take this vacation. We really should thank Canada for it all, yes?"

"Of course," Russia nodded.

After a while of cuddling, it came to a point that they were really too tired to hold their eyes open. Russia shut the television and all of the lights off, then slid into the bed and collected Latvia into a soft embrace. In the dark, he found Latvia's face, caressed it, then kissed him delicately on the cheek.

"Goodnight," Russia whispered.

* * *

The next morning, they went downstairs and enjoyed the complimentary breakfast before they drove out to a mountain range. There, they got out to hike up the steep trails that had gravel underfoot and pale flora all around them. It was tiring, so they would stop at the flat parts occasionally and just look at the landscape beyond. Latvia took pictures at such times with a small digital camera that he had brought with him.

When Latvia found a jackrabbit, he went wild over its big, black-tipped ears. He decided to carry it for part of the way, petting it, and commenting on how powerful its muscles felt. He went to pass it to Russia later, but then it suddenly squirmed out of his grasp and hopped a few meters away.

"I am not sure if the animals like me as much as they are liking you," Russia commented.

"But it worked last time, I wonder why this one ran?" Latvia wondered. "Maybe it's just practice?"

 _It's strange that it got scared… why was it different this time? Russia is good now. They should be able to trust him like they trust me…_

Latvia thought of Estonia's warning again, but forcefully pushed away the thought. He could not think of anything that Russia could possibly be hiding from him, and why he would do such a thing. Latvia could read Russia so well now, and it was obvious to see how much he cared about him. If anything, it was just the burden of guilt that Russia was probably struggling with, and perhaps that was why he had to leave the room in both situations.

 _It's not fair that I have these doubts_ , Latvia thought. _Here I am, always questioning him, while he is always trusting me completely and doing kind things for me._

The third day they went and did what most people do when vacationing in California: they went to the beach. On the fourth day, they did something America had mentioned to them before departing, and they went to Universal Studios in Hollywood. That was the most exhilarating of the days, and Russia was surprised to find out that Latvia was addicted to roller coasters. Even while people screamed around them, Latvia always smiled on the drops with a laugh.

Before they returned to the hotel on the fourth day, Russia was obligated to take Latvia to the bookstore. There, Latvia had to resist the urge to binge-buy, and he restricted himself to buying only eight books.

"Why do you like the romance novels so much?" Russia asked him. "Are they not the same story every time?"

"Of course not!" Latvia gasped. "It's just like how not every horror story or mystery story is the same!"

"So you are saying it is not always that the guy is getting the girl, losing her, and getting her back?"

"Okay, maybe that happens a lot of the time, but the storyline is always different! The characters are different people, there are other things going on- like maybe a war or something! They can be very exciting sometimes."

Russia asked, "Have you ever read any with a bad ending?"

Latvia paused in consideration.

"Yes, actually. Sometimes something unexpected happens and the story ends in a really sad way," Latvia admitted. "I try not to read those kinds of stories…"

 _Why is he so interested anyway?_ Latvia thought.

He asked Russia, "Do you want to get into reading romance or something?"

"No. Not really."

Russia did not end up buying anything at all while at the bookstore. Latvia insisted that he should get things while they were here, so he ended up just buying more summer clothes.

Latvia had noticed that every time they showered and were refreshed from the filth of the day, Russia's mood would become something that he summed up into a single word: cuddly. Latvia was enveloped in a new book when he was captured and dragged across the bed. He hurried to catch a glimpse of the page he was on before the book slipped out of his hands and tumbled away.

"Hey, are you trying to make me lose my page?" Latvia pretended to scold him.

Russia breathed out a laugh, confirming that he knew Latvia would not have cared even if he had lost his place. The silky pajamas over Russia's arms squeezed around him, and Latvia gladly pressed into him. He rolled back his head to look up at Russia, whose face was already lowering. Russia delivered quick kisses to the side of his face, and Latvia's eyes closed contently while he smiled and laughed.

"You're so affectionate," Latvia breathed.

"I really love you," Russia purred. "If doing this is making you happy, then it makes me happy too."

Latvia was tickled with more kisses and nuzzles. Russia stopped soon, and asked him, "Can I massage you again? I am not sure why, but right now I just don't want to stop touching you."

Latvia's heart pumped a wave of panic through his body.

 _Not in that way,_ he thought.

Latvia murmured, "Okay."

His fingers found the bottom of his shirt, then held on to peel it off his body. He felt exposed as he bent to the side to drop the shirt on the bed. He looked over at Russia nervously, but his facial expression had not changed from its placid one of happiness. Latvia tensed as Russia moved closer to him, but then arms only wrapped around him to initiate another hug. Latvia exhaled carefully and relaxed in his hold, then on his own time, he turned his back and exposed his scars once again to Russia. He hoped that this time it would not upset him, but of course Russia could not stop himself from feeling that fierce stab of guilt again as he put his hands over the lines on his shoulders.

As he started to work, Russia murmured, "I don't understand why they haven't faded away. We heal so fast, and they've been here for so long."

"I think it's about my country," Latvia said. "The people and economy are still recovering from… Well, you know."

"I understand."

"Yeah... But they are fading, I promise. Just a little slowly."

Russia stopped and lowered his face to gently kiss the thick one on his shoulder, just beside his neck. The place where he had once sawed down into so easily with a blade.

 _If only I had known,_ Russia thought. _That punishing him was torture. That he didn't need it, and that it didn't work. He would have learned fine, just because he already felt guilty anyway whenever he broke something. Hurting him made him scared, and it made him shiver, and then I punished him for that. It was all my fault the entire time though._

After he had finished massaging him, they turned the lights off and lay down. Russia could not however fall asleep until long after Latvia. He lay back and stared at the ceiling, feeling Latvia's warmth clinging to him and listening to his slow and quiet breaths along with the humming of the AC in the room.

 _I wonder if I would be able to forgive someone who hurt me if I ever had the chance_ , he thought. _It's amazing that one's heart can be strong enough to do it. Pull itself together strand-by-strand and weave itself back whole again. I wonder if it would feel different, and if it would feel better._

When early morning came around, Latvia woke up and found that he was unable to fall back asleep. He felt awake and refreshed although it was only five o'clock. He drew himself out of bed and stretched, then Russia woke up and blinked sleepily at him.

"What are you doing?" he yawned.

"I think I'll go walk around," Latvia said. "You can go back to sleep."

Latvia changed in the bathroom then came out and started putting his shoes on. He glanced to the side and noticed that Russia was lying on his side and watching him.

"What is it?" Latvia asked.

Russia's eyes were soft and they shone in some kind of adoration.

"Sorry, you are just very cute."

When Latvia blushed, Russia only looked at him more sweetly. He felt overwhelmed with embarrassment and also a gleeful warmth, so he hurried away out the door to relieve himself from the attention.

Outside, it was still grey and dark because the sun had yet to come over the horizon. Latvia made sure to pay attention to the road signs as he ventured out into the city so that he would not end up getting himself lost. He had forgotten to take any form of time-tracking device with him, but when the sun started to pour light over the city, he knew he had been outside for quite a while, perhaps for an hour.

If he turned back, he thought that he would probably be back early enough that Russia would only be getting up. He stopped, turned on his heels, and started going back the way he had come. There were people going to and fro on either side of him, but his eyes flashed to a group of young men when they stopped suddenly and hung around the streetlight on the corner.

He felt uncomfortable as he passed under their scanning eyes.

 _Why had they stopped?_ he wondered.

He wanted to look back at them, but he did not want to appear rude for seeming suspicious. About five minutes later however, he felt a growing discomfort, so he feigned checking a street sign behind him so he would have an excuse to look back. He inhaled sharply when he saw the group a little bit away, walking towards him.

 _A coincidence_ , he told himself. _They might just be going the same way._

He continued on for twenty more minutes, and then checked again. They were still there, the gang of six- and still the same distance behind him. Ten minutes later, they will still there.

Latvia was feeling hot with fear. He was not so familiar with Americans and bigger cities, but he knew that there was nothing natural about a group walking through the city languidly and not speaking or even looking at each other at all. They were staring ahead, not purposely fixated on him, though that might have been the point.

He gradually picked up the pace. He wondered, if he truly was being followed, if he should go back to the hotel as fast as possible or throw them off so they did not know where he was staying. _Should I tell someone?_ he wondered. _If I stop someone on the street, will they take my fears legitimately, or just think that I'm being paranoid?_

He decided that he could dissuade them if they were indeed following him. He went into a corner store and ventured deep into the aisles. He distracted himself by looking at the different selections of snacks that were found here, and no one entered the shop in the few minutes he was there. He rounded the aisle to sneak a glance through the store window, and his heart thudded. The men were standing by a bench outside of the store, smoking cigarettes.

 _Well, they've made it quite obvious_ , he thought. _Maybe I can just lose them though, all by myself._

He summoned up the courage to exit the store and re-enter the street. He pretended like he did not notice them, in order to keep them from being suspicious. He rounded a corner, and did not even check if they were following him before he tore off running. Maybe they could have heard him, but he thought that if they chased him, then other people would definitely step in. He immediately cut into a park at the side of the street so that they would lose sight of him if they had pursued him around the corner. He checked behind his shoulder, and saw three of the men skidding to a halt outside of the park gate. It seemed apparent to Latvia that they did not care how suspicious they looked in public at this point.

They started yelling something at him, but Latvia did not understand what. He looked at them in confusion but then realized they had not been actually looking at him. He snapped his head around and saw the other three men coming in from the other side of the park.

 _They split up_ , he realized. _Those three took another street because they knew I was on to them. That I was going to run._

But he was determined to escape. His entire spirit hated the idea of being victimized all the time, and he wanted so much to change this. He sprinted to the side, towards the fences of the neighboring houses, knowing that he could climb over one in no time at all.

 _I can move randomly through the yards and lose them_ , he thought. _I'm fast. All that exercising will finally pay off! I won't get tired so easily. I can do this._

Something nailed him in the side of his face and he tripped. The impact with the ground knocked all the air out of him, and he inhaled painfully before scrambling to his feet. His head pounded, but he dizzily continued running, although now he could hear the scraping of feet close to him. From the corner of his eye he saw one of them suddenly right beside him, with a hefty stone in his grasp. Latvia squeaked in surprise and flung himself sideways, but then the man leapt and whipped his arm forward.

At that close distance, he was able to nail it right into the spot that had already been struck before.

Latvia heard a crack and he felt wetness trickling down his neck. For a moment that was all he could feel, until he became aware of the ground when he smashed down against it. He could not even emit a whimper before he lost absolute control of his muscles and could no longer move.

"Fuck," one of them said as they all collected over his still body. "Why the hell did you do that?"

The one who had thrown the two rocks replied, "He was going to get away."

"But shit man, you didn't need to go and fucking kill him!"

Blood poured out from the wound on Latvia's face, and pooled over the dusty ground. Another one of the men grabbed Latvia's face and pulled it side-to-side.

"Oi guys," he grinned. "He still has a pulse."

"The hell?" the one who had spoken first, exclaimed. "I could've sworn you dented his skull in! How's he still alive?"

"Shit, does it matter? Someone call Teres and tell him to bring the van in, pronto."

"A'ight."

* * *

Russia woke up and found that his heart was full of worry. He glanced at the clock, and found that the alarm had yet to go off. Latvia had been gone for an hour and a half, and although this is what had been expected, Russia felt uneasy for some reason.

He changed into his day clothes and drank water straight from the tap. He paced the room, looked out the window, and glanced at the door. He waited, but the longer he did this, the more anxious he felt. Eventually, he could not stop himself from beginning to sweat nervously. Once that happened, he finally recognized this feeling. It was the one where he knew that something bad was happening, for he had felt this feeling before in a meeting with his boss when Estonia and Latvia had fled his house at the end of the Soviet Era. This time though, he would not hesitate.

He snapped into action and grabbed the car keys. He raced out of the room, slamming the door and taking no time to lock it behind him. He flew down the stairs, not even daring to wait for the elevator. He scrambled into the car, jammed the keys into the ignition, and sped out of the parking lot, not knowing where he was going but not feeling like he needed to know either. It was like he was searching for him in the darkness in the cold water under the ice again. He let all thought fade away and he only felt. He could sense Latvia's presence, and even America's very far away. However, Latvia's felt like it was growing more distant, and Russia drove determinedly after that signal.

* * *

As Latvia began to regain consciousness, the first sense that came back to him was feeling. There was a hard and uncomfortable surface beneath him. Then, he heard. He recognized the hum of a car engine and he heard the crunching of sand. It took him longer before he started to see the blur of figures sitting and standing, but by then he heard how the engine of the vehicle had quieted down as it descended into a halt.

 _Where…_ he thought hazily. _What..?_

Blinding white light flooded upon him as the side doors were rolled open. Some of the people forms hopped out, but then two came towards him. He felt tight grips on his legs and arms, and then he was lifted off the floor of the van and carried out.

He blinked in the bright light, then his vision began to clear. He glanced at the two men carrying him, at their hard-set faces with their scruffy facial hair, and then realization hit him.

He jolted and fought madly. One of the men completely lost his grip and dropped his legs. Latvia immediately struck out and nailed him in the scrotum to make him crumble to the ground. The other one swore and griped his wrists, digging his nails deep into his flesh. Latvia wrestled, and the man, surprised at his strength, started yelling for the others to help.

Latvia, knowing that he needed to shake the man off now, turned his bloodied face to the side and bit him. Hard. He tasted the metallic tang of blood and the man hollered.

He was dropped, and Latvia ran a few steps before two tackled him to the ground. He screamed and fought wildly, striking out until he felt his knees driving into soft flesh. He briefly caught a glimpse of a face, and he shot out with swift punches until he jabbed the eye enough times that the face retreated with a yell.

"Holy hell!" one of the other men cried before leaping into the fray. Latvia scratched and elbowed his face and shoved him away with a pushing kick to the chest.

 _No, no, no!_ his mind screamed out. _I will escape! I will fight, and I won't let you take me!_

"Why can't you take that scrawny bitch?" called the rock-thrower, whom Latvia assumed then to be the leader of the gang.

He charged at Latvia as he was busy holding off the three other men. He waited for an opening before rushing in and cruelly booting Latvia right in his injury before he could block. Latvia gasped and went limp, and the leader snatched him off the ground.

"Losing your touch, men?" he scoffed, and carried the dazed Latvia towards a lone, old and dusty building fifteen meters away .

The door opened with a screeching protest, and everyone went inside swiftly. Latvia heard the click of a heavy lock, before the lights flickered on. He weakly glanced around as they went down some steps and came into a spacious, stone-walled room with cold pipes and cheap lighting above. It seemed like the basement of some abandoned shop, although the fact that it had electricity made Latvia realize that one of them probably owned it and that they must therefore use the place often as well.

He was hurled at the stone ground. He cried out in pain, but then he choked as he was punched in the throat. Hands grabbed each of his arms and dragged him backwards towards the back wall. Latvia tried to catch his breath, but there was going to be no breaks. He was struck again in the injury on his face to subdue him long enough for the hands to pull the shirt off him. His arms were pulled back into a painful position and then his wrists were bound by biting ropes. He yelled and struggled, but the ropes were thick, tight, and fastened to the wall. Tears ran down his face as he pulled and pulled, trying to break free but finding himself unable to. His wrists felt raw, but he would not stop.

"Look at him struggle," one of them purred sadistically. "He's gonna make himself bleed."

They grabbed his legs, and although he kicked and hit a few of them, they were able to get his shoes and socks off. Someone yanked at his shorts forcefully, and he screeched.

" _Russia!_ " he screamed. " _Russia!_ "

"What the hell? Did ya hit him too hard in the head, Nick?"

As they started pulling down, he felt unimaginable fear that blinded him with white-hotness. His throat felt ripped from the screaming, and his heart ached as its beats pounded his body. His face burned from the tears like they were drops of acid that scorched his flesh.

"Shit, shut him up already!"

Someone grabbed his head and jammed something solid into his mouth. They fastened the ragged gag tightly around his head while tearing off the last piece of his clothes and tossing it carelessly to the side. They tied up his ankles as well, and Latvia sobbed as they spread his legs apart and kept them tautly in place like that. Never had he felt so exposed and objectified, and he felt overwhelming dread and terror. But there was nothing he could do; he could no longer scream or move. He cried, and stared at them with desperate, pleading eyes.

"Let me go first," one said.

A man with black hair and a short beard grinned and stepped forward. It was the man that had carried Latvia earlier, whom he had kicked to escape from his grasp.

"You know, it fucking hurt when you got me," the man said, and he stopped to rub at his crotch as he knelt down in front of him. "But I think you can make up for that now…"

He put his hands on Latvia's rib cage, and then caressed his hands down his obliques. Latvia jolted and tried to throw away those hands, but the man only grinned as he continued to get a feel for his figure. Latvia shivered as the hands went as high up to his armpits before travelling back down. They went a bit lower than before, and Latvia shrieked around the gag as they settled on his hips.

"Not yet," the man purred as though to tease him. He shifted closer, twisted his head, and leaned in. His teeth sank into the muscle by his neck, and Latvia's eyes snapped shut as tears squeezed through them. This stranger licked over the bite mark imprinted over his shoulder, before he left a trail of savage kisses composed of slobber and teeth up his neck. Latvia whined as repulsion knotted his internal organs. One hand then left its grip on Latvia's hip to force his head backwards so that the man could leave a sticky trail of spit on his flesh as he slowly licked under his chin.

 _Stop!_ Latvia's mind wept. _Please, stop!_

The other men watched on, and Latvia noticed how they enjoyed what they saw. The evidence of this was physically seen as the men shamelessly stood there. Latvia closed his eyes again and choked as the revolting tongue licked over the curve of his collarbone, before the man decided to lock his lips over it. His dirty facial hair scratched at Latvia's skin, rubbing it red as the man grew impatient to taste more of him.

One of the bystanders tittered and asked, "He taste good?"

" _Mmhmm_ ," the man sighed with a smile. Latvia's throat felt hot as though he had already vomited and the acid had scorched his inner tissues.

The man then stopped suddenly and snapped his hand around Latvia's throat. Latvia inhaled sharply and his chest jolted, before he set his gaze upon the pitiless face coming near his. The man stared at him with half-lidded eyes. His mouth opened and wafted rancid breath over his face as he muttered, "You are mine."

He dipped his head to look down. Latvia's panic increased further as the man wet his lips as though anticipating a meal. It was then that the hand left his throat, in order to join the other in the act of caressing thumbs over the crests of Latvia's pelvis.


	12. Crimson and Darkness

The stone-walled room echoed with a loud, metallic bang, and the sound rang off the pipes. Everyone froze as the vibrations in their ears drew out into a high note, then they simultaneously all slowly and confusedly turned their heads in the direction of where the sound had come from. The room descended back into a silence. The man holding Latvia's hips had whipped his lustful eyes around and was now blinking at nothing, his mind then trying to conjure up an idea as to what had generated the noise. There was another bang that startled them, and this time something flew down the stairs, thumping and clanging as it bounced off every other step until it slid and crashed against the wall. The object was stared at dumbly until it was confirmed to be undoubtedly the lock from the door, with its shackle snapped in two.

Swift and heavy footsteps pounded down the first few steps before decisively leaping down over all of the rest, then landing neatly on the cold floor. The seven men in the room watched the stranger rise and face them. With his posture straight and body now turned full profile towards them, they could look him up and down. This man was taller than all of them, powerfully built, and as if he was a person who had been made solely for the purpose of intimidation, he wore a dark scarf with skulls upon it, and clothes that demonstrated hard and currently tensed muscles.

The most unnerving of all, were the eyes that held a gaze upon them all that was unlike anything they had ever encountered before. They were given the impression of frost creeping through their veins, stemming from an instinctual fear that had started to build up within them. The more they looked back into his gaze, the more obvious the tremble in their hands became. It was for the reason that this person had eyes that were so unnaturally deep and frigid, as though fashioned from a coldness that could suitably be compared to one that reigned on the deadest of winter nights.

Then, the voice that was uttered likened a slow, sorrowful wind.

" _Close your eyes_."

At first, the seven men looked at this person in further confusion, but then they saw how he was now looking into the eyes of their captive and had been, in fact, addressing him. They all got to their feet and positioned themselves menacingly towards the intruder; a few flicked out switchblades, the rest brought up their fists. They were full of fear, but they also burned with a violent rage as they collectively deemed this intruder to be a serious threat.

Latvia obediently shut his eyes closed. Just after he saw nothing but blackness, he heard movement, and in but a second the room was filled with bloodcurdling screams. He did not know what was happening, but he registered loud crunching sounds and odd ripping noises. Scraping and snapping, then what sounded like water being poured onto the floor. Almost right beside him he could hear the man with the black facial hair still there, breathing rapid and short breaths. He had not moved yet, and the only meaning that Latvia could draw from this was that he must have been absolutely stricken with terror.

The other end of the room went suddenly quiet, and then the only noises that he heard now were the purposeful footsteps that came closer, soon accompanied by the pleas that the man left beside him had started to blubber out. The sound of footsteps ended to be followed by squelching flesh sounds. Latvia heard tearing and pulling, long and drawn-out screeches of agony, multiple cracks that ended on a final snap- then the room was plunged into silence.

Latvia opened his eyes hesitantly. Russia had his back to him, but he then turned his head and met his eyes. Something red and white dropped from Russia's hand, and the movement briefly caught Latvia's attention. This object hit the floor with a dull clunk.

It was the man's spinal cord.

Russia turned and came towards him. He looked into Latvia's eyes, with a deep remorse contaminating his gaze.

"Latvia..." he spoke lowly, as though speaking brought him pain. "I... wasn't too late, was I?"

He reached out with a reddened switchblade and slit the ropes. Latvia's tearful eyes gazed over Russia's arms, which were painted red all the way up to his shoulders. The front of his shirt was completely drenched as if someone had thrown a bucket full of blood at him, and continuous drops dripped down to stain his shorts. In places on Russia's body, there were also clinging clumps of unrecognizable gore. His crimson-splattered face came closer as he leaned in to untie Latvia's gag. The cloth fell limply to the sides of his head, then Latvia shakily opened his mouth to let Russia pull out the rest and throw it away into the corner.

"N-No," Latvia whispered in reply, his voice chalky. "You were right on time…"

Russia sighed, got up, and turned away so Latvia could shakily climb to his feet and gather his clothes. They were hard to put on when he trembled so uncontrollably, but Russia waited patiently, not knowing that Latvia was staring at him as he regarded everything he had done. When Latvia was dressed, he crept up to his side.

"I-I'm done…" he murmured.

"Okay. But... Latvia. Please, do not be looking at this," Russia replied without looking away from the scene before him.

Latvia had already seen it though, and he could not pull his eyes away. He followed Russia across the floor that was magnificently showered with red, and had countless organs and appendages spewed around the room. Latvia regarded the bodies with their torn-open rib cages, dented skulls, detached limbs, and he felt his own insides clench. Latvia held onto himself, but still peered over at every body that had been twisted into an unnatural angle to lay neglected in this manner, with their mouths still gaping open in screams.

They did not head to the stairs immediately. Against the wall, there were tools and junk, but also a large and dirty sink. Russia tested it, and water came out. Russia put both his arms under the tap, then observed the red washing away down the drain. Latvia watched him pull off his bloody shirt and scarf and toss them both on the ground. Russia continued to splash water over his face, neck, and shoulders, until the only thing that remained bloody was the front of his shorts.

Russia beckoned him over, and Latvia stepped up to him. First, Russia hugged him now that he was clean, and finally, after receiving that much needed contact, Latvia immediately started to cry against his chest. Russia shushed him, then moved away to grab his scarf off the floor. Half of it was clean, and he dabbed part of it into the running water before he turned off the faucet. He crouched down, hugged Latvia again, and then gingerly brought the fabric to his face.

He wiped the blood away from the wound, and gradually the disturbing size of the black bruise was revealed. Russia looked at the damaged face which still had shocked tears running down it, then felt so much heartache that he had to force his own tears to stay back. Russia ran the scarf under the water again, and Latvia closed his eyes as Russia began to wash his hair. Latvia stood there however, with his fists pressed against his chest while his small body was racked with quiet sobs.

Latvia was now clean of blood, but he was so shaky and unbalanced that Russia abandoned the clothes on the floor and only took Latvia into his arms. Latvia squeezed his eyelids tighter together, and his heart thudded rapidly as Russia took him through the worst of the gore then up the stairs. Russia flicked off the lights, plunging the scene below into darkness. As conclusion, he closed the door shut behind them.

"It's okay now," Russia murmured softly. "It's over."

Latvia nodded, dabbing at his eyes before he pried them open, and stared at the bright sand around them. It seemed to him that they were in the middle of nowhere, for the only thing around was the one quiet road just laying ahead not far from them. He saw the rental car just off the road, haphazardly stopped with twin skids marks behind it.

He set Latvia into the passenger seat then got in himself. The lonely road they drove on stretched on for a long time, but then the grandness of the city was around them once again. They drove into the parking lot of a large outlet mall, and here Russia parked the car before digging through the storage compartment. He found a wad of money, and he passed it to Latvia.

"Go buy some clothes for me," he said. "And some food. Whatever you would like."

It did not hit Latvia until he was paying that he was helping Russia cover up for murder. His heart jumped at the realization, because even after seeing all of the carnage, the fact had actually not hit him until then. However his face remained unchanged as he stood at the counter in front of the cashier, and his body remained still. He thought about it as he blankly took his change, and he found that it was because he simply did not care so much that those men were dead.

 _No matter how immoral or illegal it may be, I can't help but feel relief that they are dead_ , Latvia thought. _After what they did, they seem so inhuman to me. Is this normal to feel, or is there something wrong with me for thinking like this?_

He felt the eyes of the people staring at his face wherever he went. As he paid for the food, the employee leaned over, and asked him, "Hey, are you alright?"

"Y-Yes," Latvia replied, then quickly left.

He came back to the car with the clothes and some food and drinks from Subway. Russia changed in the back of the car, discovering with satisfaction that Latvia had known what sizes to get him. He got out, crammed the bloody shorts into the garbage in the parking lot, and then returned back beside Latvia, who had been staring forlornly out the window.

"I know you are not so hungry," he said to him. "But you should be trying to eat, or at least be drinking something. It will help you."

Although he had absolutely no appetite and it was hard to swallow, Latvia nibbled at his sandwich on the way to the hotel for Russia's sake. He managed to finish off the whole thing on the long drive back and a bottle of orange juice, although he had tasted neither of them.

People in the lobby of the hotel also stared at Latvia's face, so Russia stepped up and hid Latvia from their view. Russia ushered him back to the room to let him take a long shower. He searched the room, discovered that nothing was stolen while he had left the room unlocked, and then sat at the small table and ate his food while he waited for Latvia.

Latvia let the hot water fall on himself for awhile. He wanted to make the memory of hands on him fade away, and he wanted to remove all the remaining stickiness from when the man had licked him. Even now, in the privacy of the shower, he felt exposed and uncomfortable being naked. At least when he washed himself he felt like he was able to get rid of some of the filth, although the feeling of being violated remained.

 _But they are gone for good now._ _They no longer can remember me. Russia did that for me._

Out of all of his shock and discomfort, this thought consoled him. He still could not make himself fear Russia for what he had done.

When Latvia came out, they switched places and Russia showered as well. He did not leave him alone for long however. Russia came out now fully cleansed and in his new clothes, then he sat on the bed next to Latvia, who had been sitting and hugging his legs. He did not know what to do, or how he should treat him. As Russia sat there indecisively, Latvia scrambled over and nudged away his arm so he could wiggle in against him. Latvia hugged him tightly, and the action only astounded Russia.

Russia murmured, "I am not sure what you feel about me now..."

"It's alright," Latvia breathed. "I trust you completely."

When he felt Russia embrace him with all of his protecting warmth, it was easier to forget about the rest of the world. Now it was just Russia caressing and holding him, trying to do everything he could to comfort him. Latvia set his face against him, but despite the soft touches, the suffering overwhelmed him and he started to cry once more. This made Russia's chest ache, and he leaned over and whispered, "Please don't cry, Latvia. It's okay. You're safe now."

"I feel so sick," Latvia moaned. "I feel really-re-really-"

He hiccuped and shook.

"Shhh," Russia murmured.

"N-No one's ever done that to me before!" Latvia whimpered. "How could anyone do that to a person- a _person_?"

"I don't know," Russia said softly as he held him closer. "They are really bad people. They shouldn't be here."

Latvia sobbed, "I hated how they looked at me. I wasn't alive to them! They started violating me and they _enjoyed_ it!"

Russia choked, "You said that I wasn't too late..."

"That one man bit and licked me," Latvia whispered. "He kissed me and hurt me... But no one got to touch me. You arrived before that."

"It's over," Russia said. "Please, I hope you can forget this. They're gone forever now."

Latvia's crying lessened. He clung to Russia, and his trembling as well decreased as gentle hands swept over his back. After a while, Latvia said quietly, "I love you, Russia. You're so good. You treat me so nicely because you care about me."

"Of course," Russia murmured. "I love you so very much. I don't ever want to see you get hurt."

Latvia sniffed and quieted as he continued to cuddle Russia. Some time passed, and Latvia gradually grew more calm, and then the exhaustion from all of the day finally hit him. Russia felt him sink into him, so he carefully lay him down beside him, stroking the side of Latvia's face until his eyes closed.

Just before Latvia drifted off to sleep, he heard Russia whisper, "I promise that you can trust me not to be saying a word about this to anyone. No matter what, I will keep this all secret for you."

The words were barely picked up by his consciousness before everything darkened. Once Latvia was undoubtedly asleep, Russia finally broke, and the tears escaped him. He had held them back for this long in order to help Latvia feel reassured and better, but now Russia sat up and put his head in his hands to cry into them. He filled his trembling palms with tears as small sobs escaped his throat.

 _No, no, why did this have to happen to him?_ he thought with a wail barely repressed within him. _How could they do this to my sweet Latvia?_

He looked down at Latvia's tiny, curled-up form beside him.

 _If I was only a minute later, then they would have... no, why him? No one should treat him like that! He's so innocent and precious..._

Russia eventually stopped crying and he lay down close to Latvia. He did not close his eyes and sleep, for he felt no ounce of tiredness, so he just looked over Latvia's relaxed face and soon became lost in his mind.

The time passed by so quickly for Latvia. When he woke up, he immediately searched for Russia, then saw him sitting off to the side. Russia noticed promptly that Latvia had finally open his eyes, so he asked, "Are you feeling any better?"

"Ye-Yeah," Latvia said. "Er… what time is it now?"

"Six, in the evening."

 _Six hours? It felt like I just blinked my eyes_ , Latvia thought in astonishment. He then asked for reclarification, "I really slept that long?"

Russia replied, "You were really needing it."

"But... what were you doing while I was sleeping?" Latvia asked.

"Oh, I stayed with you," Russia said. "I was drawing for most of the time, but it was really nice to just lie beside you and look at you."

"Watch me sleep...?"

"It is nice to see you relaxed," Russia said. "It makes me happy."

When he said it like that, any uneasiness he had felt faded away. Latvia's gaze softened a bit as he said, "But that must have been such a long time. What were you thinking about?"

"That is simple," Russia smiled. "I think about how much I love you, and how happy I am that you are okay."

Latvia immediately thought, _I should never think anything bad of him again. I have to stop doubting him just because of what other people are saying._

Latvia slid up to him and rose up onto his knees while lifting a hand to put on his face. He surprised Russia with a very delicate kiss on the cheek, which was accompanied by a breathed, " _Thank you_."

Latvia stayed close to him, waiting for Russia to hold him. One of Russia's hands placed itself on his back while the other touched his uninjured cheek. His thumb caressed his skin, very carefully as he sighed.

"You know, I was very worried earlier," Russia said while meeting his eyes. "I felt this terrible feeling, so I went looking for you although I was not knowing where you were and what was happening. I just hoped that I would find you before something bad happened. But when I found you and I saw them... I don't think I've ever hated people so much before in my entire life. I'm sorry, but you must know. I must tell you that for what they did, I can't help but wish that they could have been suffering more."

Russia looked at him then, with concern, but Latvia did not grow fearful of him because of what he had said. Latvia replied, "I am not afraid of you for what you did. I know that you would never hurt me."

"I know what I did was not right..." Russia continued. "I did not even want to talk to them, knock them out, or call the police. It would have been so easy to do that, but because it was you, I did not want to do anything to them but be killing them. I was needing to hear them scream."

"I don't think it's about insanity," Latvia replied. "More like what you considered to be justice, yes? Not because you enjoyed it."

"I liked that I could end it that way, but yes. I did not have any pleasure in doing it."

"So then I'm sorry you had to do it. This is all my fault really," Latvia said, and Russia looked at him in confusion. "I knew they were following me. It would have been smart if I had gotten help or had called the police. But I didn't, because I just wanted so much to be able to handle them myself! I just… hate being a victim all the time. I am happy that you are always there for me, but I just don't like feeling so helpless. I want to be strong too."

"You should not be feeling like that, Latvia…"

"But I can't help it! I work so hard to be strong. I started exercising and hoping that would help, but it didn't make me any bigger. I'm not going to grow anymore, and I really hate being so small compared to everyone else. It's not fair! After today, I just feel so weak, like no matter what I do, I will never be strong enough to save myself."

"I didn't realize you felt like that," Russia said as he sat up straighter. "But it is not right, what you are saying. Okay. It is true that I helped you twice earlier this year, but you must be realizing that those were accidents. They can happen to anyone, okay? They can happen to me too.

"Don't call yourself weak. I saw that you had fought them. You hit a few of them fairly well, and I am impressed that you fought all of them at once. But there was no chance of you winning, Latvia. Not because I am thinking that you are weak, but because when you are fighting people that evil, you have to be just as merciless as they are. Whenever you hit them, you aren't just defending yourself. That was your only problem. You have to make every hit as effective and painful as possible, or else you will lose."

"But, I will never be able to hit like you do. I can't do all that," Latvia said.

"My country is stronger than yours, but this is alright because you do not need to be the strongest. Do not hate being who you are, especially if it is something you cannot change. Just enjoy being you, and doing the things you are good at. You have so many good things about you that I don't have. You are very smart, but then it wouldn't be doing me any good to be wishing that I was as smart as you. I could never play chess with myself in my mind. I don't think I am so good at it even if it is in front of me.

He smiled, reached over, and ruffled Latvia's hair. It felt good when he saw Latvia smile a bit back at him. Russia added, "You are great at learning the new things, and you are very knowledgeable. You are also very good at the singing. I've always liked your voice."

"R-Really?"

"Da. I always heard you guys back at my place. I liked to listen, but I think that you never found out that I was always standing just outside the room the whole time. But even though you weren't supposed to use your languages at my place, it just sounded so nice that I didn't really want to stop you."

The compliments were doing the desired effect and bringing a blush to Latvia's face. He said modestly in response,"Well, you are good at dancing. That is something you like to do, yes?"

Russia smiled again, but he replied in Russian, " _Tap-tap-tap_."

Latvia gasped and hit him in the face with a pillow. He was not truly scared that he had quoted that story, but it just felt good to laugh a little.

"But, do you really want to stay here?" Russia said after they had relaxed. "We can go back. I understand if you want to leave this country."

"N-No, it's alright," Latvia said. "Those were bad people, but that doesn't mean that the whole country is a bad place. We might as well enjoy being here and go back on the planned date."

"You know, I think it is really sweet of you to think like that," Russia looked at him with kind admiration. "You are so innocent. Please don't be like me. Let me do all of the bad things so you will never have to."

* * *

When Latvia come home from the USA, his boss was upset at the sight of the injury on Latvia's face. He had told his boss that he was going to the USA, but it was a good thing he had not said that he was going there with Russia, or else he would have assumed that it had been him who had done it.

However, he was not spared this liberty when Lithuania showed up at his door the day after. The bruise was not as deeply coloured as before, but it was still retained its impressive size. Lithuania gasped and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"What happened?" he demanded. "Did Russia do this?"

"No, of course not!" he exclaimed. "It was some Americans. He wouldn't do that!"

"Are you sure?" Lithuania said. "If he does something to you, you can tell us. Don't feel like you have to lie."

"No, no! We were invited to America's place and we were there the whole week! I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it's true," Latvia said. "I'm not lying. Russia would never to this."

Lithuania sighed and then hugged him to his chest, "Yes... I know you would never lie to me. So, anyway... I came here to tell you that even though Estonia and I haven't been treating you so well lately, we still care a lot, alright? Don't hesitate to come to us if you need any help."

"Thank you," Latvia said. "I'm glad you don't hate me because..."

He trailed off, and Lithuania's eyes shined with a feeling of guilt.

"We couldn't possibly hate you," Lithuania said. "It is hard for us to accept, but you know how people in our countries feel about things like this. We aren't used to it, although the western countries are telling us that it is wrong to discriminate against people for that reason."

"I get it," Latvia said, although he grew embarrassed as Lithuania talked about homosexuality with him. "I felt like that too… before…"

"But we will change," Lithuania said. "No matter what, we will try and be keeping the good relations with you. You are still you, and we all lived, suffered, and grew strong together."

"But what about Russia?" Latvia said. "Do you still hate him?"

Lithuania looked uncomfortable, but he said, "It's harder to answer that. I'm mean, I don't feel like I really _hate_ him… but I can't say that I like when he is around. But it is true that we went too far at the meeting, and that was bad of us to do. Estonia said that we should apologize to him, and to his face too, but to be honest we are both a little nervous to do it."

"It's okay, you can go talk to him. He won't be mad at you. It'll make him feel the opposite, actually."

"You seem confident," Lithuania said. "So it is really fine?"

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, that's okay," Lithuania replied. "We'll go taking your words for it."

"Okay, thanks. Is that all you came to say?"

"Well, you really need this," Lithuania fully wrapped his arms around him to hug him tightly. Latvia returned the gesture, feeling a lot lighter and happier inside for it. When Lithuania backed away to leave, he said, "Visit us anytime, Latvia!"

He called back as Lithuania gave him a little wave of farewell, "Yeah, I will!"

* * *

Germany muttered, "Wow, I never thought I would have a telling off by Canada."

"That's who called? What did he say?" Prussia laughed.

"He started talking about what happened at the meeting and he basically wanted to make me feel bad for how I responded to the incident," Germany said. "And that now I should call and apologize."

"What? Who cares about Russia?" Prussia huffed. "He's a crazy asshole. Don't waste your time with him!"

"Even if I don't like him so much either, it is the right thing to do. I made a mistake, and it is only correct if I go and fix it."

"Whatever, you call that lame-o. Just leave me out of it!"

"You're the one that came into it," Germany sighed in exasperation. "Honestly, it's like you just want to hate on him whenever you can."

"Well, everyone feels the same way. I'm just awesomely open about it of course!"

* * *

During a busy period for both of them, in order to avoid suspicion from their bosses, they kept to themselves for two months. But during that span of time Latvia found himself confronted with unsettling ideas.

These ideas had started to come to him in December, when he had only been away from Russia for one month. It was when Latvia had gone to visit Lithuania and Estonia, at Lithuania's place just like they had planned on the phone. When he arrived he had been greeted nicely, and he was quite happy at the change in their attitude towards him.

They spent the time keeping warm and playing games; just simply having fun together. After awhile, Lithuania broke into a sigh and turned to Latvia.

"So two weeks ago we went and talked to Russia," he said.

"Oh, good," Latvia nodded. "How did it go?"

"F-Fine," Estonia cast a glance at Lithuania. "You were right when you said that he wouldn't get mad. But…"

"What? What is it?" Latvia asked.

"It's just that something felt a little off about him," Lithuania replied. "And we aren't meaning that we just felt uncomfortable because we don't like him. We believe you when you say that he has changed, but we are still having trouble seeing it."

Estonia continued, "It's just that while we were talking to him, we were getting this bad feeling off him. He acted friendly enough, but the whole time it felt like he was hiding something behind his smile. It felt a lot like the old Russia."

Latvia replied, "I think that maybe you two were just nervous. You must have imagined it."

"No. We both talked about it after. We both felt exactly the same way. There was something definitely wrong with him, but he must not have shown it to you yet."

 _I would have noticed if there was something wrong with him_ , Latvia thought. _But I have no idea what would bother him anyway. Russia has been kind and affectionate, and so unlike his former self. This simply cannot be true._

After all, Latvia felt that he had not changed since after the trip. Latvia continued to receive packaged presents in the mail, usually food that he was amazed had arrived here fast enough that the goods were still fresh. He therefore wondered if some bribery had been done on Russia's part for these things.

He pondered it for a while, and eventually was able to brush it off. After another month had passed, Russia was the one to call, claiming that it was too hard for him to stay away. Latvia checked to see what his boss was doing for the next few days before he told Russia that he would not get caught if he came over for a visit. Then, before Russia had arrived at his front door, he had gone to a shop so that when he met Latvia at the door, he was holding a bouquet of flowers out for him. He thanked him with a blush and took them, and Russia, unable to help himself when he saw Latvia acting bashful, took his head in his hands and kissed his forehead.

 _This is nothing like how he used to be. How could they compare him to_ _that?_ Latvia thought as he sniffed the sweet scent of the flowers.

They spent most of the time warm inside and far from the winter cold outside. When the time came, Latvia went and started cooking, making Russia stay on the couch and relax. While he was in the kitchen, he looked out the window and happened to see three rabbits shuffling around in the snow. He felt that they were not actually cold with their winter fur and fat, but he could not help but grab his jacket and boots and run outside so he could hold them and make them feel warm.

As he trudged through the snow, he greeted them with a coo, and they immediately hopped over to meet him. Before they came into reach however, they all froze suddenly in the way rabbits do when stricken with fear. Their black eyes widened, then they snapped into action, springing away with their tails flashing white.

"H-Hey, where are you going?" he called after them. For once, he could not calm them down. He stayed kneeling, confused, and he watched the rabbits disappear from sight. That was when he heard the crunching of snow, and he turned to see Russia coming up behind him.

* * *

Prussia finally came home after having been out somewhere since the day before. He walked into the house with an air of nonchalance, and he came up to Germany.

"Hey, West, anything excitingly happen while I was gone?" he asked.

"Well, I finally got around to calling Russia yesterday," Germany said. "Although, I have to say that it was pretty uncomfortable. Sure, he may have said nice enough things, but his voice was something that can only be described as… well dark, actually. I could tell that he really wasn't happy to talk to me, even though I was apologizing to him."

"Oh yes, I know that voice!" Prussia exclaimed, recalling his past experiences at Russia's place. "It means that he is definitely in a bad mood, and that something is totally wrong. Usually his voice is always low like that when he is fantasizing how he would hurt you."

* * *

Back inside, Latvia payed more attention on Russia's facial features and body language. He was trying to notice something unusual about him, but the task seemed pointless because if Russia caught Latvia looking at him, he would only smile at him. After being caught a few times, Russia asked him in a voice ringing with cheerfulness, "What is it?"

Latvia shrugged, relaxing as he met those soft eyes. He just asked, "Do you want to see a movie?"

Russia nodded enthusiastically, then threw in, "And cuddle?"

Latvia breathed in a laugh and replied, "Yeah, and we can cuddle!"

Russia lifted his chin and made a joyful humming sound. He was more energetic on the couch, flopping down, and pulling Latvia close so that he could be affectionately nuzzled. Latvia moved onto his lap to hug him thoroughly to make up for all of the time that had passed since they had last seen each other.

Russia then asked, "Is it okay if I kiss you?"

"You don't need to ask!" Latvia protested.

"Are you sure?"

"Your kisses are so nice," Latvia smiled. "I love when you are affectionate."

Latvia failed to consider the true reason Russia was uncomfortable. The reality was that Russia was afraid that because of how Latvia had been treated by other men, he could easily startle him. However, the words that Latvia said made him feel instantly happy, and this emotion only grew more powerful as Latvia slid up and met his lips. Russia blushed when Latvia continued holding his face and caressing it as Russia would normally to do him. He was surprised and absolutely appreciated that Latvia was demonstrating affection back to him.

"Your cheeks are red," Latvia laughed lightly.

"I feel very happy," Russia sighed.

Latvia leaned in again, and when he drew away, he left Russia with a wide smile.

"You really like kisses," Latvia said. "But I guess you've always been a kissy person. It's trust to you, right? You used to kiss anyone on the lips or cheeks if you haven't seen them in a while."

Russia replied, "You are so close to someone when you kiss them. I really do feel like you trust me when you do it with me, and it is really special with you. It isn't quick. You stay close to me because you want to. I really feel so happy when we do it."

Latvia's arms hooked around his neck. Russia leaned back comfortably against the couch as Latvia pressed against him and carefully interlocked his lips with his. Latvia pulled at his lower lip and then drew away after a few seconds. Their eyes remained closed and they breathed softly, before Latvia put his lips against his and let Russia take his bottom lip this time.

Russia looked at him tenderly as they stopped and left their faces close to each other. His cheeks were still red, and his smile stayed.

"You're so nice, Latvia," Russia said. "I love being with you."

"I love being with you too!"

Latvia lightly kissed his nose and received a giggle from Russia. He let go of him to finally find the remote and put something on for them to watch. They readily snuggled with each other for the entire length of the film, and during that time Latvia had completely forgotten about Lithuania and Estonia's warnings.

Russia showered before he did and had been waiting in his room until Latvia was done. Latvia hopped down the hall, feeling light inside his soft pajamas. His mind was occupied with the thought that Russia would likely enjoy the fluffiness of his clothes when they cuddled while falling asleep tonight. His cheery mood dropped when he leapt through the doorway to see Russia sitting on the bed and staring at the blankets with an unfocused gaze.

He seemed deep in thought, but there was a strange shadow upon his face that Latvia tried to figure out. It did not look positive however, and the longer Latvia looked at him, the more disturbed he felt.

 _What is that?_ he wondered. _What is he thinking of?_

He felt a chill run down his spine and he twitched, causing Russia to glance over at him. He had caught him looking at him, but this time he did not smile over at him. Latvia looked at him inquisitively, padded over, then jumped onto the bed to slide to his side.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"

Russia pet Latvia's hair, but he did not answer. He turned his head away, because he could not make the look dissipate so easily.

"Is it stress from your work?" Latvia said. "Your boss?"

"No," Russia replied. "It is not."

Latvia lowered his voice to ask more gently, "What were you thinking about?"

"Please don't make me tell you," Russia said.

Latvia only felt more concern over Russia's desire to keep quiet, but because he knew that he was not going to get any kind of answer, he just put his head on the side of Russia's rib cage and gave up for now. He listened to Russia's strong heartbeat until a hand began to rub his back soothingly. Yet despite all they had done tonight, Latvia worried ever so much that something had happened to Russia since the time they came back.

 _Or earlier?_ he wondered. He had remembered the jackrabbit, and how it had been fearful of Russia. The reactions of the rabbits today had been much more dramatic as well. _But what happened?_

Russia continued to caress him, but Latvia could not see how he was looking down at him now with legitimate concern in his eyes.


	13. Shattering Glass

It was the next week that Germany remembered that he owed Latvia an apology as well. The call from him was surprising, because Latvia was not used to being noticed by the more powerful nations such as him.

"Good day, Latvia," Germany greeted him politely.

"Oh- hello, Mr. Germany!"

"Can I take a few minutes of your time?"

"Y-Yes, that's fine."

Latvia listened with interest as Germany went on about how he was at fault for what had happened at the last world meeting. He blamed himself for not having been able to control the room when everyone had grown excited, and for actually contributing to it as well. Up to that point, Latvia had not even considered blaming Germany for how the situation had gone into chaos, but the way he was talking showed how much Germany truly felt guilty.

"I should not have asked if it was true or not, because it is really nobody's business."

Latvia was both grateful for and made uncomfortable by the call, yet that last sentence only made him feel even more uneasy, for it was not exactly the understanding that he had wanted Germany to reach.

"Well, I mean they can know… but it's better if no one cares," Latvia's reply was a such a timid murmur that his nervous blush was practically heard.

"Okay, I understand," Germany quickly recalculated. "My point is none of the reactions were appropriate and I apologize for anything I may have done to offend you. I have already had this conversation with Russia as well, of course."

"Thank you," Latvia said. "And for talking to him too. I'm sure he was glad to hear it."

"...Ja."

Latvia paused and he twirled the phone cord around his finger unconsciously as alarms went off in his mind. The other hand locked onto the phone with a desperate, white-knuckle grip.

"He was, wasn't he?" came Latvia's hasty voice over the line.

His heart picked up in pace, and he pressed the phone tight against his ear as if every word was absolutely indispensable and he was afraid to miss even one of them.

"Well, I must admit that it was hard for me to tell, but maybe you understand him better than I do, so I can't really say how he felt about it."

"C-Can you be honest?" Latvia asked. "What was he like when he talked to you?"

Germany relaxed his shoulders as he sighed.

"He spoke politely enough," Germany admitted. "Although his voice did not sound all that pleased. It was heavier, and I've heard how cheerfully he speaks before, so I know that he must not have been in a good mood if he sounded like that. But again, I can't really tell, so maybe I am mistaken."

 _His description… is much like Estonia's and Lithuania's_ , Latvia despaired. _But why? What is bothering him?_

"I see..."

"By any chance could you tell me if that means he dislikes me?" Germany went on. "My brother had his own theory about it, but what is your opinion?"

"I don't think he h-hates you"-at least that was what Latvia truly wanted to believe- "maybe it was just a bad time?"

"Okay, thank you. Would you like to bring up anything else?"

"No... but thank you too. F-For the call," he replied.

"Alright then, goodbye."

Latvia hung up the phone reluctantly.

 _What if he is perhaps just that way toward other people? But that can't be right, because he is trying to get better. That means he would be nicer to everyone, and not just me. And I've seen him interacting politely with other people. But recently his attitude has been changing for some reason, and I don't think he wants to admit it. So he knows why, but he wants to deal with the problem on his own. But I don't think he can… he needs to let me help him with whatever it is._

Until then it had been easy to dismiss Estonia's and Lithuania's warnings as their paranoia, yet now he felt stark anxiety building up within him. Now that Germany had mentioned something off about Russia's behavior, there was no doubting that Russia was hiding something.

* * *

It was the beginning of February when Latvia and Russia both had corresponding free time. Latvia came over to his place this time, purposely for the reason that he could pin down Russia with his questions in his own house, where Russia currently had no excuses that would allow him to leave. If he wanted to escape the conversation, the only justifications he could use would involve Latvia having to leave the place, and he hoped Russia would not be so desperate as to kick him out in order to keep a secret.

On the train ride there, he thought about what he would say and how he would say it depending on what mood Russia would acquire. He as well tried again to imagine the possible reasons for Russia's stress, but again the only conclusion he could make was that something at work was troubling him. Perhaps he had another cruel boss that was not treating him well.

 _But he said that it wasn't that. That was all he was willing to tell me_.

Russia had seemed very tight-lipped about it. Latvia was not sure if direct persisting would work; he imagined it would only drive him to be more defensive. Thus he knew that he had to carefully set up the conversation, under circumstances in which Russia was comfortable but occupied with something so his attention would be divided. That way it might keep him from focusing on the situation and closing up. Latvia pondered about what he could do, and by the time he showed up and was greeted at the door, he had an idea.

"I'm happy to see you," Latvia chirped as he came in, innocently giving him a quick hug when they were both inside and out of sight.

"Me too," Russia said. "So what is it that you said that you were planning?"

His voice was normal in the sense that it was in his renowned, cheerful tone. His eyes were also bright and he seemed quite lively, ready to enjoy whatever plan Latvia was going to offer. It disheartened Latvia that he had ulterior motives in mind and that he might ruin his mood. Latvia contemplated dropping his questions until later, but then he decided against it for the worry that if he did not find out what was going on, then Russia would suffer even more later when he was alone.

He still felt guilty when Russia happily accepted his suggestion and took them both to the grocery store to buy ingredients to cook dinner. Latvia had acted so well, and when asked further, he had easily replied in a sweet and unsuspecting voice that they could make vegetable stew. Something that required a lot of preparation; an activity to spend time together- at least that is what he wanted it to seem like. The truth was that he had chosen this because with all of the vegetables to cut, Russia would become sidetracked and quite busy.

Drawers slid out with smooth rolling sounds and grocery bags rustled. Cutting boards and knives were taken out and set down on the counter with satisfying clunks, then a large metal pot was taken out and set purposefully on the stove. Latvia had quickly decided upon the job of cutting the potatoes, giving Russia the more precise job of slicing the celery and carrots.

"It is too bad that I didn't make any dessert beforehand," Russia commented as he ran the vegetables under the tap, stroking the gritty dirt carefully off them. "I don't usually make those things for myself that often, so if only you had come up with the idea and had told me sooner..."

"That's alright. Your food _is_ really good, but I don't need to have it all the time."

Russia looked at him oddly. It was not because of what he had said, but because he had immediately realized that Latvia had switched to speaking Russian.

"You do not have to be speaking that here," Russia said while sticking to English. "Please don't feel like you have to be doing it."

"Don't worry. It's not that I feel obligated," Latvia continued on. "Go ahead. It's good practice for me, you know."

He hoped that kind of excuse was plausible enough. However, all this was trying to accomplish was to make the other more comfortable and speaking more easily and faster. Perhaps things would slip out this way.

"Okay then," Russia conceded and switched to his mother tongue.

Latvia waited a minute, letting a nice pause set in so he would not seem so upfront. Then he casually asked, "So, how has life been going?"

"It's been fine, but nothing particularly exciting. I haven't really been so busy lately because my recent boss really likes doing the work himself. I guess that's fine for me, because then I get to relax more and spend time with you."

"Oh, that is good," Latvia said. "And you are getting enough rest, or do you still need more?"

"I am not so sure."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I guess so," Russia murmured, shaking his head quickly as if to wake himself up. His eyes sharpened and stared at the celery with a different meaning.

 _There it is again,_ Latvia thought. _That face. What is he thinking?_

"I have to say that you seem more stressed lately," Latvia began to say, and immediately Russia narrowed his eyes. "And you don't need to tell me all the details, but of course I am always here to help you. I've always been, yes?"

Russia was already on edge, so Latvia knew that he was going to have to go for it and try to be as gentle as he could be while talking to him.

"Yes, I know," Russia muttered.

"But is something the matter?" Latvia asked. "I've noticed that sometimes you look troubled, and some people have noticed that you have been acting differently too."

"Who told you that?"

"Lithuania, Estonia, and Germany. But again, it has been something that I have noticed too."

"I see."

"Could you please tell me?" Latvia stopped cutting and turned to him."If you are hurting, then I want to help you."

"You don't need to. This, I'll be able to handle on my own soon."

"But what are you handling? Are you sure you can do it?"

"Yes."

Latvia frowned and looked up at him in concern. He said, "You keep avoiding my question."

The knife in Russia's hand slipped and he cut the celery crooked. He paused, stared at it, then fixed his mishap the best he could. He had yet to look up at Latvia, and it seemed likely that he had not even noticed that Latvia had stopped working.

"Why are you hiding it?"

Russia picked up the cutting board and turned to the stove. Latvia watched in silence, expectantly waiting for a response as Russia went on and dumped the contents into the pot . When he set the board down, he hesitantly turned to Latvia with an open hand.

"Can you pass me the leek?"

Latvia blinked at him in surprise. He glanced over Russia's face and noticed a blankness about it. Harmless, but completely emotionless. _His secret-keeping face_ , Latvia thought as he reluctantly handed over the vegetable.

Russia diagonally sliced off the green leaves and discarded them. Latvia watched him, growing more and more stressed at his unwillingness to talk to him.

"Russia!" he exclaimed, his eyes shimmering in frustration and his hands in fists. Russia flinched. Both knew that he had been purposefully dodging the question.

"I don't want to tell you," he muttered. "I'm afraid to, because I know that you won't like it. Later. Yes, I will tell you later. Please. Stop asking."

"But you know that I trust you. I couldn't be mad at you."

"But is it truly me that you trust?" Russia whispered. Latvia had barely heard him, so he had edged in closer.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Latvia asked.

Russia went rigid, and he snapped his eyes closed. He exhaled deeply, and then sliced the leek in half lengthwise. He was glaring sharply at the task in front of him. When he spoke, his tone was lower.

"You have to stop asking. It's starting to make me upset."

Latvia shuddered as he felt a chill, but he did not back down. He was not afraid, not after everything Russia had done for him up to this point. He simply could not believe that violence was impending, so he held onto his bravery and brushed off the hinted threat.

 _There's no way he will suffer alone. I have to get him to talk no matter what. I need to know._

Latvia opened his mouth and Russia heard the inhale as he was about to speak, so he growled, "Don't. Seriously. I'm telling you that is enough."

Latvia watched Russia slicing the leek into rings with slow tension.

 _Well, let's just see how he reacts to this_ _,_ Latvia thought.

"You know that we are supposed to trust each other. I love you, and I wouldn't hide anything from you," Latvia started, and Russia shivered in response. "And you should do the same. If you love me, there should be no secrets between us. You have to tell me. You can't stop me from ask-"

There was a flash of silver that blinded him momentarily, then a bang. Latvia squeaked and stumbled backwards, then focused his eyes back on Russia. He was frozen like a statue, glaring at his hand that was locked on the knife deeply stabbed into the cutting board. His eyes were gleaming under the light.

"I told you to stop," Russia whispered. Latvia startled at the dark tone; it was one devoid of all sympathy. For the first time in years, he heard the tone of Russia's former self whenever he was in a dangerous mood.

Russia yanked out the knife and dropped it back on the cutting board before he whirled around. Latvia put his hands to his chest, feeling small and breakable so suddenly.

"Do not leave this room," Russia hissed. "If you know what is good for you, stay in the kitchen."

Russia hurried out of the room, and Latvia's heart pounded. _This is the third time he's done this. Where is he going? What is he doing?_ He took a step forward, but hesitated. _He is acting really strangely right now. I've really upset him. I feel like I'll be safe as long as I stay here, but if I don't follow him, then how will I find out what he is hiding?_

Latvia padded to the edge of the room and clung to the side of the door frame while he cast a glance into the empty hall. He stepped out cautiously, like a mouse emerging from its hole, unsure and wary of danger. He crept in the direction he had seen Russia turn, and he had to assume the path he had taken for there were a few other possible ways Russia could have gone. His assumption had been correct, and Russia had gone to his bedroom. The light at the end of the hall from an improperly closed door betrayed his location.

Latvia stalked closer, keeping a hand on the wall and silently trailing it across the surface as he moved toward the lighted room. He froze when he heard movement, holding his breath and fearing that Russia would burst out into the hall at any second and catch him. Yet the only continued sound was that of a drawer sliding open and items being shuffled around. Latvia lingered in the hall, just beside the open door during the brief silence. He was caught in a struggle of deciding whether he should take the risk of peeking into the room or not, but then a peculiar rattling sound broke his hesitation.

Latvia poked his head around the corner.

Russia stood with his side to Latvia, but he did not notice him because his eyes were closed as he put a cupped hand to his mouth and tilted his head back quickly.

At that moment it was like Latvia had been snatched from the present world and he became highly conscious of himself. He was a small thing. His life was like a quivering leaf that held on as the wind blew to and fro. Latvia realized his fragility to the happenings that went on around him, yet he wondered if he had been more fragile than he had previously believed for right then, it felt as though his heart had been tapped with a tiny metal hammer and it was now shattering into sparkling glass fragments. These shards sank down and cut through his tissues until they embedded themselves in his gut. Pain. It was such agonizing pain. This is how the betrayal felt as he watched the other swallow a dosage of lies.

He was speechless for several long moments, for his throat had tightened up as all of his muscles became petrified. When he remembered how to move, the first thing he did was vainly clutch at his hurting chest. Russia looked down at the nightstand as he took the lid in his palm and screwed it back on the container with practiced efficiency. He was completely unaware of Latvia's presence still.

Latvia raised one hand and covered his mouth, as if wanting to hold back his words but was unable to stop himself from breathing out anyway the other's name. Russia's eyes widened and he snapped his head in Latvia's direction with his hand still grasping the accursed pill bottle. His face deviated from shock to a contortion of fear and anger.

"What are you doing here? Why did you follow me?" Russia had demanded this, but his tone was alarmed and had a tremor of fear in it.

Latvia's face felt wet. He knew that tears were now spilling down his face although he felt a contrasting emotion welling up inside him: anger, not sadness. It seemed that they had switched each other's emotions.

"What are those?" Latvia cried out. "What are you doing with those?"

"You weren't supposed to know..." Russia murmured, and he dropped the container into the drawer and brusquely closed it.

Latvia stamped forward, approaching Russia and leaving his post by the doorway behind. His voice rose up into a shout, "How long have you been taking those pills?"

Russia's pupils constricted as he was surprised by Latvia's uncharacteristic anger and offensive advance. The shock faded away promptly however, as Russia's mood seemed to switch back to the cold and unpleasant one.

"Enough with the questions"- Russia pounded a fist on the wooden desk and made Latvia startle with a gasp- "Give me an hour. Don't talk to me. Just avoid all contact with me for this time, do you understand?"

"Ye-yes," Latvia sniffed and backed down under those haunting eyes. "I'll d-do that… but why? Please…"

"Because," Russia gazed into his eyes. "Right now, I have a slight urge to hurt you for what you did."

Latvia stared at him in pained horror, and his feet stumbled over themselves as they backed away. He tripped into the hall, saving himself from falling as he snatched the door frame and whirled around the corner. He walked down the hall, leaning against the wall like an exhausted person would if they were trying to catch their breath- as though any moment his legs would give out and he would collapse into a powerless slump. His body shook with sobs and his tears dripped onto the floor, leaving a broken trail of darker spots on the carpet behind him.

He rubbed at his face constantly, but that did not help. No matter how many times he wiped his face, he could not possibly stop the tears from coming. His chest ached from the erratic heaving of his chest, which only made him feel as though the broken glass shards had shifted and were jabbing out between his rib bones.

 _I don't want to go… I don't know if I can stay though… I'm scared, and it hurts so much. So much..._ _Does he know how much I am hurting? What he has done?_

* * *

Russia tried lying on his bed, but he could not stay still. He wanted to wait, to be sure that the medication would take affect before he went and conversed with Latvia again, but the pain of guilt; that knife in his heart- made him feel like he was bleeding out all of his dark emotions onto the covers. Black ink that was made up of all of his crimson thoughts and old corrupted morals.

He felt that rushing feeling, that despairing feeling of _what have I done?_ that made him sit up with a frightened gasp. He could not feel that icy unsympathetic mood anymore, not now after his secret was already known. He no longer cared that Latvia had disobeyed him, for once again, Russia knew that he had given him no other option in the matter.

However, he had just sent him away, and Latvia was going to leave. Panic stirred within him. He could not let this happen.

* * *

Latvia was not close to the front door when he heard heavy footsteps coming from the other hallway that he had just left. This did not seem right to him that just after Russia had commanded him to stay away, that he would immediately follow him as he was leaving. Latvia swiftly dove into another hallway before Russia could catch sight of him, and he dashed away. He hopped into a random room and glanced quickly into the hall to make sure he had not been seen leaping into this one.

The room was quite dark and he could only make out the silhouettes of the furniture. However once he had recognized the set-up, he was surprised to find that the room he had jumped into turned out to be the very same one that he had shared with Estonia and Lithuania so long ago. It was quite empty without all of their old stuff, but the furniture was still orderly and neat despite their years of disuse. The thought slipped into Latvia's brain briefly, that Russia must then clean the room- before he carefully found his way to the closet, opened the door, and slid into the empty space. With shivering fingers, he slowly locked himself in.

He sat on the floor in the darkness, still crying quietly. From close by, he heard doors being opened and closed, and footsteps stamping on carpet. He knew that Russia was searching for him. He listened and only heard the sounds coming closer down the hall. Russia had always been good at finding him, so Latvia feared that hiding instead of fleeing had been a mistake for this reason.

Latvia hid in the closet for a few long minutes. During that time, the sounds of slamming doors came nearer and nearer. Not too far away, he heard Russia stop all movement, as he too, listened. When he refused to make a sound, he heard Russia call out for him, but he kept silent. The footsteps soon came into the room, and Latvia put a hand over his mouth. His breathing sounded so loud to him, so he ended up holding his breath.

The footsteps left. He rested his head back against the wall and looked up at the black ceiling despairingly.

 _Why did this have to happen?_ he thought. _Is this it then? When... If I get out of here... what do I do?_

He tried to think of how his life had been like before he had gotten close to Russia. Yet the harder he tried to not think about him, the more memories hit him, and he pined.

He remembered the years of fear that led up to that one incident where Russia had snapped and hurt him. He thought, _Is that his true self then?_

He recalled every night of being comforted after his nightmares, where he enjoyed that warmth of lying beside him with that wonderful feeling that he was cared about by somebody - _but he might not have ever cared_ \- as hands caressed his face and pet his hair.

He thought of that night with his sisters, where he had seen another side of Russia, and he remembered how fun that had all been. _But never again._

He remembered the fun times in the USA, and the small but joyful moments like when he passed the decorative scarf to Russia at that store, and how awesome he had thought it had looked on him. _He covered it in blood._

Then every one of these memories tied back to the image of a warm crackling fire. The fire at his house the night when Estonia and Lithuania found out about him and Russia. _Lies_ _._ The fire that he and Russia had lain beside when they thawed their frozen bodies after the incident at the lake. It was the same night when Latvia had first felt truly safe and when he had felt a bond that connected him to Russia. _Lies_. The dim fire that burned in the hazy memories of every night he was taken to the couch to sleep in Russia's arms.

 _Lies! Lies! Lies! Nothing was ever true. He is a liar, and he knew it the entire time!_

The closet door banged and Latvia jolted. Russia had glided into the room silently, and now he was just outside the door, with his hand trying to pull it open but now finding that it was locked.

"Latvia," Russia muttered. The door banged again, and he heard the sound of splintering wood. Latvia brought his knees to his chest and curled into a ball in the corner, the farthest he could get away.

Russia quickly let go when he had heard the sound of the wood as well. He had not realized how hard he had been pulling.

"I want you to come out now," he said as he put his head against the door. "Unlock the door..."

Latvia refused to make a sound, although there was obviously no pretending that he was not there.

"It's okay now. Come here."

 _There's no way enough time has passed already_ , Latvia thought. Russia's tone was also too monotone for his liking, so Latvia found himself becoming fearful of it.

He could see from the space under the door that the lights had just been turned on. Russia returned and waited a minute, leaning expectantly against the door for a response. Latvia still did not move.

"Answer me, please."

Latvia did not answer.

The door was kicked with an ear-pounding crash and Latvia stood up with a gasp.

"You can't hide in there," Russia's whisper caused a chill to run down Latvia's spine. "You know how easy it is for me to break down this door."

Latvia sank back down onto the floor. He closed his eyes and trembled in the corner. He knew Russia's strength all too well, and he therefore understood that there was no escape. After seeing what Russia did to those men in California, and considering the situation he was in now, he felt something he had not felt for a while: fear of Russia. He knew how easy it would be for Russia to do those things to him too.

With the combination of terror and sorrow, Latvia could not help but start sobbing again. He shook and gasped, then all the noise outside stopped. He could not tell if it was because he could not hear anything because of his utter stress, or if Russia had actually left. Five minutes passed, but no noise came from outside the door. He lay on the floor now and he tried quietening down so he could listen better. Another five minutes, but he only heard silence.

 _I don't know if he is still there and is just waiting_ , Latvia thought gloomily. _And if I open the door, he might grab it before I can close it again. But if he's not there… do I run? Can I escape, or will I just run into him? What will he do to me? He said he that he wanted to hurt me… I'm scared…_

He put his shaking fingers on the lock and after a moment of hesitation, he turned it to unlock the door.

 _It's like that story he told me_ , Latvia thought. _But I don't know what happens now… what is on the other side of the door?_

He opened it slowly and cautiously. More and more of the room came into view and then, he saw him. Russia sat on the edge on the bed, where he had been waiting and staring at the closet for the entire time. He looked at Latvia, but his eyes no longer had any malice in them. He seemed worn out now, and he looked dejected and lonesome in the corner.

Latvia contemplated running, but knew he would not be able to escape in time. Russia stood up and took a step towards him. Latvia's heart pounded, but he knew that he had no chance of escaping, so there was only one last possible thing he could do. He threw away all hesitation and walked towards him, then wrapped his arms around his middle and hoped with all of his terrified heart, that pain was not going to follow. He pressed tight against him, shaking and silently pleading not to be harmed. Russia stood there regarding him and not moving for a while, which only made Latvia more afraid.

The arms that surrounded him were gentle. Latvia quivered and clung as Russia embraced him and started to rub his back. When Latvia relaxed his death-grip, Russia scooped him from off the ground and while cradling him to his chest, took him to the bed where he sat back down and held him close. Latvia started to lose his fear as Russia pet his hair and ran his hand over the back of his head continuously, but the next emotion that he felt inside him was that bitter anger again.

"1982. Brezhnev gave them to me to try out," Russia said. "And at first, I didn't follow the prescription so well, and I gave up on it. But when Andropov came into power, he really wanted me to follow the prescription, so I did. After about a week, it really did feel easier to be calm."

"That was when you fixed my arm, wasn't it?"

"Yes. That was one week in of taking the medication," Russia sighed. "But when my bosses changed again, I slipped out of the habit… and I did something really bad. I had forgotten how to properly control myself without them. I had grown too dependent on them, so then…"

"That was when you hurt me."

Russia flinched before he put his chin on Latvia's head.

"But what you said to me really made me reconsider everything. I finally made myself take one, but usually that isn't enough to completely work. It is supposed to be two. Then late that one night, you had your first nightmare about me. I felt that I had to help you because... it was my fault and I knew it. Because of these pills, I made a horrible mistake. I was afraid to touch you, because I knew you were afraid of me and even as I tried to comfort you, I couldn't even get the idea of hurting you out of my head.

"I didn't know what I was going to do, but when you chose to sleep against me although you were dead-tired and had no idea what you were doing, it stopped the thoughts from coming. Just having someone trusting me despite everything I was capable of changed everything. When you did that, it was so much like being forgiven that I started forgetting those violent thoughts and I started to care about things. Especially you. I first felt on that night a new feeling, and now I know that it was then I first started to love you."

"But you still had the medication in your system."

"Yes, that is true," Russia sighed. "But please, kitten, I feel it so strongly."

It was the first time that Russia had used a Russian term of endearment on him. _Kotik_. This itself surprised Latvia, and before it would have meant a lot. Latvia however only evaluated his situation as sat between Russia's legs, still being hugged from behind while his head was kept under Russia's chin. He was very close, and he felt the warmth all around him, but there was an utter absence of that warmth in his heart.

"But how could you know if it is real?" Latvia asked bluntly.

"The more I am around you," Russia said. "The less I need the pills. You make me happy enough that I feel like I can handle my emotions better. I haven't taken a full dose since a month and a half ago, and I've just been halving them and taking them every other day."

"No wonder…" Latvia muttered.

"What?"

"That's one-eighth of the proper dose!" Latvia exclaimed. Russia moved back as Latvia turned his head and stared at him. "So it's no wonder they aren't working!"

"I don't need so much!" Russia protested. "I am trying to stop taking them, I just need to get used to it! I can handle myself, because you are-"

"No you can't!" Latvia wailed. "You were better at it before you started taking them! Back in the Soviet Era!"

Russia jolted, hurt. He pleaded, "Don't say that. I am better than what I was. I don't want to hurt anyone-"

"When you are taking the medication!" Latvia's eyes sparked. "But the moment you stop, you are no better than what you used to be! You haven't changed at all, have you, Russia? That's why you didn't want me to find out. You were afraid, and that's why you kept it secret!"

"No," Russia murmured. "I _have_ changed. I know now what is considered good and what considered to be bad. And... I really do care about you. It is not-"

"Again, how could you know?" Latvia said with tension. "You feel this now, but what about later? There will be a time when you will have gone too long without the pills, and what then?"

"I will still love you," Russia persisted.

"Stop saying that!" Latvia yelled and Russia flung his arms back behind him as he fell back in shock, as if the words had physically pushed him backwards. "You don't love me! None of it was real, no matter what you believe! I can't go on like this, holding on to a false hope!"

"What- no, wait," Russia stammered. "I won't keep any more secrets from you. I can- _will_ try harder. Please, I need you. You help so much…"

Latvia stood up, and left Russia aghast. He turned to the side, barely glanced at Russia and said, "You told me you would never hurt me. But today, you barely held back, didn't you?"

"No-"

"Liar."

Russia closed his eyes as his face scrunched up in pain. When he replied, he switched to English, feeling uncomfortable that they were still talking in his own language.

"I have never lied to you," he whispered. "I promised you that much."

"Even if you never lied specifically, you were keeping a secret. And that secret was one that made everything a lie."

"I know I shouldn't have been keeping it from you," he shook his head. "But I will never be doing it again. I will do anything for you."

"Then, will you let me go?"

"Latvia… I cannot let you go."

Although Russia had not said it threateningly, just hearing those words triggered an explosion of emotion from the other.

"So what? Will you go throwing me in the basement? That's what you really want to be doing, isn't it? Making me bleed! Maybe you will rip _me_ open this time, and toss _my_ guts around!"

Latvia snapped his mouth shut. He knew that had gone over the line, but he did not apologize for it.

"Goodbye."

He whipped away and left. He walked towards the front door, grabbed his winter clothes and bag on the way, then departed. He left with no more tears left to cry, and he did not look back. That was how it was, as if it could not have been simpler.

So he never noticed how Russia had begun to cry after his final outburst. Russia stayed on the bed, sitting in shock as the tears ran down his face relentlessly. He could not move. He was only trapped with his mind and heart at war with themselves and with the pain of their conflict overwhelming him. When he finally cracked, he tilted his head back and let out a scream of agony that no one else in the world could hear. He grabbed at his face, and he sobbed into his hands before suddenly deciding to get up and head away, stumbling even more than when he had been intoxicated. He crashed into the wall and then the door before he made it out into the hall. As he moved along, a stream of plaintive words escaped his mouth, each one choked out.

"Why did this have to happen? Why I am like this? I hate this. I hate myself. I-I…"

He trailed off when he found himself back in his own room. He glared daggers at the nightstand. He barely stopped himself from ripping the drawer out completely when he opened it. He snatched the bottle of pills, walked across the room, and threw open the window. A violent wind was released into his room that carried with it thick snowflakes. He whipped his arm forward and hurled the container into the white wall of the storm outside. He could not have known how far it had gone, but he knew it was certainly lost from retrieval.

At first, he felt a brief moment of satisfaction that the reason for his suffering was gone, but then he realized that he might have just made a terrible mistake. He had thrown away the only thing that could immediately calm him down. He thought then, that he had been rash, for he felt that he was certainly not ready to give it up completely yet.

 _Now I have to buy more_ , he thought wearily. He was now afraid of how he would act if he truly went cold turkey, and how he would fare around other people after today's full dose wore off.

However the thought of forcing himself to buy more seemed impossible. He did not know how he could he do it, when Latvia's argument to him would only go through his mind. Russia desperately wanted to believe himself, that he could feel love without the medication, but in order to find out, he would have to fight to survive through every single emotion and urge that he would receive in the future.

 _I have to do it_ , Russia thought. _It seems so easy now, but it is going to become very hard. But no matter what, I have to drop the habit and prove to him that I truly have changed._

When he remembered the food, he reluctantly went back to the kitchen. He was not hungry at all, but he had spent so much on the ingredients and he was reluctant to waste them. He ended up finishing all of the preparations, taking the time to calm his tears and restore proper breathing while he distracted himself. Although every time sudden sorrow struck him, he slipped and usually ended up cutting himself. He would then mechanically clean the knife and wash the stinging juice out of his cut and clear away anything that he had spilled his blood on.

By the time the whole thing was cooking, both his hands were covered in lacerations. He did not put any bandages on, even for the deep ones that refused to stop bleeding. He just stood for a long time with his hands in the sink, letting the cuts drip until they clotted on their own. It felt almost good to have that numbing distraction, and he pondered while he watched the blood run off his fingertips, if it was considered alright if he punished himself. He could just take the knife and open the cuts wider. He shook the thought away, reminding himself that if Latvia had told him that no one deserves to be punished, then he therefore could not do it to himself. Although his old morals poked at him, he resisted because he knew he could not trust them anymore.

Eating the food was quite depressing, and it all became tasteless under the heavy atmosphere of loneliness and rejection. He managed to eat at least some of it, keeping his health in mind. His throat hurt a lot afterwards, however.

He was surprised how quickly the hours had ticked by since Latvia had walked out the door. Now, it almost did not seem real although at the same time it was the most real thing in the world. It was almost as though if he did not believe that it had happened, then time would reverse itself.

 _The future is so far away_ , he thought. _What will I do with myself until I know for sure the answer, and how long will it take?_


	14. Cemetery Wind

Prussia threw himself onto the couch to sit beside Germany.

"So there's another meeting in a month," he began nonchalantly.

"Yes, that there is."

"So-"

"No."

"Come on! Let me go with you, West!" Prussia protested. "It would mean a lot to me!"

"Don't make it seem so important. It's not like you would find anything interesting there for you."

"I don't care," Prussia persisted. "That Romano gets to go just like Italy, so why can't I?"

"You know that it is just not the same, Brother," Germany sighed. "How many times do we have to go through this?"

He knew this fully well. North and South Italy were two halves of one country. Prussia's heart felt twisted and his face felt hot in pained frustration.

 _That is not like what we are_ , he thought. _It is... just Germany._ _  
_

Germany was occupying himself with a book, which he kept his eyes held upon even as Prussia tugged at his arm.

"I'm telling you, I won't do anything at all. I won't say a word! As long as I can sit at the table. Just this, please-"

"I can't arrange these things for you," Germany said. "I can't cater to your needs. Just accept it."

 _Just accept it_. Those words rang through Prussia's mind and took on a harsh meaning. _Just accept that I'm no longer a country, and that I never will be again.  
_

Prussia groaned but he controlled it to keep the tones of misery out of his voice. He left Germany with his book and he thumped to his own room, his face clouding with worry once no one was around to see him.

 _What is the point of me being here then?_ he wondered as he lay on his stomach on his bed. The slightly-open window blew freezing January wind over him.

"Of course," he responded to Germany's words although he was now alone. "I know what you mean. I… just really want to believe."

He was about to close the window, but he halted when a small yellow shape swooped in and landed neatly on the windowsill. He let it hop in and flutter up to its perch on his shoulder before he shut the window firmly. He pulled open a drawer and revealed a plastic container of dehulled sunflower seeds. The bird landed on the table in anticipation while he sprinkled some seeds in front of it.

"He doesn't see me as a part of Germany," Prussia murmured to the bird. "But I guess I've always known. I call him West, because I feel like I was the East of Germany for a while. I mean, it was _me_ they referred to as the Germanic Democratic Republic, and I was the one who had to go live with Russia. But is it different now that Germany is a whole country? Never once has Germany ever called me East before in return..."

 _St. Maria's order… Teutonic Knights… Prussia… GDR… what am I now then? Why do I still call myself by a country that doesn't exist anymore? It would be strange if I reverted to any of my even older names, but then, isn't my present name strange? None of them make sense to use. It is like… I_ _have no name_ , Prussia stared blankly at the little beak that peaked the seeds into little pieces. _Like I am nobody._

* * *

"What has been with you lately?" Germany opened the room to Prussia's door and found him dozing on his bed again. Prussia creaked open his eyes at his appearance and rolled over onto his side.

"What do you mean exactly?" Prussia smirked.

"It's been two weeks and you've hardly left the house. All you do is exercise, sleep, and fool around on your laptop. It's about time you actually go and do something."

"Yes, alright. I'll go fold the laundry!"

Prussia leaped upwards but a hand slapped against his chest and held him in place.

"That's not what I meant," Germany said. "I mean you should get out of the house."

 _Does my presence bother him?_ Prussia thought immediately, but then shook that thought away. _No, he really just wants me to get some air._

"Fine cool," Prussia shrugged. "Maybe I'll go after I finish updating my blog!"

"Whatever, sure," Germany nodded, then waved him off. "Just make sure you do it."

Germany left, then Prussia opened up his laptop and sat cross-legged on his bed. He did not really need to update his blog, for he had not done anything recently that he could post about. It had just been an excuse, a poor excuse he realized- to keep himself shut up in his room. He was unconscious of the growing addiction that made him find odd comfort in moping under a cloud of depression. He never realized that his reliance upon it was becoming the only thing in the world that he could see and that as long as he stayed there, he could no longer think about anything else but his own misery. To go outside seemed only as a method to subject himself to some kind of judgement, and he did not know how much he feared that someone else's words now had the power to break him.

He thought of how Hungary and Austria often seemed to disprove of his presence, although they were not often harsh towards him unless he was extra rambunctious that day or had been pulling on Austria's cheeks.

 _There's no way that they hate me,_ Prussia thought. _Well, I think..._

Prussia hated how he could not interpret the meanings of the comments on his blog. Just plain text could have different meanings, so he did not know how to take some of them. It would have been easier to understand what they meant if he could at least hear the tone of their voices.

Prussia had been blinking quietly at the screen with only his eyes as the portal that his emotions could channel through and be seen. However, a brief-ferocious rage exploded and the electricity sparked to the ends of all his muscles. He snapped his arms out to the side before his muscles went taunt.

"Why the _hell..._ " he breathed, voice building up in volume until he was shouting, " _Does Russia check my blog?_ "

His voice echoed throughout the house, and Prussia paused as he considered his ringing ears. Germany just seemed to ignore his outburst, so he turned back to the screen and sighed.

The absolute resent and anger returned to him almost immediately. It raised not only because of past history with Russia, but because of a bitter jealousy. He suddenly remembered that many months ago everyone had been making a big deal about Russia because of what happened at a meeting. Prussia glared at the computer screen, at the post with the picture of himself patting Latvia's hair to which Russia had commented on.

 _I forgot that they are supposedly in a relationship. I just don't understand why that crazy maniac has more than I do. Siblings that don't ignore him, and someone that keeps him from being lonely. That's not fair! Sure, Germany checks on me every once in a while, but he's otherwise "too busy" to actually deal with me. No one comes to see me- the only reason Italy comes here is really just to visit Germany. I have nobody._

However, he then became conscious of a little weight on his head that was nestled in his hair. He reached up, found its head, and stroked it with a gentle finger.

* * *

When Austria picked up the phone six days later, he was surprised at the briskness in Germany's voice.

"Hello, Austria. I was wondering if you have seen my brother recently."'

Germany's breath was court, revealing his heightened worry. Austria automatically matched the emotion, and he swiftly replied, "A few days ago, why?"

"A few days..." Germany repeated in a whisper.

"Maybe four..." then Austria felt increasing worry. "No. It was actually five days ago."

"He hasn't been home for almost a week, but he never said he had any plans," Germany said. "He said nothing at all."

"That's strange, very... unusual," Austria murmured. "But he did act a little off when he was here. Like he was very tired. He just wanted to listen to the piano and when I was done, he started asking Hungary and I odd questions."

"What did he ask?"

"First, if we would take him to the World Conference. He didn't seem to take our denial well. He asked if we hated him, but he left before he gave us a chance to respond, like he was afraid of the answer. We tried catching up to him, but he must have run because he was just gone. So he went off somewhere I suppose, but I have no idea where. I am sorry, Germany. I just assumed he would have gone home afterwards."

"It is not your fault," Germany muttered. "But we need to find him. I don't know what is bothering him, but I have to talk to him. I have asked Italy already, and I was going to contact France and Spain next to see if they knew anything, or if they have seen him."

"I'll try to help spread the word," Austria replied.

However, when Austria hung up, this lingering, awful feeling remained within Germany.

* * *

After a week and a half, the other nations knew about the situation and the search for Prussia was on everyone's minds. No one felt that he was in their land, but they looked around anyway for Germany's sake. Still, no one found a trace of him. As more and more people kept apologizing to Germany, phone call after phone call, and more time passed without any news of his retrieval, everyone else started losing hope. No one said it to Germany, but they had started to believe that Prussia was gone for good. Faded away, and soon Germany would have to face the pain as he accepted the loss of his brother.

Germany picked up the phone once again that day. Although he had only been thoroughly disappointed throughout the days, he still felt a prick of hope every time he answered.

"Germany!" Lithuania exclaimed. "I saw him! Prussia, he-he jumped on a cargo train... but I couldn't catch him in time! The train, it picked up speed and... I'm so sorry!"

Yet the news that his brother had been spotted filled his body with adrenaline. He leaped to his feet from his chair, trembling, and beginning to sweat.

"Where was it going to?" Germany demanded.

Lithuania hesitated, and his voice was timorous when he replied, "It... That train was heading to Russia."

* * *

He had lost track of time. He had no idea where he was.

Prussia was so lost in his thoughts that the outside world was a blur. He vaguely remembered running for a long time until he could not any longer. He remembered taxies and hopping a train, but had no recollection of sleeping or eating at all. He had used up all his euros, changed his outfit twice, but he did not know what he had stolen or had bought.

Although he knew he could easily find out where he was just by looking at the languages of the signs, it was fine being lost. There was some kind of elation at the thought that nobody in the world knew where he was but him. It was not exactly a good feeling, but it felt right somehow.

 _And maybe no one cares where I am_ , he thought. _Germany must be busy I guess. He probably hasn't noticed that I've been gone._

His thoughts only separated him more from reality. They haunted him, and they only continued to change him more and more from his former self. No one was there to correct them or stop him from his delusions.

 _No one would care. They are probably happy I left._

He blinked in surprise because he had realized something he would not usually think about.

His bird. It was gone.

For the first time in a while, he was aware of his surroundings. The city was gone, and he was surrounded by winter silence. He walked through the snowy pines, trudging his soaked shoes through the blanket of snow that held up a bed of dead, orange pine needles. He stumbled along for a while, trying to find indication of a hiking trail somewhere. He soon heard the sound of water flowing so then he followed the noise until he came upon a vast river that was bursting its banks from the thaw.

He froze as if his muscles had finally succumbed to the cold around him, but it was not for that reason he had halted. It was the river. He was absolutely beguiled by it. His eyes gazed over the churning water that rushed over smooth, protruding stones, the angry splashes of water from the harsh impacts, and the thick branches that splintered and smashed to pieces on their journey downstream. Mud and chunks of ice bobbed by as well, taking the likeness of small, dirty mountains being swept away by a flood of biblical proportions. To Prussia, the river did seem to have some kind of holy or supernatural quality to it, because something made him step closer towards the powerful current.

The rest of the world was gone. He could only see that water. He hardly knew what he was doing; the only thought running through his mind on repeat was: _Fritz... Old Fritz..._

There was an explosion of sound and something grey darted in his vision. A rabbit burst from out of the bushes and dashed towards him in utter terror, skidding around his feet, then sprinting away, flaring its white tail all the while. Prussia stared after it in confusion until it dove into some more heather on his other side and disappeared from sight.

 _What could have scared it so badly?_ the thought came to him. The hairs on the back on his neck raised, and he warily turned to cast his eyes in the direction the rabbit had come from. His breath then hitched in his throat.

He had appeared soundlessly like an apparition, just a few meters away from him. Russia was unnaturally still, like he was but one of the resolute pine trees that stood around him. Eyes that shone like polished ice fixated on his form, uncomfortably analytical and unblinking. When a faint breeze blew, the scarf hanging around his throat lifted and swayed silkily, rising and dropping off and onto his silent body. The dry branches above rattled and snapped in the wind like an ominous omen.

Prussia's eyes quivered, betraying his unease that was increasing in each passing second that happened without incident. He slowly breathed, fearful of making any sudden movements, as though the other was a predatory animal that he did not want to set off. Prussia moved backwards, but had forgotten about the depth of the snow, and so a foot sunk down and caused his balance to sway shakily. He exhaled brokenly. He sensed something terribly off about Russia, and he felt some kind of power resting within him that was only being held back consciously. He was like a timer that Prussia could not read; one that could go off and have Russia snapping into action at any moment with impossible speed.

When Russia spoke, he leaned forward ever so slowly. Like a dead thing, a rag doll, or something that was simply not supposed to move- had inclined itself in the direction of its horrified viewer.

"What are you doing here, Prussia?"

Prussia got an impression, and he related the voice he had heard to the wind that blew through the cold, night cemetery. There was no hint of Russia's usual cheeriness at all. Prussia knew that sometimes this happened, but somehow something more dangerous lingered in the air this time. Something quite wrong felt like it was going to happen. Prussia tried again to step back, because the fear that crept into his mind told him that he absolutely needed to get out of this situation.

"Nothing," Prussia replied hoarsely.

In the brief silence that followed, Prussia heard the river once again and his attention was brought back to it. _Nothing…_ Prussia turned a little away from Russia. How captivating the river was to him.

Russia's voice was a little closer now although Prussia had not heard him move at all.

"Something is wrong with your eyes," Russia murmured.

Prussia blinked, a little thrown off by the comment, although he did not reply or glance over to see how close Russia had come. He followed a chunk of wood with his eyes as it broke apart further downstream on the stones.

Russia watched him with his eyes sharp and with his head tilted in an owlish manner.

"Also, I do not like how you are staring at the river..." he continued.

Prussia exhaled, "Why the hell do you care? Go away."

Prussia felt the eyes on him for a while. They were unnerving, but the river somehow seemed more important now, and that previous dread had disappeared. What a charm it had upon him.

"You are acting strange," Russia whispered like a mournful spirit hovering beside him, barely just loud enough for Prussia to hear over the sound of the water.

"Again, why do you care? I hate you. You hate me," Prussia raised a hand and rubbed an eyelash absentmindedly away from his eye. "Maybe if you leave, something good might happen."

Prussia heard a sharp inhale beside him that had seemed to resemble a gasp. He flashed his eyes over at Russia.

Prussia exclaimed when he realized how close Russia had come; he stood just half a meter away. The fear came back to him in full strength and he stepped backwards, but this time, Russia stalked forward after him. Russia's eyes had narrowed at the last comment, and never, _never_ had Prussia seen this look of pure coldness upon the other's face. Prussia hurried backwards, still terrified to take his rosy eyes off of Russia, and he was too afraid to turn his back. Russia would not stop approaching as Prussia kept retreating, and finally Prussia gave in to panic and he jumped away when Russia had come too close.

The timer went off.

Russia lunged and shoved him powerfully on his shoulder. Prussia spun and stumbled over his feet, tripping and falling onto his front into the snow. He did not have time to scream before the hard, frozen patch of ground he had landed on smashed his chest and shoved the air out of his lungs. As soon as he had whipped around onto his back, he felt a weight crash down on him and pin him down.

Prussia barely had time to struggle before two gloved hands shot out to his throat and locked on with intense, crushing strength. Prussia gagged but then immediately was unable to produce the slightest sound. His entire throat was squeezed shut and no air whatsoever could pass through, and his jaw could only tremble then go taunt as his body fought for air.

Russia heard awful cracks in Prussia's neck, and could feel his pulse thudding erratically against his fingers even through the leather. Prussia's hands reached to his neck, but the energy was rapidly draining from him. He desperately tried to pry away the fingers with hands that were becoming slippery with sweat, however Russia's hands were locked on with an iron grip and all he could do was paw at them weakly.

Prussia tilted his head backwards, but this only allowed the grip to tighten further. Prussia grimaced before his mouth opened wide as though he was silently screaming. He stared up at the sky above with trembling eyes that glimmered and held tears at their edges.

"So you want to die?" Russia leaned over and murmured to him. "Then does it matter who does it? It might make me feel good to do it. It might be very satisfying. But there are other ways to do it too. How much do you believe you should die? Would you let me torture you if you thought you were deserving it?"

Russia gazed at Prussia's hands as they quivered and clung desperately onto his, then he gazed into Prussia's wide and panicked eyes.

"Why are you so afraid?" Russia cooed. "Is this not what you wanted? To drift off into death? Or are you having doubts? I think that is why you liked the river. No time to regret. It would have been fast, da?"

Another crack in Prussia's neck. Prussia's eyelids started to droop, and he turned his head to the side. His hands no longer moved, merely resting now upon his own.

Russia's lip pulled to one side as he watched the life fading from the eyes of the nation below him. Prussia's mouth opened slightly again, trying to form words, but he was still absolutely unable to make a sound. A tear trailed down his face and he closed his mouth back shut in defeat. There was nothing he could do now. He was so, so tired after having not taken care of himself properly for more than a week. He felt so utterly weak. Blackness edged his vision, making the snow around him tinge to gray, and the only thing he had the energy to do now was cry.

The pressure on his throat lifted away. Russia was gone suddenly, and Prussia was sure that he was in his final moments of death in where he could no longer feel a thing. Then his body fidgeted and his lungs expanded, causing his chest to become shocked with pain. Air began to trickle back into his lungs. Slowly; so slowly at first that it was unbearable and he thought it was not enough and that he was just going die regardless. Yet then, once a little energy had come back to him, he took in deep breaths as hands lifted him into a sitting position. Prussia's sight was a blur, and he regarded a pink blob come near his face. He felt a softness wrap around his neck and face, and it took him a few seconds to realize that it was Russia's scarf.

"The cold air will hurt your lungs," Russia said quietly as he adjusted it around Prussia's face.

Prussia blinked in utter confusion. He had no idea what was happening, and the mind that was recovering from the deprivation of oxygen lacked the energy to think properly. However, he felt a heavy and complete warmth around him and was soon able to recognize it as Russia's coat, draped around his shoulders.

"And you are not dressed correctly," Russia said. "You are soaking wet and not wearing any winter clothes. I am surprised you made it this far."

Russia helped Prussia onto his shaking legs. He made Prussia put his arms through the sleeves, and he straightened the coat so that his legs were also covered.

"Can you walk?" Russia asked.

Still, Prussia did not reply so Russia waited a bit for him to catch his breath. Prussia took a few small steps forward, leaning heavily against Russia, before his head drooped and he crumbled to his knees. Russia collected his limp mass and regarded Prussia's unfocused and exhausted eyes. Heavy rings were under them as indication of his lack of sleep, he seemed so gaunt, and then there was as well a dullness in his complexion. He scooped him up completely and was unnerved at his unusual lightness. As expected, he received absolutely no protest from Prussia, who was borderline unconscious as it was.

Russia walked on determinedly, although the cold numbed him now that he had taken off his scarf and coat. However, he soon brought them both into the warmth haven of his house safely, for Prussia had managed to wander not just in some random forest, but in the woods behind Russia's house.

He removed his winter clothes from Prussia and set him in front of the fireplace. Prussia plopped down and sat cross-legged, swaying slightly from his lassitude. He never realized until that point how cold he had been until he felt the warmth of the lit fire. Prussia stretched to slowly pull off his drenched shoes and socks, and he felt the heat sinking into his muscles as he leaned forward.

Russia returned with a towel and a thick robe, then put them beside Prussia.

"You can change into this," he said. "It is clean. I can wash your wet clothes for you."

Prussia still looked at him in complete confusion, but he had understood what was being said to him so he nodded slowly. When Russia left, he slowly discarded his clothes into a pile and slipped into the large but very cozy robe. A while later, Russia returned and passed something hot into his hands. He registered the scent of the sweet vapor, and he glanced down at the cup of hot chocolate he was holding.

"Wha-"

But Prussia did not finish because he realized Russia had already taken his discarded clothes and had left. Prussia looked back down into his cup before sipping it and feeling the warmth flow inside him. It felt and tasted so nice, so he closed his eyes and drank more deeply.

"Maybe you are hungry as well?" Russia regarded him as he reentered the room. "You are not looking so healthy either."

Prussia blinked down at the plate of warm bread, cheese, and fruit that was offered to him. Finally, his voice made it through his throbbing throat, and he looked into Russia's eyes as he knelt down and put the plate beside him.

"Why are you doing this?" he croaked. "Why didn't you kill me?"

Russia's eyes had lost their coldness after he had stopped choking him. Now, they were softer, but still haunted with some kind of profound sadness.

"As if I could do it," Russia only said, and backed away.

"W-Wait," Prussia said, and Russia paused. "I don't understand. I thought you hated me..."

"Maybe I used to," Russia said. "But then I saw your eyes, and I knew that you were suffering. I... understood, so I wanted to help you."

"But… nobody cares about me. I-"

"I do not believe that is true," Russia sat down beside him. "But maybe, if that is for some reason the case, then is it okay if I am caring about you? Even if nobody else in the world likes you, I would gladly be your friend."

"My friend...? What?" Prussia's eyes shimmered, as he was completely taken back by that statement. "Why?"

"Why not? Da, I think it would be nice. You can find fun in anything, and you are always full of energy even when other people aren't," Russia said.

"You would find me annoying eventually," Prussia sighed. "I have so much free time. I would bug you when you are busy, and then you won't want me around."

"I wouldn't mind," Russia said. "I am always happy when people visit me. This house is too big, and I am very lonely."

"You're lonely? I thought you had Latvia now."

Prussia watched Russia's eyes snap shut and his lips draw out into a thin line. Russia turned his head away from Prussia and reopened his eyes to look sorrowfully at the wall.

"Not... anymore," Russia whispered. "Something happened a year ago. I made a terrible mistake…"

Prussia listened intently as Russia explained what had happened. At first, Russia had been unsure as to how much he should say, but the concern in Prussia's eyes and his imploring questions, led him to reveal almost everything. He told the other how they had grown close, and he told him about the things they had done, even how he had killed the men in California. However, he had to be vague about that part in order to leave Latvia out of the subject, even though doing this made him only seem like more of a spontaneous murderer.

"I cannot tell you the reason," Russia had said. "But I promise that it was a good reason."

Prussia continued to listen calmly, so he then told him about the medication as well and how it had ruined everything.

When he was done, he looked at Prussia fearfully, worried that after he had told him about all of the more violent things he had done, he would be frightened of him.

But Prussia only said, "You really love him, though?"

"So much," Russia dipped his head. "Even now, I love him although it hurts. It was never the pills that made me feel this way, but I do not know how I can prove it to him. I do not know how I can be bringing myself to talk to him again, or if I even should. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore and I should just leave him alone."

Prussia swallowed a grape and wrapped his arms around himself.

"But you haven't had any pills since then. Since a year ago," Prussia said.

"Ah, but it has been so hard," Russia sighed. "I have to remind myself all the time of what people consider to be wrong, although sometimes it just seems so right to me."

"I think you have done an awesome job," Prussia admitted. "You should be proud."

"Are you really thinking so?" Russia asked. "Even after…"

Russia trailed off, glancing at the deep black bruises around Prussia's neck that had started to appear a few minutes ago. Prussia saw him staring, but only smirked a little.

"Don't worry," Prussia said. "I understand why you did it."

Russia smiled a little in return.

"Okay," he said. "But I'm sorry that I hurt you, I just could not think of another way to be doing it at the time. I still have so much trouble figuring out how to deal with things. Seeing you like that really upset me, so I couldn't think so well."

"But, thank you," Prussia swallowed. "Really. I had no idea what I was doing. You did what you had to do."

"I would never have tortured you though. Even if you had asked me to. I am sorry I said that."

"It's alright. I understand now that you wouldn't do that. Also, I can tell how hard you have been working to change yourself. I really do believe that you can control yourself just fine. Don't put all this effort to waste. So, you should talk to Latvia. Just get up and talk to the guy."

"I do not think it is as easy as that."

" _Nein_ , it is!" Prussia protested. "Don't hold back and be nervous! Just call him and tell him how you haven't taken any medication and that you still love him anyway."

"But how can I meet him if I am afraid that I might hurt him?"

"Trust yourself."

"...Myself?"

"If Latvia of all people could do it, why not you?"

"Hmm…"

Despite how engaged he had been in the conversation, Prussia could not suppress his yawn. He rubbed the side of his face on the soft fabric of the robe sleepily. It was only the middle of the afternoon, but he looked absolutely wiped, and the light only made the rings under his eyes seem more profound. Russia decided to drop the topic and focus on his guest's health once again.

"You should go and sleep now," Russia said. "If you are wanting to, you can use the shower and brush your teeth; do whatever you would like. You don't need to be asking."

"Okay," Prussia slowly got to his feet with a few cracks sounding out from his legs. "I guess I could use a good shower."

Then afterwards, when Prussia emerged feeling a little fresher, Russia met him in the hall.

"I know these are too large," he said while passing pajamas over to Prussia, "But they are very warm and comfortable."

Prussia accepted them and the tall glass of water that was also offered to him. Russia took him to the old room of the Baltics, but he hesitated at the door.

"If you do not want to sleep here, I understand," Russia said. "I can arrange something else if you are wanting to."

"Er, no," Prussia replied. "It's fine. Thank you."

Russia once again left and returned with more things after Prussia had changed. This time it was more blankets, just in case he wanted them. Prussia did not believe that he would need them all, but Russia's continued consideration was astounding him.

Just as Russia was wishing him a good night and about to shut off the light, Prussia beckoned him over. Russia stood at his bedside, wondering if he needed anything else, and he gasped when Prussia collected him into the most unexpected hug.

"What…" Russia said. "You are not bothered by this? Even though you know that I-"

"Don't be like that," Prussia scoffed against him. "It's not like I think that you are attracted to every guy you meet. It's just, you… thank you so much for what you've done for me. There was no reason for you to do any of this. If you didn't help me…"

Prussia twitched and tugged at Russia's shirt. Finally, Russia put his arms around Prussia's body comfortingly, and the other relaxed.

"I don't know how to repay you," Prussia finished. He grabbed the wrist of his other hand behind Russia's back and turned his face to the side.

Russia sat on the edge of the bed and turned Prussia's head towards him. Prussia let go and sat uncomfortably while Russia studied his tear-stained face.

"Nothing," Russia replied. "I don't want anything from you. But I want you to stop hiding your emotions from other people. Don't be ashamed. Even now you just tried to hide your face from me. I have learned that it always feels better when you are showing everyone your real happiness, and when you are upset and you are still pretending to be happy, it hurts so much more. So please, do not be doing that."

"Okay," Prussia muttered. "I guess it was my fault really, because I did all this to myself. If I had just talked to people, then… I might not have isolated myself and gotten trapped in my thoughts."

"Da," Russia smiled slightly at him. "Talking. You said that was an easy thing to do, so maybe you should try some of that. Have a good sleep."

"Wait," Prussia stopped him once more as he was turning to leave him. "Don't tell anybody I'm here. I… I want to wait a bit. Just to know… how everyone else feels about me being gone."

"Alright," Russia said quietly as he flicked off the light. "I promise."

* * *

The sharp ring of the phone disturbed the silence of the house. Russia snatched it promptly, lest Prussia be disturbed by the noise. Russia immediately assumed who the caller would be, but he held the phone against his head in all seriousness. He greeted him in a honeyed-voice.

"Who is it?"

Germany stomached the repulsive feeling that stirred inside him. He hated that sickeningly-sweet voice; more so than usual because he felt at that moment that his voice was just screaming false innocence.

"Hello, Russia," Germany returned.

"Hello Germany, what is making you call me so late?"

"Yesterday I called you," Germany's voice was tense in frustration, and wavered slightly as though the slightest thing was about to set him off. "About my brother."

"My country is large. It would be hard to tell where he is or even if he is here," Russia replied.

 _Would?_ Germany's mind raced. _Why did he say "would" instead of "will"? Is he not going to even try to find him or...?_

Germany said through gritted teeth, "Are you requesting more time to find him?"

"No. I am not needing more time."

Germany had expected him to point out that one day had not been a realistic amount of time to give him to search for Prussia anyway. However, yet again the other had said something unsettling, so now he was griping the edge of his desk with his free hand.

"Have you... already found him?"

"You sound suspicious when you say that," Russia's voice dropped. "Are you thinking that it would be a bad thing if I found him?"

Germany twitched, and indeed his heart stirred with worry at the thought. Just because of that tone and those words, Germany suddenly felt fine at the thought that Prussia could stay missing a little longer if it meant he would turn up in another country later.

"Prussia..." Germany started to trail off.

Russia felt a guilty pang that Germany was feeling that way about him, and that he was right to believe that he would hurt Prussia because he already had. He wanted to reassure him, but that promise to Prussia made him hold back. He did his best to fix the mood.

"Don't worry about him, Germany," Russia's voice lifted enthusiastically.

Before the click of the phone as Russia hung up, Germany heard a giggle on the other end of the line. He gasped at the sound and listened to the silence that followed with a quivering in his body. His blue eyes went wide, and his mouth gaped in horror.

That final laugh resounded in his head. It was like the child-like laugh down the rotting, black halls in a horror film; so unnaturally cheerful among the gloom and death. It was one of those laughs that made one know that whatever had produced that sound indicated horrifying intent, and that it was really no child, but something to fear with the most impending dread.

 _Please no_ , Germany thought. _Brother, wherever you are, please be okay._

* * *

Russia silently passed by the room where Prussia was sleeping. He was lying there peacefully, with his weary eyes closed and his chest deeply rising and falling. He seemed to not have been woken up by the phone ringing.

Russia smiled in relief.


	15. The Meaning of Sunflowers

_Everything is back to normal,_ Latvia told himself. _How it is supposed to be._

A year. It had been an entire year since he had contacted Russia in any way. Not a sight, call, or message. Nothing.

The clock just kept ticking on the wall. He was curled in a chair with a book, and the house was calm and quiet; the silence only interrupted by the sound of that relentless clock. It was so rhythmic, heavy, and meaningful. Every tick was an indication of time forever lost and so amazingly unattainable.

He did all the things he normally would do in his home after his independence and before Russia had become important. He believed that as long as he slipped back into his routine, it would be possible to forget those past memories and feelings as he continued on with life. However, the clock had become such a distraction. It disturbed his activities obtrusively, reminding him that he could not hide from real life. He could not just forget things that were happening elsewhere in the world, and that time affected everyone at once.

Sometimes leaving the house was a good break, and jogging around the winter streets on the recently-plowed sidewalks was a refreshing activity. Warm earmuffs and mittens, his face numb and breath clouded- then he no longer had to think about anything else except for the desire to go further. Yet even as more and more pavement passed below his feet, the pleasant chimes of the church bells behind him striking the hour caught up to him.

 _It is strange how slowly times goes by when you constantly think about it. Yet once it has happened, it feels like it has gone by too fast._

One morning, the thought struck Latvia that he was going to see Russia again in a month whether he wanted to or not, at the next World Conference coming up. At first, he was not sure what to think about that realization. A sort of emptiness filled him; he felt no trace of sadness, anger, or longing. He felt that perhaps it did not matter, and business would be business, then they would part ways with likely having not spoken a word to each other at all.

Yet as the days went by and the date for the World Conference came closer, he could not help but think increasingly more often about Russia. He tried to imagine what the other had been doing for all this time, and he wondered if he was still taking those medications and suppressing his _true?_ self.

 _Did anybody else know?_ Latvia then wondered. _Did his sisters know?_

Then that thought began to bug him; that more people might have known about Russia's medication and had been keeping it secret from him the entire time without feeling the need to let him know. He wondered more and more about this, and finally he could not take it anymore and he decided that he was going to ask Ukraine about it. She would be honest and kind to him. He was sure that from her he could get all the answers he required.

She was absolutely surprised when she answered her door one day and found him standing there dejectedly.

"Oh, hello Latvia," she said soothingly. "Come inside."

She undoubtedly knew what had happened, because she immediately sat him down on the couch beside her while looking at him with a sad and glimmering gaze. She as well spoke to him ever so softly.

"I am so, so sorry this happened. I knew the whole time, and so did Belarus. We didn't know that it would upset you this much."

"But why didn't you tell me at all?" Latvia murmured.

"My brother wanted to get over them himself before he told you. So that when he eventually let you know, he would have been already fully capable of managing himself. He asked us not to tell anybody. Please understand."

"But he admitted that the medication affected his mood," Latvia said. "How would he know if anything he was feeling was real?"

"Oh Latvia," Ukraine sighed. "He loves you very much, and that is not the fault of the medication. What he is taking doesn't make him feel different emotions. No, no, no. It only makes him more passive so that he isn't so stressed."

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into the warmest of hugs. Her entire touch was gentle and full of absolute caring, and it was so easy for him to relax against her.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly.

"Poor thing," she stroked his hair. "Maybe Russia wasn't so good at explaining it to you. It must have been scary for you when you found out like that."

"I... wasn't so scared. But I was just so _angry_ at him," Latvia admitted.

Ukraine asked, "Don't you think he was scared though?"

"Y-Yeah..." Latvia murmured. "I mean, I just kept pushing him and it must have been really stressful for him."

"And why do you think it would make him stressed?" she urged him.

Latvia glanced to the side as he considered this.

"He felt like it was something he had to hide. Something that was bad."

"But you understand that they weren't really bad for him."

"O-Okay..."

"It is the opposite of what you think," she explained. "It doesn't change or increase his emotions. It doesn't make him happy or anything; it actually suppresses all kinds of feelings. So if he loves you, then that means that he must _really_ love you in order to show it.

"I should talk to you about the four important phone calls that I have received from him during the years. They were about you. The first two phone calls where during the Soviet Era and the first time he called, he wanted to know about guilt. He told me about how he hurt you and how he was questioning his methods now that he had this painful prick in his heart. The second time he called he asked me if the medications were affecting his feelings. You see, he had the exact same worries as you. When he called the third time he said that he had this really warm feeling that was like happiness but better. I wasn't completely sure if he meant love, so I told him to talk to you about it. That way, he would have to get close to you for the answer to his question."

She brushed Latvia's face as he looked at her with wavering eyes.

"But the fourth phone call I got was only last week," Ukraine said. "And listen carefully to this. He told me that he hasn't taken any medication for an entire year and that he still has that feeling. He said that he still loves you, but he doesn't know what to do now. He is having a hard time forgiving himself, and he has always had this problem since the Soviet Era and even before that. My poor brother… you must know that he is at least grateful that you gave him a chance. You helped him so much that it really makes me happy too, for everything that you've done for him."

"But he really still...?"

"Of course," Ukraine cooed. "He has loved you for so long. Before you even knew, and even after you left. Even if you decide to hate him, he says that as long as you are happy to hate him, then he will be alright."

"Thank you," Latvia whispered. "For telling me all this."

"Take care of yourself."

She left go of Latvia, who then nodded at her in response and slowly made his way to the front door.

When he went out, he nearly crashed into Belarus outside the door. He halted in front of her, and she glanced at him then back at Ukraine's house.

"So you talked about it with her?" Belarus asked.

Latvia nodded.

"Good. It makes me unhappy that Big Brother is sad. You should go and see him."

"I... I might need to prepare myself," Latvia replied. "I don't know how I should go about talking to him."

Belarus pressed, "He needs you. More than me, really. You really make him happy, and he will do anything for you."

"Yes, but-"

"Maybe you don't know?"

He looked at her questioningly, not completely sure what she was referring to.

She considered him for a second, then asked, "Did he ever tell you the rest of that story?"

"Yeah… he did."

She nodded in approval.

"And you liked it, didn't you?"

"I- well, yes. It was nice."

"That's not how the real story goes."

"Huh?"

Belarus said, "He changed the ending. After the boy opens the closet door."

"R-Really?" Latvia gasped.

"It was a Creepypasta story or something. I've read it before, even before he told the story to me and Ukraine this one time. So I knew that he made it up. I pointed it out to him after, and he admitted that he did it because he hated how the original ended."

Latvia asked timidly, "How does it actually end then?"

"He turns into the creature. That's it. It was just a cycle of turning people into monsters and there was nothing poetic about it. But Russia wanted the story to be more meaningful, and he wanted the boy to understand the creature. Even if it was a broken zombie."

"Wow," Latvia breathed.

"Even if you look online, I don't think you will find a version like his. Only someone like him would want a horror story with a happy ending."

Latvia stared at her in awe, and she lifted the corner of her lip in a sort of smile.

"Does it remind you of anything?" she said.

It did. Now he understood, and the story was even more meaningful to him now. That story was nearly parallel to Russia's life struggles. Desperately wanting to be trusted, but having no voice to express his true feelings. Not wanting to be feared, but unable to stop anyone from hating him and feeling terrified by the sight of him. He felt broken, and he hoped desperately that Latvia, like that teenager in the basement of that story, would help him stand.

That also explained why Russia had drawn the creature with blood, even though there had been no blood in the story itself. Then of course, the wilted sunflower had not been drawn in its hand to represent beauty or kindness. It was there because that specie of flower had always been an item of Russia's hope, stemming from his desire to escape cold and depression to find warmth. And if he truly believed that this creature represented his former self, then that sunflower was his dying hopes that he was trying to hold onto.

"You have to talk to him," Belarus told him.

Latvia closed his eyes and nodded slowly. Belarus stepped out of his way to let him continue on, turned, then watched him leave.

* * *

The next morning when Prussia was up and dressed in his now washed and dried clothes, it was his turn to explain the previous events in his life that had brought him up to where he was now. After he was done, Russia looked at him with sympathy and gave him words of condolence.

Then Russia added, "I would be happy to take you to the World Conference."

Prussia smiled, but shook his head, "No, it's fine. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble anyway."

"I do not mind. Not many people like me so much, so it would not be making a difference."

"Well, I thinking now that... maybe there are more important things," Prussia said. "More in life than some kind of status. If I can be happy with just being me, then everything will be alright. "

"You should already be happy with yourself. You just do not realize that people are really caring about you. In fact, Germany called last night asking if I had found you yet."

"W-Wait. He is… looking for me?"

"Of course he is. He has been asking everyone about you. But then Lithuania saw you jumping onto a train to my country, so now Germany knows that you are around here."

"And... what did you tell him?"

"Nothing. Just not to worry."

Prussia nodded slowly and said, "Okay. Thank you."

"Are you sure you are not wanting to talk to him? He was very worried."

"Not yet," Prussia murmured.

Russia wanted to press the subject, but he did not because he as well was struggling with communicating with people, and therefore understood that time was needed to build courage. That advice that Prussia had given, about the simplicity of picking up the phone and calling, was wise but in no way realistic.

Their conversation up to this point had taken place in the hall, but now Prussia was led to the kitchen and introduced to the already-set table that included a large breakfast that had been prepared for him.

As they sat down, Russia asked, "So, I was wondering where you little bird was."

"I don't know," Prussia replied. "I can't remember when it left. I think I felt it on me when I was in Austria, but after that it's all just a blur."

"Oh, that's too bad," Russia said. "Maybe it just couldn't keep up."

Prussia started to eat, but he was immediately surprised at the intense pain that came to him as he tried to swallow. He tried covering this up the best he could, but he still squeezed his eyes shut and clenched the fork in his hand tightly. If he had not been so hungry at that moment, he would have given up right then, but he instead proceeded with small bites. His eyes watered and he sipped at some milk, but the coldness of it shocked and hurt more than the food had.

Prussia had been distracted for a moment, so he had not realized how Russia had been observing him.

"It is still hurting you. I'm so sorry."

Prussia flashed his eyes over and saw the regret etched upon the other's face.

"It's alright," Prussia replied. "This is what I get for being stupid."

"But-"

"Don't worry about it!"

Russia did not protest further about it, but he made a noise of disagreement and poked unhappily at his food.

When they were done, Russia started to clean up, but Prussia hurried to stop him.

"I can do that!" he exclaimed. "I mean, you made all this for me, so let me do this at least."

"That is considerate of you," Russia smiled. "Okay. Well then, I am going to go work for just a little bit. You can go outside if you want, take a walk maybe? I'll give you some money and you can buy whatever you would like."

"Money? You really don't have to-"

"It's fine."

Prussia looked at Russia and saw the concern on his face. His eyebrows were lifted up and his eyes were fully sincere. Prussia nodded a little, and Russia smiled sadly but with relief.

He left and a minute later was passing a massive wad of cash into his hand. Prussia gawked at it, but Russia swiftly left before he could object to it and try to give it back. He had no choice but to cram it into his pocket and go out into the world.

Prussia felt an uncomfortable kind of joy as he walked through the streets and looked around at the shops. While he felt like he was being a burden and was intruding, he was utterly amazed and delighted that he was being treated so generously.

If he was going to be here for awhile, it made sense to him that he should buy some outfits. He walked into a random clothing shop that had seemed welcoming enough, and he looked around at the displays. It was a lot quieter in here without the bustle of traffic outside, and the music that played was quite calming. However in this silence, his hiss of pain was fairly audible when he had turned his head to look back at something that had caught his eye. The bones in his neck felt chipped and as though they were stabbing into his muscles every time he moved his head. As agonizing heat pulsed in the back of his neck, a curious employee popped her head around a rack of coats to look over at him.

They made eye contact, and so she then approached him. As she walked over, she said something to him, and based off the intonation, he assumed that she was asking him a question.

He frowned and said awkwardly, "Sorry, I don't speak Russian."

She looked troubled, clearly not comfortable with English. Instead, she tried again and softly put her hands around her neck as indication of what she was saying.

"Oh," he said.

He touched his throat and immediately winced at the pain that even the slightest pressure had brought him. He smiled at her to try and show that he was fine. She went away but then found him again while he was browsing around. She held a couple of scarves, and she said in broken English, "There is sale here, maybe you like?"

He considered them. They looked rather nice, and now that someone else had reminded him of his likely grossly visible injury, he felt a little exposed and thought that perhaps he should cover it up if it was really that bad. He nodded, followed her, and she led him to the wide display of scarves. Here he sorted through the styles and price tags.

He thought that a nice black one would suffice. He took it to a mirror, but paused at his reflection. He had not truly looked at himself since the bruises had started to form, so now he was absolutely stunned to see the severity of them. Deep black had spread across his whole neck, and were horrifyingly obvious against his pale skin. He gingerly wrapped the scarf around himself to make the bruises disappear from sight, and the employee watched him with sympathy.

He ended up buying quite a few things from this store, and this seemed to him like it would be enough. Yet he still had barely made a dent in the unreasonable amount of money that he had been given. However, as he was not willing to buy anything else with it, he decided to find his way back to Russia's place.

The door had been left unlocked for him, so he slipped back inside while Russia continued to work elsewhere. He went to the kitchen, took some food from the fridge, dug out the cash, and dropped it on the table. Afterwards he dragged himself towards the couch, surprised at how tired he was feeling, and he plopped down on his stomach onto it. As he yawned however, he was cut off by a sneeze.

 _It's dusty in here_ , he realized promptly. He got up and investigated some of the corners, sweeping a finger over the surfaces with a frown.

He went on a search throughout the house to find the proper cleaning utensils. Russia heard clattering and the sound of things being moved around, but he ignored it for now. When he came out and went looking for him later, he froze when he saw Prussia determinedly wiping a soapy cloth over a table, then dip it into a steaming bucket of water that sat on the floor beside him. The open window blew fresh air into the room, relieving the room of the stuffiness while clearing away the dust floating around in the air.

Russia seemed aghast when he demanded, "Why are you cleaning?"

"Dusty," Prussia replied curtly.

Russia clasped his hands together in his blatant discomfort. He said, "But it doesn't feel right that you are doing this."

Prussia considered him for a moment, then replied, "Don't worry about it. I'm doing this because I want to. You aren't making me do it."

He dried away the water and soap with a towel.

"Thank you, then," Russia sighed. "I don't always have the time to be doing it myself."

"It's uh, no problem..."

Prussia was not content to stop and rest until after he had vacuumed the floor, walls, and corners, then used spray and a cloth to make the window spotless. Russia returned later and looked around the room, admittedly awed by the good work that had been done. Prussia scooped up the bundle of curtains that he had taken down and carried them towards him.

"Do you think we can wash these?" he asked.

"Da," Russia took them from Prussia's arms. "Good idea."

Prussia collected the rest of the supplies and followed him out of the room. He breathed out as something he had thought of amused him, then he asked, "Why do you do that anyway?"

"Hmm?"

"You say 'da' all the time instead of 'yes'. It's not like you don't know the word, when it's like the first thing you learn when starting a new language."

"Ah," Russia smiled. "Habit, I am guessing. Everyone knows what I mean so I got used to doing it."

Prussia laughed, then said, "Try not to say that. See how long you can do it!"

"Yes," he seemed to taste that word. "Okay."

After everything had been put away, Prussia was thanked again and told that he could relax now. He fell into a deep sleep the moment he lay down on the couch.

When he woke up he found a blanket draped over him to protect him from the chill that still lingered in the room. As Prussia stretched out like a cat and cracked everything out, he thought, _It's crazy how nice he is being to me_. _He is so different. Not so long ago I hated him more than anybody else in the world. But now I think it would be awesome if we became friends._

He crawled off the couch and trudged to the bathroom. He could smell the scent of food in the halls, meaning that Russia must not be so busy and was cooking a proper meal. So afterwards, he made an appearance in the kitchen and saw Russia contently cooking, managing with a stove fully covered with things on the go. Prussia caught a glance at the oven clock, and saw that it was now after six, meaning that he had slept for a few hours.

"Are you still very tired? You have been sleeping a lot," Russia said when he had immediately noticed that Prussia was now up and about.

Prussia fussed over his scarf, still trying to make sure his bruises were thoroughly covered, but he did this without noticing Russia's anguished eyes on him.

"I'm fine now," he replied. "Do you need help with anything?"

"Maybe the bread… if you want."

Prussia nodded and began to cut the warm rye bread on the counter into slices. He looked to the side and noticed that Russia was almost done cooking. Still wanting to be a grateful guest, he went on ahead and started setting the table after the bread had been taken care of. He had to search through the cabinets however, having had forgotten where some things were located, until he found glasses and utensils.

When he opened up the cabinet that revealed the plates, something must have been stored on the edge over the cabinet, for when the door was opened, an object hit Prussia's head. It startled him and he emitted a _gahk_ of surprise, and then it hit the ground and exploded into shards. Prussia slipped out a few curse words in German before he realized where he was. He hastened to stop using the language here, out of trained instinct- and then he cautiously turned to Russia.

The other had paused what he had been doing at the stove to turn around and regard the broken pitcher on the floor. Prussia stood rigidly, afraid to move, but not because of the glass around his feet. Russia gave him a strange smile and walked towards him. He was already wearing indoor footwear, so he easily crunched some of the shards underfoot as he came closer. Prussia cringed as he stood before him, but Russia stopped and reached to the side to select a fine looking plate from the open cabinet. Then he retreated back a bit, still looking at Prussia, and he raised the plate upwards, holding on to the side of it with the tips of his fingers. He pointedly let go of it and Prussia watched in captivation as it dropped and shattered across the floor, with pieces of china sliding into the glass fragments.

Then Prussia looked in concern from the floor and up to Russia. Russia only said, "Don't worry. Even I know that was kind of crazy thing to do."

Prussia blinked at him until realization hit and a grin spread across his face. He quivered as he began to snicker, then what had started quiet at first grew louder, until Prussia was full-out laughing. Perhaps, one time, Russia had found his laughter to be annoying, but now he was surprised at how contagious it was. His smile broadened, and he could not help but start to chuckle. Prussia halted when he heard Russia starting to laugh, but during that time his eyes only shone with more exhilaration and he recommenced by howling, becoming louder the more Russia laughed. Prussia bent over and desperately clutched at his stomach, and tried to catch his breaths between laughs as his head started to feel light and dizzy.

"That…" he wheezed. "Was… freaking awesome! I can't… believe you just did that!"

It took a while for them to quiet down. Russia remembered the food with a startle, so he hastily stirred and flipped things. Prussia stood still in the middle of the mess, rubbing at his aching face. However, as he stared at Russia when he was hurriedly fixing things up, he found amusement in this and he could not hold back a snort. Russia leaned over the stove and giggled.

Russia abandoned the stove to leave the room and return with a broom and dustpan. Prussia reached out his hand and Russia complied by letting him take both things.

He cleaned around his feet first then swept out to all the corners of the room. Russia had his back turned as he finished off everything and cleaned off the stove. He heard the scraping of glass across the floor, and he still smiled to himself as he listened to the sounds. It had felt very nice just to have a good laugh like that. He had not felt that good in such a long time, and he was sure that it must have felt just as nice for Prussia as well. That notorious laughter was a sign of Prussia's normal, energetic self, so Russia then decided that he should do his best to provoke it again today.

"After dinner I want to show you something," Russia said, bringing over the full dishes. "I think you will find it to be hilarious."

"What is it?" Prussia asked.

"Some videos on my computer."

"Cat videos?"

"No," Russia grinned. "They are videos that my sister took of me when I was drunk."

"What?" Prussia laughed with shining eyes, and Russia felt good once again to see him fill up with such glee.

As Prussia set the plate of bread on the table and sat down, he added with a grin,"Wow, I can't wait to see that!"

* * *

At the same time Prussia was dying of laughter in front of Russia's computer, falling off the chair and crawling back onto it repeatedly, America answered a phone call.

At first he was confused at the words that he was hearing on the phone, but then his face darkened. In a few hours he arrived to meet a group of stone-faced officers, who led him into the police department and to one of their desks. One of them opened up a drawer and slid out a thick folder before placing it carefully on the desk. The file was flipped open and its contents were spread across the table.

America's face flashed through the emotions of horror, disgust, and fury. His eyes glinted dangerously behind his glasses as he glared at the images that he was seeing. Everyone then knew that he understood perfectly well what had happened.

* * *

When Prussia's bird returned to Germany, it was all he could do to not cry as he called Austria.

* * *

Then two weeks later, it was Latvia who heard his phone ringing. It drowned out the clock just for a moment with its nagging rings.

He hurried over to pick it up.

"Yes?" he answered.

"There you are," Estonia sighed. "I tried calling you yesterday, but you never answered."

"Okay...?" Latvia wondered if he was going to ask where he had been. He had never told the other two Baltics about what had happened between him and Russia yet, for he was absolutely worried that they would only tell him something along the lines of _we told you so_.

Estonia did indeed ask, "Were you at Russia's again?"

"No... I was visiting Ukraine."

Estonia caught on to the hesitation in Latvia's voice.

"Is something wrong, Latvia?" he asked.

"I-I, um..."

"Tell me," Estonia said gently. "We told you already that you can tell us anything. We want to help you."

So carefully, Latvia gave in and began outlying the story of what happened after he, Lithuania, and Germany had warned him about Russia acting strange. He described that one night at Russia's place where he found out what he had been hiding, and how they had not seen each other since.

"So you both were right," Latvia sighed. "He was hiding something, but I didn't believe you."

"That's it?" Estonia asked after it was over.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"It was just pills," Estonia sighed. "We honestly thought it was something much worse."

"Like what?"

"We weren't sure," Estonia admitted. "But something really bad. We were trying to figure out why he had such an interest in you. We were both afraid that he was going to murder, rape you, or both."

"What?" Latvia cried.

"I know, I know!"Estonia hastened to respond. "That was wrong, and I am so sorry for what I did. Please forgive us both. We haven't been kind or fair to you… we-we were just so terrified for your life!"

"It's alright…"

Estonia rubbed his face with one hand while the other pressed the phone tightly against his face.

"No, it is not. We were purposefully trying to get you two to break up. Just after what he did to you before… we d-didn't want you to die!" Estonia's voice cracked with emotion. "We thought that one time he had killed you, and it was the worst feeling that I ever experienced. There was so much blood and you weren't moving... we were so, so scared. And so, we never wanted to see that happen to you again. We didn't want to lose you so… we said and did all those bad things to you and Russia. I'm really sorry. We should have trusted you."

"It makes sense," Latvia whispered. "I understand why you did all those things. It's okay. I'm not mad at you."

"Thank you," Estonia sighed. "I've been feeling really bad about what I've done so just, well… thanks."

"But Estonia," Latvia continued. "What do you think I should do now?"

"Well, do you still like him?" Estonia said timidly. "Because I really think that you should go back to him."

"You do?"

"Yes. I... I think you two belong together. And I also think that he needs you. I know that I've never really sympathized with him before, because I never wanted to. When he hurt Lithuania so long ago, I couldn't help but hate him and I wanted nothing more than that we achieve our independence and leave him for good. But then, you showed amazing bravery and you took on the challenge of helping him yourself. Even after he hurt you, you saw that he was in pain and you wanted to heal him. That alone is impressive. You risked your own safety to comfort him and take care of him. But you started to make him feel more than happy, and you taught him things that we thought he would never be able to understand. Now that you have started to show us his potential, I am also wanting to see him develop more. All of our lives will be better if he learns to be kind and careful with everyone, and if we can become true friends with him, then you will have made this entire world a better place."

"I do still like, er… love him," Latvia blushed a little and ran a finger down the black phone cord.

"And he must love you a lot," Estonia smiled sadly. "I should have truly realized this after he risked his life to save you when you fell through the ice. I was just so convinced that it was all an act and I was too paranoid to see that he did it because he cared about you. And I don't think he nearly killed himself because the meds made him do it!"

"Yeah," Latvia said. He felt a calm wash over him as his previous doubts about Russia ebbed away. Talking to everyone was making him feel more and more at ease, especially when the support came from the most unexpected of people.

"Oh yes, and I just wanted to call and ask you how you were doing," Estonia laughed lightly, and Latvia laughed with him, feeling even more relief while doing so.

"I'm happy you called," Latvia said. "I'll see you later, then?"

"Ah, yes," Estonia affirmed. "At the next conference."

He hung up, and Latvia heard the clock again. But now, he knew that he was not going to let the time just go by again. He felt determination well up within him, and he opened the door to let the fresh breeze smash him in the face. He breathed in the fresh January air to absorb that energy into himself, but when he exhaled deeply, he noticed at his feet a pot that contained a single sunflower.

It had a little note tied to the stem by a ribbon. He knelt down and read the message that was typed on the paper in black ink.

 _Please talk to me at the World Conference._


	16. Detrimental Promises

The day for the World Conference had finally arrived.

Latvia's heart beat nervously as he walked in his formal attire through the halls, heading toward the meeting room. So far he had not seen anyone because today he had arrived earlier with the plan of catching Russia before the conference started. After the chaos of the last meeting, he was sure that people like Germany would try to control this one much more tightly this time, so they would not get the chance to talk.

Latvia noticed Sealand occupying a table just outside of the room. This had happened before; such a spot Sealand would wait in so that whenever people walked by, he could ask them for advice about becoming a country and such questions related to that subject.

Sealand saw Latvia and waved enthusiastically while calling out a greeting. Latvia politely responded, and he took a spot against the wall just a little bit away from him. He leaned back and commenced to wait.

Sealand looked at him in confusion and asked, "It's unlocked, you know. Britain already arrived and went in."

Latvia nodded a little and replied, "T-That's fine. I'm just waiting for someone."

 _I wonder if Sealand ever found out?_ Latvia then thought. _He wasn't at the meeting, so the only way he would know is if somebody told him._

He realized that the answer must have been no, because Sealand only answered, "Okay then! Let's wait together!" meaning that if he had known about Russia, he would have asked if that was who he was waiting for.

Ten minutes later, a large amount of people started to arrive all at once. One of the first to come was the Netherlands, who briefly glanced at him without too much interest before he entered the room. Other people like France, Germany, Italy, Hungary, and Austria seemed confused as to why he was standing there and not going in, but they said nothing to him as they passed by. Lithuania and Estonia paused for a moment, but they seemed to understand and they left him alone as well.

America arrived a little later than usual. He strode purposely through the halls, but not with the confident and somewhat energetic demeanor that he usually had. There was a completely different attitude about him; his face was shadowed and grim as he held a briefcase tightly in one hand. The skin on his knuckles was white, and his piercing blue eyes paid Latvia no attention whatsoever as he threw open the door and marched into the room. Canada followed cautiously behind America with delicate footsteps, hanging a bit behind and out of his way.

Sealand asked when America had already gone into the room, "What's with him?"

Canada looked at him in surprise, mostly because he was unsure if he really was being addressed, before he replied nervously, "I don't know actually. He hasn't talked to me at all about it."

Then after that, only a few others trickled in occasionally. They were the last few late-comers. Latvia watched them all go by, becoming confused and growing more worried as they slipped into the room one-by-one.

 _Where is Russia?_ he mind gasped.

"Russia hasn't come yet," Sealand chatted while swinging his legs over the edge of the chair. "Is that who you were waiting for?"

"Y-Yes, actually..."

"Well, the meeting's about to start, so you might as well go in," Sealand added. "You don't want to be late as well!"

Reluctantly Latvia peeled himself from the wall and trudged into the room. He plopped into the chair designated for him beside Estonia and Lithuania, and he was the last to enter before the Conference officially started.

In the first few minutes that went by, he heard not a single word that Britain said. He stared at his clasped hands, wondering, _Why isn't he here? Did something happen? Maybe he changed his mind and didn't want to see me?_

He caught a glance of America tapping his fingers on the table with a displeased face that held furrowed eyebrows and tightened jaw muscles. He was glaring at the door as if his gaze alone could burst it into splinters. Latvia did not immediately realize that America had been looking at it in expectation until the doorknob turned and the door opened inwards. People looked up at the movement, momentarily distracted.

Russia entered the room with a placid face and took a seat not far from Latvia, just to the side of Ukraine and Belarus. People glanced briefly at the trail of blood left on the carpet, and at the small amount of splatter on his face and chest, then at the drenched forearm that he calmly laid on the table.

Latvia was amazed that hardly anyone seemed to care, for something like this was so expected of Russia that no one minded it anymore. The meeting continued on, with Germany not allowing the entrance of the late participant and the mess that had been brought with him, to interrupt. Russia put his chin on his clean hand and continued to pay semi-attention to what was being said just like everyone else. He assumed the blank look that was also worn by all of the others, except for one person.

America's entire focus singled upon only one thing, and his head was turned away from Germany in order to keep his gaze locked upon it. After Russia had settled, America drawled from his seat just across the table from him, "So, who did you kill today?"

He had spoken loudly enough that Germany abruptly paused and sent a hard glare at America. Germany called out, "Quiet over there!"

Russia snapped his eyes away from Germany to regard America. He smiled innocently as he replied, "No one. This was just an accident."

"Whose blood is on you?"

"Just mine."

Germany's eyebrow twitched and he clenched his teeth in frustration. He boomed, "That is enough!"

"Sure it is," America responded to Russia in a bitter mutter, before closing his mouth and casting a barbed look at Germany.

The meeting continued on, however America only proceeded to stare with unconcealed fury at Russia for the longest time. Russia noticed this, and glanced back at him quizzically every once in a while, but otherwise tried his best to disregard him. This only seemed to increase America's rage. He smashed a fist on the table and Russia twitched before flicking his attention back to him.

"Don't you dare ignore me!" he snapped.

The room dropped into a silence and everyone glanced at America questioningly, thrown off guard by his aggressive outburst.

Russia replied levelly, "What is the problem, America?"

"You," he hissed. "Everything about you."

Britain threw out from his seat, "What the hell are you doing, America?"

He was ignored as Russia went on to reply, "That is a rather big statement. Are you having any reasons why?"

"You know why, you goddamn pretending bastard! You know what you did you cold-blooded-"

Germany rose up and pounded his hands on the table, yelling out, "Stop this at once!"

America whipped his head back to meet Germany's eyes. Once blue met blue, America bared his teeth to snarl, " _No_."

The room went unnaturally quiet, and even individual breaths could be heard. A few mouths were left agape from surprise and awe at such defiance. Germany narrowed his eyes.

"What is the meaning of this?" Germany asked him. His voice had become quieter as he now calculated and began to read the seriousness of the mood. This was no ordinary interruption. He lowered himself and awaited the response.

"It has been too long, and no one has confronted him," America said. "I am not going to stand for this any longer. It is about time this happened."

"What?" Russia blinked and titled his head to the side slightly.

"Shall we begin with some recent events?" America replied coolly. "Such as why you haven't told anybody about what happened between you and Latvia?"

People gazed at them confusedly, wondering what America was getting at. Russia went dead silent.

"Why didn't you tell anybody that you are no longer seeing each other?" America asked, rhetorically. "Obviously you must have done something really bad to him for you not say a word about it to anyone."

Russia uttered dryly, "That is because it is not concerning you."

"But you don't deny that you did something."

"I made a mistake. Nothing you need to know about."

"What kind of mistake? That means everything. Then, it might concern me. It might concern everyone in this room. And I believe they should be concerned... about you. Why? Firstly, because I have suspicions about that large bruise that Latvia was reported to have on his face."

Russia was so prompt in responding that he nearly cut America off.

"I did not do that."

"So what was it then?" America hissed back.

"Mr. America!" Lithuania gasped. "I told you that Latvia said that it wasn't him!"

Lithuania stiffened when Russia whipped around to face him, demanding, "What is it that you were telling him?"

"But there is no denying that Russia is an abusive maniac!" America hurled out. "You told me yourself back when you lived with me how he would punish people! That he would lash out, hit you with a faucet, or lock you guys in the basement and use torture tools!"

People in the room began to look at Russia with a new consideration. Most people did not know about anything that had happened at Russia's place during the Soviet Era because it had been kept so quiet among its former members. They looked at him now anxiously, waiting for confirmation for this story.

"It wasn't like that, that rarely happened!" Lithuania exclaimed, but then clasped his hands over his mouth. He knew that he was not helping the cause at all.

A few whispers followed as the others started to drift away from neutrally listening to being rather more aligned on America's side.

" _So it makes sense that they shiver around him_."

" _I thought that was just a rumor_..."

" _It's worse than I_..."

As Russia caught onto the words of the people around the room, he felt fear growing within him. He did not know how to handle this abnormally cold and calculating America who was radiating a profound hatred for him. He did not know how to respond to the accusations because as America continued to convince people onto his side, the less credibility they were going to give his answers. What was even worse was that he simply could not deny that he had hurt people.

 _But was I really abusive? Those tools were not torture tools… just regular tools that were used most often for manufacturing or gardening._ _I... I rarely did that. I think._ _How often makes it...? I do not know. But I didn't know better. My morals… they were not correct. And I was so stressed-_

"Latvia was attacked," Russia finally spoke. "By some Americans."

"Blaming it on my people now?"

"Yes," Russia hoped the heavy emphasis he put on the word would get into the minds of the listeners.

"But let's revisit the topic of what happened between you and Latvia. That happened quite shortly after he had that bruise, did it not? Anyway, what did you do? Hurt him again? Touch him?"

Russia blinked in bewilderment before his face turned aghast. Soon after, it was replaced quickly by fierce anger, and he looked at America with piercing cold eyes. He hissed to him, "I would _never_ do that."

Russia rose slightly out of his chair, putting his hands on the table to glower at America. In response, America also lifted upwards.

Latvia finally built up enough courage to call out, "Please, stop it!"

America glanced at him sharply, sighed and then shook his head. He murmured to Latvia, "I feel sorry for you. You shouldn't be forced into keeping your mouth closed because of him. We can protect you. You don't have to lie."

"But he ne-never hurt me!" Latvia exclaimed.

"Never?"

"Since after t-the Soviet Union collapsed..."

America said, "Now define: 'hurt'."

"H-Huh?"

"Should I ask you straight up what everyone has been wondering?" America said. "Fine. Yes. Putting it delicately, has he or has he not seen you naked? What has he done to you?"

Latvia's jaw dropped and Russia's eyes narrowed further. Latvia felt intense stress flood over him. It was never in the way that America was implying, but technically Russia had seen him without his clothes on before. He knew that he could not say yes, but if he said no with all this terror inside him, then they would know that he was lying.

However Russia immediately reacted to his words and saved Latvia from responding.

"Stop talking," his voice dropped. "How dare you accuse me of such things?"

"Getting mad are we?" America coolly stood up as well. "How about you just sit your ass down and take a chill-pill while _we_ figure out what to do with _you_."

Everyone watched them in silence, frozen and too captivated to interrupt. After the most recent words that came out from America's mouth however, Russia twitched and snapped his head to look back over at Latvia.

"How could he know that?" Russia demanded.

Latvia pressed backwards against the chair. He scrambled to reply, "I never told him!"

"Whoa, dude," America said, realizing what was happening. "That's just an expression. But are you freaking serious? Are you on meds?"

Russia went rigid, feeling more hot from fear. He knew how bad the situation was becoming, but he was so shocked that he failed to reply in time.

"You are evil and insane," America huffed. "No one can trust you. I always knew that someone ought to get rid of you to make the world a better place."

"What did you just say?" Russia uttered.

"Oh, you heard me," America smirked. "You aren't as strong as you pretend to be. You think you got such a powerful military, but if some of us band together and drop some nukes-"

Britain leapt up and demanded, "What are you saying America?"

Immediately the word "nukes" reawakened people from the delusional state they had been in while listening to the argument. Their consciousnesses returned and many leapt up from their chairs, tense and shifting in fear.

"It is one thing to hate him," China threw out. "But now you are threatening to attack him? Are you trying to invoke World War Three?"

"Someone needs to separate them!" France cried.

Germany planned to take on this responsibility, and he marched over towards America. America however, leapt away from his hands while snarling, "No! You don't know what he did! He is a murderer! I let him into my country and he _slaughtered_ some of my citizens!"

Everyone's voices basically raised into one collaborative, " _What?_ "

America slammed his briefcase on the table. In a few swift movements he clicked it opened to toss out a police file onto the table. He pulled out and scattered the pictures so that they slid across the table. Russia laid his eyes on the one nearest to him, and he swallowed with difficulty. It was an photo of one of the men in California, with his slightly-rotted body twisted and rib cage opened for the world to see what lay within.

"Right in the area that he was vacationing in," America explained as the nations at the table froze in speechless shock at the sight of the pictures. "In the basement of an abandoned building, seven men were assembled there and murdered, then left there to rot. The police were having difficulty figuring out what had happened and what powerful force could tear them apart like that. It was a mystery that they could not solve until they sought my help. They were afraid of some supernatural force; some kind of monster that the government had kept secret. But no. It was you, Russia. I know it was you. You were even nice enough to leave a bloody scarf and shirt of your size in the corner. So tell me. Were you bored? Did you have fun throwing their limbs around the room?"

Canada grabbed his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked guilty and terrified, and he babbled out loudly enough that people noticed him.

"Oh no," he moaned. "He couldn't have done that-"

But at the same time Russia said, "They deserved it."

Immediately the room was launched into a heavy silence as those words sunk in. A confession. He had confessed to causing those gruesome pictures on the table.

"You fucking bastard!" America roared. "I trusted you! I felt bad for how I treated you and then you went and did this! What possible reason could you have for killing my people?"

Latvia watched fearfully as Russia's eyes became as cold as ice, to the same intensity of utter hatred that he had before looked at the seven men with. He was now staring at America with those murderous eyes.

"They were disgusting and horrible people," Russia's chilling voice crept out from his lips. "They needed to die. Not for fun or because I enjoyed it. I just needed to end their existence on this planet."

People had already gotten up to back away from Russia. They sensed a dangerous aura coming off him, and they saw how he gripped the edge of the table as though barely holding himself back from springing over it. And with his eyes and blood-splattered face and body, everyone retreated fearfully to the other side of the room to be closer to America. Even Germany was completely unsure as to what he should do.

Lithuania had taken Latvia by the shoulders and was now carefully pulling him out of his chair when he had sat transfixed in shock.

"No," Latvia whispered. "None of this is right, this isn't fair at all… They don't understand…"

"You _murderer_ ," America spat. "What the hell did they supposedly do?"

"I can't tell you," Russia replied. "But they were people with no concern for human life."

"And how are you different from them?"

" _How dare you compare me to them!_ "

Everyone jolted, even America. Never had they heard Russia yell like that. When he was angry, he was always quiet and dark, like a calm before a storm. Shouting was just something he never did.

"What the hell did they do?" America hollered back.

"Stop asking!"

"No! How I can accept the murders of my people with absolutely no explanation from you?"

Russia slammed his fist on the table, but only glared as a response. America bowed his head and reached into his coat, and everyone gazed with wide eyes as he slid out a silver pistol. He laid it on the table with care.

"N-No, America," Canada stammered beside him. "Put that away!"

"There's just one more thing," America said, taking his hand off the gun. "Everyone knows by now about Germany's brother, Prussia, who has been missing for a month. He was last seen in Lithuania, hopping onto a train destined to Russia. He hasn't been seen since. You must have seen him, haven't you?"

Russia swallowed, but said nothing in response.

Germany exploded with emotion.

"What have you done to my brother?" he roared.

Russia widened his eyes at the outburst, absolutely shocked at the reaction. Germany was about to lunge onto the table, but Italy and Japan grabbed at his arms and shouted in chorus, "No, Germany!"

"I didn't kill him." Russia bowed his head. "I never hated him that much."

However his words were not believed. In fact, they only enraged Germany further. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes as he struggled to not attack, and to hold himself back. He soon stopped pulling against his friends and instead cast a gaze upon America's gun, finding comfort there.

"Like I said," America continued. "If we band together, using our alliances, he has no chance."

"You are threatening me with NATO?" Russia breathed out in chalky rage. "Of course you want to fight, America. You have always wanted to. The Warsaw Pact was disbanded after the Cold War, yet you have always kept your NATO. To threaten me. Maybe it should be just the two of us instead? I'll fight you, because it is obvious that you are giving me no choice."

"An attack against one of us is an attack against all of us," America muttered, then glanced at the crowd around him.

Latvia shook uncontrollably as he was held comfortingly between Lithuania and Estonia. They quivered as well, and although they were as well NATO countries, they knew more about the topic and about Russia. They did not want to join America's side this time. Not after finally appreciating everything Russia had done for Latvia and how much he had proved he had changed.

"No, no, no," Latvia sobbed quietly. "He's wrong. He can't do this."

Latvia looked at Russia's face while he was staring deep into America's eyes. There was murderous anger there, but something else that perhaps only people like he and Russia's sisters could see: fear. Latvia knew however, that it was not the fear of being attacked, but it was because Russia felt absolutely incapable of controlling the situation.

Latvia ached inside. Russia was not defending himself from America's words on purpose. He was hiding all the reasons inside himself, refusing to talk about what had happened in California. Latvia realized, _He is still trying to protect me._

So many people were looking determined and encouraged by his words. Seriousness made their jaws tighten and their postures straighten, and increasingly more people were considering that pistol. Latvia's heart pounded faster, his eyes grew wider and started to shimmer as stressed overwhelmed him.

Russia said, "Very well-"

Everyone jolted at the bang.

Latvia had leapt loudly onto the table in front of everybody, crouching for a moment before sliding over and landing on the other side. He had moved so fast that Russia did not even have the time to fully turn before he was grabbed around the middle. He audibly gasped at the contact and he seemed frozen for a moment before his mouth finally closed. Everyone else in the room had also gasped, and they stared on in terror as Russia slowly turned his head to look down at the smaller nation with his icy eyes. They expected the worse. Even Lithuania and Estonia stood with hands clutching their chests, fearing like the others that Latvia had just provoked his own death.

There was only silence. Russia just stared at Latvia with an unreadable expression as the other quivered and hugged him tightly. He had taken such a risk, throwing all hope and trust into not being hurt, and to only be treated with gentle caring and comfort. Russia felt like it was last year again, after Latvia had come out of hiding and had seen him waiting for him. It was then that the old thought from so many years ago came to him.

 _He's so breakable,_ his mind sighed.

Russia moved, and people began to scramble forward to protect Latvia. Russia merely rested his non-bloodied hand on Latvia's head and began stroking his hair. His gaze grew more and more sorrowful as the coldness rapidly decreased. When he murmured to him, everyone heard it because of the awed silence.

"I'm so sorry," Russia said, and although he was not crying, the tears were in his voice.

Latvia sobbed against him, and he said with a hitch, "Sit down, Russia. Please."

He let go for a moment as Russia mechanically retrieved the tipped-over chair from off the floor and righted it. Russia sat down carefully while staring at nothing in particular, lost within his mind. Latvia stepped over and climbed onto his lap, and automatically Russia wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. Latvia could feel Russia's racing pulse, and he heard his choked exhale as he breathed close to his ear as he set his chin down on Latvia's left shoulder. Russia clung to him, and he could feel how Russia was shivering although it was hard to see just by looking at him. Russia closed his eyes and sat there while Latvia reached up a hand and touched Russia's cheek. Latvia whipped his face towards America, shocking people with the uncharacteristic rage that flared behind his eyes.

"How could you, America?" Latvia's voice was taut. "You don't know anything at all."

People blinked, for his lack of stutter as he spoke surprised them.

"To think that you would have shot him, when this was all he needed," Latvia said, putting his head back against Russia's chest. "What right do you have? To want to kill him, to bomb him, and kill millions of innocent people who have absolutely nothing to do with your disagreements? Would that show the world how much of a hero you are?

"Why can't we just try to understand each other? Why throw words out but not listen to the other? I think you are addicted to hate, and you just feel so comfortable in tight communities of people who share your hatred." He glared accusingly at the mass of people around America. "You don't know his story. I hardly know his story. But do we have the right to judge him? Maybe. He has done bad things and technically, out of everyone, I have every right to hate him. Or do I? Perhaps, if you knew how hard his life was, about his burden of guilt, and how hard he is trying to change, then you would want to help him just like I want to help him. It is the duty of a hero to help someone who is suffering, yes?"

America fidgeted, and a tinge of guilt sneaked into his eyes.

"But he murdered those men," he muttered.

"I am happy he killed them," Latvia replied steadily, to the amazement of everyone. "I was right there when it happened, and I did not tell him to stop. So if you believe he is evil and guilty, then I am just as evil and guilty as he is. Is something wrong with my morals then? Maybe. I am not perfect. But what is justice, and what is not? I've seen films where the hero kills enemy soldiers and nobody is caring at all. It was necessary, they think. Do those words sound familiar to you?"

America dipped his head, confirming that he knew that Russia had said something among those lines.

"But you deserve to know. That much is true," Latvia went on. Russia's eyes finally snapped open and he clamped his hand over Latvia's mouth.

"No!" Russia cried out. "You can't!"

Latvia carefully pried away his fingers.

"You may have promised never to tell anyone about it," Latvia said. "But I never did. I can tell them. America, one morning I woke up early to go for a walk around Los Angeles. I noticed six men following me, but I wanted so badly to be strong and take care of them on my own. I was stupid, and I ran instead of calling for help. Before I could escape, I was struck in the head by a rock. And then again, in the same spot. That was where I got the bruise. They would have killed me just like that if I wasn't a nation. So when they realized that I was still alive, they kidnapped me, threw me in a van and drove away. I tried to fight them, but they were so cruel. They hit me in the injury again and again, so that I could not fight back when they took off my clothes and tied me up. Six people, seven now with the driver. They were going to rape me, America, but then Russia came. He knew something had happened and he found me. The men were ready to fight him, to kill him. But of course when he saw what they were going to do… he killed them. All of them. So yes, America. To answer your question, he has seen me naked before. That was the only time."

It was now obvious to see how Russia was trembling and twitching. There had been tears in his eyes the entire time as Latvia relayed the events. At the end, they finally broke free and two twin droplets ran down his face, one of them crashing into the blood and turning a diluted red.

"Russia is not a liar. He never has been. He can be elusive of a question, but when you want a straight answer, if he says yes or no, it is true. And if he doesn't want to tell you something, it is because he has a good reason. He didn't tell you that story because of his promise, and a promise is something he doesn't break. So, Germany, he said he didn't kill your brother." Latvia shrugged. "So he didn't kill Prussia. That is enough said. And when he was asked whose blood this was, he said it was his."

Latvia carefully took Russia's arm and straightened it out. He felt around the bloody fabric until he found a thin line. He pulled at it reveal what could not be noticed before: a cut that went all the way down his forearm, through his clothes, and deep into his flesh. When he pulled the fabric, it ripped a bit so that the wound was quite visible for everyone to see.

"And I hope you don't need to see it bleed to believe it," Latvia said scornfully.

He covered the wound back up and he looked over to the others. He turned his head and made eye contact with everyone in the room as a passion blossomed within, bursting out his throat as words flowed out.

"How can you possibly imagine what it would be like to have to experience the things he has experienced? To live a life of cruelty and not being broken by it only because it is completely normal to you and you have no idea that it is not right? How could you understand how it would feel to one day wake up and realize that everything you know is a lie, and that you have done things that you can never take back, and that everyone hates you? What would you do if no one wanted to help you? If they just wanted to kill you and not give you a chance at all? Could you ever imagine how that would feel?

"I love his strength. He has tried so hard and has gotten so far even if everyone else has only tried to hold him back. I love him, and I would take that bullet for him because you should feel the same amount of guilt if you were to shoot and kill me instead of him. He is good. He is more than history, military, and government. He is his culture and he is his people. When his deepest core is revealed, it is not cold like the lonely winter nights. It is warm, like togetherness by a fire. He has taken away the ice, and now I can feel that warmth as well."

No one knew what to say for a while. It was like they were looking at a completely different person sitting across from them. Russia clung desperately to Latvia, as though if he was not there to hold, he would emotionally break down. When his eyes were closed and his face no longer portrayed murderous intent, he looked remarkably innocent. The blood splatter no longer gave him a mark of an insane person, but rather it only made him look like a victim.

Latvia just continued to pet Russia's face while he waited for the other side to react. Russia kept his eyes closed, decidedly cutting himself off from the outside world and just trying to relax under Latvia's gentle touch. So he did not see when America reached out and took hold of the gun, and he did not even take a peek when yells of protest arose.

"Chillax, I'm not going to shoot him," America sighed as he jammed the gun back inside his coat. "But hell, dude. You really need to learn how to break a promise. Especially when it concerns your own life."

Russia heard him, but he only nuzzled Latvia's face fondly. It had been so long, too long- that he had been alone under his cloud of depression. Now that he was holding Latvia for the first time again in a while, his heart started to clear away the stress and feel more tender. He was happy that Latvia was comforting him. He wanted to cuddle him and demonstrate excessive amount of affection upon him, but he was not sure how well people would take it if he kissed Latvia right then after considering all that had happened. Yet because it was Latvia who was showing him affection, it meant a lot more to him so therefore he was content enough with being quiet and being touched on the face.

Canada looked a lot less guilty after hearing the full story. He was fully terrified at the idea that he had been the one to convince America to let Russia visit and then Russia went and slaughtered people for no particular reason. He imagined that America would have been thoroughly resentful of him, when the blame would have later been laid upon him.

Canada strolled over and spoke softly into America's ear. No one else heard what was being said, but America nodded calmly and listened.

Then America said, "I am so sorry about what happened in my country, and that you had to experience all that."

"It wasn't your fault," Latvia replied. "There are criminals in every country. Unfortunately, it just happens."

"I know it can be a major problem that I have, but… thank you."

"And we understand why you were angry," Latvia continued. "You had every right to be angry. It wasn't fair that you didn't know the story behind that crime. So, we can forgive you for what happened today. And I hope everyone else can too."

"Are you… can you really?" America replied, shocked and unsure. "I mean… I went too far. Really far."

"It is fine," Russia murmured, speaking at last. "I would have reacted the same way as you, if our roles had been switched."

"I just wish that you could have told me at least," America clutched at his face with a hand. "Wow… I just…"

"But you forgive him, don't you, Mr. America?" Latvia asked, now regaining his quietness and politeness after things had started to settle back down.

"Y-Yes…"

"Russia is not angry at you for what you did," Latvia told America as he continued to look increasingly more depressed across the table. "Right?"

Russia nodded slowly in agreement and blinked his violet eyes at the table. His silvery eyelashes were fast and soft, and his face was much more placid and relaxed. His heartbeat had returned to its normal pace and he had stopped shaking. He hugged Latvia tighter, yet had completely forgotten that his arm was still soaked in blood and that he was staining Latvia's clothes with it. However Latvia just did not care for he knew that he was making Russia feel secure, and that being that source of comfort to him was what was paramount.

The other two Baltics, Ukraine and Belarus, were the first to return to the other side of the table and reattain their seats adjacent to Russia. They walked with a tranquil demeanor, offsetting the continued mix of emotions that left many people around America still perturbed. These four sat with composure; raising eyebrows and putting their hands nonchalantly on the table to take on an air that seemed to ask the onlookers, "And so..?".

The knowledge that they were in a conference room seemed to have slipped from everyone's minds temporarily. They cast their eyes over the empty chairs around the table and at the paused projection to the side. Their gazes were still a little confused, but gradually they regained intelligence as the seconds ticked by.

One-by-one they returned to their seats, stiffly pulling their chairs up closer to the tables. They still all acted warily as if still expecting danger, like aggravated cats with their hairs still raised. People started flashing their eyes at Germany hopefully with lowered heads, for once open to the idea of him taking absolute control and continuing the meeting.

He seemed more than willing to do this, and he recovered swiftly then conducted himself rather comfortably. He walked back to the projection and everyone listened attentively to the words that they would have previously found to be dull. Only America still seemed to be left in a state of shock, staring at his hands as though they were at fault and he could not believe that they belonged to him. Canada murmured to him while keeping his eyes on Germany, but it was unclear if America heard him.

No one objected or even minded how Russia continued to hold Latvia during the rest of the meeting. For the most part Latvia had assumed the role of a comfort blanket that one gives to people after they have gone through a traumatic experience. Or he acted as some kind of plushie perhaps, for all that mattered.

Russia slid off his gloves smoothly as to not draw attention, then left them lying on top of each other on the table. Immediately after, Latvia found his hair being brushed and his face being stroked at the sides. Latvia exhaled slowly, as if releasing the weight that had been pressing down on his slim shoulders for the longest time. He had forgotten how nice the touch felt, and how warm he felt inside. While he sat there he wondered to himself how it was possible that he had ever doubted Russia, and why he had left him. At that moment he felt like it was impossible to want to leave hands this gentle.

It seemed too fast that the meeting came to an end. As things were being packed up, Latvia pressed the side of his face to Russia's chest and murmured, "Can I come over to your place?"

"Of course you can," he whispered back. "You were always welcome to. You still have the key."

Latvia slid down and stood up, watching Russia recollect his gloves. They were the first to leave the room, and as they departed in front of everyone else, Latvia grinned cleverly and slipped his hand into Russia's. The other was unsure at first, but as Latvia clasped his hand and interlocked his fingers with Russia's, it was mutually understood that this was their act of defiance against everyone who had ever doubted, harassed, and had tried to separate them. There was absolute strength in their hearts as they walked forward without looking back at the shocked people behind them who had been exiting the room but halted in the hall to watch.

Even as they left the building, they did not hide their feelings for each other from the public. First Latvia forced Russia to go to the hospital and get treated, and once they proved who they were to the staff, Russia was immediately taken care of in record time. While he was getting stitches, Latvia went out and bought him a new shirt so that he would not get into any trouble while trying to go to the airport afterwards. Latvia disposed of his own outer layer of clothing that had Russia's blood splotched on it as well.

They raced to the airport where Latvia was able to obtain a ticket and go back with Russia, letting his scheduled flight ticket to his own country go to waste. While there, they continued to walk close to each other and hold hands, and Russia seemed to get a kick out of nuzzling him in front of personnel, smirking when they would turn their heads to look at something else awkwardly once catching sight of them.

It was fortunate when someone was polite enough to switch seats with Latvia on the plane, and he could sit beside Russia. Latvia smiled as he put up the seat divider and cuddled up against him.

He sighed, "I missed this a lot."

"Me too," Russia purred.

They fell asleep against each other. After a while, Russia eventually stirred, and his movement woke up Latvia.

"Hmm, what's the time?" Latvia yawned.

"Eight, lots of time left to sleep."

"I'm not that tired anymore," Latvia blinked at him drowsily.

"No, I think you are still," Russia said as he held Latvia's face and rubbed his thumb over his cheek. "Go ahead and sleep some more. I like to watch you.'

Latvia leaned his head against Russia's hand. Latvia murmured, "People think that's creepy, you know. I don't mind, but I just thought someone should tell you."

"Really? That's too bad, because I think you look so cute when you sleep." Russia smiled. "So the people beside us are going to think I am creepy if I just sit here and stare at you for an hour?"

"Yes." Latvia grinned and rubbed against his arm. "So you should get some sleep too, _kotik_."

Russia blushed when Latvia used that Russian term of endearment on him. Latvia closed his eyes and leaned against him with an amused smile on his face after catching a glimpse of his reaction.

Once in Russia's country, they stopped holding hands in public and merely walked side-by-side. However, Russia seemed to be bursting with happiness despite the events that had occurred many hours ago, so excited to have that familiar presence beside him once again.

"You were so amazing back there when you were talking to America," Russia said. "You stood up for me and what you said about me was so kind. Thank you for saying those things, it means so much! Thank you for having so much hope and never giving up on me. You are so great. I could never have changed without you. It was you who made it possible to feel emotions that I had forgotten so long ago. You were the one who thawed that ice and warmed my heart, not me. I love you so much. You are so brave, and I would do anything to make you happy."

Latvia put his hands over his face and blushed, extremely embarrassed by the praise. He said, "I meant it though. Everyone needed to know, so I had to tell them the truth."

Russia made a sort of affectionate humming sound before he replied, "You are so courageous. I am having such a hard time believing that you came up to me when I was in that mood, and after everything that had happened."

"Well, to be honest, I don't think I could have done it if you hadn't given me that message."

"What?"

Latvia said, "Really. You wanted to talk to me, so I knew that you must still love me. I just couldn't be angry or scared of you anymore."

"But wait, what message are you talking about?"

Latvia cocked his head and looked up at him curiously.

"You know, the one where you said that you wanted to speak with me before the meeting started? The one you dropped off on my doorstep with a pot that had a sunflower in it."

"Latvia…" Russia said. "I never sent you something like that."

"What?"

"I… I was too afraid to talk to you. I could never have summoned up enough courage to do that."

"Then w-wait," Latvia stammered. "Who did that then?"

"I think I have an idea," Russia said as they walked towards his house.

He unlocked the door and they went inside. After removing their outdoor wear, Latvia hurried after Russia as he went on ahead pointedly somewhere. Russia paused after he walked by the kitchen, and he stepped backwards after he had noticed something. Latvia followed closely in behind him as Russia picked up a piece of paper that had been lying on the table.

Latvia watched his face as Russia's eyes glazed over the writing. He saw Russia's expression soften, then Russia smiled. When he was done, he passed the note to Latvia.

"That is really nice," Russia said.

Latvia took it and read it over. It was written in an elegant scrawl and in English:

 _Thank you for everything. I will already be on my way home and gone by the time you get back. I wish you the best, and I hope everything works out for you._

"Huh?"

"He is going home, so I can tell you then," Russia said. "Prussia. He had been living for me for nearly a month. I found him and took him in because he was really upset and depressed, but he is fine now. It was fun having him over, and I think that we are friends now. So I am thinking that it was him who sent that message to you so you would think it was from me. Sometimes he left the house and would come back after a while, so he must have done it one of those times and I never knew."

"Oh wow, how very nice of him."

"Yeah, he is great. It is too bad that he made me promise not to be telling anyone where he was. People were really worried about him."

Latvia slid his hand into his.

"You and your promises! Honestly, being good keeps getting you into trouble."

Russia laughed, then he leaned in to whisper into his ear, "I know. You think that is going to be stopping me though?"

Latvia laughed, "Not at all."

* * *

Finally lying beside each other after a long day felt like such a blessing. After all of that time away from each other with conflicting thoughts churning through their minds every time they had gone to sleep on their own, they were able to let all of them go and just feel a lightness in their hearts and warmth under their skin. When Latvia snuggled in against him, memories overcame him of all of the wonderful times they had together, and he truly felt happy to be back alongside him.

They slept so deeply and soundly, breathing quietly and steadily in the silence of the house. One time in the night however, Russia woke with a sharp inhale and rolled onto his side. Latvia woke up at the movement and he looked in his direction in the pitch darkness.

"Lat-"

"Yeah, I am here."

Latvia had moved out of his reach at some point, but now he felt around for him until he found his arm. He dragged himself closer pressed up comfortably close against him. His face was against his chest, and Russia leaned his face down into his hair to feel that softness that always made his insides feel feathery. He simultaneously slipped an arm over Latvia back, and his hand rubbed up and down his spine as he held him closer.

"I'm glad," Russia murmured.

"It wasn't a dream," Latvia soothed him. "This feels real, doesn't it?"

"Da."

Russia had forgotten about Prussia's challenge for him while distracted by the sweet smell of Latvia's hair and the feeling of his warm body alongside him.

* * *

Austria and Hungary had come over to Germany's house after the meeting. After the conference he had seemed quite depressed and they realized that the cause of this was from the topic of Prussia being brought up. They were seated on either side of him on the couch, sending words of hope and comfort to him on either side and looking at him sympathetically as Germany patted the little yellow bird on his knee.

They knew that he would have felt better if Russia had confessed to something. Even if he had said to Germany's face that he had buried his brother's corpse in his backyard, then Germany would at least know where Prussia was. He could then change some of his excessive amount of grief into rage. He had so much suffering in just the fact that he had no idea where Prussia was, how he was feeling or if he was suffering and needed help.

As Germany sunk his head into his hands, there was a knock on the door. Germany did not seem like he was in the mood or had any energy at all to get up and get it, so Austria excused himself and then went away. Hungary kept a comforting hand on Germany's shoulder.

Austria glanced up as he opened the door. Immediately his eyes flew wide open in shock and his hand locked onto the doorknob. He parted his mouth as if to say something, but he was so absolutely dumbfounded that he could only breathe out brokenly.

Then he seemed to snap out of his trance and he turned away and started to call down the hall, " Germany! Come over here right now! _Germany!_ "

Germany and Hungary hurried towards the call. Germany halted with a deep gasp as the door came into sight. He was petrified for many seconds as his mind raced to determine whether what he was seeing was but a hallucination.

Prussia stood with a nervous pose, uncomfortably hanging his hands to the side of his legs as if he did not know where to put them. He was dressed in new and clean casual clothes; he had on him black track pants, a open grey sweater and a fine black scarf wrapped around his neck. A bag hung by a strap over one of his shoulders to give him the likeness of a nonchalant traveler.

He smiled awkwardly at them.

"Hey," he said quietly.

Germany raced forward and snatched him into a tight hug, crushing Prussia's arms to his sides. At first all Germany could do was swear, smile and cry while clutching at his brother and realizing that the person in his arms was truly there.

"A month," Germany breathed. "You left without a word and nobody could find you. Why, brother? I thought you were dead. That I had lost you forever. Please… why did you do this?"

"I'm so sorry," Prussia choked. "I didn't realize… God I was so stupid. I don't know what I was thinking."

Hungary and Austria gave them some room and watched with eyes mixed with a sorrowful happiness.

"Please, come inside," Germany whispered to him.

Germany released him and stepped back. Prussia nodded slowly, and then he walked in, passing over the border of being in a lost world into the place that he could truly call his home. Germany seemed to realize this as well, and tears broke over his face and his lips pulled back into a wobbling smile.

They all went back into the living room and gathered on the furniture. Prussia let the bag slide to his feet and land on the carpet, and then he leaned forward, placing his forearms on his thighs and dipping his head as he began his story.

Everyone listened in utter silence when he described how he had been feeling, how he had led himself into a world of depression and had trapped himself in it by being afraid to talk about it to anyone. He let out all of his past thoughts slip out and plunge his listeners into a state of horror and grief.

"I didn't think anyone would care that I was gone. I didn't realize that you would notice and I never imagined that you would start a international search for me," Prussia sniffed. "So I just traveled and traveled. I lost track of time and I had no idea where I was. I lost my bird along the way, and when I finally noticed this I realized I was in Russia. I was so weak, and I was so upset and haunted by my thoughts that… I found a river, Germany. I wasn't thinking about my actions at the time, but... I think that I was going to kill myself. I had no idea what I was doing. It was like a dream, you know? But then Russia showed up. If… If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would be here right now."

"R-Russia?" Germany stammered.

Prussia nodded and smiled sadly.

"He was so kind to me. He helped me get back to health and he helped me forget those terrible thoughts. Oh God, he is so awesome. He gave me everything I needed and more! The guy gave me money and let me buy clothes, and he was disappointed when I didn't blow off an insane amount of cash, so he bought me gifts. Check it out!"

Prussia unzipped the bag at his feet. Among the clothes, he slid out a fantastic flute.

"He got me this thing just because he didn't want me to get bored. Isn't that crazy?"

"He bought…" Germany trailed off, his face scrunching in confusion.

"And look at these things too!"

Germany seemed unable to see what his brother was now excitedly shoving in his face.

"He's so cool now! He didn't even get mad or anything when I broke something in his house. Before, hell yes he would have been pissed. But now- he purposely broke a plate on the floor and it was freaking hilarious! And have you _seen_ that guy drunk? He sent me the videos on my email, so we can totally watch them!"

"You have his email? You and Russia are… friends now?"

"Well, yeah…" Prussia finally noticed Germany's continued hesitation.

"Oh…"

"What? You don't seem that impressed. Are you not surprised?"

Austria and Hungary cast each other an all-knowing glance.

"I… Well, you see the last place you were reported to be in was Russia so-"

"Oh yeah, I made him promise not to tell anybody where I was. Sorry."

"A p-promise?"

Now Russia's curtness with the subject on the phone and the silence at the meeting had made sense. He felt even more guilty inside.

Prussia jolted as he recalled something.

"Oh, was he okay?"

Germany blinked.

"What?"

"His arm! Did you not notice the cut? He was running so late that he didn't want to stop and bandage it before he took off. I tried to tell him to take care of it first, but he didn't listen."

"What happened to him?" Hungary asked.

"He was working on some kind of project but he was rushing to get it done before the meeting. Ah, he ran his forearm over the table saw. Like really badly! Then even after all that rushing and trying to get it done, he just abandoned it and ran off. Blood everywhere. Probably got it all other the place in that private plane too."

"So it was really just an accident…?"

"Well of course it was! People don't just saw themselves open for fun!"

The other three looked guilty, but Prussia was confused as to why.

He continued, "But he said that he wasn't going to get a ride back so he was just going to take the commercial airline back. So I wonder what the airport security thought about all that blood!"

Germany, Austria and Hungary knew that the personnel as well would have thought the same as what most people at the World Conference had thought: that he had just murdered a person off the streets.

"But yeah, poor guy," Prussia shook his head, and then smiled at them. "So anyway, how did the meeting go?"


	17. Love and Warmth

He never heard him approaching, but then arms wrapped around him from behind and Russia pressed against him. Russia nuzzled Latvia's face before kissing his cheek warmly. A purr followed as a gentle whisper against his ear.

" _Good morning_."

Latvia froze and blushed, not used to this kind of affection so early in the day. He whispered back softly, "Good morning, Russia" before he was released to lead them both to the kitchen. Latvia had a break during breakfast, but soon after they were finished, he was caught in the hall and surprised with another hug from behind then a kiss on the neck that made Latvia gasp. Russia chuckled lightly and stroked his fingers over Latvia's jawline.

"Did that tickle?" Russia asked with a bright smile.

Latvia protested, "Yes!"

He played around and tried to squirm away when Russia went to give him another kiss. He screeched with a laugh when he could not escape, and Russia muffled his own laughter by resting his face in Latvia's hair.

"Did somebody miss me?" Latvia grinned to the side at him.

Russia made a sound of approval, and in but a second later Latvia was scooped off the floor. His eyes flew open from surprise, but other than that, he just looked around curiously as he was carried away. He was taken to the couch where Russia sat down and put him on his lap, still holding him in an embrace while he leaned forward and peppered him with more kisses. Latvia gasped again, closed his eyes, and blushed an even deeper red as he let it all happen.

When Russia took a break to caress his hair, Latvia said, "Whoa, you are so affectionate today! I think that you really, _really_ missed me."

Russia giggled and looked at him with a joyful gleam in his eyes. He replied, "There is that, but I think that you are also forgetting that today is Valentine's Day?"

"Is it?"

Russia placed his hand on the side of Latvia's face and stroked his thumb carefully over his skin. Russia nodded in reply with a pleased smile on his face, then his hand slid down so that he could tilt Latvia's chin up with the tender touch of his fingers. Latvia put his hands onto the back of Russia's neck and felt the softness of the scarf under his fingertips. Once Latvia had come close to him and was showing signs of willingness, Russia leaned down.

The kiss was so warm and soft, and they stayed there in silence for a few seconds to pull at the stirring emotions within. The clocked ticked soothingly in the background. It had been more than a year since they had done this, and Latvia could sense the longing that had been building up inside the other and unbeknownst to him until that moment, inside him as well. Heat flooded through his body and he felt such a fuzzy flutter in his stomach.

"I think the love feeling is really hard to live without," Russia said after, while he held Latvia in his arms. "If you didn't show me it though, I never would have known what I was missing."

"I just wished that someone had noticed earlier," Latvia murmured while looking up at the face that hovered over him. "How hurt you were, I mean."

"No one was as brave as you," Russia said. "I still can't believe you told me that I was wrong, even when I was in that mood. Even when I was still holding those weapons behind you."

"No, I just had that bad habit of slipping out the wrong things-"

"No," Russia pressed. "It was more than that. I don't think something that could have cost your life would slip out so easily. So now I am thinking, that you are the most courageous person I know."

Latvia felt touched at the compliment. It was something he simply had never been referred to as being before.

"I want you to really be enjoying today," Russia went on. "We should go out and do things. Your choice. Just be letting me spend a lot of money on you."

"What? You don't need to do that!" Latvia exclaimed.

Russia breathed out in amusement then leaned forward to kiss his Adam's apple a few times. Latvia shrieked and tried to escape, obligating Russia to spring off the couch and tackle Latvia and hold him to the ground in order to tickle him with more kisses.

Latvia playfully thrashed, and gasped out, "S-Stop, I can't breathe!"

Russia stopped abruptly as if it had been a command. Latvia had to reassure him that he had not done anything wrong a few times before he relaxed again. Then Russia just held both sides of his face for a while with a contented smile.

The chime of the doorbell rang out, surprising them both.

"I wonder who that could be," Latvia mused.

Russia _hmm_ ed and released his grip to climb to his feet. He headed in the direction of the door, but then Latvia smiled mischievously and hurried after Russia to capture him into a hug.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Russia laughed.

Russia continued walking so that Latvia was dragged behind him. Latvia tried digging in his heels, but Russia moved as though his extra weight was nonexistent. Just before they came in sight of the door, Latvia let go in order to hide himself in the closet, least someone from Russia's work be there.

However, Russia emitted a cheerful greeting to whoever was there, and he then called out to Latvia, "It is alright; it is Canada!"

Latvia popped out of the closest and astonished their visitor.

"Canada!" Latvia said excitedly. "Hello!"

"Hey there," Canada smiled. "How are you doing?"

Latvia walked over to stand beside Russia.

"Great-"

Latvia had come too close to Russia, so he had initiated a response and was snatched into an embrace. He jolted, his response interrupted, and he blushed as Russia rubbed his cheek against his shoulder, having not a care in the world that Canada was right in front of them.

"Help me" -Latvia smiled and attempted to pry off the hands around his middle- "He won't leave me alone today."

His efforts to free himself only made Russia wrap his arms completely around him, bringing him closer and thoroughly trapping him.

Canada's eye were soft as he observed the antics.

"That's sweet," he said. "Valentine's day, eh? I hope you have a nice day together."

Canada then fumbled through a bag that he had brought with him while Latvia blushed more and Russia smiled at the words. He looked back up at them and extended two cards out to them.

"I wanted to give these to you personally," Canada said.

Latvia took one and held it between his small hands and Russia released an arm to take the other, stretching it out in front of him to read it from over Latvia.

Latvia commented, "You are setting up a sort of culture festival?"

"Yes," Canada replied. "I thought it would be a good idea if everyone could just do something peaceful together considering all the drama that has been going on recently. I started planning it before the World Conference, and I was going to bring it up, but then other things happened instead."

Russia flipped it over and said, "It sounds like fun."

"All you have to do is contribute something," Canada said. "You can bring food, play music, dance, show off crafts, anything really. One or more, really it is open for you to decide. I booked a huge theater. If you want to be part of the show, call me and I'll add you to the schedule. You can work with others, show more than one thing- we'll work it out."

"Wow, this is really nice," Latvia said. "I'll come for sure!"

Russia sang, "Me too!"

"I overheard that you two were coming back here after the meeting, so wanted to come over and drop off these cards to you. But I don't have contacts with everyone, and I am only passing these around to some people. You would be doing me a big favor if you helped spread the word. Tell the micronations too about it. I understand what it is like to be ignored, so they are certainly welcome."

"Sure! If I call Sealand, he will certainly make sure all the other micronations come. He knows them all."

"Thank you very much then," Canada said. "I think it will turn out very well if many people come, so I hope everyone is just as positive towards it as you were. I think I'll book it for a second day depending on how many want to join the show."

"Awesome!" Latvia chirped.

Canada smiled and said, "Yeah, so I'll leave you to it. Goodbye, then!"

They bid him farewell in chorus as Canada walked away, before the door was closed. Latvia shrieked when his neck was kissed again, and Russia giggled in response.

"Oh, I see how today is going to go." Latvia turned and smirked at him.

His eyes drifted up to Russia's scarf. Russia's grin dropped immediately and he tore away with a cry, to which Latvia guffawed at before he chased after him. Never had Latvia chased after Russia before, and he found that it was actually quite difficult to catch up with him. Russia dove into a room and threw the door behind him, but Latvia was there too quick and he pushed against it before it shut. Seeing Latvia entering the room made Russia race towards the door to the basement. Russia grabbed the door handle, leapt in, and held the door shut while Latvia pounded against it.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Latvia protested. "You're hiding!"

But as Latvia leaned his weight against the door, it suddenly gave way and Latvia was at the top of the stairs that let down into the pitch black basement. He heard Russia fleeing down the stairs before jumping off and skidding away on the stone floor. Latvia pursued carefully in the darkness, leaving the lights off in order to create challenge.

By the time he was standing on flat ground, the basement was plunged into silence. Russia was standing noiselessly somewhere in the blackness. He could hear Latvia approaching, and so very carefully he edged to the side to get behind Latvia. Then, following him like a shadow, he stepped after Latvia and left him very nearly unaware of his presence. Latvia paused as he seemed to sense something, but then Russia lunged and captured him, pinning his arms to his sides and rendering him immobile. Russia pulled him backwards until he found a wall to slide down and sit against. Latvia was dragged close and leaned against him, with his arms still captured by the hug.

Latvia felt warmth all around him and he stared at the utter darkness of the room. This darkness was a kind that would usually set his nerves on end, but it currently gave him no fear as Russia acted as a shelter around him that kept out all the danger.

It was for a few minutes that they stayed like that, just breathing and sharing each other's warmth until the chill of the basement disappeared. Latvia was the first to move, and he carefully removed himself from Russia's gasp so he could turn around and face him. He felt his hands up to his neck, slipped his fingers under the scarf, and then gently removed it. He held the ball of cloth against his chest while he placed the other hand on Russia's neck and leaned in. He felt Russia tense up, but Latvia tried not to be cruel and purposefully tickle him when he titled his head and kissed the side of his throat.

He tilted his head more to kiss his jawbone and he moved his hand to hold the side of Russia's face. He could feel the bunching of muscles and knew that Russia was pleasantly smiling as he remained quiet and accepting of the affection. Latvia found that smile and he pulled at his lower lip, and this time Russia made a kind of dreamy sound as he enjoyed kissing him again that day.

Latvia breathed as he withdrew, but then the thought sprang into his head, reminding him that today was Valentine's day, so he leaned back in. Russia closed his eyes again and completely relaxed under the careful touch.

Latvia pressed up completely against him as he held Russia in a hug. He listened to that steady heartbeat that he had listened to so many times before; one that continued on so strongly despite all the hardships and all the pain. He remembered the first time he had listened to it, years ago, when his fear had dissolved after being pulled out from under the ice. It was when he had crawled over to Russia's resting body to lie over him, over that person who had risked his life to bring him out. As he pressed the side of his head against his chest now, Latvia could only think of how grateful he was that this heart was still going after everything he had been through. Latvia was filled with overwhelming happiness that this heart knew no suffering while he was around, and that he had such an amazing gift to be able to do this for him.

Never before had he felt such positive emotions in this usually dreaded place. People before had suffered in this darkness, pawing desperately at a door that would not be opened for many hours, or recoiling from a blow given by a person with shards of ice sparking in his eyes. There had been times where blood splattered across this floor, and one time it had been Latvia's.

That seemed like a lifetime ago. The basement was now clean, and the blood was forever washed away like the corrupted morals that had before been staining Russia's mind. Now it was just amazing to think back to all of the things that had happened under the majesty of passing time. It had been almost thirty years since this basement had held these two people together, and that previous time had included a scene that described two players both locked in a tragedy.

The painful memories could fade away when they became painted over by the new ones, as this scene changed although it was the same setting, and the story shifted to one of trust and love.

And so, after Latvia had considered all of these things, he whispered to Russia the words that had such amazing power upon him.

"I love you."

Latvia heard when the pace of that heartbeat picked up, and from it he understood that truly, Russia was happy.

* * *

An incredible amount of people showed up to Canada's organized culture fest dressed in traditional attire and excitedly showing it off to each other. A lot of people were dressed in old and adorned military uniforms, some in expensive and fine clothing that would have been worn at a palace, and some in modest and common clothing from earlier times.

The vast amount of food was set up on a fantastic sandwich table that everyone could go over to and pick off of at anytime. There were rooms to gather and talk, a huge stage and auditorium, and just the perfect amount of space for everybody to mingle. It reminded them of one of the Halloween parties that were occasionally set up, but the different theme was quite new and refreshing.

Latvia had on him soft and traditional clothing from the middle class. He was not trying to stand out, so the white and browns kept him out of attention while the Asian and West European countries took the show with their spectacular attire. Lithuania and Estonia were dressed fairly similarly to Latvia, also not caring about attention but just wanting to remember how their clothes from the past felt on them.

These two spotted Latvia as he seemed to be trying to find them, and they hurried over to him to conclude his search.

"Did you just get here?" Lithuania asked.

"Only about ten minutes ago," Latvia replied. "Wow, there are so many people here!"

"Have you seen Russia yet?" Estonia asked.

"No, why?"

"Go find him then. You'll like what he's wearing."

The other two Baltics stayed there while Latvia left to flit through the rooms and track him down. After a good five minutes of being unable to find him, he returned to the auditorium and looked there again.

"Hey, Latvia!"

Latvia turned when he was called and he watched Prussia walk towards him in military clothes from the Napoleonic War times.

"Hi, Prussia," Latvia greeted him back.

As Latvia glanced over him he thought, _Could this really be the person who sent those flowers?_

Prussia was smiling, and although he usually had a grin plastered to his face, Latvia could see genuine kindness in it.

"Are you looking for Russia?" Prussia asked.

"Oh, er- yes."

"He's backstage helping Canada move some equipment out of the way."

"Thank you!"

Prussia was still smiling at him as he watched Latvia head off towards the entrance that led backstage.

Latvia emerged into the huge room behind the curtains. There were all kinds of gymnastic equipment that reached high up towards the ceiling, mats, bars of all types, and also large props for a sort of play. Here he heard the sound of things being slid and moved, so he hurried over and found people in the far corner pushing mats against the wall. Russia, Canada, and America stood up in satisfaction and gazed at their good work. Russia looked over at Latvia and beamed a smile.

"Hey _lapochka_ ," Russia said.

Latvia dipped his head glanced at Russia bashfully. He was dressed in sharp and impressive cossack dance clothing, of red, black, and gold. The colours made his features stand out, and his violet eyes were stunning while the smile to him was bright. Latvia wanted to respond but he was so embarrassed to say in front of the others how beautiful he thought the costume looked on him. Russia walked over to him with his shining, tight black boots tapping on the ground.

Russia chuckled as he noticed Latvia's sheepishness around him. America looked uncomfortably to the side as Russia gave Latvia a quick hug, for he was still not completely used to this, but he stayed quiet and kept his face as respectfully blank as possible.

"I'm just going to help Canada for a bit and getting things started. Wait for me, okay?"

Latvia nodded, and then he left with a rosy tinge in his cheeks and without having said a word the entire time.

He found Estonia and Lithuania again and he approached them in a whimsical state with a little smile stuck on his face. Estonia and Lithuania smirked at him in amusement as he came over.

"So I am assuming that you found him?" Estonia said.

Latvia nodded and looked away with radiant eyes.

More to himself, he murmured, "He's so beautiful today."

They hung around by the food while Latvia waited for Russia to finish. After a while they saw Russia coming over after he had spotted them, and he walked so neatly and athletically in those boots, as if every movement he made was a part of a dance. Other people around him cast glances at him before looking away with some form of guilt in their eyes, only remembering their actions against him from the previous conference.

Latvia seemed enchanted by the tempo in how he walked, and he melted inside when Russia approached him and ran a hand through his hair. None of the other guests were necessarily paying them any attention because like America had done, they turned the other way and stayed silent.

"Are you liking the food?" Russia asked.

Latvia tried to shake himself out of his trance.

"Um... yeah."

Russia smiled, "Okay, maybe I will try to have one of everything."

Latvia looked after him with a face of disappointment as he left, and after a moment of hesitation, he ended up going after him.

Lithuania put a hand over his mouth to hide his smile.

"Latvia is acting so funny," he laughed. "Look at how he's following him around!"

Estonia looked over and also chuckled at the sight of Latvia trailing Russia, always trying to stick close every time he moved away. No matter where he went, Latvia tried to stay by him, even if Russia was just fetching a cup of water a few steps away. He seemed to notice this as well, and Estonia and Lithuania watched as he grinned and said something to Latvia, who went red in response.

Russia breathed out his name in a chuckle after he had come back to the other Baltics and Latvia had pressed against his side as he was eating.

When the first shows were about to start, they left with everyone else as they drifted to the auditorium. Ukraine and Belarus found them as they entered, and they all went to sit together.

America had the role as the host and he introduced the first people to present from the piece of paper he held in his hand. Austria came in and sat at the piano and stretched out his fingers while Hungary approached the standing microphone. Then, to the surprise of most, Prussia had indeed been included in that list of names, and he was now appearing on stage with an instrument in hand.

"Oh, he is going to play on the flute I got him," Russia sighed with a smile. "That is very nice."

Immediately a melody of peaceful, harmonic music rolled out. The audience went into an awed silence as the sweet notes emitted from the piano blended with the calm and smooth sounds of the flute perfectly. People looked at Prussia in befuddlement as they had difficulty believing that those pleasant sounds were being produced by him. However, the usually wild and energetic man held absolute calm on his face as he kept his eyes closed as he swayed slowly to the music. Hungary's voice came out clear and gentle, matching the mood with words from her own language.

"Wow… Prussia is really good," Lithuania commented. "I had no idea."

When the song drifted to a close, the room erupted into applause and the three of them bowed. Prussia smiled and looked at the excited crowd with glimmering rosy eyes, and then he retreated backstage with the other two.

"I am happy for Prussia," Russia said. "I think he'll be okay now."

Then much later, Latvia left with Estonia and Lithuania to sing together in a chorus and then separately to demonstrate differences in style between their folk music. While all of them were quite talented, Russia felt enchanted as he listened to the clarity of Latvia's voice. It was so sweet and innocent, and Russia had forgotten how it had the ability to make one forget where one was. He felt as though for a moment, he was asleep and dreaming something wonderful while seeing nothing at all. His voice was mystical and sounded of past times, and it brought a feeling of nostalgia among that feeling of happiness. When they came back, Russia had no idea what to say so he just looked at Latvia fondly when their gazes met.

Not too long after, there was a sort of intermission in which people could get up, eat, and mingle for another hour before the next show. During this time, Estonia and Lithuania saw Latvia snatch Russia's hand and pull him away. Russia stumbled but gave in and followed him in a skipping walk as Latvia led them in a specific direction with a brusque pace.

They heard Russia ask in surprised confusion before he was dragged out of the room, "Where are we going?"

Latvia said nothing until he and Russia were backstage. Here, Latvia clung onto him to hug him tightly and feel his fine clothes with the side of his face.

"You are being really funny today," Russia purred while he stroked Latvia's hair again. Latvia lifted his head and allowed Russia to stroke his thumb over his cheek.

"Sorry i-it's just that…" Latvia trailed off as he grew embarrassed again.

"Yes?"

Latvia hid his face against him and replied, "You just look really beautiful today."

This time it was Russia who blushed, and he said, "Oh… okay…"

Latvia released him then took him by the hand again and led him to the stack of thick mats. There they sat and Latvia immediately jumped at him, pushing him back and falling on him.

"It has only been a month this time," Russia chuckled as Latvia snuggled into him.

Latvia put a hand against his cheek, rose up and kissed the opposite one softly.

"I know," Latvia sighed as he retreated back down and lie over him. "But I really missed you. I hate that we can't just see each other whenever we want and that we have to wait until neither of our bosses would notice our absences."

"I feel the same way. It… is terrible to have to be alone for so long. If I did not have the excuse to come here, I might not have seen you or anyone else for who knows how many more months."

"It must be harder for you in your huge, empty house," Latvia murmured while tracing two fingers over the collarbone under Russia's uniform. "And your new boss, how is he? Does he treat you well or…"

"He hasn't done anything to hurt me yet, and he is doing a lot of good things for the country and people like him. I… I agree a lot of the things he does, but I have hardly any say in things lately. He likes doing the work himself, and he only talks with me about business and nothing else."

"I'm sorry about that. So you are still lonely at home."

Latvia shifted his legs and curled up against him, lying partially across his chest. Russia wrapped his arms around him and cuddled him.

"Yes," Russia sighed. "I am always looking forward to seeing you. At least one person outside of my family wants to spend time with me."

"That might change soon. You are a good person, even if you have had hard times and made mistakes. People are starting to like you now I think."

"You are really thinking so?" Russia said. "And you think that I am a good person?"

"Yes. Even if it was deep within you during the Soviet Era, goodness was always there. Or else you would have never tried to bring it out by trying to change and fix the mistakes of your past. You are good, alright? Maybe people never tell you this and that is why you don't believe it, but you are this."

Russia closed his eyes and relaxed into the mat.

"Thank you for saying that."

Latvia closed his eyes as well so they could doze together until the footsteps on the hardwood floor woke them. They sat up and the visitor froze in surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were here!" Prussia exclaimed. "I was just bored and I wanted to fool around on the equipment until the show started again!"

"We don't mind," Latvia said.

"Alright, awesome!" he flashed them a beaming smile and proceeded to climb up the nearest piece of gymnastic equipment.

As he perched high on some bars, Russia said to him, "Please be careful not to be hurting yourself."

Prussia enthusiastically yelled out something in German before adding in English, "Don't worry!"

While Latvia continued to watch him climb upwards, Russia pulled him back towards him and once again they lay down and snuggled. Prussia was near the ceiling, and he paused and looked down at them with a pleasant smile. He was happy that after everything Russia had done for him, he as well, was no longer depressed.

 _I'm glad they got back together. He looks happy now. The real kind of happiness, not that fake one from before._

Russia glanced up to check on Prussia, and he saw him staring up at the ceiling with interest as he squatted up high like a squirrel on a telephone post. Latvia peeked up at him as well.

"Do you think we should ask him about the message?" Latvia whispered to him in Russian just in case Prussia could hear him.

"Yes, alright."

They looked back up at Prussia and were surprised to see that he had disappeared. As they blinked at the spot he had just been in, Prussia chose that exact moment to let go and drop from the ceiling. There was a bang as he hit the mat behind them and they whirled around to see him sitting and laughing with eyes filled with gleeful exhilaration. Heavy wads of dust floated down around the three of them, and Prussia's clothes were now fuzzy and grey.

As Prussia blew a dusty bunny off his face, Latvia looked up to the ceiling and back at Prussia.

"How did you do that?" he asked.

"There is a beam right there," Prussia pointed. "You can climb up and grab onto it."

For the moment, the question was pushed to the side as Latvia excitedly raced towards the gymnastic equipment. As Prussia slid off the mat, he noticed the worry on Russia's face as Latvia scaled up higher and higher.

"He won't fall," Prussia said while clasping a hand on his shoulder.

Russia nodded and followed Prussia off the mat. He fidgeted while Latvia stretched out and pulled himself up onto the beam, and then crawled along its length. He was successful in making it over the mat, and he pushed himself off to land squarely on it with a heavy plop. He sat and laughed as Prussia had, while shaking off the dust.

"You should try it too," Prussia grinned at Russia.

"No, that is okay," Russia said while studying the equipment. "I am thinking that I am too big."

Latvia came over and Russia started helping him clean off. Latvia perked as he remembered what they had been talking about before.

"Oh, Prussia!" he exclaimed. "We have a question to ask you."

Something quick flashed in his eyes and Prussia hastened to say, "It's been a while, I'm sure the show is going to start soon so-"

"It'll be quick," Latvia pressed.

Prussia glanced to the side.

Latvia asked him, "That message. That was you, wasn't it?"

"Which one?"

Prussia's eyes were wide and sharp, and Latvia understood this to be from his nervousness and discomfort.

"You know what I am talking about," his voice went softer. "The sunflower pot."

"You think I did something like that?" Prussia murmured. "Not anybody else?"

"You knew that I was too scared to talk to him," Russia joined in. "And you were wanting to repay me even after I said that I wanted nothing from you. You were wanting to help me after I helped you."

Prussia shut his eyes and sighed. "Okay, I admit it. I did it."

"And you weren't going to tell us after? You didn't want to take any credit?" Latvia asked.

"I… knew that it wasn't me that was important. I just wanted you to enjoy what happened and leave it at that," Prussia replied.

"Thank you," Russia sighed. "You fixed everything."

Prussia finally looked up and said while flashing a white smile, "Anytime! Friends got to look after each other, don't they?"

Immediately after, Prussia hurried out of the room to escape his embarrassment.

"I guess I should be warming up now," Russia said after a moment. "I am next on the list."

"Alright, I'll go back and wait then," Latvia started to leave, but then turned and added, "I can't wait to see you perform!"

Latvia entered with everyone else and took back his previous spot alongside the others. America walked on stage and read off the next performance. He tried to speak as normally as possible, but he betrayed his discomfort when he introduced Russia and sounded like he was having difficulty swallowing.

Japan, who was acting as the technician, put on the requested song so that the music rang out impressively from speakers situated all around the audience. Immediately people were surprised, for they had expected some classic song of the Red Army Choir but had received instead an upbeat kind of techno song.

" _What_ …?" Lithuania's eyes widened. "Is this... a remix of Katyusha?"

People perked up with interest as Russia stepped on stage and strode with the most precise of steps, so neat and matched with the music. When the intro ended and the paced picked up, Russia magnificently snapped into action with high jump spins with graceful landings, feet smoothly sliding across the ground when he swung out incredibly flexible high kicks. He sunk lower and lower, folding his arms and balancing on his toes, and as the song pumped out from every corner of the auditorium he nailed out powerful kicks, one after the other without wavering. Every five he sprang out onto his toes and heel before resuming the kicks, perfectly performing fantastic jumpstyle cossack and receiving ecstatic whoops from the crowd. He moved like his muscles did not know how to tire, and he proceeded to demonstrate amazing athletic feats that could only be done with astounding leg strength. He snatched one of his legs and held it out while he continued to jump on his toes in that low position. Some of these moves were difficult for people to perform even one of, but Russia conducted himself with complete ease. Latvia watched how his eyes shone radiantly and excitedly under the bright lights, and the hint of a smile on his lips before he leapt and completed flips and kicks like his robust body was as fluid and balanced as a gymnast's.

The enchantment of the music had people stamping their feet to the beat and one-by-one people rose out of their seats and clapped as well to the rhythm. More yells of exultation and delight joined in the melody and Russia just kept going and going, eyes so full of rapture and his boots tapping like the fast beating of his heart. When the song drew out to its final high notes he powerfully launched himself upwards, flipped, and landed neatly into a kneeling position.

In the final seconds he pulled out something from his shirt. The Russian flag was whipped out and held in both hands before him. He bowed his head and stared at the floor as the loudest applause of that day was given. Everyone, even people who had been so thoroughly against him in that meeting earlier, roared and pounded out hefty claps.

" _That was awesooooome!_ " Russia heard Prussia call out.

"Amazing-"

"How is that possible?"

"Shit!"

"That was so perfect-"

Ukraine stretched out and waved at him, yelling, "Good job, Russia!"

Finally he stood and folded back up the flag. He left with the light glimmering on his black boots and alighting the silk of his clothes and his hair. He caught his breath as he slowly walked backstage, and now that he had stopped he could feel the throbbing pain in his legs that stiffened up his knees, calves, and tendons with heavy hotness. He limped out the door back to the main rooms, blinked, and smiled when he noticed how Latvia had raced to come down and meet him with a glass of water.

"Are you okay?" Latvia asked as he noticed the way he was walking.

Russia gulped down most of the water in one go before he exhaled and wiped the sweat off his forehead with his forearm.

"Cossack is hard on the body," he said with a grimace as a wave of pain in his calves confirmed his statement. "It is easy to get pain in the muscles. I expected this would be happening though."

"At least you can sit and relax all you want for the rest of the day," Latvia smiled sympathetically.

"Da, but I am wanting to change outfits first, now that this one has gotten much sweat. Canada said there are showers in the change rooms, so I'll be a few minutes, alright?"

"Yeah, okay!"

Russia quickly plucked a leftover fluff of dust from Latvia's hair before he left him.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Russia wore soft, silk clothes and smelled so clean, and therefore he still could not stop Latvia from clinging to him no matter where he went. When the day's shows came to an end, Latvia took his hand and they went with the other groups to get to their hotel. For the most part, everyone had been arranged into groups of four to share rooms with. There were murmurs of discontentment about having to share beds with people, but they were not entirely serious because in the end, the groups were quickly decided.

Latvia and Russia were both surprised when Lithuania and Estonia had agreed to share a room with them. They had not done it out of some kind of pity, when they saw most people drifting away from them when they were told to pick groups. They seemed polite and serious enough, and not with their old accusative faces upon them.

While standing in line to receive their hotel key, they overheard America, Canada, France, and Britain deciding on what pizzas they should order. It seemed like a fine, and fast enough food plan to get after such a long day, so Estonia turned to them and posed the same question as America.

"What do you guys like?"

After they called ahead and had learned their room number, Lithuania and Estonia left to go pick up the order.

They were gone for about half an hour, because the wait for their order was long, as there were so many more orders before theirs from the other nations who had chosen this same place. The two sat themselves at a table to wait, and they received a few glances from the other nations.

After a while, France strolled over and sat in a chair at their table. He glanced at them both with a respectfully dipped head and calm expression, with his eyes soft as to not indicate imploring or aggression.

"Hello," he said. "I am sorry if I am bothering you, I was just wondering some things..."

"Uh, yes, what is it?" Estonia answered.

France continued, "Well, you see, I am curious about Russia. None of us heard really your sides of the story at the meeting, so I was wondering about how you two feel about him even after all those things he was said to have done to you."

Lithuania replied steadily, "Well, naturally we didn't like him, but that is the past and he is different now so none of that matters anymore."

"But you still don't know everything about him, do you?" France's voice was still quiet and polite, but his concern was blatant.

"What do you mean? We know quite a lot after living with him for decades," Estonia replied.

"I mean this _new_ Russia. Is it true that we can trust him? He seems better now, but you two left him alone with Latvia and that seems like a big leap of trust."

"I think everyone can trust him now. And as for Latvia, well, they should be fine together," Lithuania said.

France cocked his head.

"So you are not worried about anything they might be doing while you two are gone?"

"Well," Estonia rubbed his neck and looked to the side. "I mean there's nothing we can do about it if they wanted to do that but… I don't think they want to and… well, erm- as long as they are both fine with it then…"

They were surprised when France frowned at Estonia's words.

"You do not seem so open the idea," France said. "But there is nothing wrong with it. As long it is for love, then sex-"

Estonia and Lithuania jumped as though the presence of a bomb had just been announced.

"Eastern countries," France sighed. "I forget sometimes how sensitive you are to this subject."

"Yes, but, we are trying to be open to it for at least Latvia's sake," Lithuania murmured. "But we really just aren't used to _that_."

"I apologize if I said something to frighten you," France went on. "But if you think he is fine- Russia I mean, then I can try to trust him as well."

"Yeah, I suppose that I can give it a try as well," Britain announced while strolling over to their table after overhearing the conversation. "Do you mind passing on the word then?"

"Oh yes," Estonia nodded. "We can be telling him that."

Without anything else of importance to say, the other two left Lithuania and Estonia at the table. As France departed from his seat, he added with a smiling backwards glance, "Have fun walking in on them, _cuddling!_ "

They both were apprehensive as they walked through the hall of the hotel towards their room. Estonia pushed open the unlocked door and led the way in. With eyes immediately scanning for human shapes, they swiftly found Russia and Latvia sitting on the bed together. Latvia was sitting cross-legged while Russia sat behind him and was enveloping him gently. His legs were on each side of Latvia like walls enclosing him, and his arms had sneaked in to wrap around his frame. Latvia's hands clung to one of the arms, and pressed it against his chest contently. Russia was whispering into his ear as the other two Baltics came in, close enough that it seemed any second he would give the earlobe an affectionate nibble. Latvia's face was absolutely calm; his eyes were closed and he held a tranquil smile on his face as he happily soaked up whatever words Russia was telling him.

Latvia blinked his eyes open when he noticed after a second that the other two had returned. Russia seemed quite caught up in the moment, and he moved his face forward and tilted it to give a small kiss to Latvia's cheek. He opened his eyes afterwards and caught sight of Estonia and Lithuania, who were only standing a few meters away and were regarding them. He jolted off of Latvia and retreated up the bed, looking away uncomfortably.

"Oh, wait!" Latvia exclaimed and began to move after him. He froze for a moment, and looked back to consider the others.

He added, "Um, you two don't mind if we-"

"No, no, no," Lithuania waved his hands and widened his eyes. "You can be with him, it-it's fine, right, Estonia?"

"Yeah, um- of course."

Latvia crawled up and collected Russia's middle into his arms. Russia raised his arm so he could get close to him, but then he only half-halfheartedly placed it around Latvia. The presence and eyes of the other two made him nervous, and he had lost the passion he had just felt moments ago.

"We should get ice for these drinks," Estonia offered.

"Good idea," Lithuania nodded and then said to the other two, "We'll be right back."

Latvia did a good job in getting Russia to feel comfortable while they were gone. Lithuania and Estonia were surprised to find when they returned that a game of chess had been initiated and the two were locked in serious concentration over the board. It seemed Latvia had already gotten away with one pawn, but after a quick review of both their positions, it did not seem like the game was going to be over quickly.

They ate without taking too much time to take their eyes away from the game, and meanwhile Estonia and Lithuania took over the other bed and put on the television.

Latvia had been completely unsure of how well of a chess player Russia would be, especially since there was that one time Russia had assured him that he would surely be beaten by him if they ever were to play. Latvia was delighted to find that the game was not to be a slaughter and despite how Russia had claimed that he rarely got to play, he knew the basic patterns and was able to block the most of Latvia's offensive advances. He also knew immediately after a move when he had made a mistake because he would look to the side and sigh before giving Latvia a reassuring smile as he claimed one of Russia's pieces. After half an hour, the game came to a close with Latvia being the victor, and Russia good-naturedly praising him and helping him pack everything up.

Once the distraction was over, Latvia noticed that the television was on so he turned to regard it.

"What are you watching?" he asked.

Estonia responded, "The Walking Dead. The first episode just came on, and it is apparently popular in North America so we are giving it a try."

Latvia sat and watched for a minute before Lithuania said to him with worry, "Are you sure that you can handle this? We can change the channel and then watch the ending later online."

"No, I wouldn't want to make you do that," Latvia replied.

Lithuania shrugged and watched Latvia's facial expression for a while as he watched the screen, just to be sure that he really would be fine.

Eventually Latvia smiled a little and he commented, "Oh, what a nice horse!"

A few minutes later, he gasped and went white in shock. His eyes were wide and he whimpered, "Wh-what? Why would th-they…? "

Lithuania and Estonia observed him in concern.

"You shouldn't have been watching this…" Estonia sighed.

Latvia trembled quite visibly, and the sight of him shaking in front of him made Russia's blood hot from adrenaline and sent him into a panic. He gathered Latvia and pulled him away from the grotesque sights still displayed on the screen. He laid him down and held his quivering body.

"It is alright," Russia murmured. "It is just a show. It isn't real and it didn't happen. It is just the actors and the props."

Russia stroked his hair and whispered all the comforting words that he could conjure up to him. Russia could hear own his heartbeat thudding as he fought to contain his own terror. The sights and continued sounds on the television had no effect on him, however the sight of Latvia afraid and shivering had triggered a painful memory in his mind and had given him a fright. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to stop Latvia's fear and to comfort him. Fortunately, Latvia promptly relaxed under Russia's touch and when he had stopped shaking, Russia felt a calmness wash over him as the unhappy memory disappeared.

Latvia glanced back at the screen, but the panic of before had faded. Now he felt further away from the horror and safe in the hotel room. He shifted completely onto his side as Russia lay against him, interlaced their legs, and brushed his feet against his.

The next episode came on after and everyone in the room continued to watch without saying anything. Russia later left to shower and he came back to assume his position from before. As he started to watch again, he soon became drowsy and drifted off to sleep behind Latvia. He occasionally blinked open his eyes at an especially loud sound, but then his heavy eyelids would slip over his violet eyes as he was unable to escape the pull of exhaustion.

Latvia crawled out of bed and stretched once the episode was over. He checked behind him and noticed that Russia had fallen deep asleep. He did not stir when his arm was rubbed.

"I guess I'll get ready for bed then," Latvia said before taking over the bathroom.

Estonia and Lithuania sat in silence until they could hear the sound of the shower going. They flicked their eyes over Russia's calm and still, sleeping form as he breathed slowly and deeply.

"I can't believe Latvia watched a whole episode," Lithuania said.

"I know, it is crazy."

They kept watching Russia for another minute in silence.

Then Estonia said, "You know, I think we should have believed Latvia earlier."

Lithuania nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. He is not looking scary at all right now," Lithuania admitted. "They look fine together. I thought it would be more awkward to be here with them, but it is actually nice, don't you think?"

"Yes."

"Nothing dangerous," Lithuania said. "And don't be taking this the wrong way when I say this, but I think that they actually look kind of cute together."

"No, no, I am thinking the same thing," Estonia put up his hands.

Latvia came out in his pyjamas and looked at them in confusion when he caught them observing Russia. They looked away and Latvia decided not to press it, instead he only went up to Russia and shook him. The other grunted softly and peeled open his eyes.

"You are on the blankets."

Russia murmured an apology before moving off the bed and pulling back the covers. He flopped back in and Latvia came up behind him. He ran both his hands up his back as the other lay with his eyes already shut and with his breathing once again slowing. Latvia then draped the blankets over both of them and then shimmed up the bed so he could see the television from over Russia's head. The third episode was on and he was quite interested to see what would happen next. The three Baltics watched it while Russia slept through it, and Estonia and Lithuania departed for brief periods of time to take their own turns in the bathroom as well. The whole time Latvia watched, he stroked Russia's hair and let its silkiness run through his fingers.

They were all too tired to continue the marathon, so the lights and television were turned off after the third episode was over so that everyone could settle down and go to sleep. In the darkness of the room, Lithuania caught sight of Latvia's silhouette leaning over Russia's, and he knew that although Russia was deep asleep, Latvia had just given him a quiet kiss.

 _We should no longer think negatively of them_ , Lithuania thought as he watched Latvia lay back down. _They haven't done anything wrong. They just care a lot about each other, so that can't be a bad thing. And because everything got settled at that last meeting, I am sure that now nothing more is going to happen to them._


	18. How Red Tears Fall

When Russia returned back to his country, he found on his computer an Email from Japan. Curious, he opened it and found many photos attached to the file. A smile edged the corners of his mouth as he looked at the pictures almost nostalgically, as though those fun times had already happened so long ago and he missed them greatly. There were a few pictures of him just standing around in his cossack costume, and he was impressed by how clear the photos were and how admittedly stunning he looked in them. Naturally Latvia was by his side in the most of these expect for those a few clicks later, where he found a few pictures of himself that had been taken while he was doing the dance performance.

His eyes became softer as he regarded the final photo, which was one from the second day of the festival. Russia wore another set of Russian imperial clothing, of navy blue, bronze, and black, and Latvia's clothes were clean enough to wear a second time, so he had kept on his soft and modest brown and whites. They were together, sitting on the stairs with snack plates ignored to the side of them. Japan had caught Russia with his arms wrapped carefully around him, with his face leaned in close to Latvia's. The other was inclined against him, and his face was also titled so he could look into Russia's eyes with the same adoration that he was being given. Such a warmth kindled in his heart as Russia stared at that photo and observed how comfortable and happy the other truly looked in his presence.

He printed them out on photographic paper and cut them all out. He slid them into a folder, pausing to look at the final photo one last time before putting it away with the others. He dropped it in a drawer in his desk, closed it, and locked the drawer shut with a key.

For three months he would take out and regard this picture everyday before locking it back up.

On harder days he looked at it more than once a day. It always made him feel better when he was reminded that he could be happy, because he was really not hated by everyone else in the world anymore. The stress would fade away because this photo was like a promise that they would meet again.

 _This will be us again someday_ , he thought whenever he saw it.

The sound of that drawer opening and closing, and the sound of the key turning in the lock became a familiar melody to him. A fast and fluid pattern that his muscles and ears became attuned to.

* * *

Russia was back at his desk for the picture. After taking his time with it, he slid the drawer closed but then halted when the phone rang. He set the key down and hurried over obediently to pick it up. He expected that at a time like this it would be his boss calling, and he had been right, so he was glad that he had been swift to respond to the call.

Russia promptly found out that today was going to be a busy day. His boss was coming over the work with him. Russia hung up and he left the room to grab some food before he would be isolated to work for the next many long hours.

Thus the pattern was forgotten and it remained broken and unfinished. The drawer protruded out slightly, opened enough to reveal a thin line of inner darkness.

* * *

The key ring jingled as Latvia pulled it out from his pocket. The warm night air weighed pleasantly down upon him as he stood outside Russia's house with the clear, starry night above him. There was not a cloud in the sky, and many constellations glimmered brightly while a half moon hung in full view like it was the center of the show.

The keys slipped from his grasp and crashed musically on the ground. As he reached for them, he heard the creaking of the door in front of him. A square of light fell upon him as he glanced up at Russia's figure at the door.

"Hey-"

Russia flashed his gaze from side-to-side and behind Latvia, before shoving his face close to his.

"What are you doing here?" Russia hissed.

Latvia stepped back a little.

"W-What?"

Russia snatched him by the arm and yanked him inside. Latvia stumbled in after him and turned just in time to see Russia briskly slam the door shut and lock it.

Latvia looked at him with wide eyes and stuttered, "R-Russia, are you alright?"

Latvia had asked this while Russia had been peering out outside into the shadowed yard. Russia pulled himself away from the door and faced Latvia. There was a paleness in his complexion and his eyes were unusually wide. His gaze trembled, but the quiver in his body was more evident.

"Why did you come here? You cannot be here. You have to go- no you cannot be going outside again… There might be people out there. I hope they didn't see you. This is not good..."

"What happened? Wh-what is going on right now?"

"He went through my things... I never would have been expecting him to do this…"

"What? What things? What did he see?"

The reply was a whisper that was hoarse as though the words he spoke were ripping his throat.

"The photos from Canada," he said. "He saw one that he really didn't like, and you have it too, da? The… one where you were leaning against me on the stairs."

"B-But that one wasn't that bad, w-was it?"

Russia titled his head back and moaned at the ceiling.

"He knows! He is knowing everything about what is going on! He just called me before you arrived. I tried to tell him it was misunderstanding, but he was not believing me because he did not like how we were looking at each other. I couldn't convince him and... He said that if I did not end it then he is going to be dealing with me."

After the last sentence his shaking increased twofold. Latvia was crushed against his body as he was held in a deathgrip and was unable to move. He tried to push away but the more he moved the tighter Russia clutched at him, so he gave up and tried to manage with the lack of oxygen entering his lungs.

"Calm down," Latvia coughed. "We can think of something."

"I do not think we can be doing anything about this," Russia replied. "He is very mad… he is… going to do something to me. Punishment. I am going to be getting some of it- a lot of it, actually."

"No, no you're not," Latvia countered. "That's not right. You can't let him do that to you. You have to stand up for yourself. You are stronger and he cannot kill you."

"I cannot fight him," Russia exhaled. "I do not know what would happen if I do something that would be damaging my government. If I attack the leader of my country, I do not know what would happen to me. No one has done it before. Corruption, collapse… I am not knowing how much it would be hurting me. And I cannot allow myself to become weak. America might attack me if I am weak. No, I will take this punishment just like always."

"Like always?" Latvia crooned. "Why do you keep accepting this?"

"It is not so bad if you are used to it."

Latvia inquired softly, "Then why are you shaking, Russia?"

He did not respond. Russia released his grip on Latvia slightly to move a hand up and stroke his hair, and to look down and realize that this small body had just walked into the middle of an arising danger zone.

Russia left the lights on and led him back into his room. Russia's hand lingered by the lock to his bedroom door, but then he decided to leave it unlocked.

"We can worry about this in the morning, can't we?" Latvia said as they entered. "He doesn't expect you to do anything right now, right?"

"I am not sure. He might be expecting me to be calling you right now."

Russia clenched his teeth and inhaled thinly as he went into another quivering fit.

"You have to calm down," Latvia pressed. "You are too stressed right now so you will only be expecting the worse, yes? Lie down and try to get some rest."

Russia shook his head _no_ and sat still in a ball on the bed.

"Please," Latvia tugged at his arm. "You're really starting to scare me."

"I do not know what is going to happen," Russia whispered. "I am having fear too. He was really angry. So angry… He said bad things about you and I hope that he does not try to hurt you too."

"But I have alliances," Latvia replied. "He would not be so crazy to ignore them, would he?"

Russia lifted his shoulders and stared away at the covers.

An hour passed without incidence. Russia had moved and at least was lying down now, although he was still in his regular clothes with just his boots kicked off. He seemed to have no intention at all of sleeping, and Latvia as well, for not only was the increasing stress keeping him up but he did not want to sleep and leave Russia alone with his grievances.

Latvia was scarcely touching him; he was a supportive, curled-up ball nestled by Russia's side. When that hour had passed, Russia shifted and slipped his arm under Latvia's neck, allowing the other use it as a pillow.

As the lights were still on, when Latvia looked up at Russia's face he noticed how his eyes were glistening as he looked now up at the ceiling.

Russia breathed out shakily and broke the long silence.

"I don't want you to leave me."

"It won't come down to that," Latvia replied. "You can convince your boss. I just know you can."

"I don't know what to do," he whispered.

"You can do it, Russia."

Russia started to tremble again.

"No, it is going to be over. He won't listen to me, no matter what I am saying," he twitched and then choked out, "A few years! I could only be happy for a few years out of the centuries of depression, pain, and corruption! And for not even the entire time… not with all of the hiding and harassment from everyone. I… I am very glad that we at least could have some good times together, but this must be it then. You should be going home tomorrow, Latvia. This is going to have to be the last night we spend together, and then after that we will see each other only for business."

"That's not fair!" Latvia cried. "You don't deserve this! You shouldn't have to suffer anymore! Everyone needs to be happy. You can't let anyone take that away from you. Never again, Russia. Not after you have tried so hard and have come so far. Not after everyone has started to like you. We are here for you. We want to be with you, help you, and give you all the happiness that you have been denied of for so long."

"I know," Russia whispered. "I really don't want to give everything up. Be giving you up. But I will remember everything you taught me even if we are to continue our lives separately from now on."

"No-"

"We have to," Russia muttered. "I am surprised that we could keep it secret for so long, but I always knew that this was going to happen one day."

"No, no, no!" Latvia cried. "I am not leaving! I won't do it."

"Please," Russia said. "I don't want it to get worse. I don't want to bring you into this."

"Don't you think that I expected this as well? I was always running the risk of being seen every time I came to see you. I want to promise you that I will always support you and be here for you whenever you need me."

"Don't be making promise," Russia said. "You can't keep it."

"I promise never to leave you whenever you need me."

"Why did you-"

He cut off and went absolutely quiet. After a second of hesitation he threw himself off the bed and was throwing on his boots.

"Russia, what-"

"Shh!" he hissed. "People are coming."

Latvia hurried after him as he raced down the hall. Russia stopped by a window and peeked out into the yard before retreating away sharply.

"Hide! Now!" Russia said. "My boss is coming."

Latvia whipped his head around before he decided to race into the library and leap behind an armchair, which was the best cover he could find before there was a hefty pound at the door. There was only one knock before Russia was there to invite his boss in.

Latvia was farther away and he could only pick up chips of the Russian conversation here and there. One of the first sentences he registered was: "Did you take care of it?"

Russia's response was quieter so Latvia completely missed it. However, whatever he had said only procured a stream of low curses. Next came yelling that made Latvia startle and cover his mouth in order to hold back his gasp. They were becoming harder to understand now that their speech was more fired up with conflicting emotions, and the walls between Latvia and them did not help the clarity. Latvia caught words such as "crisis", "national breakdown" and "boyfriend", then pieces of sentences such as: "other countries like America", "affect international relations", "would throw the people into panic" and then something about the Russian Orthodox Church.

His heart pounded in fear as he listened to the vehement tone of the Russian president. It did not sound like Russia was arguing or explaining anything at all. Latvia quivered and hugged his legs tightly to his chest as he heard the confrontation became louder and louder.

 _Say something, Russia. Please…_

Russia's voice rose up clearly as he said, "No, I will not do that."

And then a single gunshot snapped the air.

Latvia held back his scream by digging his fingers in hard between his ribs and by wrapping his arms crushingly tight around himself. His mouth was wide open and he leaned forward as a sob caught in his throat. He moved one hand up to his face and covered his eyes, and his cupped hand caught every tear that flowed down his face.

He strained his ears to hear the sounds that followed.

"If you continue to go against what this country stands for and to betray it, don't think that I will let you off so easily next time. I can give you a chance to make up for this, but if you are beyond help, I am sure that there is another method to mold you back into something more compliant."

Latvia heard the creaking of the door as it was opened, and the low voice of Russia replying as the president left, "No."

When the door closed, Latvia raced out from his hiding spot. Russia was kneeling in the hallway with his back turned to him. Latvia padded over with lead feet and a heart rate so rapid that his head felt rushed.

"Russia?" he whimpered as he approached him. "Are- Are you alright?"

Russia dipped his head. Latvia hear him inhale deeply, and thought he was about to respond, but instead he gagged loudly. Latvia crept to his side and saw a thick clot of dark blood fall from his mouth and splatter on the floor.

"Russia!" he shrieked as he dove to his side.

Russia turned his head slightly in Latvia's direction to indicate that he had heard him. He still did not speak as he placed a hand on the carpet and felt his hand over the fabric, patiently waiting for the blackness in his vision to disappear. When it did not, he stood up slowly on wobbling legs that threatened to buckle at any moment and send him crashing forward onto his face.

He lost his balance and one foot fell forwards. Latvia sobbed and caught him by the middle, helping him stabilize himself. Russia immediately leaned on him dependently, and Latvia stumbled and tried to bear the sudden and heavy dead-weight of Russia. He readjusted his hands higher, and that was when a very warm wetness stuck to his palms.

He whimpered then, "Russia…"

In a tottering walk, Latvia led him down the hall towards where he knew he would find a first aid kit located. Russia halted abruptly, swayed to the left, and threw a hand out against the wall to stop himself from crushing Latvia against it. The other hand clutched at his chest as he inhaled and exhaled rapidly, each breath sounding more and more drowned until his breaths gurgled and he dropped to his knees. Latvia cried out again as Russia vomited pure, inky blood all over the floor, and then his eyes rolled back and he fell forward. Latvia caught him just as the right side of his face smeared across the puddle, and when he lifted him back up, his head flopped towards him, his eyes partly opened and looking pleadingly and weakly into Latvia's. Crimson covered the one side of his face as though someone had slashed a paintbrush across it. The tips of bangs were slightly stained by it as well, with the blood clinging to the sweat-soaked hair that hung depressingly over his forehead like a veil. A thick trickle trailed from his mouth and ended at his chin, and the mouth that was partly opened as he breathed brokenly showed red-stained teeth.

Latvia set him in a sitting-position against the wall and tore away. He returned with all of the supplies and he dropped them in shock at his feet, having become frozen once his eyes beheld for the first time the injury upon Russia's right side.

"Why?" Latvia sniffed as he fell to his knees beside the kit.

The tears fell freely as he opened up the kit, removed a pair a scissors, and cautiously edged closer to Russia. He started at the bottom of his shirt and raised upwards the thick metal blades. He closed them and heard the smooth snapping sound as the fabric cut easily, and he continued upwards until pieces of cloth slid to the floor.

Once the shirt was removed, the severity of the wound was much more obvious. His eyes locked onto the ribs on the right side that were blown and allowed white chips of bone to jut out from his flesh. The area around it was raw and meaty; red muscles covered in hot blood were exposed and could be seen straining themselves on every breath. Each inhale caused the bones to spread apart wide then close together on every exhale like a biting, fanged mouth.

"The… bullet…" Russia coughed. "Not in me…"

Latvia started to clean the area as carefully as possible before he took out the bandages and started to wrap them around his torso. He knew there was nothing he could do about the bones; all he could do was be gentle with the wrapping and wish desperately that everything would heal fast on their own. After the grotesque wound was hidden from sight he left and returned with a wet towel.

"You're okay," Latvia breathed to him

Russia gazed over Latvia's face as he leaned in and wiped off the blood.

"Don't cry, Latvia," Russia mumbled as he watched the journey of a tear over Latvia's cheek.

Latvia cleaned away a fresh line of blood that had leaked from Russia's mouth as he talked.

"How can I not?" Latvia broke out into a cry. "Look at what he did to you!"

"It's alright," Russia whispered and reached up a trembling hand to stroke his cheek. "It will heal very quickly."

Latvia sobbed and wiped an arm over his sore eyes.

"Why aren't you crying?" he wept. "Why don't you cry, Russia?"

"Why should I be doing that?" he murmured back.

Latvia balled and fell against him. His arms were around his waist as to avoid the injury, and his head rested against Russia's left clavicle. Russia stroked his hair as he cried against him, but then Latvia lifted off to look up at him.

"This is wrong, don't you see? You shouldn't be used to this. You shouldn't think that this is okay!" Latvia wailed. "It's not okay! You know now that punishing is bad. It hurts. Doesn't it hurt, Russia?"

"But I don't know if I can cry from this kind of pain anymore," Russia said. "It has been so long."

"Please!" Latvia begged. "Show me that you know this is wrong. That you understand that this is bad. Please, Russia! Cry! Do something, don't just sit there! Please, please- doesn't it hurt? Aren't you in pain?"

"Latvia…"

Latvia held both sides of his face and stroked his thumbs over his cheeks.

"You don't need permission to cry," he said.

"I don't…?" Russia murmured back in a sleepy tone, as if under a dreamy influence.

"Of course not. No one should tell you to keep it all in anymore. You can feel this. You can feel what they have done to you because you always have been able to. You know that it hurts."

Russia stared into his eyes as tears finally broke free and spilled down his face.

"Of course it hurts," he whispered. "It hurts so much..."

Russia collected him into his arms and rested his forehead upon Latvia's shoulder. Tears dripped down onto Latvia's leg like raindrops as Latvia rubbed his back and induced more. He cried very softly and quietly, and Latvia put the towel under Russia's mouth as blood began to drip down as well.

The blood stopped falling before the tears stopped. When Russia finished, Latvia helped him to his feet and took him by the hand to the kitchen. Russia accepted a glass of water to swish around his mouth and to spit out the metal-tasting solution.

"Come on," Latvia said gently. "Come lie down and rest."

Latvia slipped his hand back into his and took him back into the hall. Russia followed faintly after him until he dug in his heels suddenly into the floor.

"What?"

"I think some people are on their way here," he uttered.

"People?"

Russia nodded, let go of him, and then stumbled into the kitchen to return with something in his fist.

"We have a little time," he murmured. "Follow me."

Russia moved a lot faster than Latvia would have wanted him to after having just received such an injury. He brought Latvia up to the heavy door.

"You want me to go in there?" Latvia asked.

Russia hugged him quickly, clinging tightly and closely to him and surprising Latvia. Before he could ask anything, he was given a quick peck on the lips before something was slipped into his hand.

Latvia gazed down at a cell phone.

"What…?"

Russia opened the door.

"You know their numbers, right? Call anyone except for the police... I am having bad feeling about this."

Latvia's eyes widened in realization.

"No, Russia, you will come back-"

"I am going to hide the key in the back of the fridge."

"No, please don't…"

"Don't make a sound, okay _lapochka_?" Russia said while giving him a mournful smile.

"No, Russia..."

"I have to go now," Russia murmured. "Goodbye, Latvia. Thank you for everything. I am glad that we got to have all that fun together."

He put on hand on Latvia's chest and pushed him in.

"Wai-"

Russia removed his scarf and tossed it into Latvia's arms. Latvia looked down at it, but as he looked back up he saw the door closing in his face. He stepped forward, but the lock was already snapping shut.

Russia set a hand on the wood. He murmured to him, "I love you."

Russia hurried away as Latvia pounded once against the door with a yell of despair.

" _No!_ " he cried.

In the pitch darkness, he laid his head against the door and whimpered now only to himself, " _Come back. Please… come back…_ "

* * *

The fridge snapped shut when the sound of the doorbell rang throughout the house. Russia's heart thudded like that of a person on their way to the noose, however his face was neutral as he opened the front door and met a group of people there.

"We were sent to tell you that there are new orders."

All of these members of the FSB raised heavy, shining pistols.

* * *

Latvia sat on the floor in silence, holding the phone and scarf to his chest. Hoping that everything was going to be alright. That Russia was going to be aright and would come back, unlock the door, and they could hold each other and cry together.

He hoped for at least that much.

However, his thoughts exploded when the deafening booms of multiple gunshots echoed throughout the house and over it all, a blood-curdling, terror-stricken and pained scream ripped out from one individual's throat.

Latvia dropped everything and attacked the door. He screeched and pounded the wood, punching, kicking, crying, and hollering the other's name. Although he had been told to be quiet, the loudest scream he had ever produced erupted from him as he lost strength and collapsed. He pawed at the door as everything drew into quiet once more, and he sobbed.

"Russia… Russia…" he whimpered. "Come back... please…"

In the blackness, he sat at the top of the steps and cried. His heart was not shattered. He wished it had been then at least he could have felt its pieces. Instead, this time, it was as though it had been torn completely from his body. He crumpled forward, feeling weak and utterly empty inside. The emptiness consumed him until he felt so weightless, as unconsciousness overtook him momentarily and he soared in the clouds for a few seconds. The hard stone floor woke him and he cried out in pain and fear when he had smashed against it. He realized that he had fallen sideways over the top of the steps, but he felt no motivation or reason to move from his spot on the freezing cold floor. He tested his shoulder, but it was not dislocated.

 _I didn't hit the right spot_ , he thought. _Russia isn't going to have to come and fix it for me this time._

He rolled onto his stomach and ran his fingers over the grit on the floor. He put his chin down and looked for the hands he could not see in front of him.

 _Please let them all be dead_ , Latvia thought. _That he killed them all and is going to come back._

It was curious to him that he was hoping so desperately for the deaths of those other people. So long as Russia was okay, he did not care if they suffered the same fate as those men in California.

 _As long as the hero is the one who is killing, then it does not matter_ , Latvia thought back to what he had been thinking at the last World Conference. _We are just hypocrites then. Russia isn't the only one with some incorrect morals._

Of course if no one had died, then Latvia would have felt happier. However he had heard that scream. It had been loud enough to hear over those guns, and although he tried so hard to forget it, he could not get himself to deny what it had been: the one and only scream he had ever heard Russia emit.

Latvia waited. Many hours passed, and he still waited despite how the hope he had had faded so long ago. The chill of the basement crept into him and numbed his body. His fingers felt heavy and as though the blood had ceased to circulate in his hands.

 _Like long ago when I cleaned the windowsills during winter._

When he moved he felt so stiff, as though he had just been reanimated from the dead. He moved off the ground slowly and felt around until he found the stairs, where he carefully stepped up blindly. At the top he brushed his hand around and found the scarf and cell phone balled together by the door. He wrapped the scarf around his neck and adjusted it to hide half his face behind its fabric. It was so warm and comforting, and it smelled so sweetly of Russia. Automatically tears rolled down his cheeks as he took the phone into his hand and turned it on.

The top corner presented him an image of a full battery, and after seeing this, he tucked it into his pocket. He bundled the long ends of the scarf up and hugged them against his stomach, wanting the softness close to him as he was reminded of the warm feeling of other things like rabbit fur and Russia's touch.

 _You're not coming back…._

The night passed unbeknownst to Latvia. He held the scarf for all of those hours as his eyes stayed closed as bright memories flickered under his eyelids. Finally Latvia snapped into action and pulled the phone back out, sitting up straight and staring down at the screen that glowed with burning light that temporarily blinded him.

The time was six in the morning, but he swiped it away and brought up the dial pad. The first number that came to his mind was typed out slowly by his tired fingers. He forgot whom that number belonged to. It was not Russia's, he only knew that. However, he did not know whom to expect until the person picked up.

"Hello?"

Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he stared at black nothing and recognized the blissfully ignorant voice of Estonia.

"Estonia," his voice was faint, completely depleted of strength. "Something terrible has happened. I need you to come to Russia."

"What happened?"

"His…. His boss found out about us," Latvia said softly. "And something really bad happened to Russia. He isn't going to come back."

"Where are you?"

"In the basement. The key is in the back of the fridge."

"Okay Latvia, I am coming to get you. I will be there as soon as I can. Hang in there!"

The phone clicked as Estonia hung up.

Latvia leaned against the corner between the door and the wall. He closed his eyes once more and cuddled the scarf gently. He drifted off into a long sleep where only good memories existed and the pain of everything was absent. Cold and hunger disappeared as a fire crackled in his peripheral vision and it was just him and Russia lying on the floor beside it. He gazed over that resting face, at its innocence and peacefulness, before he snuggled in beside him with the layer of blanket between them. Everything was warm. He felt so comfortable there, and he felt all fear melt away. Latvia heard the _thump thump_ of his powerful heartbeat, and he did not retreat when Russia woke looked at him so tenderly.

When the fear disappeared entirely, and no hesitation held him back, he knew at this moment that he was prepared to devote everything to Russia. That when he felt the softness of his skin under his lips, he was capable of forgiving him for everything and being the first to care for and about him. Love him despite all his mistakes.

The sound of a key turning in the lock awoke him. Light flooded in upon him, chasing away the darkness that had surrounded him just moments before.

"Latvia," he said delicately, bringing him into a hug when Latvia came to his feet.

"Estonia…" Latvia mewled.

Estonia shushed and comforted him for a few seconds before he said, "Let's get you out of here."

He led the way as Latvia padded after him with his eyes downcast. As they neared the front door, Estonia stopped and turned to him.

"Don't look, okay? Close your eyes."

"Wh-why?"

"It's bad," Estonia sighed.

"Are there bodies?"

"No. There is nothing there at all. It's just… Latvia. There is a _lot_ of blood. Don't be looking at it."

Latvia closed his eyes and allowed Estonia to lead him by the hand towards the front door. However, as they neared Latvia's eyes creaked open and beheld the entirety of the scene around him. He gasped and Estonia turned around and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What are you doing, Latvia?" he whispered. "You didn't need to see this."

The floor and walls were washed completely in blood. Splatter had made it all the way up to the ceiling and stained it as well. Puddles and splotches of it everywhere; an impossible amount of blood. As though every drop had been extracted from a person and used to redecorate this area.

"Russia…"

"I am so sorry," Estonia said. "I really am. I never wanted something like this to happen to him."

Latvia griped the scarf more tightly in his trembling hands.

"I want to stay here."

"You do? Why?"

"I'll clean this up for him... and I'll wait for him to come back."

"Latvia…" Estonia said while looking at the mess around them. "He might not be coming back."

"He can't be dead though... they couldn't have _killed_ him."

"Are you really sure? I'm not completely sure about this... about what it is taking to kill people like us. I know we can take a lot more than regular people but...this… this is a lot of blood, Latvia."

"I want to be sure," Latvia said. "And if he comes back, I want to be here for him when he does."

Estonia saw the grief and sorrow in his eyes. He nodded to him.

"Okay, Latvia," he said. "Call us everyday to let us know that you are okay."

Estonia carefully opened the door, avoided the blood-stained handle, and closed it behind him. Latvia stood in the middle of the gore, alone in the huge house, staring at that handle with the red fingerprints upon it.

* * *

Latvia stayed at Russia's house for days. He ate the food, knowing that it would have gone to waste if he had not been there anyways. He always left the door unlocked despite his fear of thieves. The blood had long since been cleaned away, and it was as though nothing had ever happened there in that spot, although every time he came back to that area, the memory was burned deep enough that when he looked he saw the blood momentarily again before the haze faded away.

He assumed that his boss knew where he was by now, and was fully disgusted with him anyway. He probably would not tell the Russian president where he was, but he would hate Latvia nonetheless for having had that kind of relation with Russia. Yet here he did not have to deal with that. No one came in those few days, and no one called.

Every night he curled up in Russia's bed to sleep. It was never good sleep for he always felt equally tired afterwards, after waking up constantly in the night in belief that he had heard heavy footsteps. Falling asleep was never an easy feat either, for he cried himself to sleep every night and it was only the exhaustion that took him away into the darkness of rest.

The dreams were always pleasant memories. However every morning Latvia was taken from those memories and the joy was abruptly stripped from him. He cried every morning because he feared that never again would they create more wonderful memories together, but mostly he cried because Russia had had so few joyous memories in entirety. Cruel hands had always been controlling him, ready to twist and mold him into whatever shape they wanted, like he was but a clay figure to manipulate. When it was time to destroy him, and to recreate and start again, all these hands had to do was to squash him and eliminate all traces of who he had become.

They had done just that.

He hardly ever took off Russia's scarf. He wandered the empty halls, and he cleaned every corner of the house with the scarf always wrapped around his slender throat. He stood and stared at the door, waiting with the scarf still on him, for hours while every other time he blinked and reopened his eyes he saw the blood around him once more.

 _You aren't coming back, are you?_

The door gave no response.

Latvia lowered his gaze to the floor before gradually letting his eyes fall closed.

Like they had come from his ghost before he departed this world to go to the other side, Latvia heard Russia's words of farewell once again in his mind.

 _"Goodbye, Latvia. Thank you for everything. I am glad that we got to have all that fun together."_


	19. Origin of Nightmares

The person who walked through that door after four exhausting weeks of waiting was the last person Latvia wanted to see. Their eyes met as Latvia stood alone, tiny and innocently in the hall before him with that scarf falling softly beside his heels. Latvia did not shake, although a chill seemed to have crept into every corner of the house and had so swiftly, swallowed up all the warmth.

He had not been snatched from this world and erased from existence. Perhaps he was not so easily destroyed, and he was something more solid and harder to destroy. If he was not as squashable as clay, then he was an unbreakable puppet in which those abhorred hands had wrapped chains instead of strings around his limbs. Chains to control him. Chains that bit into his flesh and made him bleed oozing drops that he would not ever complain about because he assumed that everyone's wrists were supposed to bleed like that.

His gloved hand ghosted off the doorknob and returned languidly to his side. A cheery smile lifted his face, but there was nothing to rejoice at for Latvia had seen something deeper lurking in the depths of his eyes.

A voice whispered in the back of Latvia's mind, _It's cold._

The urge to tremble was great, but he fought against it even as he was approached.

"Hello, friend Latvia," Russia said with an eerie, amicable tone possessing his voice.

Latvia was silent as he stared up with a hollow gaze. Russia was before him, healthy and whole, with not a mark defiling his body. He did not wear his usual coat, but instead he wore an entirely different set of clothing than what he had had the last time Latvia had seen him. It was quite formal attire; more old-fashioned and mostly black with the only non-dark colours being the adornments set on his shoulders and front. However, there was an overall strict stiffness about his uniform that seemed all too significative to Latvia.

Russia stared back at him, but that pseudo smile faded as Latvia failed to greet him back equally merrily.

His voice steadily dropped in tone as he addressed him again.

"Why are you wearing my scarf?"

Latvia swallowed before replying, "You gave it to me before you left."

He immediately moved to take it off as he sensed rigidity in the other. Latvia saw his own hands by his face as he unraveled the scarf from his neck, and he saw how his skin was remarkably white.

He held up the scarf to Russia, who received it with a mechanical grip. He then adjusted it fluidly around his exposed neck while he slid his eyes around the area. His eyes narrowed as he gazed back at Latvia.

Instead of pursuing the topic, Russia then asked, "Where is everyone? Should they not have come and greeted me at the door?"

"...Everyone?"

"You know something, don't you?" Russia muttered.

Latvia tried to hold his voice as straight as possible as he replied, "Th-they are at home. No one lives here anymore expect you. I was just waiting for you… to come back... Do you know h-how long you were gone for?"

Russia's voice became even lower than before, and this time Latvia could not retain the twitch and massive chill that shot down his spine and raised the hairs on his back. The voice was dark, having lost all traces of sympathy; it was cold like midnight winter.

"What?" Russia uttered.

The black, gloved hand crept forward and pressed down on his head, the fingers digging through his hair and driving mercilessly into his skull. Latvia squirmed as he felt his vertebrae jam together and hot pain flaring through his body, but the hand did not disengage even as he gasped and pleaded to him.

"St-stop! That hurts-"

Russia ignored his protest, and only in fact increased the pressure.

"You were smart to stay." A friendly smile returned to his face as his voice rang again. "But you did not stop them and you did not warn me. They cannot leave. Why would any of you do such stupid thing? There is nowhere for you to go! You know I will find you, and bring you back for punishment."

Russia did not wait for Latvia to confirm his statement before he lifted his crushing hand off Latvia's head and then snatched him by the bicep. He yanked him by the arm away, forcing him to follow him as he dragged him stumbling along. Latvia panicked and tried to dig his heels into the ground, but like he had once done before while just playing around with Russia, Russia continued to stride powerfully forward as though Latvia's weight was nonexistent.

However he did eventually notice how Latvia was attempting to pull away, and he paused to turn and clasp his other hand around Latvia's throat. He did not squeeze, however it stayed there threateningly as Russia meet him with first astonishment on his face before it flashed away and the ice returned to his eyes and tongue.

"Are you resisting me?" he breathed coolly.

"Listen, please," Latvia said. "You are making a mistake. You are really confused and..."

Russia let go and resumed to drag him along behind him. Latvia gazed up to notice their surroundings and where they were heading, and the direction was too pointed for him to not know exactly where they were going.

"No, no!" Latvia cried. "Don't do this! If you hurt me you will really regret it!"

"Why would I regret teaching you a lesson?" Russia mused.

Soon the door was thrown open and Latvia was harshly tossed in. He caught his balance just in time before he tripped backwards over the stairs, and then he looked back nervously but found that Russia had not followed him in as he had expected. Instead the door slammed in his face and the lock was located and clicked firmly shut.

Latvia cried out, "Stop! Listen to me!"

"I won't be leaving you here for long," Russia assured him. "But if you starve, then that would be teaching you good lesson."

Those unconcerned words made such despair arise within him, and he felt heavier, requiring the door to lean against as he spoke through it to Russia.

"The Soviet Era is over and the Soviet Union has already disbanded," Latvia said. "Over twenty years ago."

Latvia heard the lock being grabbed and the key jammed forcefully into it. He heard it drop to the floor before the door was unlocked and Russia barged in. Russia strode up aggressively to him and backed him up to the top of the stairs before grabbing him firmly by the collar. He pushed Latvia forward until his heels balanced on the edge of the first step and he was inclined over the drop down the staircase.

Russia's face was centimeters away, contorted in fury and eyes electrified.

"What did you say?"

Latvia placed his hands over Russia's clenched fist but Russia threw them off with his free hand. Latvia's arms hung by his side dejectedly and he stared up at Russia with bright, wide eyes.

"It's true," Latvia whispered. "Something happened to your memory Russia, but it's okay. You just need time to recover, yes?"

"My memory?" Russia murmured, the sharp and almost luminescent eyes briefly clicking on and off as he blinked.

"Yes," Latvia said while nodding slightly. "Something terrible happened to you and you disappeared for a while. Tell me how long you were gone for, please…"

Russia replied this time.

"A few weeks."

"Y-Yes, alright," Latvia said. "That's right. And tell me the year?"

"2013."

Latvia blinked in confusion, having had expected a completely different and incorrect answer.

"Yes…" he replied. "You are right… actually."

 _Then why don't you remember…?_

Russia pressed,"But what do you mean something terrible happened to me?"

"They hurt you… so, so much. Do you remember what they did, Russia?"

Russia looked to the side as he searched for this memory.

"I only remember the feeling," he said. "Then I am seeing the red colour and then the black one for a while."

"They shot you. I think they tried to kill you but they couldn't so they did, well, _this_ to you. Like they reprogramed you. They sent you somewhere for those weeks, didn't they?"

"Da," Russia said. "I needed some of the educating. My boss said I was needing it because I was threatening the stability of the nation."

Latvia's heart pounded as the words _reeducation camp_ popped into his mind.

"What did they tell you?" Latvia asked.

"They just explained many things so I would not be confused about anything."

"But you know you are suffering from memory loss, yes? Just not as much as you were thinking?"

"Mmhm."

"But do you not think that something is suspicious about that?"

"No. I must have only been doing really bad thing. The punishment must have been good for me, I am thinking. I am glad my boss wanted to help me."

"No, no, no," Latvia shook his head and tried to put his hands over Russia's again. "You weren't doing anything wrong. You didn't deserve it. You were in a lot of pain and it hurt you so much. You told me. You told me how much it hurt."

"Why were you there when I was getting the punishment?" Russia asked, shaking off his hands again. "Actually, if what you are saying is all true, why are you still here? You can be going home."

The fist that refused to release its locked hold on his clothes contradicted that statement.

Latvia replied, "You don't remember this then. Everything we did together, do you?"

Russia stared at him in silence, however Latvia could tell he was curious for his head was slightly tilted to the side.

Latvia continued, "I was so scared, Russia. I didn't know if you would come back or not, but I waited here for you for so, so long. I wanted to know if you were okay."

"Why?"

"B-Because… well, you forgot it, but it was the reason they took you," Latvia said this while staring deep into his eyes, trying to express the most sincerity he could muster. "I waited because I love you."

Russia yapped and his face radiated unconcealed disgust before he threw open his fist. Latvia yelped and snatched onto Russia's arm before he could fully pull it away, clinging on desperately as he hung backwards over the stairs. Gravity hurt his spine as he strained to pull against its influence. Russia immediately tried to shake him off, but before he managed it, Latvia succeeded in shuffling his feet back and landing balanced on the step below. He stood upright and he saw just in time how a shadow had fallen across Russia's face, and how his hand reached out to shove him.

Adrenaline pulsed through him and he clung to that hand with both of his. He put his face into it and soaked the palm with his tears. No longer could he hold back his shaking, so now he trembled violently and he let out a miserable sob.

"You were going to drop me…" he gasped. "You were really going to it..."

Russia dispassionately watched the other cry into his hand.

"Why did you say that?" he demanded.

"Be-because it's true," he hiccuped.

Russia moved to grab him with his other hand, but then Latvia jumped at him and snatched him into a hug. Russia pulled at him, but this only made Latvia attach himself like a leech, cry, and shake even more uncontrollably.

"Do not think that you will be getting the pity for acting like this," Russia said.

"That's not why I am doing this," he sniffed. "I am cr-crying for you... You are going to feel so b-bad when you get your memories back because you promised you would never hurt me again although right now y-you are trying to... "

"I promised you something like that? Why would I be doing such a thing?"

"Because you were learning how to be good, how to ch-change your morals..."

"Are you saying that I am having bad morals?" he uttered.

"Y-Yes," Latvia said while rubbing his tears off by turning his head over Russia's shirt. "B-But when you stopped hurting people, ev-everyone started to like you."

Latvia felt himself get pried off Russia. Russia stepped backwards away from him and looked over him analytically, before he came back closer, pressed a few strong fingers under Latvia's chin and tilted it to look up at his utterly hard, serious face.

"I believe what you are saying," he said.

Latvia blinked rapidly in surprise.

"Y-You do?"

"I don't know why you would be lying about something like this," Russia said. "But are you telling me that I felt this for you also?"

Latvia nodded.

"Even if I am not remembering this past, it does not matter. That is very wrong thing I did. It is good that I got the punishment."

"What?" Latvia cried. "No! You did not deserve to get hurt like that! You didn't do anything bad! You liked it… You were happy."

Latvia sensed the threatening atmosphere arise again and he became conscious of the wall of darkness behind him. He thought of those stairs of solid stone behind him that Russia had previously been quite willing to allow him to bash his head off of.

"That is not right. Why would I do that?" Russia muttered.

"You liked how warm it was," Latvia whispered. "But you forgot what it was like. Right now you don't really know what I am talking about, because you can't remember. But let me help you again. You'll remember soon. Your memory… you just need time to recover I think."

"I am not wanting this," Russia said. "No more talking of this. You are independent now. So go home."

"I can't just leave you alone here!" Latvia protested. "I won't go. You need me more than ever right now."

"I don't understand," Russia said. "You all were always wanting to leave me, so you must want to be doing it now."

"No, I don't want to. I want to be here. I really do. Let me stay."

"Get out of here," Russia muttered. "I am letting you go."

"I know you are!" Latvia exasperated. "But I don't want to go. Can I stay here?"

"I think you are just wanting me to treat you like before," Russia said. "But no. I do not love you. I will not be changing my mind because I remember now how bad thing what we did was."

Latvia bowed his head, and he murmured sorrowfully, "Fine. You don't have to love me. But I made you a promise that I would be with you whenever you needed support. Do you accept this?"

"But you are still loving me?"

"Of course."

"Then, no."

"What? No, let me help you!"

"I am not wanting you to think of me in that way. You have to stop. It is wrong, and I do not want you to be around me if you are thinking like this."

"I just care about you a lot," Latvia murmured. "I've always just wanted to help you and make you happy."

"Why?"

 _He is really asking why?_

"I understand how terrible your life has been for all those centuries because you told me how they hurt you," Latvia said. "I know that although you smile at everyone, you aren't really happy. You are lonely and you want people to like you, because you would really like friends but it is hard because everyone is so scared of you. You also don't understand this and you wonder why they avoid you, so you try talking to people but you only creep them out. It's really sad how you got here, and how you have lived such a lonely life for so long without ever asking for help. You don't even know how broken you are in your mind. It is so, so sad… I don't want you to be sad anymore."

Latvia noted how Russia was regarding him now unsurely, and quite nervously. Latvia understood as well that this concern had arisen from the conclusions he had just relayed about him that until this moment Russia had been unaware of.

"Can I stay here?" Latvia asked once more.

"Only if you… are doing some of the chores like before," Russia murmured. "Like before."

"Yeah, I can do that!" Latvia nodded. "I'll cook too."

Russia was now also nodding.

"Alright," he said. "Then you can be doing this while I go catch up on work."

* * *

Latvia had been left alone for hours to clean. It felt a lot like the old times, except there was no one around him as well that was working. No one else was in the house. It felt so odd to not have the presence of Lithuania and Estonia around him, there to talk to him and keep him occupied or act like shields around him whenever Russia was around.

He decided to sneak away to a phone after a good hour had passed. He checked around himself before he picked up the old-style phone and called up Lithuania.

"Russia's back," Latvia rushed, giving not the slightest greeting or introduction before saying it.

"He is?" Lithuania gasped. "Just now? Is he alright?"

"There's something really wrong with him! They did something to him and now he has a sort of memory loss. But he knows about this too and he doesn't seem to care at all! Now he is acting like he did in the Soviet Era because he can't remember anything that he learned. He didn't even know that the Soviet Union was dissolved although he knew what year it was! He was really upset when I told him…"

"What are you going to do?" Lithuania asked nervously. "If he is like his old self again, then you are in danger being there."

"I want to help him get better," Latvia said. "He must still have those memories in his head somewhere, so I'll help him find them again. He'll understand again soon."

"I trust you," Lithuania said. "But be extra careful not to make him angry. He might forget that you don't belong to him anymore and he might hurt you."

"Okay," Latvia replied. "And can you tell other people too for me? Like Prussia. Tell him what happened and tell him not to come over because I don't think Russia likes him at all right now."

"Yeah, alright. I'll do that. Good luck, Latvia."

Latvia hung up with a sigh and he sneaked back to his cleaning work, feeling fortunate that he had not been caught doing something in this house for once.

* * *

Latvia squeaked and dropped the sponge when Russia appeared out of nowhere and stormed up to him.

"How could you betray me?" he cried.

"Wh-what are you t-talking about?"

Latvia suddenly felt the wall against his back, and his hands placed themselves against it.

"You left me alone for all those years!" Russia lamented. "To join the side that wants to kill me! You are a member of NATO. So are Estonia and Lithuania…"

"Oh…" Latvia felt a tinge of guilt when he noticed the sorrow upon Russia's face. "No, I mean… I only joined it for protection. I-I am not a strong nation so I-"

"Protection? What were you needing the protection for? You had me."

Latvia froze and looked for an escape route from his trapped position against the wall.

 _I can't tell him… I can't tell him that I wanted protection against him! What do I say? This is bad._

Latvia smiled nervously at him after his eyes had found no way out. Russia watched him with an unreadable expression for a while, and the more seconds that went by, the harder Latvia pressed himself against the wall, as though he was trying to phase through it.

"It didn't work out, did it?" Russia finally sighed.

Russia lowered his gaze and darkness covered a part of his face as he lowered his head. Latvia blinked in surprise and dropped his arms limply to the side, and he tilted his head a bit to see Russia's expression. Latvia stepped backwards when he immediately saw unconcealed remorse set deep in his features.

"I just wanted to try another form of government," Latvia whispered. "And I just needed some help. I'm sorry… it's not that anyone wanted to hurt you when they left. No one wants to kill you."

Russia snapped his head back up, and the sadness disappeared and fearful anger replaced it.

"That is not true! NATO has always been against me. That is why it was created. Because everyone hates me and is wanting to be rid of me!"

"They don't want to kill you!"

"You are lying," Russia breathed. "That's why you are still here. You are a spy for them."

"No! I'm not!"

Russia shot out his arms and Latvia emitted a shriek. However he was not hit but instead he was snatched off the ground and held uncomfortably tight in Russia's arms. There was a period of bewilderment after the fear, where he realized that they were not heading in the direction of the basement again.

They arrived at the front door, where Russia released a hand to throw it open before hurling Latvia outside. He crashed and rolled across the grass while the sound of the door slamming snapped the air. He caught his breath and re-orientated himself as quickly as he could to run back to the door and pull at it.

It was already locked, but he knew Russia must have still been close by so he beat on the wood and yelled at him.

"I don't want you to be hurt or killed!" Latvia exclaimed. "I would never help anyone do that to you!"

The other side was silent, so Latvia had no idea if Russia was even there and could hear what he was saying. He continued on regardless.

"I care about you a lot as a person. I know that you can't really control your government, and that you are really a good person. You were scary and cruel, but you didn't know what you are doing. And although we had bad history together, I can forgive you for all that because you learned how to feel guilty about it.

"It is terrible that people like America always have Germans or Russians as the villains in their movies. It's not right. You were never evil, Russia. You've always just been really sad and hurt. But you really like people, and you want to be nice but you just don't know how to be. I want to help you so much because you don't deserve to suffer this. I want to help you change so that everyone likes you and will want to support and work with you instead of leaving you in isolation."

Latvia heard footsteps stop by the door and then a thump.

Russia sat on the other side of the door, leaning back against it. He put his forehead against his knees and wrapped his arms around them.

"I know people hate me." Russia spoke just barely loud enough to be heard. "I've always known, but I just really didn't want to believe it. I want everyone to like me... I would really like to have friends."

Latvia pressed his ear against the door, and was unsure if he had just heard a sniff.

"I… I don't want to die," Russia whimpered. "I want to know what it's like to be happy. I don't want my life to end without ever knowing anything but this loneliness and this pain. But nobody cares. They think that everyone here should die. They say they hate this country, and they don't consider all the innocent people that are living their lives here. The small children going to school, the working families, the artists, singers, and authors... millions. It's not fair that people who have absolutely no control over their country should die because those Americans hate my government. I don't want everything to disappear. I don't want everything that I have known forever to become ash and… and for me to fade away with those memories…"

Latvia heard a sort of gasping sound from the other side and he felt an ache inside.

"They aren't going to kill you," Latvia said. "It'll work out. It's okay. You're okay."

Russia wiped an arm across his eyes as he listened to Latvia's words. He felt a prick in his chest that compelled him to reach upwards and unlock the door. He did not bother to open it, instead he just abandoned it and began his slow retreat down the hall. He heard Latvia enter, and then in but a few seconds a small warm hand grabbed onto his.

Russia stopped, but he pulled his hand from Latvia's grasp before he whirled around to face him. His face was clean of tears, but Latvia could see the leftover shine in his eyes.

"You should talk to people about this," Latvia said. "Let the world know how this is affecting you. That you can't do anything and that you need help."

Russia nodded slightly before turning his back on him again and departing.

* * *

"Is it good?"

Russia looked up from the food and nodded at Latvia.

"It is really good."

Russia continued to noiselessly sip at the soup Latvia had prepared for them both after Russia had returned with fresh groceries, however his face gave no indication of satisfaction or disapproval. Latvia felt knotted up inside watching him eat so quietly and so emotionlessly, as though there was really no reason for him to be doing the repetitive motion of raising and lowering the spoon.

Latvia did not take as much food, so he was finished earlier. While he waited, he decided to pose the question that had been floating around in his mind the entire time since Russia's mood had dropped that day.

"Do you want me to sleep with you?" he asked quietly.

There was a clatter as Russia dropped the spoon and it landed in the bowl. Russia glanced up at him with wide eyes and his hand was still raised and locked in its previous position although the utensil was no longer there.

 _Is he… scared?_ Latvia thought. _Why does he look... oh_.

"Latvia…" Russia whispered, and his face was pale and holding an expression that Latvia had never seen on him before. "How far did that relationship go?"

"No, no!" Latvia hastened to reply while waving his hands in denial. "I didn't mean that! We never did anything like that."

Russia let out a shaky sigh and he seemed to calm down.

"I meant actually sleeping," Latvia said. "Can I sleep in your bed?"

"No. You can sleep in the other room," Russia said before continuing to eat the soup once his hand had stopped quivering.

"You don't have to touch me or anything. I'll sleep as close to the edge as possible."

"No. I am not wanting you to do that."

"Because I like you?"

Russia nodded, stood up, and started collecting his dishes. He left them in the sink for Latvia to take care of before he quickly left him alone again.

* * *

The bed seemed so much larger now that he did not have to share it with Lithuania and Estonia. As he slipped under the covers, he immediately felt how unused it was after the years of lying here. It was cold at first, but then it warmed up from his body's heat and he was able to create a pocket of warmth for himself.

What was worse than the initial chill was the absolute silence in this part of the house. Russia was so far away that it felt only as though it was just him alone in this massive place. Occasionally there was a creak, and his pulse jumped as he imagined shadows creeping down the halls towards his room. There was also no one here beside him to settle his nerves, tell him goodnight, and that tomorrow would be alright. Lithuania and Estonia were too far away to hear him scream if a dead creature scrambled down the hall with fingernails that _tap-tapped_ along the way.

Latvia peeked at the closed closet door, wishing with all of his heart that it would not creak open on its own.

 _I hate this quiet… it's getting to me_ , Latvia thought.

Then he remembered that at the same time, somewhere else in the house Russia was as well lying down and listening to the silence.

 _He's had to live like this for decades_ , Latvia thought. _Complete silence in the day, and again at night every time he went to sleep. This house is too big. How could he live like this for so long? I can't even imagine how lonely he must be if one night is already driving me insane_.

However during the four weeks Latvia had stayed here by himself, he had never noticed it. Perhaps extreme depression made it easier to forget one's surroundings, and perhaps it was so that Russia hardly noticed the bumps in the night.

* * *

Latvia gasped when he dropped and smashed against the wall. The world of dim light and thick shadows spun with his vision and his head rolled limply to the side.

 _Where… am I?_

The wall was not smooth like the one in his bedroom. This one was rough and gritty, and chill to the touch. Everything was all too familiar for Latvia to not realize exactly where he had been taken.

Metal clanged to his side and Latvia dazedly turned his head over. A dark shape came into focus in the corner, and he watched it move its hands over the arrangement of tools on the shelf. While it was occupied with its investigation, Latvia edged away from the wall and dragged himself upwards. With his eyes still confirming that it had its back turned to him, he carefully placed his feet behind one another as he backed away towards the stairs. However, the noises stopped as a dark hands grabbed something large and heavy, and it turned and looked over at Latvia before approaching his fearfully halted form.

He looked at it despairingly, petrified where he stood, as the much larger shadow crept forward stiffly with tensed muscles. As it stepped into the dim light, the first features became defined. Black boots glimmered, and then the beige colour of the long coat became distinguishable. Higher up, metal adornments came into sight and then a long, silky scarf. A sparkle of light distracted Latvia and his eyes flashed back down to lock onto the wide blade of the silver shovel held clenched so solidly tight in gloved hands.

His eyes went wide with alarm as they shot back up to meet those of that stone-cold face.

"Russia…" Latvia murmured. "What are we doing here?"

Russia seemed not to have heard him as he walked past Latvia. He stopped by the stairs before he turned and looked down at the other's slightly quivering body.

"I told my boss that you are here," Russia muttered. "He did not like it."

"Y-You told him?" Latvia breathed out. "Wh-Why?"

Russia readjusted his grip on the handle and narrowed his eyes as response. When he straightened his back purposefully tall, that was when Latvia realized that Russia had blocked the escape route.

"I think this is fast," Russia said to him. "He just wanted to it be done, so I don't have to be giving you so much pain."

Latvia shook increasingly more violently the more Russia spoke. His legs felt so utterly weak and useless, and he nearly tripped when he took a step backwards away from Russia.

"Wh-what are you g-going to do?" he whimpered.

Heavy tears spilled down his face and crashed onto the dusty floor. Russia crushed them underfoot as he walked over them, following Latvia as he crept away into the darkness.

"This will work for after too," Russia mused while looking over the length of the shovel. "It is useful tool. Are you thinking so as well?"

Latvia made no sound of agreement as he was backed further into the corner. Russia started to step out of the light, and his face grew dimmer and dimmer as he entered the shadows with him. Latvia started breathing more rapidly and soft mewling sounds were made in his throat as the space around him decreased rapidly.

In the final, desperate action Latvia dashed to the side and pelted towards the light. Russia swiftly swung the shovel out and Latvia barely avoided the blow by skidding to a halt and then hopping backwards. Russia advanced closer, ultimately leaving no space left to run as he trapped Latvia in the corner.

"R-Russia…" he wept.

Latvia sunk to the floor as Russia slid a leg back and formed a powerful stance.

He could not see Russia so well anymore, but he could hear when he took in a long inhale as he prepared for the strike.

"P-Please, no!" Latvia threw up his hands and shrieked. "Don't kill me! No, no, no-"

He screeched as he heard the air parting above him.

Everything was a blur and Latvia shot forward. He breathed in heavy gasps and he balled up the softness of the blanket in his hands as he clung desperately to it. He dropped over his crossed legs and put his tear-stained face against the covers, and here he let out a few choking, heavy sobs that painfully compressed his guts. Cold sweat stuck his clothes to his back, and he felt utterly faint while his heart pulsed in his ears and threatened to break his rib cage.

He lifted his head and took his face into his hands. He held his burning cheeks and let the fresh tears drip onto his fingertips as he trembled and gasped. After a while he spread his fingers apart and looked around at the soft darkness of his room. He grew quieter as he regarded and made out the silhouettes of the things that lay in the room: the furniture, the closet, and the dresser. Lastly he caught sight of the door, which had been opened to contain a doorway occupied by a tall shadow. Latvia jolted, recognizing the familiar outlines of that figure.

"R-Russia?" Latvia choked. "What are you d-doing here?"

"You were screaming," Russia's voice came in a hoarse whisper.

"S-Sorry… I didn't mean to wake you."

"Why were you screaming, Latvia?"

"It was just a nightmare," Latvia said.

Latvia saw the shadow approach until it was just beside his bed.

"What was it about?" Russia asked very quietly.

Latvia hesitated. Too late he realized; it was like when he hesitated when asked about NATO. Russia understood the unspoken words, and he retreated away from Latvia's side.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

Latvia gazed at Russia's dark back as he stood stiffly in the middle of the room, seemingly locked in uncertainty of what to do.

"Don't worry about it," Latvia said. "It was just a dream."

Russia choked out, "You screamed really, _really_ loudly. What did I do in your dream?"

Latvia rubbed his face off on the blanket, and still was unwilling to answer the question.

"It's so scary by myself here. I don't want to be alone," Latvia whispered. "Can I please sleep with you?"

Russia was silent for many long seconds before he replied.

"No," Russia said. "I can't… you'll be fine here. Just go back to sleep and do not be doing the screaming again."

Russia strode away as Latvia clung anxiously tighter to his blankets. He watched as Russia paused in the doorway, but then he turned and took the door handle to close it carefully shut behind him.


	20. Vines of Black Thorns

Latvia woke up with a start and slid out of bed. He had no idea what the time was, but the halls already seemed bright with sunlight and he knew that morning had already passed. With a small jolt of panic in his heart, he quickly threw on clean clothes and he hurried towards the kitchen.

The kitchen was clean and silent; seemingly completely undisturbed. Latvia threw a worried glance at the oven's clock that displayed with softly glowing figures a time just after nine o'clock, and confusion arose within him as he checked out the utterly empty sink.

 _Did he sleep in too, or did he just start working and completely skipped breakfast?_ Latvia wondered.

He prepared a simple meal of cereal and fruit for himself. He sat alone and ate it, feeling surprisingly at ease here in the silence, but he thought that perhaps it was just morning confidence that made him believe that the day was going to be managed just fine.

Just as he was finishing up, Russia made an appearance in the kitchen. He refilled a glass of water before he turned to Latvia.

"Did you have any more bad dreams?" he asked.

"No," Latvia said. "Not after you left."

"Okay. I am glad to hear this."

Just as Russia was leaving the kitchen, Latvia called out, "Are you not going to eat something?"

"I already did," he replied, and then exited the room.

 _But there are no dishes,_ Latvia thought. _Did he do his own then? But why? I could have just done them in no time._

After he cleaned up after himself, it was back to regular chores. The house was not so dirty after all of the previous weeks Latvia had spent cleaning it, but if it was to be him cleaning it by himself without the aid of others, then he was going to have to be quite diligent and efficient to keep it clean.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, Russia found Latvia in the library dusting off the bookshelves. He stood upon a tall stool, and he moved so surely and carefully while maintaining a still balance. He worked in a way that was so unlike how Russia remembered; he was not at all right now a shivering mess that threatened to drop every item he held. Interestingly enough to Russia, even when Latvia looked over his shoulder after having had sensed him entering the room, he only turned back and kept cleaning as calmly as before.

"Are you wanting break?" Russia asked him.

This time, because he was spoken to, Latvia stopped what he was doing.

"Okay," he nodded. "If that's fine, of course."

Russia beckoned him to follow him, and Latvia did so with curiosity. They came to the room with the fireplace, and Latvia joined Russia as he sat on the couch in front of the unlit fire. In front of them, an arrangement of food and drinks had already been set up.

"I wanted to know about what happened in the last thirty years," Russia said. "Could you be telling me about this?"

"You want to know now?"

Russia nodded as Latvia nibbled on a biscuit. Latvia swallowed some water then began to relay the historic timeline out for him. He described how the Cold War had ended, the inevitable collapse of the Soviet Union, and how every country had obtained their independence one-by-one. Russia's expression grew increasingly more anguished at this part, and Latvia stopped completely with uncertainty, before he was urged to continue. He did this hesitantly until he reached present times, before he decided to go back and describe the actions Russia himself had taken and how he had felt during these times.

Latvia had not even noticed how as he recounted the events, he had shifted closer to Russia until he was leaning against his side. He realized this only when Russia shoved out his elbow and pushed him fully off him. Latvia tried to accept his lonely cushion as he continued to describe the incredible stress Russia had had during it all. Latvia brought up the medication, and as Russia appeared surprised and uncomfortable to hear about this, Latvia moved back to his side as though pulled by the gravity of his sorrowful emotions. Again, Latvia was pushed off him without Russia saying a word, and without the story being interrupted.

Latvia sat away from him again as he explained how Russia's failure to follow the proper prescription had made him have even more difficulty in keeping himself relaxed and composed, and such had resulted in that uncalled for incident in the basement. When Russia was absolutely quiet for a while, Latvia noticed and he paused to look over at him to see what he was doing. He saw how Russia was sitting in a slump with his head drooping and his eyes gazing down mournfully.

"H-Hey!" Latvia exclaimed. "Your face, right now- is that guilt?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you feeling bad right now because of what you did?"

Russia nodded and put a hand over his chest.

"When you say those things I am having a pain right here," he said. "Is this the guilt feeling you meant?"

"Yes!" Latvia said, with a perk of excitement bursting within him. "You feel it still. You didn't forget that. You can still feel it!"

Russia felt slightly better to see Latvia change the mood and become so joyous so suddenly, although he was unsure of why they should rejoice.

Latvia carried on to describe the nightmares that followed that one event, and how they resembled the one he had had last night. However, and with a desire within him that Russia would decide to do this again after hearing it, Latvia mentioned that every time he had been affected by a nightmare, he would be taken away to be comforted by him. Russia was again, looking woebegone as it was confirmed to him that he was the cause for Latvia's nightmares, but he also seemed uncertain when his actions were described.

"Then one day you wanted to see us, and we were out ice skating when you came. Estonia and Lithuania didn't want you there- I think they were trying to tell you to go away, but I was so far out that I didn't know for sure what was going on. When the ice broke under me, I hit my head, and the next thing I remember is waking up on the ice and seeing you struggling to get out of the water. It was really scary, because I couldn't move or do anything. I know that I couldn't help you, so I was really scared that you were going to drown right in front of me. But then you made it out and you carried me back to Estonia's place.

"We lay by the fire for a while, you passed out for a bit, and I couldn't help but look at you and wonder why you did all this. No one would have expected you to go after me. But you did, and you had just been so nice recently and your face was so calm, I just couldn't feel scared anymore. You were so warm, and I felt so safe being with you. You woke up and caught me lying on you and listening to your heart, but you wanted me to stay. The way you held me, and how nicely you looked at me… I couldn't stop myself from wanting to love you."

He looked up to observe Russia's facial expression. Russia seemed more surprised than anything else, and Latvia followed his gaze to the hand that Latvia had been unconsciously rubbing soothingly on Russia's arm. He stopped immediately upon noticing this.

"Sorry!" Latvia gasped, and he pulled it away while sliding back to the spot he had strayed from.

Russia made no remark, but just kept looking at him oddly.

Latvia talked about the fun they had, and he mentioned that there should still be videos on his computer as proof of what they, Ukraine, and Belarus did that one night downtown. Russia did not seem to approve of their antics as he listened to them, and his face became a mixture of embarrassment and worry.

"I had a great time though," Latvia assured him. "And then later that night was the first time you confessed that you loved me."

Russia drank some water and Latvia heard him swallow hard.

"I know you really don't feel comfortable about this," Latvia said. "But you were very nice to me. You were gentle and affectionate, and I promise that we never expected anything from each other. It was just so great being together, having fun, and being happy. You can't say that what we did was bad because we just cared about each other so much."

"But you are not wanting to just be friends?"

"I want you to feel that warm feeling that you said makes you so happy. We can be a little closer than friends, can't we?"

"You are wanting that I am homosexual with you?"

Now it was Latvia's turn to hide a part of his face with his cup. He felt a sort of warm embarrassment that tinged his cheeks with a blush as he drank.

He put down the cup and said, "W-Well, if you think like that then I guess we were like that... but I never really thought about that so much..."

"So this _is_ what you are wanting?"

"R-Russia," Latvia gulped. "You are saying it in a really blunt way. I mean there was so much more to it and _that_ is-isn't the point..."

"Tell me the kind of things we did," Russia said while facing him. "Tell me the worst things."

"W-We... cuddled... a lot," Latvia blushed more despite Russia's utterly serious face staring at him. "You liked to surprise me with hugs. We-um, we k-kissed a lot too but... softly. Usually quick and just really nice. Massages sometimes. You're really good at giving those but you said that I was good at it too. Okay and... the only clothes I ever made you take off was your scarf, but the first time you slept at my house you didn't have anything to change into so you took off _some_ clothes before when we went to sleep. But it wasn't that bad... I didn't see anything."

"Okay," Russia sighed. "So nothing with the nudity."

As much as it had been uncomfortable to have to tell this in front of everybody at the World Conference, Latvia explained to Russia what had happened in California. Luckily, Russia was merely angered by the actions of the men, and he did not react even after he had been told that he had seen Latvia without clothes on one time.

"People like them should be given much punishment, da? I should have made them be suffering more before I got rid of them."

"You just wanted to kill them at that time," Latvia commented.

Latvia quickly explained that America had found out about this and that there had been a major confrontation about it at the last World Conference.

"But again, I am telling you that after that, people started to like you. They loved it when you danced Cossack at the culture festival that Canada set up, and no one has said anything mean to you since."

There was a pause in the conversation that left them with the chance to eat the snacks for a few minutes. Latvia looked up at the antique clock, and realized that they had already been talking for an hour and a half.

After the break, Latvia said, "You didn't deserve to get hurt, Russia."

When he did not answer, Latvia added, "Don't you agree?"

"I don't know," he muttered.

"You didn't deserve it," Latvia said. "Does it not sound terrible when I say that you got shot multiple times in the chest for wanting to cuddle and kiss me? Please tell me that this sounds just as ridiculous and horrible to you as it does to me, Russia."

"Do not be asking for my opinion," Russia said. "It is not good for me to disagree with my boss."

"He isn't here, so you can tell me how you feel."

"No. I cannot."

Latvia, for the first time while around the Soviet-minded Russia, wisely decided to keep his mouth closed.

Latvia ran his fingers over Russia's arm for a while, while he tried to think up another topic to discuss.

Russia asked, "Do you think I will be getting my memories back?"

"Do you want to get them back now?"

"I am not liking the idea of losing so many years of my life and not knowing what I did," Russia replied. "But do not be thinking that even if I remember everything we did together, that I will be wanting to do more of those things."

"That might happen," Latvia said. "But then again, if you remember how happy those things made you feel then you might not care what other people think. You said before that you thought it was hard to live without love, so I think you still want to love me, deep inside here."

Latvia was planning to point and indicate Russia's head, but then he found that both of his arms were stuck hugging Russia's left arm. He moved them in surprise, and tried to remember when he had moved back over here. He let go without having to be nudged away this time, but he asked, "Why didn't you push me away this time?"

"You do not stop no matter how many times I move you away."

"But do you really mind it?" Latvia asked. "Can we keep doing it?"

Russia shook his head.

"Please stop doing this," he sighed. "I don't know how to make you stop without hurting you, that is why I haven't done anything."

"Do you actually want to hurt me?" Latvia asked as he edged back closer again.

"I do not want to have to do something I do not want to be doing."

"Wait," Latvia said. "Yesterday you were fine with hurting me, but now you don't want to?"

"I just do not feel like you are needing the punishing for something like this," he replied.

"I think you still have your memories," Latvia said. "And you can get them back. I started telling you stories, and now you are feeling guilt again. I really think that you have everything there, but you just don't remember where they are in your brain. I mean you can't have lost them from being injured! People like us can get an arrow to the head and still not lose any memories. You just need to trigger the connections!"

"How am I doing that?"

"We should try doing things that would remind you of something," Latvia said. "You might feel something and then you will remember."

"But what should I try?" Russia asked.

"I think you should do something with me," Latvia suggested. "I can be the trigger."

"What do you have in mind?"

Russia was looking at him with doubt and suspicion. Latvia stroked his arm and moved closer again.

"Nothing scary," Latvia said. "I promise. Just don't worry."

Latvia waited for Russia to nod uncertainly before he moved. He slipped one arm behind his back and the other across his front, and then he clasped his hands together as he hugged Russia from the side. He pressed up against him and rubbed his cheek against his rib cage.

"Is this bad?" Latvia asked.

He looked up and saw how Russia was completely looking away.

"Please let go of me," he uttered.

Latvia did, but he boldly continued to lean against him.

"Why are you embarrassed, Russia?" Latvia asked. "Is it because you liked it?"

Russia twitched and said, "No. That is not the reason. I am just not knowing how to be handling you."

"Hey," Latvia murmured gently, setting his head on Russia's shoulder. "Relax. Be more open and accept whatever you are feeling."

Russia asked, "Are you sure that this will be giving me back my memories?"

"I do," Latvia said. "It will work. I think you will just have to do more so that you will feel something."

"More?"

Latvia felt Russia's muscles stiffen.

"I think we should kiss."

Russia shoved him off him and recoiled.

"No. We will not be doing that."

"Just one! No one has to know. It will help you. You'll feel something- I just know you will! Your memories are just barely being held back, and you just need something familiar to set them off. I mean you remembered the year, and how technology works, didn't you?"

"I was reminded of those when I was getting the education."

"Then why can't we bring back the other memories, if they could do that? Your head _was_ damaged, but we should be able to get everything back _now_ that you are healed."

"You should think of another way," Russia said. "I cannot do that with you. It is not right. We are both men."

"Why is it such a problem for you, of all people?" Latvia protested. "You have kissed many men on the lips before as a greeting."

"That is not the same. No one was supposed to enjoy it."

"Well, I don't mean that people should enjoy just kissing anyone," Latvia said. "But I really do want you to remember something and enjoy this."

Russia still displayed signs of disapproval, but he then asked again hesitantly, "Are you sure that I will remember something?"

"You will," Latvia said. "And don't worry. This will feel good too."

Russia at first snatched him by the shoulder, but then he slackened his grip as he considered the small, fragile bones under his hand. Latvia relaxed under his touch and he closed his eyes as Russia leaned in. Such a warmth consumed him; its core embedded deep in his chest. His blood warmed, and his heart pounded loud and contently so that it was all he could hear. Russia held and kissed him so gently, and in those few seconds Latvia felt as though this was not truly Soviet Russia who was doing this to him.

Russia pulled away so abruptly, leaving Latvia in a confused trance as he blinked in confusion and looked up at him. Still clamping onto his shoulder with one hand and with his face barely not touching Latvia's, he stared deep into his eyes without blinking.

He muttered to him, "I feel nothing."

After hearing those words, Latvia felt coldness slide in between his ribs and puncture his heart. Russia watched him carefully as Latvia's eyes widened in shock before he looked down at his chest. Latvia was unable to release the smallest sound, not even a whimper of pain, as he lifted up his quivering hands and watched as Russia slipped away and turned his back on him.

Latvia tried to find the handle of the knife, and it took him many seconds before he realized that there was none. He was terrified with confusion, and he looked back up at Russia's back, wondering how he could possibly be so cruel as to snap off the handle and leave the blade embedded in his body. However, he looked down again and was awed by the complete absence of blood spreading across his shirt.

Russia had not truly stabbed him; the agony had only been so great that it had only felt like Russia was killing him.

"It was trick?"

Latvia dazedly looked over as Russia turned back to face him.

"What…?" Latvia murmured weakly.

"You were just wanting me to do that to you."

"No…" Latvia said as he put his hands in his hair. "I really just thought that it would work. At least a little bit."

"It did not. So never again will we be doing that."

Latvia crumpled over, and Russia got up and walked past him.

"That was long enough break," he said. "You can go back to working again."

"Yeah…" Latvia sighed.

Russia took all the dishes and cups before he left.

Latvia stayed there, so stunned that his eyes could not produce a single tear. He fell to the side, flopping over the cushions and dropping an arm over the side so that his hand grazed the floor. He felt so dead inside, and he had no energy to move himself from off this spot to get to work as he had been ordered to.

 _How can I ever make him happy again?_ Latvia thought. _Because of what they did to him, he keeps shoving me away. He doesn't want to open up his heart and warm up to me. It's like he just locked it up, or he just wrapped chains with metal hooks or spikes around it, thorns, so that if I try to get close he will just hurt me. No, it wasn't him that put them there. But now he doesn't want to take them away._

* * *

"Latvia."

Latvia lifted his head and saw Russia observing him from the doorway.

"I'm sorry," Latvia pulled himself up. "I'll get cleaning right away."

"Did you fall asleep?" Russia asked.

"No. I wasn't sleeping."

"You looked like you were last time I came in here."

Latvia furrowed his eyebrows.

"Last time…? What?"

"You were on the couch. I didn't know if you were tired or not, so I didn't want to wake you."

"But I wasn't sleeping," Latvia said. "I was just lying here."

"For five hours?"

"What?"

Russia nodded once.

"I just wanted to tell you that dinner is ready."

Latvia blinked at him and then made it up to his feet. He slowly trailed after him and found that the entire table had been set and the food was steaming on the table.

 _Why didn't he tell me to do this?_ Latvia thought. _I thought this was supposed to be my job_.

Latvia plopped down at a chair and after a minute of forgetting where he was, he began scooping food onto his plate. He took hardly anything before he dully dropped the spoon back into the dish.

Latvia rolled his knife through the food for a while, absentmindedly watching it become covered in sauce. Occasionally, he took buds of food on his fork and swallowed them, but he still he made no dent in what he had thrown onto his plate.

"Why aren't you eating, Latvia?"

Russia was surprised by the miserable eyes that met his. The other blinked so slowly and when he spoke, his voice sounded ill.

"I'm not feeling hungry."

"Even if you are not feeling it, you haven't eaten much today, so you still need this."

It was because he was being watched now that Latvia made the effort to swallow a few mouthfuls. However he chewed very slowly, and he took a long time to finish the small amount he had taken.

"Take more, Latvia."

"I'm done," he murmured.

Russia stopped arguing, but now he was regarding Latvia in confusion. They stood up and Latvia tiredly helped him clean up.

"Are you sick?" Russia asked.

"No," Latvia sighed. "I'm not."

Latvia walked towards the sink, and Russia put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll do it."

"No," Latvia said. "This is my job. I said I would do these things for you yesterday."

"Go lie down," Russia said. "You are not looking like you have the energy for this."

Latvia sighed before dragging himself out of the room. However, he had no intention of lying down and wasting more hours by moping on the couch.

* * *

Russia scrubbed a plate clean and dried it off. This was the last dish he had needed to clean, and once dry he carried it away to carefully slip on top of the others in the cabinet.

 _What is wrong with him?_

He could not get the image of Latvia's downcast face out of his mind, and he could not stop thinking about how unusual his behavior was at dinner today. Yesterday, Latvia was a lot more spirited, and even this afternoon he had been just as passionate in talking with him while he was answering his questions and being supportive.

Russia had also noticed a large change in Latvia's personality. Russia was used to seeing him, like the other Baltics, trembling in his presence, stuttering every time they talked to him, and usually slipping out things that would offend him. However for the most part, Latvia had been completely still around him, and when he stuttered it was mostly when he was only uncomfortable with the words that he was saying. Latvia had also conducted himself so normally around him, if he excluded the snuck-in cuddle and caresses here and there.

 _But now he looks sad._

Russia was not completely sure, but that idea seemed to be the only explanation to him, even if he could not identify the reason as to why Latvia would feel this way.

 _Did I do something? Is this my fault?_

Now that this idea had popped into his mind, he could not shake it away. He pondered this as he stood leaning against the counter with his hands against the lower, wooden cabinet doors.

 _What can I be doing about it then?_

In a few minutes he found himself at the grocery store, not only doing a complete restocking of his fridge, but also collecting the items for the recipe he had in mind.

 _I wonder if this will help?_ he thought as he came back home and started taking everything out of the bags. _They always make me feel a little better no matter how sad I feel._

By now he knew the recipe by heart after having had prepared it so many times before in his life. None of the ingredients were measured as he confidently added everything into the bowl and mixed it together to create the dough.

Completing this favorite recipe of his was always time consuming, but that piercing pain in his chest made him sacrifice those two hours.

He took them out of the oven and set them to cool down while he washed his hands and cleaned everything up. He looked over them with satisfaction before he spun around and walked out of the kitchen.

 _He isn't here_.

He left the room with the fireplace and he went on a search for Latvia. He was soon located in a small room, wiping off delicate, china items.

"I made pirozhki," Russia said as he came in. "Come have some."

Latvia just stared at him for a few seconds. Russia met his gaze and became more certain that it was indeed blue pain that was set in those eyes he was looking into.

Latvia agreed quietly and put down everything before following him back. He sat down and slumped over as Russia served him a full plate.

Latvia muttered gloomily, "Why are you trying?"

"You are sad."

"Why do you care?" he peered over wearily at him.

"I still do not want this. Even if I do not love you, there is no reason for you to feel sad."

Latvia felt as though those thorns had shot out and stabbed his face. He snapped his head to the side, and Russia was confused when the sadness in Latvia's eyes became more profound and tears brimmed at the edges. Latvia turned back and looked up at him despairingly from over the food.

He wailed, "But that is why I'm sad, Russia!"

"I do not understand," he said. "Yesterday you said you would be fine if I was not loving you. Now this is upsetting you."

"Then I was wrong…" Latvia replied. "I really want you to love me again so you can be happy again. I wanted so much for you to say that what we did earlier felt good, whether you remembered something or not from it. But what you said after instead only hurt so much…"

"So what I said is giving you the sadness?"

"Yes," Latvia replied quietly. "Because you don't feel anything anymore. And you refuse to now because what they did to you, so you don't want anything to do with me. Even before we felt that way about each other, you wanted to comfort me after a nightmare because you felt guilty that you caused it. But yesterday you did nothing, because you didn't want to touch me."

"But you didn't need it," Russia said. "You were fine after, were you not?"

"I was so scared…" Latvia exhaled in a wavering breath. "After you left. It was so hard to fall asleep because the house is so quiet and creepy, and I couldn't stop thinking about the dream…"

"Oh."

Latvia sank his teeth into one of the pastries. He closed his eyes and swallowed before flickering his eyes open to regard it in surprise.

"Is it warm?" Russia asked.

He took another bite. Its filling warmth somehow had a wonderful, comforting feeling to it, and it felt a lot like being cozy inside during winter even if it was only just the beginning of August.

"Yes... it is really good," Latvia whispered. "Thank you."

Russia watched him take more, and the tension died down as Latvia seemed to become more eased.

"Then I am sorry that I left," Russia said. "I did not know that would happen."

Latvia watched Russia reach out and take one pastry for himself, and he noticed how he seemed to melt as he bit into it. His eyes closed and his soft eyelashes met each other, and for a moment he looked so completely calm and disconnected from his problems in the world when he felt that little bit of comfort as well. He had the contented face that Latvia remembered well, just for a few seconds, before it disappeared and Russia looked back at him.

 _Soviet Russia is still Russia_ , Latvia thought. _The same faces, and the same desire to find a little happiness wherever he can._

"Are you feeling better?" Russia asked after Latvia had polished off his plate.

"A little," he replied.

He realized now how hungry he had been, and soon Russia was glad he had made so many because he could refill the plate and pass it back to Latvia.

"I'm sorry I am making you feel this way," Russia sighed. "I want to help you, but I don't know what to do for you."

"You can't really help me," Latvia murmured. "I guess I will just have to learn how to deal with it."

"Do you think you will be having another nightmare?" he asked.

"Maybe."

"But it is not right that you are having them. I do not want you to be screaming and be scared because of dreams about me. You are not deserving this."

"When would I deserve it?" Latvia asked. "What reasons would make you want to hurt me?"

"Hurt you…?" Russia repeated.

"Would you hurt me if I threw this cup on the floor?"

"Don't do that. I do not want you to break my things."

"But would you?"

"No."

"Why not? How would you teach me to know not to do that?"

"Don't do it, Latvia," Russia muttered.

"Yesterday you were going to drop me down a flight of stairs," Latvia said. "But today you don't seem to want to hurt me anymore. Why is that?"

"Because you have been so nice to me," Russia frowned. "Even if the way you think about me is very wrong, it is nice not being alone. I don't want you to leave. I am feeling bad for giving you a nightmare last night, so now I wonder how I can make you not scared of me without having to touch you. Can we just be talking about it?"

"Maybe that would help," Latvia yawned and nodded.

Russia looked over his tired face and hesitantly added, "Maybe… it would not be so bad thing to let you sleep with me as long as you don't do anything. Do you think this would help?"

Latvia seemed to perk and he nodded more enthusiastically. Russia felt apprehensive from his excitement, and he wondered if he should withdraw the offer or not. Latvia left to quickly get ready on his own before he hurried back to Russia's room to meet him there.

Just as he padded up the hall and came up to the doorway, an all too familiar rattling sound reached his ears.

"What is that?" Latvia asked as he strode into the room.

Russia gulped down a handful before putting two more pills into his hand.

"Painkillers," Russia replied.

He swallowed the last two dry before he put the lid back on the unlabelled, white container. The plainness of it disturbed Latvia as he looked over it, for the last one had had labels that showed exactly what it is, even if it had been supposed to be a secret.

"Are you sure?" Latvia asked.

"It is what my boss told me," Russia said. "He gave me a few bottles before I left the building."

"How often do you take them?"

"Five every ten hours."

"Five?" Latvia exclaimed. "Five painkillers? That sounds lethal."

"It is what my boss told me to do," Russia said as he put the pills away in a drawer.

"But why would you need them? You are healed already. "

"He said they will help me, so I have to take them."

Latvia stared at him uncertainly, unsure of what to say. He decided that since he had already taken them, the topic could be pursued later. He flicked off the light for Russia before climbing in beside him.

Latvia moved in closer, but Russia stopped him by stretching out an arm and putting it on his shoulder.

"No, there will be none of that."

He pushed Latvia further away from him. In between them, Russia set up a barricade of pillows.

"I said that you could be sleeping here. Nothing more."

Now that the wall had been established, Latvia felt his previous energy die down.

"Sorry," he mumbled, settling down and clinging to his own pillow.

"Do you still want to talk about that nightmare?"

"No, it's fine…" Latvia replied with a sigh. "Good night, Russia."

"Good night."

* * *

Latvia awoke with a start. He looked around himself and listened attentively.

 _What was that?_ he thought. _  
_

He was only puzzled for a few more seconds until he heard muttered Russian beside him.

"Nontraditional relations will not be encouraged. The social value of traditional and nontraditional relations will not be equated. Nontraditional attitudes are forbidden. They are atrocities. They will not be made attractive. These views must disappear from this nation."

"What?" Latvia said.

"I will not break this rule. Doing so will result in punishment. I will obey."

Latvia looked over the pillows. Russia was deep asleep, lying on his back with the blankets kicked off him. His heart pulled by sympathy, Latvia gazed over him with melancholy.

"What did they do to you?" he whispered.

"The Russian military is the most powerful in the world. This nation is strong. We will not surrender to the enemy. I will follow every command given to me by my leader no matter what the cost to myself. I will not break this rule. Doing so will result in punishment. I will obey."

"Russia..."

Latvia reached over to poke him awake, but then he stopped himself. He searched around while Russia continued his recital, and he decided to snatch one of the barricade pillows.

"I will not break this rule. Doing so will result in punishment. I will-"

Latvia smacked him in the face with it. The words cut off, and Russia went absolutely silent and did not pick up where he left off. He did not awaken either, even though the pillow still lay on his face. Latvia reached over and dragged it off, and he put it back in its previous spot.

 _That was creepy…_

Russia breathed quietly as he continued to sleep. Latvia only hoped as he settled back down, that whatever he was dreaming about had changed into something more pleasant.

Latvia sunk back asleep. The dream that met him was not a nightmare, but something that left him confused for a while although he had no idea what the problem was. In it, a hazy memory floated through his mind, and it was the one where Latvia was rounding the corner and seeing Russia downing his old medication. However, instead of growing fearful or upset to see Latvia in the doorway, Russia only smiled that false smile at him, and he calmly spoke.

 _"Five every ten hours."_

Latvia gasped awake.

 _That prescription_. _I have to find out what that is. It must be something bad. I don't know what yet, but there has to be a very bad reason as to why he is being given these unlabelled pills. There's no way those are painkillers. And no matter what they are, those are too many pills. He was told to overdose… and he did it without hesitation._

Latvia looked over at Russia. He was still not talking, and now he only lay there so peacefully. Latvia peered closer, looking over Russia's face and body, and found that something dark started to weigh down his heart as he looked longer. Something was off. He stared, and that feeling of pulsing terror only increased as he felt that something was terribly wrong.

Russia remained oblivious to Latvia's panic. He was quiet, and lying so still.

So unnaturally still.

He blinked, trying to disprove the realization that jolted his heart.

"Russia…"

Latvia crept over the barrier and shook his arm.

"Russia, wake up."

His heart started to pick up, and the hot blood rushed to his shaking hands. He felt the sweat on his brow, and everything was so sharp and vivid that he was sure that this was not a dream.

"Wake up!" he cried.

Although he had been hesitant before, he now threw himself on Russia and grabbed him by the shoulders to shake him aggressively.

He balled out, "Please! Please! Wake up, Russia!"

Russia's head rolled limply to the side. His eyes stayed shut and he gave no response.

He was still not breathing.


	21. Tainted Snow

Latvia trembled so uncontrollably that he could barely place his hand down on Russia's throat. He kept slipping and missing as he desperately tried to hold his fingers there and find some indication of life. His own panicked pulse made it hard to tell if he could feel anything, but he swore that he could detect the faintest rising under his fingertips. Upon this realization, he took in one sharp inhale, and with it the ability to shake became lost to him.

Some kind of powerful passion overcame him and he clasped his hands over one another, locking them in place over Russia's sternum. Latvia shoved down powerfully, over and over as a magnificent, untiring energy exploded outwards from within and electrified his muscles with a strength he had never known before. He clenched his teeth, no longer crying but staring down with sharp eyes full of concentration. There was a fire composed of a furious anger that he had hardly ever felt before, and it felt like it was bursting out as infuriated, spitting flames around him. His tensed muscles in his back felt the heat, as he pushed down at a relentless tempo with his arms rigid and displaying diamond triceps that protruded from strain.

 _Why would you follow the order to overdose?_

He tilted back Russia's head.

 _But it's not your fault_ , _really..._

Latvia lowered his face.

 _You were programmed like this._

He went back to mercilessly shoving down his rib cage. Latvia breathed in rhythm as the numbers were counted off in his head.

 _I won't let you go,_ his mind whispered. _You can't leave; you just came back to me. I have to make you happy. You need to live and enjoy your life. So please, w_ _ake up for me._

Latvia breathed into him again two breaths that emptied his entire lung capacity.

 _I should call for help_ , he thought. _It's the procedure… I don't think I can do this on my own. But… then Russia might get in trouble because of me again. Eventually word would reach his boss that somebody called 103 in his house, and it obviously couldn't have been Russia._

Latvia drove those bones against his organs again and again. Russia's body jolted at every compression before collapsing again limply. He pushed deep, but he had still to hear any snapping of his bones. He was unsure if it was fine because Russia was strong and muscular, or if because he was nowhere near giving enough force to be doing anything.

He inhaled deeply before thrusting this air down the other's trachea. He moved back to the chest.

 _One, two, three, four, five, six-_

The ribs underneath his hands expanded and Russia stirred with a ragged breath. His chest began to rise and fall desperately, and Latvia lifted his hands off him and watched Russia's face clench in pain as he gasped.

"Russia…" Latvia breathed as he fell onto him and hugged him tightly in elation. "I was so scared. You weren't breathing, but you're okay... you're okay now."

Russia sat up and Latvia took the opportunity to wrap his arms around his middle. He smiled and snuggled against him, breathing out quiet laughs of relief. Now the tears came, and he only shook again at the realization of how terrifying the situation had been.

Russia pushed forward and detached himself from Latvia. He slid off the bed and stumbled to his feet, then took a few steps before he collapsing onto the carpet. Latvia sprang off the bed and raced to his side.

"Hold on," Latvia murmured as he rubbed his hand over Russia's back. "Calm down."

Russia brought up a knee and lifted himself up. Latvia held onto him, trying to keep him steady as he determinedly strode forward, however once the strength started to come back, he marched on and dropped Latvia without giving him the slightest acknowledgement. Latvia promptly leapt to his feet and hurried after him as he started to get left behind in the bedroom.

The halls were pitch black, but somehow Russia was able to navigate through them superbly. Russia picked up his pace, and soon he was nearly running through the blackness. Latvia tried to keep up, but it was so dark and Russia kept taking sudden turns, so soon he was completely separated from him.

His footsteps retreated into the distance.

Latvia stopped in the hall, completely lost after having not had paid attention to the directions they had taken. He looked around himself as the silent darkness wrapped around him snugly. A powerful chill shook him as fear started to creep in. He felt quite vulnerable here alone, as though he was open to attack from things lurking in the darkness. He felt around for the wall blindly, but then stopped when he heard the sound of footsteps hurrying back towards him. He began to feel at ease, but then he gasped and stepped out of the way just in time as Russia pelted past him without stopping. Latvia then took the opportunity to whirl around and trail him more closely this time.

They slowed as they entered a pale room alighted by moonlight. Latvia walked in behind him and stopped by the doorway to watch as Russia came up to the large window. He stopped in front of it with his back turned to Latvia, and for the curtains were already pulled apart, both were able to view the starry sky above and the dark lawn and shadowy trees of the yard below.

The glass dully thunked as Russia dropped his forehead against the window, then once more as he put a fist against it. After a few seconds, he opened his hand and spread his fingers out slowly over the glass.

Latvia whispered, "What are we doing here, Russia?"

"Everyone says it is my fault," Russia whimpered.

"What is it, Russia? What are you talking about?"

"I've endured it for centuries. Why can't everyone just get along nicely with each other?"

"I don't understand-"

The window was thrown open and a blast of summer air blew over them both. Over the sound of the wind that had rushed in, Latvia heard the cocking of a rifle. His eyes grew wide as Russia solidified his stance and straightened his posture, turning just slightly to the side so Latvia could see the side of the AK-47 in his arms. Russia's eyes narrowed as he stared down at a specific spot on the ground below, and the gun was soon leveled to target it.

Before Latvia could inquire, the silence exploded by the deafening pounding of the assault rifle as it emptied its magazine out onto the lawn. Latvia shrieked in panic, jumped backwards, and covered his ears as shells continued to shoot out and rain onto the floor.

When Russia popped in another full magazine, Latvia screeched at him, "Russia, stop! What are you doing?"

It clicked in place and immediately Russia cocked it and once again drowned out all sound. A relentless stream of banging as he held the trigger and released Hell upon the ground. Latvia watched in horror how Russia turned his body, raised and lowered the rifle occasionally, and how his eyes flickered as though registering movement. The bullets followed his gaze with solid accuracy, and that was when a realization struck Latvia. Russia was aiming at non-existent targets and currently, in his mind, Russia could see these bullets ripping into the flesh of live people.

The echoes of the shots faded far away into the distance and a pale cloud of smoke seeped out from the barrel as he took no time in jamming in another magazine. Latvia dashed forward, and feeling like he was leaping in slow motion, he threw himself upon the rifle and snatched at it as Russia raised it again. He shoved his weight down upon it and it dropped out of aim. Russia barely pulled his finger back in time as the lowered barrel almost fired a bullet into the wall. He glared at Latvia with a furious glint in his eyes as he now noticed him. His grip tightened and he started to roughly shake Latvia off.

"Stop!" Latvia cried. "This already happened, one hundred years ago! The year- you know what year it is!"

Latvia clung tighter, but a solid thrust shoved the butt of the rifle into his gut and knocked him to the ground. As Russia stared back down out the window and targeted the rifle at the grass, Latvia yelled out at him, "It's 2013! 2013, Russia!"

His finger locked over the trigger. Latvia coughed as he got up and came back up to him while Russia remained petrified to pull at the rifle. Russia's grip slackened, and Latvia pried off his fingers and took the gun into his arms. He hugged it tightly to his chest as he stepped back and looked up at Russia's face. Those eyes were haunted and Latvia knew that at that moment they were seeing into the past, for in his brain there was no image of an unyielding night ground below, but a fantastic scene of carnage.

Latvia said to him gently, "There's nothing there."

The chilling whisper of a ghost answered him, "What do you mean? Are you not seeing the bodies?"

"No. There is nothing down there. This happened a very long time ago, and you are just in a sort of trance. This is just a memory."

Russia seemed to not hear him, and he moaned, "I can't see the snow anymore. There is blood everywhere. Broken flags… covered in red… and so many bodies…"

Latvia put the safety on the gun before he set it to the side. He came up to Russia and pulled on his arm, trying to lead him away from the window, but Russia only stood transfixed where he was. Latvia regarded his face again and saw how under the silvery glow of moonlight, tears sparkled like glimmering stars as they ran down his face. Whenever a thin cloud passed over the moon, his face was temporarily darkened in shadows like a veil to conceal his suffering. However, it could not mute the sounds of his shaky breathing.

"Hey," Latvia murmured, and tugged on him gently again. "Come on. Aren't you tired?"

Russia's voice was detached from this world.

"Tired...?" he breezed.

"Come back to bed."

Latvia took him by the hand, and this time Russia conceded and stepped away from the window with him. Latvia now knew where they were after he had recognized this room, and so he led Russia through the darkness. Latvia was not sure if it made Russia grow fearful to be here, or if it was perhaps that he desperately wanted human comfort, but Russia held tighter onto Latvia's hand.

They re-entered the dimly lit room where everything was tainted a soft, dove grey. Latvia still held onto him, and they climbed onto the mattress together. Once Russia had sat down, he pulled Latvia closer to wrap his arms around him. He put his chin down on Latvia's head and shivered as he held him carefully.

"Why did I kill them?" Russia whispered. "My own people… how could I do it?"

Latvia did not offer an answer, but instead allowed Russia to rock him gently back and forth as he cuddled him and breathed occasionally with a hitch.

Russia started to quiet down after a while. Latvia took away the arms around him, and he helped lay Russia down onto his side. Russia stared ahead with half-lidded eyes that spilled tears into the mattress. Latvia dragged the blanket over him, and stroked his forehead until the tears stopped and his eyes closed.

When Russia was sleeping once more, Latvia crawled under the covers on his side of the bed. He listened to the assuring sound of Russia's steady breathing before his eyelids dropped and he too, fell asleep.

* * *

The first thing Latvia did when he woke up in the morning was look over to the side and check on Russia. However, that side of the bed was already empty. Latvia rubbed at his exhausted eyes, trying to physically hold them open so that they did not fall shut again. Still massaging his face, he stumbled out of the room to return to the other bedroom and change into his day-clothes. Afterwards, he arrived to the kitchen where Russia was busying making pancakes.

"Do you remember last night?" Latvia asked him.

"Last night?" Russia paused, and then looked at him apprehensively. "No. What did I do?"

"You stopped breathing in your sleep," Latvia said.

"Did I?"

"I had to do CPR on you."

Russia swayed with discomfort upon hearing this, but he did not respond.

"I don't know how long you weren't breathing for," Latvia said. "But when you were revived, I think you had some brain damage. You thought you were at the Winter Palace in 1905."

"What?"

"It's true. There are bullet shells everywhere. I'll clean them up today for you."

Russia peeled the thin pancake off the pan with a spatula and added it to the already existing pile.

"Very strange thing I did," he commented. "I am sorry I disturbed you."

"Russia," Latvia sighed. "Don't you understand why this happened?"

"Hmm?"

"It was those pills! You took too many and you stopped breathing!"

"No. I do not think they are the reason. I started taking them two days ago, and nothing like this happened," Russia replied.

"What if you just didn't know?" Latvia said. "That when you went to sleep the night before last, something like this happened? Maybe you were able to survive that night, sure, but you were lucky I was with you last night! You poisoned yourself and you nearly died!"

"I do not think that they are dangerous," Russia said. "They are supposed to help me."

"Help you _die_!"

"I will be taking some this morning," Russia muttered. "And nothing will happen to me. You will see."

Latvia stomped a foot on the tiled floor. "You can't take them anymore! You don't really know what they are and they hurt you-"

Russia's voice dropped. "That is enough."

He snapped his fingers and pointed at the table. Latvia jolted, and then under that glare he padded over to the table and reluctantly sat down.

Still holding a frown on his face, Russia came over and served him some pancakes. He then sat down across from him, and they ate in tense silence for the entire meal.

"You're going to work today," Russia muttered after.

"Yes, I know," Latvia sighed.

"I'll be in my office. You will not disturb me."

This time, Latvia was left alone to clean up everything in the kitchen. For the rest of the day, he grimly cleaned up the mess from last night and tidied up some of the smaller, less frequented rooms. The hours passed tediously, and Latvia started to feel hunger clawing at him. Before he headed to the kitchen, he took a detour and he walked to the bathroom.

Something lay on the floor down the hall. Latvia came up to it and he inspected it curiously, and was soon able to recognize it as Russia's scarf. As he pondered as to why it had been taken off and dropped here, Latvia heard the sound of retching. He bolted the last few steps to the open bathroom door and caught Russia gasping over the toilet with beads of sweat dripping down his face.

"You idiot!"

Russia snapped his head to the side and glared at him.

Latvia continued to shout, "How could you be so stupid? ' _Nothing will happen_ ,' you said. Yeah sure. Look at you now!"

Never had he erupted like this before at Russia. He had gotten in trouble before for just saying that he disagreed with one of Russia's ideas, but no one who had been under his rule would have ever dreamt of purposely insulting him.

"Stop talking," Russia hissed. "Get out of here."

"You know it's true!" Latvia yelled. "Those pills are killing you!"

"You don't know anything," Russia uttered. "I just need to get used to them. If my boss wanted me dead, then he wouldn't have wasted everyone's time by taking me to be reeducated."

"I don't know his intentions," Latvia said through gritted teeth. "But whether he knew they would hurt you or not, they _are_. You have to stop taking those pills."

"No, Latvia."

Russia was surprised at the ferocity in Latvia's voice as he emitted a stream of Latvian curses. He then stopped swearing to instead scream at him, " _Stupid, stupid, idiot!_ "

Latvia raced away, and he heard Russia's boots skid across the tile as he leapt up and dove after him. Latvia did not look back, but he could hear Russia chasing after him as he sprinted towards his office. Latvia threw himself into the room, and he immediately caught sight of the bottle sitting to the side of the desk. He snatched it as Russia simultaneously whipped him around and grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Give them to me."

"No, listen to me!" Latvia shouted. "I don't care what your boss said, you don't need these! They are bad for you. You do not need to 'get used to them'. When you stop breathing in your sleep, that is a dangerous consequence of overdose. It is not something you can just _get over_."

"Latvia. Shut up."

Latvia blinked. He had never heard such words leave Russia's mouth before.

"R-Russ-"

"Give them to me. Now."

"You can threaten me all you want. I don't care if you hurt me. But I will not going to give you these back!"

"I have other bottles in my room."

"I'll beat you to them."

Russia narrowed his eyes and said, "I thought it upset you when I am getting the punishing. It will happen if I do not take these."

"How would he know if you weren't taking them?" Latvia said. "He won't. And if he did? Screw him! You can't let him do whatever he wants to you like he owns you. You can refuse to take the pills, and you can refuse to get punished. Stand up for yourself! Stop being a victim."

"I am not a victim," Russia growled. "I agree with him."

Russia grabbed Latvia off the ground. Latvia hollered and fought, still clutching the bottle to his chest as he tried to escape. Russia wrapped his arms crushingly tight around Latvia and restrained him as he walked away from the room.

"Let go!" Latvia yelled.

He thrashed although he could not escape his hold. Russia's face scrunched in impatience, and then he threw open the door and shoved him into the basement. Latvia clenched his teeth, whipped around, and pounced at Russia before the door could close in his face. Russia leapt backwards as he dodged the unexpected punch.

"What are you doing?" Russia demanded.

Latvia pocketed the pills.

"I am trying to save you."

Latvia lunged at him with astounding speed, but Russia reacted and blocked the attack while grabbing Latvia's arm with his other hand. Latvia kicked him powerfully in the gut before Russia flipped him and smashed him onto the ground. Latvia sprang to his feet and launched at him with various attacks, but Russia matched his energy and defended himself from every punch and kick with harsh, solid blocks. Latvia's bones rang with pain, but he continued on swinging and jabbing. He whipped out a high kick that Russia smashed his fist against before he shot out his foot, hooked Latvia's leg, and shoved him down.

"Stop," Russia muttered. "I'm trying not to hurt you."

Latvia jumped at him and Russia grabbed him by the collar before throwing him towards the basement door. He advanced as Latvia stayed on the floor gasping and glaring daggers at him.

However, when Russia came to stand over him, Latvia exploded upwards and nailed him in the stomach. While the hit had been impressive, Russia hardly reacted, and his face only became hardened by irritation from Latvia's cleverness and continued resistance. He put his hand on the back of Latvia's neck, and he dug his thumbs in by the base of his skull. Latvia thrashed and glared at him, but he gasped when Russia pressed deeper.

Russia glanced away for a second to grab the lock to the side. Latvia hopped and delivered a kick in the chest that produced an audible cracking sound that they both heard. Russia exhaled sharply, but instead of letting go, he only tightened his grip and his pressed harder into his neck. Latvia gaped his mouth open in agony, before he was tossed back into the basement and this time, the lock was clamped on promptly so that he had no time to escape.

Latvia knelt on the floor and screeched at him in Russian, " _You're going to kill yourself! Get back here! Please, Russia! Please, I don't want to lose you!_ "

Russia stared at the door for a while before he left the room. Finally, now that he was completely unable to stop him, Latvia broke down and cried.

* * *

Russia opened up the drawer and regarded the bottles for a long time. He scanned over their white plainness that yielded no information to reveal their mystery.

 _I have never seen Latvia act like that before_ , he thought as he took a bottle into his hand.

He opened the bottle and put five tablets into his hand, with the intention to replace the ones that his body had rejected earlier.

 _But he really cares that much._

Russia took his index finger and slid three of the pills off his hand and back into the open bottle.

* * *

Latvia held the pill bottle in his hands. As tears rained from his face, he unscrewed the cap and dropped a few pills into his hand. He rubbed his fingers over them, before he slid them into his pocket and closed the container back up.

* * *

Russia finished working before he came back to release Latvia. Latvia was sitting on the floor by the first step when the light washed over him.

The fighting spirit seemed to have been crushed from him. Now as Russia looked down at him, he looked so small and frail as he lifted his reddened eyes up at him. His skin was pale, and he looked so deprived and pitiable.

"I only took two," Russia said to him.

He was not sure why he had said it. He thought about it for a moment, and realized it was because he had known that these words would comfort the miserable being on the floor.

"Really…?" he whispered.

Russia nodded, and he helped Latvia to his feet when he did not get up on his own.

"I am fine," Russia told him. "Now stop with the craziness and the sadness, okay? Give me the bottle."

It was in Latvia's hand, but Latvia did not move to offer it up for him. Russia snatched his wrist, making Latvia gasp, then he ripped it from his grasp.

"Now go start making dinner."

Latvia's eyes expressed his hurt. The sympathetic attitude Russia had just had vanished so quickly., and Latvia had the feeling that it had been done on purpose.

 _I can't tell if he feels bad for me or not_ , Latvia thought. _Everyday he acts differently; a mixture of Soviet Russia and the changed Russia that keeps varying in percentages. Yesterday he was nice, and last night… when he wasn't in control or thinking, he was hugging me. So does that mean he wants to be kind to me but now wants to hide it by being harsh to me? Because he desperately wants to follow those rules he was given?_

Russia looked down at him, and Latvia met his gaze. Latvia dropped it as he moved in, lifted up his arms, and hugged him. While no arms wrapped around him, Russia did not move to pull him off either.

"I'm sorry we fought," Latvia said. "I just…"

"I know," Russia said as he looked at his own hand that was hovering just over Latvia's downy hair. "You were just scared."

"I don't want you to die," Latvia whimpered. "I love you."

Russia hissed in pain and he said, "That hurt."

Latvia let go as he gasped, "I'm so sorry. Your ribs… when I kicked you…"

"No, not that," Russia said. "Don't worry about that. It's just, what you said was giving me the pain."

 _So you do feel guilty_ , Latvia realized.

Latvia came back in and hugged him again. Russia could feel the emotional pain ebbing away as his heart picked up in pace. His hand was raised again, and this time it dropped to lay itself softly down upon Latvia's head. Latvia snuggled against him, and Russia's heart pounded more ecstatically as he did it.

 _No wait, this isn't right…_

Russia removed Latvia from off him. The warmth died down, and Latvia stood and looked at him analytically, as though reading him. Russia did not like those intelligent eyes; he knew that Latvia was seeing right through him. As he thought that, the realization hit Russia that while Latvia had been hugging him, he must have undoubtedly heard his fast heartbeat.

Russia uncomfortably turned away from him and walked out of the room.

"Wait, Russia!" Latvia called after him. "We should talk!"

However Russia did not stop, and he only hurried away.

* * *

Latvia was glad when the next meal was ready. Now, once again, he and Russia would be together and they could partake in conversation.

"Can I still sleep with you tonight?" Latvia asked.

Russia nodded, but it did not seem like he had truly wanted to answer.

"Can we cuddle this time?"

Russia jolted and stared across the table with wide eyes.

"No, of course not," he said. "We cannot be doing that."

Latvia pressed gently, "It's alright if you want to. And I think you do."

"No. That is not alright thing to do. If you are going to be sleeping with me, we will not touch each other."

"But there's no harm in it," Latvia chimed. "It's just nice and cozy."

"Much too gay," Russia replied. "No."

Russia did not like again those examining eyes upon him.

"So?" Latvia threw out.

"It's wrong," Russia said.

"You didn't think so last night."

Russia went rigid.

" _What?_ "

"After you had that trance thing, you wanted to hold my hand and then you held me for a while. You were so sad, but then you felt much better with me. So I know despite what you were told not to be like, and how hard you are trying to cover it, you want to do those things with me."

"I have a problem," Russia muttered. "Just like you do. But I am going to take care of it."

He swiftly went back to eating while Latvia sighed.

 _But he is starting to change his mind at least_ , Latvia thought. _He feels more than he did yesterday. Unless, he was scared and he didn't want to admit that kiss we did before was nice._

Latvia eased off his case and he spent the rest of the evening doing chores. He kept thinking about the pills he had stolen away that were still in his pocket, and he felt a smile tinge his face.

 _Soon, I'll know._

He joined Russia after showering and slipping into pajamas. Russia looked over his soft, cotton clothes before abruptly glancing away, and Latvia felt a warmth inside. He moved closer, but Russia held out an arm again and condemned him to the other side of the bed. Russia sat and reached into the drawer as Latvia went and laid himself down. He took out the bottle and while his back was turned to him, Latvia heard the container rattling as he shook out some of the tablets.

"I will just be taking two," Russia told him.

"Please…"

"Two is fine. Two won't hurt me."

Russia moved his hand up to his face. Latvia heard him swallow, and his heart started to race fearfully, as though Russia was going to drop dead right there.

He put them away and turned off the lights. Then he said, "Good night, Latvia."

"Good night..." Latvia whispered.

Latvia quivered, and when he had replied, it felt more like he had said _goodbye_ instead.

He slept lightly during the night with a spasmodic heart that would jolt him awake occasionally. Every time this happened, he would turn and check on Russia, holding his breath apprehensively, while he waited for the sound of his next inhale to come. Fortunately, it always did.

One of the times he had woken and was turned over to watch Russia, the other uttered, "I will not break this rule. Doing so will result in-"

Latvia hit him in the face with the pillow and then lay back down.

However, he was soon woken up yet again as Russia continued his recital.

"Nontraditional relations will not be encouraged. The social value of traditional and nontraditional relations-"

Latvia had to hit him a few times to get him to stop this time.

"Russia," he said. "None of that, please."

Russia's face relaxed and he breathed peacefully again. Latvia settled back down, and this time, the exhaustion finally caught up to him and carried him away into a deeper sleep. In a few hours, his body twitched in agitation and his face wrinkled up as his lips pulled back. He saw himself in a black room, and for every beat of his pounding heart, red-painted numbers of five and ten were slashed upon the walls. Latvia thrashed, feeling once again that something terribly wrong was happening, but it was as though his eyelids had been glued shut and he could not open them to escape this nightmare.

 _No, he has to be alright. He's not dying. He's breathing._

But as the fear increased, adrenaline roared through his arteries.

" _No!_ " he screeched. " _You only took two! You said it was two!"_

Latvia lashed out, desperately trying to wake himself and get to Russia. That was when hands grabbed him, restraining him but keeping their hold carefully soft. Latvia stilled and he creaked open his eyes to see Russia over him, looking at him in shocked confusion as he held his arms down to the bed.

"Another nightmare?" he asked.

"Sorry…" Latvia exhaled as the panic within him died away. "I woke you up again."

Russia released his arms and slid his hands down onto his lap. He looked at Latvia as he sat just by his side, and in the grey light Latvia could make out the concern upon his face.

"What kind of nightmare?" he asked.

"It was about your medication," Latvia whispered. "I'm sorry it's just..."

"I know," Russia sighed. "I am not angry with you. But it is hard to believe how much you are caring about me. No one else really does, so why do you so much?"

Latvia reached out and stroked his arm. The muscles stiffened, but Latvia could feel how they relaxed the longer he held his fingers there.

"You're a really good person," he murmured.

Latvia sat up and leaned against his chest. Russia twitched and seemed utterly unsure of what to do. His hands were curved as though he wanted to hold something, but kept them by the sides of his legs.

"It's okay," Latvia murmured.

He nestled against him, rubbing the softness of his clothes against him. Russia sighed and wrapped his arms tightly around him, and he began to stroke the cozy fabric of Latvia's arms. His facial expression softened, and he closed his eyes and put his chin down on his shoulder.

"So soft," he breathed.

He readjusted his hands and held Latvia closer. He rubbed over his back, and Latvia sunk against him with a sigh. Latvia felt so comfy and warm as he was held and pet for a few minutes, and he eventually gave his chest a nuzzle. Russia breathed out dreamily as he did that, and Latvia then felt a hand move up and caress his cheek. He looked up and met his gaze before Russia lowered his face. Just as he started to part his lips, Russia gasped and snapped away.

"What am I doing?" he exclaimed as he grabbed at his own face before staring accusingly at Latvia. "Stop doing the tricks!"

Russia pointedly moved away from him, lay down on the other side of the bed, and turned his back on him. He threw the blanket over himself and went quiet. Latvia could practically hear in the silence how Russia was judging and questioning himself inside.

Latvia passed over the pillow line and came to his side. He was not sure if the mood had dropped and Russia was going to disapprove of this, but Latvia bravely set his hand down and rubbed a few fingers into Russia's hair. The other whipped around onto his back, eyes narrowed and mouth ready to protest- but Latvia stroked his open hand over his forehead and ran his fingers into his hair. Russia hesitated, and so Latvia repeated the action until his facial expression softened and his grip on the blankets relaxed.

Maybe Russia would be angered about their actions in the morning, but at that moment Latvia could not imagine stopping after seeing his face drop into one of utter calmness. The partially creaked open eyes glimmered as they peered up blissfully at him, and a pleased smile tugged his lips as he tilted his head back with the movements.

"It's okay," Latvia told him. "There's nothing wrong with this."

After he had pet him slowly and gently for several minutes, Russia's eyes began to close, and his breathing slowed as he began to slip away into slumber. Latvia moved up closer to his head, and he stroked his silky hair for a while, trying to urge him into a peaceful dream.

It felt amazing to Latvia that he had been able to do all this. He could snip away the vines around his heart and persuade him to accept this calmness and warmth that gave him such happiness. He regarded his face fondly, looking at the outlines of his bones, his nose, gently closed eyes, and lingering smile, and all he could think was, _So sweet._

Latvia ran his small hand over his head, feeling the hardness of his skull under his skin, and finding the curves and the bumps. Latvia ran his thumb over his eyebrow, and he stroked over his temple. He paused with his hand resting over the side of his forehead, and as he held him he thought of the magnificent mind within, just under this solidity. He marveled at its complexity, and he wondered what could possibly be running through it right now.

Pondering this made Latvia realize that mind's instability. He realized just how fragile, how breakable, this man was inside. He wanted so much to strengthen him and give him happiness to erase the corruption. He wanted to always be there to bring a small smile back to his lips, and make him relax below his touch. So much did he want at this moment to place a soft kiss at his temple, just to give him some comfort from the proof that he was truly cared about. However, he would not do it. He knew that if Russia had been fully conscious, he would not allow him to do it, and thus the idea of doing it now felt so wrong to Latvia. He felt like he would be violating him if he did that to Russia while he slept, where he could neither object nor consent.

Therefore, he left it off at that and he respectively took to his side of the bed. However, he shoved the pillows out of the way, destroying the line, so he could lie and look at Russia's tranquil face before he fell asleep.


	22. Over Silver Horizons

Latvia blinked open his eyes and looked over his hand by his face to see Russia's chest. Russia was lying on his side, and Latvia felt the weight of his arm over him, holding him close and just leaving a little space between their bodies. Latvia lifted his head to see Russia's resting face, and Latvia tried to settle back down quietly as to not disturb the moment.

However, as the room grew lighter and lighter, Russia soon stirred and wakened. Eyes that glowed in the sunlight lowered and widened as he stared at Latvia in surprise. The arm slid off him as Russia panicked and moved away, but Latvia reached out and caught his hand. They both stared at it as Latvia lightly rubbed his thumb over his palm, and then slowly pulled it towards him to put it back over him. Russia said nothing, and he blinked at him unsurely as he kept his hand on Latvia's hip.

"It's okay," Latvia whispered. "You can hold me."

Russia watched him carefully as he put his hand onto his lower back and edged back closer. Latvia passively closed his eyes as to not spook him. Russia continued to put his forearm up along his spine and rest his hand over Latvia's upper back. Latvia curled up his legs as Russia lowered his face and rested it into his downy hair.

They lay together for about ten minutes, and Latvia felt such warmth inside and he was certain that Russia could feel it too. He felt so comfortable and safe, and such gratifying joy that this was actually happening. When Russia breezed his hand over Latvia's cheek as he let go, a blush warmed his face and he regretted that Russia did not want to cuddle for longer.

"Breakfast?" Russia offered.

Latvia nodded and slid out of the bed, leaving the room to let Russia change. After doing their own things for a few minutes, they met in the kitchen.

"What would you like?" Russia asked as he opened up the fridge and revealed the full shelves to him.

Latvia came to his side and investigated the fridge. As he started pulling out a block of cheese, he smiled as Russia's arm snuck around him and held him for a moment against his side. Russia dipped and tilted his head, and his face stopped a decimetre from Latvia's cheek. Russia closed his eyes and tried to calm his erratic heart rate in order to force himself to release him and draw away.

Russia left to put a pot of water on the stove. Latvia set out a few things on the counter and he took a loaf of fresh, crisp bread to slice. As there was nothing to do but wait, Russia sat on a chair and watched Latvia take out the cutting board and knife. He tapped his foot slightly and he faintly smiled as he looked over Latvia's thin arms as he moved to gather things and as he slid out the bread from the plastic bag. He saw the outline of his scapulae as the fabric of his shirt moved, and somehow it was fascinating.

"Oh!" Latvia exclaimed, and locked his grip on the knife.

Russia had come up behind him and had wrapped his arms around his middle. He pressed close against Latvia and looked over him at the counter.

"Am I disturbing you?" he murmured.

"No," Latvia smiled. "It's fine."

He carefully moved his arm and sawed down the knife while his other hand held the bread down. After this he cut some of the sausage, and the entire time he worked, Russia hugged him from behind, and even a little longer after when Latvia had set down the knife and leaned against him.

Russia sat down again as Latvia finished preparing the small breakfast sandwiches and carried over plates to the table. Soon, the water was boiling and Russia got up to prepare black tea with lemon and sugar for them both.

"This is nice," Latvia said softly as he was given a cup.

Russia smiled nicely at him before he sat down and quietly sipped his sweet tea. Latvia tasted his, still feeling light inside from the many hugs he had received that morning. The change in attitude towards him was pleasant, but Latvia did not plan on bringing it up in case it would scare off Russia.

After a while, Latvia asked, "What are you going to do today?"

"I'm a little busy today again," Russia sighed. "And I think my boss is coming over."

"A-Ah…"

"You can stay here as long as you stay out of sight and don't make any noise."

"Ac-actually, is it okay if I go on a walk?"

"Can you do that for the whole day?" Russia asked.

"I can go to the library too,"Latvia said. "I can kill a few hours there."

"Good idea."

They took the few dishes to the sink afterwards. Latvia was in the midst of cleaning them when Russia's hand ran over his back. He came to stand by his side, where he murmured softly to him, "I can be drying."

They worked efficiently together and finished quickly. After this, Latvia was free to leave. He tried not to express the overwhelming excitement within himself, and so he held himself back from hurrying to his room. He walked there calmly, so that Russia would not hear him, but once in his room he snatched the tablets that he had hidden away in his bag and he crammed them deep into his pocket. He then put on his loose hoodie and threw the hood up before he headed to the front door.

Russia came up behind him as he was putting on his shoes, and Latvia felt a small jolt of fear inside. Russia was however completely ignorant about the three tablets that Latvia could feel against his leg at that moment, and their bulges could not be seen while hidden below the sweater. He only lowered a hand and passed him some money.

"You will need to be buying lunch," Russia smiled.

Latvia nervously smiled back, and he took the rubles and put them into the front pocket of his hoodie along with his hands.

"You can be back for dinner," Russia said. "Around six, I am thinking."

Latvia nodded and then departed. Again, he composed himself as he walked away in case he was being watched. However, as the city closed in around him, he took off running. He dodged through the crowds of people, slipping his lithe body through them and not stopping for anything. A car honked angrily as he raced across the intersection just as the light turned green. Latvia dodged then an oncoming truck, and then he hopped onto the sidewalk and stood before his destination.

He came into the cool pharmacy. He caught his breath as he waited, and he wiped the sweat that had soaked his face as a result of sprinting outside on a scorching day in a thick sweater.

He was recovered and calmer as he approached the pharmacist at the counter. He seemed relatively young, looking like he was new to the job. He greeted Latvia politely in Russian as he came over.

"Good day, how can I help you?"

"I just wanted to ask for a favor," he said. "My friend is taking some medication but I don't know what it is. Could you tell me? I'm just very worried about him."

Latvia removed the tablets from his pocket and placed them onto the counter. The young man slid them towards him with three fingers, and he looked over the white tablets with the numbers 15 engraved on one side and M on the other.

"Your friend," the man said. "Is he in a lot of pain?"

"Wh-Why?" Latvia stammered.

"This is Oxycodone, a type of powerful painkiller," he explained. "It is used to treat around-the-clock moderate to severe pain."

"And… what is the dosage?"

"For these ones, one or two every six hours. One has to be careful with these, because it is basically the same as morphine. I hope your friend actually needs them, because some people use them as a narcotic, which is incredibly stupid. Overdosage of this medication can easily lead to death."

Latvia felt as though he had just been punched in the chest, although it was in truth the heavy thud of his heart.

"Okay," Latvia rasped before clearing his throat and collecting the tablets into his hand. "Well, thank you very much."

"You're welcome," the man replied.

Outside, Latvia found a garbage can and he dropped the medication into it. He carried on his way to the library with his throat feeling raw.

* * *

He came back at six o'clock. The president was long gone before Latvia came inside and received a hug directly after he had taken off his shoes.

Immediately after he was let go, Latvia asked, "Did your boss ask about the pills?"

Russia responded with a little nod.

"Da. He asked if I was taking them and how they were going. I said I was, and that was all."

"So he didn't say anything else about them?"

As he shook his head no, Latvia snatched onto his wrists.

"Russia, I have to tell you something," he said. "I… I stole some of your pills and I took them to a pharmacist today. He said that what you are taking is an extremely powerful painkiller called Oxycodone. And your 'prescription' is a lethal dosage."

"O-Oh…" Russia murmured before falling silent.

"Yeah," Latvia exhaled and slowly withdrew his hands.

"But I am not understanding. It did not seem that he wanted me to be dead..."

"I'm sorry," Latvia said. "But… now you know."

"But there has to be a reason for me to be taking them… he said they would help but when I asked what they were for, he told me I did not have to be worrying about it as long as I took them."

Latvia said nothing more as Russia dipped his head and stared down with shock and hurt in his eyes. He knew that he understood. There was no more need to convince him.

"I won't take them again."

"Thank you," Latvia sighed. "I can't bear to see you suffer."

Russia hummed as he looked back up and stroked a hand over Latvia's face. When he let it slide off, he turned and Latvia followed him to the kitchen.

"So anyway, I was wondering if you want to be cooking with me tonight," Russia said. "I want to make something good like yesterday, and it will take a while."

Latvia agreed enthusiastically, and he felt inside that unlike the last experience, this time all would go well.

* * *

Latvia clung to the wooden windowsill as he stared out the window. His eyes marveled at the cloudless night sky, at the abundance of stars that were visible. He looked into the distance until he saw the reflection of Russia walking towards him.

He stood beside him and peered outside, trying to follow his gaze.

"What are you looking at?" he asked.

"Look, there are no clouds out tonight," Latvia replied. "You can see so much."

"Do you like the stars?"

"Not so much here," he admitted. "You can see so much more when you are farther from the city. All the lights here block the view."

Russia put his hand on his shoulder and said to him, "Do you want me to take you there?"

Latvia turned and looked up at his face with excitement.

"You mean right now?"

He nodded and smiled slightly when he saw the eager glow in Latvia's eyes.

"I think I know a place," he said.

The car ride was silent save for the sound of the radio on low volume. Latvia was comfortably nestled in the passenger seat as he looked over at Russia's face as he drove, and he spent his time enjoying the absence of disgust and bitterness upon it that had been there only a few days ago. Russia looked on ahead at the beams of light the car laid upon the road, his hands comfortably but firmly set on the wheel as he drove with a calm expression. His lips were lifted neutrally, and his eyes were half-lidded in relaxation as he blinked slowly every few seconds. Latvia stared for so long and was now finding himself getting lost in the deep, vibrant colour of his eyes, becoming amazed at how far he could dive.

Russia flicked his gaze every once in a while to Latvia. He could always see him regarding him in his peripheral vision, and even when he threw a side glance at him, Latvia did not look away. Latvia would smile peacefully, as to not disturb him, allowing him to know that although he was being watched, it was only because Latvia was captivated in doing it.

The only signs of humanity were the occasional country homes every few kilometres. The landscape around them had turned into a plain of moonlit grass, spotted here and there with black clumps of trees. Soon the car pulled off the road and when Latvia opened his door, he stepped out onto the carpet of long grass.

After the doors slammed shut, silence closed in around them and stole Latvia's breath. He tilted back his head and stretched out his throat as he beheld the vast universe above. He heard Russia's footsteps breeze through the grass as he came to his side.

"We can go to that hill over there," he said.

Latvia rolled his head forward at looked back at the silver-lighted figure beside him. He nodded and smiled as he glanced down from his face to his hand. After a moment of hesitation, he energetically grabbed it and clenched it meaningfully.

"Take me there."

Russia looked up from the hand that had grabbed onto his to Latvia's shining eyes. He nodded and together they walked through the field, the lone figures in the world that seem to go on forever. It was as though everyone else in the world had disappeared, and the wind that blew over the grass breathed out as though shushing time. It swirled around them before carrying on its way to faraway lands, as though promising that some day it would meet them there. Latvia could feel his heart, his flowing blood, and how his palate pricked refreshingly as he breathed in deeply; he knew that never had he felt so full of life. Like he could go anywhere, do anything, and his legs would take him there. He gazed over the softly-flowing scarf of Russia until he reached his face and met his eyes again. He could see in his eyes that he too, wanted to follow the wind with Latvia, and explore those faraway places with him. Be free, without pain, subjection or harassment, where they could create what they wanted with life and no one was there to stop them.

They parted hands and lay back down onto the soft grass. Above them was infinity; a beautiful everlasting blackness that hung wrapped around this world like black felt with pricks of burning white.

"Remember when we could always see the sky like this on the cloudless nights?" Latvia said. "Before the city lights, when we lived our lives outside?"

"I remember," he murmured. "I forgot how beautiful it was, when I stopped looking up at the sky. It has been so long. I wonder if anything has changed, if any of the stars I saw when I was young are gone now."

"Maybe. Some of the ones we see right now might already be dead, and it is just the light reaching us that we still see."

Russia stirred uncomfortably and Latvia was surprised by the sadness he saw on his face.

"But they are just planets and stars," Latvia said. "Balls of rock and gas. They don't mean anything to you, yes?"

"It's just that I wish I could have the same things as I did before," Russia said. "So much time has passed, and I know nothing will ever be the same. I just want to hold onto the good things and I am just scared that all the things I used to have will be gone in the future. I don't know what is going to happen, and I am afraid for the change."

"But sometimes change is beautiful," Latvia said. "Do you see up there? Some of the stars are dead, but as we speak, at this moment, somewhere a new star might be being born."

Russia's eyes shone as he lifted an arm and pointed at one of the dimmest stars in the sky.

"I want to go there," he said. "I want to see what it looks like. I want to see what they all look like. I don't want to see a picture, I really just want to be there, right by it. I hope that when I die I can go anywhere, because I want to see what it is like out there. But I hope I don't have to travel… I don't want to travel alone through the blackness for years and years. I am so scared that I might be gone for too long, and then if I come back there is no one left on Earth and everything is just gone. Or what if I get lost, and I never find Earth again? What if I spend eternity trying to find it, but I am going the wrong way and I am only getting so much further and further away from it? And what if I had left Earth while chasing after a star only to find out that the light is fading, and that it was dead all along?"

"Wow… Russia," Latvia breathed. "That is very sad. You're so afraid of being alone, and losing everything. But you don't have to leave. You can stay here with everyone, because no one wants you to be alone for eternity. I know you may never get to see those stars, but there are other things that you can find with other people and it is better than being alone millions of kilometres away from life.

" Sometimes though… like the dead stars you will never see again, we lose things that we can never get back. And it hurts. But I have read a quote that I could never forget, and it has changed the way I see everything."

Russia murmured,"I want to know it too."

Latvia gazed upwards with him with eyes shining with all of the light of the stars.

"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

Russia turned his head and stared at Latvia in absolute awe. When he met his eyes, he turned away and looked up at the sky once more. He exhaled with a tremor and he said with a sigh, "I wish I could remember."

"You will someday," Latvia whispered.

"I might not though… I might never remember how I loved you."

"Don't you feel something now?" he replied. "When you held me, you felt something, didn't you? Your heart felt warm. Even if you tried to stop it from happening, you started to love me again. So, do you want to create new good memories with me again? I want to explore the world with you, see new places and make what we want with our lives. I want to take you from a life of suffering and give you happiness. Do you want to do it? Do you want to come with me over the horizon and see what's over there?"

"I want to go," he said. "I want to so much. We can find the field where sunflowers grow."

"We will find hundreds of those, together."

Russia smiled pleasantly and softened his gaze.

"I would like that."

He soon found Latvia tucked in against his side with his small, closed hands pressed against his ribs. He put his arm around him and rested his hand on his back, then together, they turned to look up at the expanse above with its countless, isolated stars.

* * *

Midnight had already passed by the time they had returned back. The hot showers however, perked both of them up, and neither was willing to sleep yet.

Latvia found Russia on his laptop. As he came over, he beckoned Latvia onto the bed and he turned the screen towards him.

"Prussia has been emailing me for the last few days," he explained. "And I have not responded yet. What should I say?"

Latvia leaned forward and looked at the screen at the Emails.

 _I heard about what happened and I am so worried. I really hope you come back and you respond to this Email so that I know you are okay. Estonia said it was bad, but you are really strong, right? Please come back. You didn't deserve to get hurt. You are an awesome person and I want to see you again._

 _Best regards,_

 _Prussia_

 _Lithuania told me you are back! I am so happy, you don't even know! I heard how you are having a tough time right now, but you can talk to me if you need any help. I would be happy to meet up with you and give you any support you may need._

 _Also, please be nice to Latvia because he really cares about you._

 _I look forward to hearing from you soon,_

 _Prussia_

 _Hey, so I still haven't heard from you, and I really hope you are alright. I mean I asked Lithuania, but he said that nothing else has happened to you. Please talk to me, I really want to know how you are doing! I guess it might be that you hate me again, but please can we go met up and do something? I've missed talking to you._

 _Your awesome friend,_

 _Prussia_

"You can tell him everything," Latvia said, "And you should tell him that you want to hang out. He's your best friend now, you know!"

"Okay," Russia replied as he took back the laptop and began typing.

When he soon finished, Latvia read over it and approved it. Russia smiled in relief before sending it off.

Latvia stopped him from closing the laptop.

"Wait, you still haven't seen those videos, have you?"

Russia smiled again and searched through his documents until he found a file labelled simply as **)**. They started at the first one, watching them in chronological order. As they progressed, the grin on Russia's face grew wider. Russia held onto Latvia and decided to watch from over him, and every time they burst out laughing Latvia collapsed against him and Russia clutched him as he shook.

After they had finished off the last one, Russia closed the program and said to the person in his arms, "And what do you want to do now?"

Promptly he perked and exclaimed, "I know! I can tell you that story!"

"What story are you meaning?"

Latvia closed up the laptop and put it to his side before he turned and sat cross-legged to face Russia.

"I was once told this story by someone else, and I'm going to tell it to you as well as I can…"

Russia sat and listened attentively as Latvia switched to Russian.

" _A teenager sat alone in his room…_ "

And Russia watched him in absolute awe and fascination as the story went on. His eyes flickered to Latvia's hand as it tapped on the laptop before he looked back up and Latvia's face, at his serious eyes and moving mouth.

" _In fact, it was too quiet. He wondered if he should do something about this. For some reason, he felt an urge, and so he leaned backwards and began to dance._ "

Latvia closed his mouth and gazed carefully at Russia. The other blinked rapidly and looked back at him while shaking his head.

"That is the ending?" he protested. "That is it? He turns into the creature?"

"Yes."

"I do not like this story…" he sighed. "It is terrible. A monster shows up from out of nowhere and then turns this boy into monster. This is not right."

"There is another ending," Latvia said. "Where the story is a little longer. But depending on how you interpret the last line, it might be an even worse ending."

And so Russia eagerly soaked in the next words that followed. Latvia went on lowly, and he paused before he put emphasis on each word of the final sentence.

" _And then the dead danced with him._ "

Russia immediately smiled and the joy returned to his face.

"That is much better ending!" he exclaimed. "I want this one instead."

"So you really don't think the boy died at the end?"

"No. Now I am believing that the only goal the creature had was to dance with somebody. It needed help, da? Someone had to hold it."

Russia was surprised by the absolute admiration in the other's eyes. Soon he was found in a tight hug as Latvia gasped, "It's so good that you said that! You are still you, even after what happened!"

"Why is this?" he asked.

"Because you were the one who told me that story, and you made up that beautiful ending!"

"I did?"

"You hated the story for the same reason. I am so happy, you are still the same inside. They couldn't touch your innocence."

He nuzzled his chest before pulling off.

"You drew a picture for it too! Where is your sketchbook?"

"My…?"

However a quick look had Russia finding it at the bottom of one of the nightstand's drawers. He flipped through the first few similarly interesting drawings until he found the one he had been shown before, then he passed the sketchbook into his hands.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Latvia whispered at his side as he pressed in and looked at it with him. "Look at what you added. That dying sunflower… that is the symbol of your dreams. The creature, it is like you. And then the blood… that is your past, your actions- leaving a trail behind you. See how it is on your dreams, and all over your hands. That is the corruption staining everything."

"Latvia…" he murmured. "You seem to be knowing more about me than I do, and you have been showing it for the last few days. I don't know… am I still like this? How corrupted am I?"

As Russia stared down despairingly at the picture, Latvia said to him, "Well... Perhaps you aren't so much anymore…"

Latvia rose upwards while placing a hand on his back. He gently kissed Russia's jaw, and then drew away to observe his reaction. Russia's eyelids flickered before they closed together and he gave no further reaction. Latvia then moved in and placed another kiss on his cheek.

"Does it feel good now?" Latvia whispered by his ear.

Russia still only stared ahead in silence. Latvia rubbed his hand over his back and felt how he was not rigid, and so he came back, rising upwards and kissing his temple before stroking the side of his face.

"Do you want me to stop?" Latvia asked softly.

Russia closed his eyes again and said nothing. Latvia planted a kiss at the very corner of his lip, pulled away, and watched him again. Russia turned his head and gently took hold of the back of Latvia's head, before parting his lips and slowly bringing him in. Latvia closed his eyes and felt himself melt inside as he met Russia's warm lips.

Russia put his forehead against his when he drew away. His lips were still partially apart, and he rocked indecisively. He then blinked rapidly and he let go of Latvia and pushed him away gently.

"What am I doing?" Russia murmured as he rubbed off his mouth. "Cuddling was not so much but this is…"

"Why does it have to be wrong?" Latvia replied. "Doesn't it feel right?"

"I don't know. Really, men should not be liking each other like this," Russia said. "We can't do this."

"But you are saying that you do like me."

"I shouldn't though. We should just be friends and it is just that something is wrong with me."

Russia looked away as Latvia crept over and pressed against him again.

"But it isn't hurting anybody, and you like it," he soothed. "This makes you happy, doesn't it? Don't you like being loved?"

Latvia moved to the front of him and leaned in to carefully turn Russia's face towards him. He slipped his hands under his scarf and rested them on the back on Russia's neck. Russia's eyes reflected his nervousness as he did this, but Latvia dug in his fingers and massaged him tenderly while his face hesitated before his mouth. As he dug in deeper and Russia closed his eyes, Latvia moved in completely and pressed against his lips.

Latvia dropped his hands down and placed one over Russia's chest.

"Your heart is beating fast," Latvia said. "Not crazy fast, but you feel happy right now, don't you?"

He kept his hand there as he moved up and nuzzled Russia's neck.

"Please, stop…" Russia groaned. "This is too far."

"No one is here," Latvia said as he pet Russia's face, stroking his cheek. "You can be honest and say if you like this."

Russia lay down when Latvia pushed against his chest. He seemed nervous as Latvia sat beside him, but then Latvia slid his hand over Russia's forehead and through his hair several times as an attempt to calm him. Latvia gazed at his face as he moved and threw a leg over him. The expression Latvia received was fear, and Russia slapped his hands against Latvia's chest.

"I'm just going to kiss you," Latvia promised. "I don't want anything else."

Russia had no chance to protest before Latvia slid up and locked lips with him. Russia was surprised by the passion in this one, and his eyes flew wide open and Latvia felt him shiver below him. However, Latvia went on and deepened the kiss, and he first pulled at his upper lip and then sucked at his lower.

"St-stop…" Russia gasped out between them.

Despite his protests, the hands now on Latvia's waist pressured him closer. Latvia took Russia's head in his hands, and first stroked his eyebrows for a while to eliminate the fear in his eyes. He decided to slow down, and he very gently kissed his forehead, cheeks, and nose instead, and he was glad when the trembling stopped completely as Russia rolled his neck with the touches, closed his eyes, and began to allow his mouth to pull out into a smile.

"I won't hurt you," Latvia said to him.

Latvia ran a thumb over his mouth before being much more gentle when he kissed him this time, barely touching him at all. When Latvia pulled away and looked fondly down at him, Russia sighed and looked back at him tenderly, showing him a wide smile that revealed just a line of his white teeth.

"This feels so nice," Russia breathed. "I feel so warm inside. My heart…"

Latvia lay over him and hugged him. He turned his head and put it against his chest, and Russia put his arms around him and held him there. One hand explored up his back until it found Latvia's soft hair, where it excitedly buried its fingers into. Russia pulled and stroked his hair, relaxing into the bed with a sigh.

"Why does this feel so nice?" Russia whispered. "I've been told for centuries that this is wrong… but I really don't want to believe it."

"A lot of what they tell you isn't right," Latvia muttered as he pushed himself upwards and stared him in the eyes. "All they've ever wanted to do was corrupt you, and they told you to believe whatever _they_ thought was right or wrong. But they are not good leaders. They are wrong, and you have to realize and believe that some of the things they do to you is terrible. But you can be strong. I know you can be. You can stand up against them and change your life for the better."

Latvia collapsed onto him and Russia hugged him tightly. Their faces were close together, and for a while all they could do was admire each other's facial details as though to memorize everything there.

"Do you really think I can do all that?" Russia asked.

"Of course," Latvia said. "You won't take anything from them ever again. You are stronger in every way imaginable. You can stop tanks and rip enemies apart with your bare hands. You can still smile real smiles even after being treated so harshly and brainwashed for centuries. You are so strong."

"I will do it," Russia said. "You are giving me so much hope. I will not let myself be controlled and punished anymore. There will be no more of this."

Latvia inhaled and smiled so joyfully. Russia saw the absolute love and happiness in Latvia's eyes, for nothing could make him happier to hear Russia make that promise. Russia's eyes shone with elation, and both of them let out soft, blissful laughs.

"I'm so happy!" Latvia gasped.

"Me too," Russia exhaled. "I don't remember ever being so happy in my life. Latvia, I still do not remember those other things, but right now I love you so much."

Latvia felt soft inside and he felt the tears brimming in his eyes.

"You said it… you actually feel this way again… I love you, Russia."

Russia put his hand over Latvia's cheek and pet his thumb over his skin.

"Thank you," he whispered.

It was as though nothing else in the world had ever existed. All those years of pain disappeared so suddenly as he held the one person that melted everything with warmth. Latvia leaned in again and very softly kissed him, and soon the warmth in Russia's heart spread to his cheeks in a red tinge.

"Hey," Latvia said softly. "Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"I just want to try something intimate, but I won't do this if you don't want me to. I just want to do something that demonstrates a lot of trust, and well, I was wondering if we could try deepening the kiss."

Russia went stiff, but then the calmness and reassurance in Latvia's eyes helped him relax. Latvia pet him as he tried to calm him, and he started off slow before he increased the passion and went deeper, first by slipping his lip between both of his and tugging lightly. His back was stroked as Latvia carefully widened their mouths then glided his tongue over the other's lower lip. Russia parted his teeth and Latvia gently slipped his tongue into his mouth. Latvia read Russia, making sure that he was still relaxed, and when he did not display any signs of stress, he explored his mouth and swept over the surfaces carefully. Russia held onto Latvia's head as he responded and moved as well to the invitations.

When he drew away, he wiped off Russia's mouth with his arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Russia smiled shyly and turned his head.

"It was n-nice…" he said nervously. "I liked it but... did doing this make you want to be doing things to me? D-Did you think of me in different way?"

"I know you are uncomfortable and worried about the things I want to do with you," Latvia said. "You are afraid whenever you think I am talking about that one thing, but that's fine, because it scares me too. I really just want to be close to you while knowing that we can trust each other. That's all I wanted from that kiss."

As he pet his face, he had to brush a tear from Russia's eye.

"Thank you," Russia whispered. "I feel like this also, and I am so glad you are understanding. I can't see you that way, and I really hoped that you felt the same. And you do. This makes me feel so much better."

Latvia felt so safe as they sat up together and Russia held onto him softly. His arms were so careful, and for a few minutes it seemed he just wanted to hold him protectively, as though comforting him and promising him that he would be safe from that kind of harm. Russia then moved backwards and lay on his back, holding his arms spread out to Latvia as he silently asked for reassurance. Latvia accepted the hug by falling in and putting his forearms beside Russia's ribs. The unworded promise was completed when Russia closed the hug and put his hands on Latvia's back. Latvia stroked his thumbs over Russia's exposed collarbones as his back was rubbed once again. It was so relaxing and so comforting. When Latvia sank into him, Russia turned them so they were both lying on their sides. Here they cuddled more, lying beside each other, holding, and once again appreciating the expressions of happiness on each other's faces.

"I missed this so much," Latvia sighed.

"And I must have too, inside," Russia said. "How long have you… we been loving each other?"

"Years," he replied. "And no matter how long we were apart, I still loved you so much. I can't stop caring about you. I've been thinking about you before I fell through the ice, when you held and comforted me- but then more romantically after you risked for life for me.

"But you had feelings for me for so much longer. Perhaps you would have dropped them, and not advanced any further if I didn't want to help you so much. It took so long for us to get here, where we are right now. And you feel safe, don't you? We can be intimate, and we are both happy with what we're doing now."

"I don't want to do anything else... right now I just want to hold you and I want you to just feel safe and happy with me," Russia stressed. "I would never do anything to hurt you. Nothing that you would not be wanting."

"I know," he replied. "Years ago... I was a little worried about this. You are a lot stronger than me and I was worried about how easily you could pin me down and do what you wanted to me... But then you were so upset that I had thought that, so I stopped doubting you. I understand now that you really care about me. You were so angry when America accused you of doing this to me, because we both knew then that you would never take advantage of me."

"No, no. I would never do this to you, s _ladkiy_."

Russia laid his head over one of his arms and closed his eyes. As he lay close, Latvia too closed his eyes and relaxed as he was held delicately. Minutes easily passed as they just settled to the sound of each other's slow breathing, and soon a calm wave of fatigue swept over them as their bodies started to realize the early hours they were up to. Before they fell asleep, Latvia got up and turned off the light. When he came back, he put his arms against Russia's chest and slid his legs in between his. Russia gasped as Latvia pressed up tight against him.

"Latvia," Russia choked. "This is a lot closer than before."

"Huh?"

"I do not think I am comfortable with this," Russia said hoarsely.

Latvia untangled himself as Russia took a pillow and put it over his crotch before Latvia slid back in closer.

"I won't go that close if you don't want me too," Latvia said. "But we already talked about this. Neither of us is thinking that way. You're safe."

"Did we used to cuddle like that?"

"Yes. And it was just cuddling, I promise."

Latvia was surprised when he hesitantly removed the pillow. Latvia carefully eased back up against him, and Russia put an arm around him.

"I won't do anything to you either," Latvia said. "I won't hurt you."

"I know… It's just that I am nervous, but I will trust you."

Eventually Russia relaxed as he grew more comfortable with their position. His breathing slowed and deepened, and it was the last thing Latvia heard before he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Latvia heard a heavy Slavic voice by his ear.

"Five every ten hours," Russia muttered in Russian.

"What?" Latvia stirred awake.

Russia sat up abruptly and Latvia fell over. Russia grabbed his head and pressed against it.

"I forgot to take them," he said. "How could I forget? Hold on."

Russia jumped out of bed and grabbed the handle to the drawer. He slid it open and took out the bottle of pills.

"Russia!"

He paused and looked over at him. His face looked utterly exhausted, and Latvia realized that he had likely forgotten about what he was told earlier.

"Oxycodone, remember?"

Russia blinked at him until he shook his head and his gaze grew sharper. He nodded slightly, screwed back on the lid and dropped the bottle into the drawer before closing it shut.

"Sorry. Thank you."

Russia recollected Latvia and they slipped back into sleep. However Latvia was shaken awake when Russia shifted suddenly. He pulled away from Russia and watched him sleepily, as Russia moved to stack a few pillows on top of each other before lying down on them.

"What are you doing?" Latvia yawned.

"I was just wanting to switch positions," he replied.

Latvia slid up to lie beside him. He leaned up against the pillows as well, and he nestled in underneath his armpit and clung to his side.

Latvia fell back into a deep sleep, but he soon became aware of the accelerated rising and falling of the chest below his head and hand. He awoke in confusion, but the drowsiness wore away as he noticed how Russia was breathing rapidly while staring off at the wall with widened eyes ringed with exhaustion.

"Wh-What's wrong?" Latvia squeaked.

"I-I can't sleep," Russia gasped. "I've been awake all these hours… I don't know why but my head, it hurts so much…"

"What? Where?"

"By the scars," he replied.

He turned his head and indicated the side of his head that Latvia did not get the opportunity to pet the night before. Latvia rose up on his knees and Russia dipped forward so he could place his hand on the spot. He was utterly surprised to feel thick bumps hidden below his soft hair, and he pulled back some hair to reveal a messy scar of dark tissue that had its concentration in one spot with a few lines that snaked out. As Latvia ran a finger over the thick knot of scar tissue in the center, some of the darkness rubbed off onto his fingertips.

Latvia gasped, "Russia, how often does this scar bleed?"

"A lot," Russia sighed. "For some reason it is opening often."

When Latvia pushed a little harder, blood leaked out in a clump onto his fingers and Russia gasped in pain. Latvia dropped his hair and retreated away from the spot, his hands held out and quivering. His eyes flashed with panic and tears spilled over his face as he stared at Russia, who was now looking back at him fearfully.

"What? What is it?" Russia asked. "Why are you crying?"

"Oh no," Latvia breathed. "Please listen to me, Russia. You have to go to the hospital. There's still a bullet in your head."

* * *

 ***Russians use ) instead of :)**

 ***Sladkiy (Сладкий) is a male term of endearment that is equivalent to _sweetie_.  
**


	23. Aspirations of the Heart

"I can be driving-"

"No, you can't drive like this," Latvia muttered as he snatched Russia and pulled him back as he was about to climb into the front seat.

Russia trudged to the passenger seat as Latvia adjusted the seat and mirror.

"I did not know you could drive-"

"I can drive!"

Latvia muttered something as he pulled them out before he continued on to say, "Tell me where to go."

Russia leaned his head against the window and he looked dazedly forward at the road.

"Left here…" he murmured. "Then right at the intersection…"

Russia gave all the directions with supplements of occasional sudden inhales. Latvia flashed his eyes off the road every occasionally to check on him, and the longer they rode in the car, the more Russia was grabbing at his head and trying to massage out the pounding pressure and pain. Latvia clutched the wheel tightly as the traffic of the city closed around them and restricted their speed. He cursed the red light that stopped the car in front of them, and while they waited, he quickly gave assurance to Russia before he asked him, "So if it has been in there for weeks, what did they give you before the Oxycodone to keep you from finding out?"

"Well, I just thought the terrible headaches were from the shock treatments."

Latvia sighed and took a hand off the wheel to place on Russia's leg. The light turned green, and Latvia asked, "We're almost there, yes?"

"Unhum. At the end of this street..." Russia murmured as he held the small hand for comfort and as a distraction against the pain.

Russia reached over his other hand to dig through the compartment and find money for the pay-parking. He successfully located some and passed it to Latvia just as he finished putting the car in a free spot.

Latvia hurried Russia to the front of the hospital. Russia walked with the muscles in his face tensed, but with the rest of the muscles in his body seeming loose and unattached. He looked sickly from the exhaustion on his face that made his complexion pale and his eyes sunken in deep rings. Latvia held open the door for him and then came up to the main desk with him. The few people that sat scattered about in the rows of chairs looked up but then soon ignored them as they continued on with their waiting.

There was only one man at the reception desk at this late hour. Russia immediately used the desk as support as he put an arm over it and leaned against it, and Latvia peeked over the edge beside him.

"I've been shot," Russia breathed out. "I need to get a bullet out of my head."

The man's eyes flew open in surprise and he locked onto the patch of red on the side of other's head. He looked at the tired face which although seemed pained as well, did not produce the dying screams of agony that most people would when described as having this injury.

But then something clicked in this man's head and recognition flashed in his eyes.

"Wait… are you Russia?" he gasped.

When he was given a small nod of confirmation, the man immediately snatched the phone and called for aid. Quickly a team of nurses arrived to take him away, looking alert and much more awake now than they had moments ago. Russia gave Latvia a reassuring smile as he lay down and allowed them to take him.

"I'll wait for you!" Latvia called after him.

By now a few people in the waiting room were staring up in confusion by the sudden action. They followed Latvia with their eyes as he took a seat and stared at his hands without grabbing anything to read.

 _I hope everything will turn out okay. I hope nothing goes wrong during surgery like if they accidentally push the bullet in deeper- oh god that would be so terrible what if they mess him up more… and what if it is a really bad wound and they can't get it or they have to..._

Latvia's mind rushed with images of the worst outcomes occurring. In forty-five minutes, a nurse came out and talked to the receptionist, who then pointed at Latvia. The nurse came over to him and Latvia was snapped away from his thoughts.

"Hey," he said. "I was told to tell you that the CT scan was just done. It looks like the surgery is going to be easy. The trajectory is straight and easy to handle, and already the shattered bone around the area has healed itself so no reconstruction is necessary."

Latvia struggled to keep up with the Russian, but then he got it all and he nodded and sighed in relief.

"Oh, that is so good," he said. "Thank you for telling me."

"Everything will go well. He has already signed the paperwork and he is being put under anesthesia as we speak."

He left and Latvia sank against the seat. But then another thought struck him and he sat up while feeling at the change in the pocket. Latvia stood up and asked the blonde-haired receptionist where the nearest payphone was, and he pointed far across to room to the isolated corner.

Latvia flicked in a few coins and then dialed Lithuania's number.

He took only a minute to explain the situation to him. The other was quite surprised, and there was horror in his voice.

He exclaimed, "I hope everything goes well. I'll tell everyone else!"

Latvia hung up and went to reclaim his previous spot. He finally felt as though he could relax at least a bit, so he collected a few magazines and he sat down with them. However, something disturbed him from his reading after a few minutes, and he listened to confirm what he believed he had heard.

" _Yes. I'm telling you that Russia is really here and is undergoing surgery right now._ "

Latvia flashed his eyes over and saw the receptionist talking into the phone. He snapped to his feet and rushed over to the desk. The man nodded and smiled before he hung up and Latvia gripped the edge of the desk desperately.

"Who did you just call?" Latvia demanded.

The man widened his eyes in surprise.

"The, er- the police."

Latvia gasped and wailed, "Why did you do that?"

"I-I thought that they could tell the president or someone what happened to him. In case it was important and they didn't know where he was or if he was alright…"

Latvia grabbed at his face and looked through his fingers with wide eyes.

"How could you do that? Why did you even call anybody? If there was a problem, don't you think that I could have taken care of it?"

"But you are just a citizen, perhaps you didn't know-"

"I'm not Russian!" Latvia exclaimed. "I know the connections nations have with their leaders! But Russia's boss was not supposed to _know_ about this!"

The man shrunk into himself and he said, "What? Why are you upset?"

"Those people you notified were the ones who shot him!"

The blood drained from the man's face, making his already pale skin turn nearly white.

"Oh my god…" he whispered. "I had no idea, I thought they would care... How could they do that to him? I was worried… I mean he is the people… our country… I don't understand."

Latvia asked, "How long will the surgery take? How long does he have?"

"It'll take a few hours," he replied.

Latvia trembled and clutched his closed fists against his chest.

"No, no, no… oh no…"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the receptionist breathed. "I just wanted to help him. He is important to us so…"

Latvia left the man at the desk. He dragged himself to his seat under the confused eyes of the other people, and he sat down heavily. He curled up his legs to his body and held them while he quivered and stared fearfully at the entrance to the hospital. All he could see out the glass was the blackness of the night. His heart wavered as he gazed at that door and waited for it to burst open and have a force of police officers dashing into the room with raised pistols, demanding where Russia was.

But for so many long minutes of silence, nothing happened. People went back to flipping through their magazines and all he could hear was paper sliding, and he nearly jumped every time a page was turned. He tried to imagine the surgery, and that every second that passed in peace meant that they were closer to getting that bullet out without being stopped.

A clock on the wall dragged its slow hands around and around. An hour passed. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Half an hour.

The doors slid open.

They walked in coolly with faces set hard in all seriousness. Two people, side-by-side, in green camouflaged uniforms with black vests that boldly had in white _FSB_ on their backs in the Cyrillic alphabet. Everyone in the room who had looked up in bored curiosity did a double-take before falling into a bewildered worry. Latvia froze although they paid him no attention as they walked calmly up to the receptionist.

Latvia heard one say, "Where is he?"

And the receptionist asked them, "Why? Why do you need to see him?"

"He is under arrest by the order of the president. He needs to be taken into custody immediately."

"Well you cannot arrest him right now, he is a patient undergoing surgery and no matter what his charge, he simply cannot go anywhere."

"The orders were that he is to be taken _immediately_ ," the officer stressed again.

"That is not how it works! He is unconscious with part of his skull on ice! He can't just leave!"

"If you do not cooperate, you will be arrested as well."

The man gulped and cast a guilty glance in Latvia's direction that the officers did not notice. Then he muttered the room and promptly the officers marched hurriedly away.

"No, stop!" the man hollered. "He is a patient-"

His eyes widened in surprise when a flash sped past him and yelled for him not to move from his spot.

Latvia bolted through the hall, and followed them as they took a turn up ahead. He skidded to a stop around the corner, and he called at the backs of the FSB officers, "Leave him alone!"

They threw back their heads and glanced down at him.

Latvia shrieked,"It's bad enough that he was shot, but now you want him to keep the bullet? How dare you! Don't you dare touch him!"

At first they had looked like they were about to turn their backs on him and keep going, but then one of them peered closer and she said, "Wait a second… this is Lat-"

Latvia had not hesitated. Fear was a thing of the past it seemed, for only burning rage overwhelmed him. He smashed a fist upwards and caught her under the jaw, and she stumbled over her feet and crashed hard on her back. The other officer immediately set himself upon Latvia, and he charged him and reached out a thick hand to grab him. The man glimpsed the utter hatred in the eyes of the smaller man before he disappeared from in front of him and the next thing he knew was only the pain of crashing harshly against the tiled floor.

The woman had recovered swiftly and sprang at him. She swung out a kick and nailed her tibia into his gut, and Latvia coughed before she threw out her arm and cracked her elbow against his head. Latvia did not collapse as she had expected though. Somewhere distant, Latvia could feel the deep throbbing of those hefty blows, but not here. While Latvia's head snapped to the side he jammed a fist into her sternum, and as she shuffled back he swung out an uppercut.

The speed in which she snatched his arm was astounding. Black and white tiles spun in his vision and then he met the floor and hot pain shocked his arm as the officer locked it behind his back and yanked it mercilessly upwards. The weight of her on his back crushed his spine and her other hand pressed his shoulder hard against the ground.

"He'll want this one too. I'll take care of him if you get Russi- _aii!_ "

She flew backwards and smashed against the wall with a dull thunk. Latvia leapt to his toes and as she pulled herself up he launched forward and elbowed her in the temple. She fell limply to her side and Latvia heard footsteps screech angrily on the floor. The man swung out at him, but he had not been as fast as the other officer, and Latvia ducked before pouncing at him and grabbing him by the shoulders. The man's hands closed around his back but Latvia clung on and drove his knee repeatedly into his stomach until he fell to his knees and let him go. Latvia landed neatly and swept back a foot into a stance before he flashed out a lightning roundhouse kick that collided with the officer's head.

The receptionist finally arrived after timidly approaching the commotion. He had heard the squeaks on the floor and thudding that the other people in the waiting room had been too far away to hear. However, it was obvious that he had not expected the sight that was now before him, for his jaw dropped.

"Oh God!" he panicked. "Did you just knock out two officers? Do you _know_ how much trouble you are going to get into now?"

"He needs to be protected," Latvia gasped and stared at the unconscious bodies around him fearfully. "I-I had do… please help me."

"B-But I'll get arrested! _You'll_ get arrested!"

"I don't care. I won't let anyone take him again," Latvia said. "The things that they keep doing to him is cruel and ridiculous."

"But I'll get caught…"

"Russia and I will figure something out once this is all over. We'll stop the FSB and his boss from making this a problem… so _this_ won't happen again. Please, Sir. I need a place to put these people."

The man swayed hesitantly before he grabbed the ankles of the woman to his side. He and Latvia dragged the officers into another room and knelt down to strip them of their weapons and radios. They stashed them into another room, and the man locked both the doors.

"Oh God, what did I just do?" the man moaned.

"Thank you," Latvia blinked up at him. "For helping me save him."

The word _save_ seemed to bring assurance to the man. He stood a little taller, as though proud of his work, and he nodded with a smirk. Then he hurried back to his desk and Latvia followed a little more slowly behind him as to not look associated with him. When Latvia came back into the waiting room, he was glad to see that no one seemed to care anymore about the previous excitement that was the FSB entering the hospital. Neither had anyone heard anything, and so no special attention was given to him as he curled back up again on the chair. No one saw his small nod of gratitude to the receptionist.

The clock kept moving, and the door stayed still. Another hour passed.

 _Is the surgery almost done? Have they gotten the bullet out of him at least and are now patching him back up?_

Another half an hour passed. He expected that now would be the time for more officers to show up.

But none did.

 _Please let the delay not be suspicious. Don't let anyone else show up. Just leave him alone so that the surgery can be completed…_

Two and a half hours of peace. Latvia was a mixture of nervousness and excitement. The more time that passed, the more likely a squad was going to charge in. The more time that passed, the further they were into the surgery.

Three hours passed by. The same nurse from before came out and came directly to him.

"The surgery went completely fine," he told him. "He is in the recovery room now, recovering from the anesthesia."

"Can I see him?" he gasped.

The nurse nodded and led the way back.

Latvia stopped by the door and clung to the side. He saw Russia sitting alone in the room with only another nurse in front of him, who was speaking to him while shining a light into his eyes.

"And could you tell me today's date?"

Latvia crept over as Russia gladly answered her. Russia noticed his presence and instead of answering the next question, he excitedly exclaimed, "Latvia!"

Latvia's eyes drifted from his eyes to the side of his head. A lot of his hair had been clipped away, and a curved line of stitches dominated the side of his head with its thick protrusion of red and black. But he was given a cheerful smile, and despite the rings under his eyes, Russia looked a lot more energetic.

"Sir," the nurse reminded him.

Latvia crawled onto the bed he was sitting on and he scooted over beside him and hung his legs over the edge. He did not touch him while the nurse was watching, but he lingered just a few centimetres to his side.

"Now you will have to stay here for some time so we can monitor your healing," she went on. "Of course for you, we can moderate the time-frame depending on your recovery rate."

"I think it is fine for me to go home," Russia replied.

"No, no. We must observe you and make sure there will be no complications."

"Er, mam…" Latvia murmured, and she stopped to look over at him. "He cannot stay here. FSB soldiers are trying to take him, and they even tried to arrest him during surgery. I think more will come for him soon, and it is better that no one gets involved here."

"During surgery?" she hissed. "How stupid could they be? And what did he do that they thought was so important as to arrest him while his head was open?"

"Th-They came to stop the surgery," Latvia said. "They wanted the bullet to stay so he couldn't heal and remember certain things. A-And they probably wanted to punish him as well, just for coming here."

"Absolutely terrible!" she exclaimed. "He is a person, not an object! They can't just do whatever they want to him like he doesn't have rights like everyone else! I _refuse_ to let anyone disturb your stay here. This is ridiculous and it will not be allowed by any of the staff here."

In the end, Russia agreed to stay in the hospital for a while. Latvia followed as Russia was given a room and a bed to lie in, and he sat down on a chair beside him. Once the nurse left and they were alone in the room, Latvia turned and stroked Russia's face.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes. And I do not have so much pain anymore."

"I'm so glad everything went well," Latvia sighed and looked into his eyes. "I was so worried that something was going to go wrong during the surgery."

Russia said, "Hey. What happened with those officers you mentioned?"

Latvia inhaled fast and looked to the side with both embarrassment and a little smile on his face.

"I… I kind of knocked them out…"

Russia blinked rapidly before breaking out into a wide smile.

"I'm so proud of you," he purred. "You've gotten so brave and strong."

Latvia tried to hide his smile behind his hand. Russia chuckled as he lay on his side and looked at him in amusement.

"It's not funny!" Latvia gasped, but then he exhaled with a laugh, before adding, "I didn't really mean to hurt them, it's just I was so upset and…"

Russia giggled at his reaction and as Latvia began to muddle up his words.

"You're so cute!" his eyes shone. "Come here, _kotik_."

Latvia knelt down and crossed his elbows over the bed. Russia reached out and ruffled his hair before petting the side of his face with his fingertips.

"Why am I still cute?" Latvia protested jokingly. "Aren't I a hardened fighter?"

Russia smiled and tapped Latvia's nose.

"No, Latvia is still adorable!" he sang. "Little _lapochka._ "

None of them really knew how it happened, but soon they found themselves in a soft kiss. The nurse froze in the doorway as she watched them pull away. Both jolted upon seeing her, and Latvia shuffled away from the bed.

Latvia stammered, "Uh-erm, i-it wasn't-"

"That doesn't bother me," she said. "Don't worry."

"R-Really?"

She nodded and then came up to Russia's side.

"Now, normally after brain surgery, you would be transferred to an intensive care unit for monitoring, but I can just run a few quick tests on you now," she said.

Latvia sat out of the way while she asked Russia to test the movements of his body parts. He could complete all of the tasks easily, and she quickly recorded the results on her clipboard.

"Looking good," she commented. "Actually, everything seems perfect. Perhaps we'll give you some anti-inflammatory medication, but it already seemed that the inflammation was abnormally low before surgery despite how long you said it had been in there for. It is amazing, really. Everyone here is impressed!"

She slipped out of the room and Latvia laughed nervously.

"That could have gone badly!"

Russia chuckled again and beckoned him back over.

"You're tiny; there's enough room," Russia smiled and lifted a corner of the blanket.

Latvia's eyes went wide and he said, "But she's coming right back!"

"Hmm... I am finding it hard to be caring."

When Latvia hesitated and stood where he was, Russia pouted but decided to wait. The nurse came back and gave him the pills with some water, and then she left.

"Are you not tired too?" Russia asked him. "You have been up most of the night."

"I am tired but… we are in a public building. Someone might just walk in here…"

"If it's a problem, then I will talk about it with them. But I don't want you to have to sleep on the chair," he said. "Come here."

Russia had shifted over and lay facing him on the side that did not have the stitches. Latvia cast a worried glance at the door before he slipped off his shoes and slid in beside him. Russia threw the blanket over him before he settled into the mattress and closed his exhausted eyes. Latvia soon found that the stress of the night had drained him, and he too found the darkness of deep sleep.

Not so long later, a loud bang startled them both awake. The door had been thrown open and the blond receptionist was at the door.

"The officers just escaped!" he called out.

He then blinked rapidly as he noticed the two sets of eyes looking up at him from on the bed. His face dropped into confusion.

"Wh-Wha-"

"Where did they go?" Latvia asked.

"Oh- erm, outside. They ran out of the building."

"Do you think they will send for more people?" Latvia asked Russia fearfully.

"I don't know…" he murmured. "The surgery is already done. They might try to punish me or capture me later, but maybe not here in public."

"I want them to just leave you alone," Latvia sighed. "That nurse could not have been more right. They don't treat you like a person; you're just government property to them."

The receptionist cleared his throat to remind them of his presence.

"Er- what are you two doing?"

"Well, we were sleeping," Russia answered and smiled at him.

"B-But if he wants, he can use the bed over there, and it shouldn't be a problem."

"No. He can sleep here."

"But that looks kind of…"

"Yes?"

"You know. Not right…" the receptionist said.

"How so?" Russia glared.

"Well, he is a _man_ and you are-"

"But there is no problem," Russia said. "We are not really disturbing you, right? You will go back to work and let us do whatever we want. This is not hurting anyone. Both of us are fine with this."

"But he is lying with you like he is a woman-"

"I would have thought that the front desk needed someone to operate there."

The man nodded slowly and then stepped hesitantly away.

Latvia then whispered, "I liked what you said."

As they lay back down Russia replied, "Don't listen to anything he said. That is wrong way of thinking, da?"

Latvia nodded, and Russia added, "If you were a woman, no one would care. But I am glad that you aren't. You're great just being you, so I am not caring. You don't need to be different."

Latvia nuzzled his broad chest happily before sliding back up to share the pillow with him.

"That was nice," he said before a yawn came to him, "Thank you for saying that."

Every time Latvia woke, he believed he would find guns pointed at their faces, but the room was always empty. The time quickly passed noon before both stretched and woke up. Latvia felt his stomach rubbed gently by a large, warm hand and he smiled and curled around it.

"I am wanting to go home," Russia said. "I think this is okay, are you not agreeing?"

"Do you want me to get someone?" Latvia said. "Tell them?"

"I am thinking that we can just be leaving."

Russia got up and Latvia decided to follow suit and as well put on his shoes. He followed him through the halls until they arrived back to the entrance, where they strolled past a different receptionist who still looked at them in astonishment as they walked by.

"Wait, you! What are you-"

They left the hospital. Latvia, once again, condemned Russia to the passenger seat while he took the wheel. Once back at his place, he unlocked the door and led Russia inside and immediately to the couch.

"You should rest," Latvia insisted. "I'll get you whatever you want."

"But I am feeling better, Latvia-"

"No, you can't do anything to strain yourself. No lifting anything heavy, and no moving too fast. You have to take it easy."

"Hmm. Can you be doing that with me?" Russia smiled.

"Of course," he gave him a smile back.

The afternoon at home began for Russia with a lot of treats and sweet tea. After he had perked up a little, Latvia made sandwiches and put them on a plate with vegetables. They both ate together and Latvia urged him to take more because he needed the energy.

"I can make more tea!" he insisted as he took the empty plates.

Russia smiled as he eagerly raced away. When he came back and was setting tea and more biscuits on the table, Russia laughed lightly and said, "You're so cute when you are taking care of me too!"

Latvia blushed and protested, "Come on, you can't call me that all the time!"

"Why not?" he smiled sweetly and looked at him in adoration. "It's true."

Latvia only went more red and could not offer up a reply. However, when he sat onto the cushion beside him, he soon moved and crawled onto Russia's lap to be held. He sat perpendicular to his body, and arms wrapped tightly around him as he pressed the side of his face against Russia's chest. Russia tickled his face in his hair as he lowered it to kiss the top of his head.

"So precious," he murmured.

He reached out a hand and snagged a biscuit. Latvia looked down as it was passed into his hands. Russia held him up as he leaned against him and nibbled on the snack.

" _Myshka_ ," Russia whispered. Latvia blushed harder and tried to cram the rest of the biscuit into his mouth to end the embarrassment. Russia only laughed softly and brought him back close as Latvia swallowed. Latvia slid his arms over his waist and hugged him while turning his head again to put an ear over his chest.

And so easily they passed a few minutes just holding each other while Russia continued to call him sweet things every once and a while before kissing his hair. Later however, Russia leaned over further and reached the back of Latvia's neck to kiss there instead. Promptly Latvia shrieked and jolted.

"That tickled!" he exclaimed.

Russia said, "I know. I knew it would."

Latvia turned his head up and stared at him with wide, excited eyes.

"Wait- do you mean that you remembered something?" he gasped.

Russia nodded and Latvia trembled excitedly.

Russia went on and said, "When I woke up earlier today, I was starting to remember some things, but only the random things."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Latvia asked. "Come on, tell me what you remember!"

"I just wanted to wait a bit so I could tell you the bigger things, but okay. When I woke up I got a few of the memories back, and even a few more since we've been here"- Russia then started to speak with a content laugh- "I remember kissing you a few times, falling asleep beside you, and thinking all the time how nice it was that you wanted to be with me. I remember everything that we did on Valentine's Day now too. Like how we went to the mall and I had to buy you all those books! Most people want chocolate and flowers, but you just wanted novels more than sweets. And I am remembering some of that trip to California, but not that big thing you mentioned earlier. I remember going to the beach, and how we both were so crazy with the sunscreen that neither of us got a tan, and then how I kept wanting to swim out further so I could get hit by the bigger waves because it was fun for me, but you looked so terrified so I would come back.

"But I do remember partway through, I think after that one thing, when you were sitting on the bed after you showered, but you looked so sad and... violated, and I remember how scared I was because all I wanted to be doing was to be holding and comforting you, and to protect you and make you forget what happened. I didn't know if I could touch you, in case you were afraid of another man being around you, but then you said you trusted me and so I did get to hold you while we talked about your feelings."

"Of course I trusted you," Latvia murmured. "You are nothing like them."

"But that is the only part I remember about that," Russia said. "Also, I am remembering choking Prussia but I don't remember why, and I am still having no idea how we became friends because I don't remember what happened after this. A lot of things from the Soviet Era are coming back to me, but I don't remember the other more recent things you were telling me about, like the last World Conference, the cultural fest in Canada, or when you caught me taking the other medication."

Latvia said, "But you remember so much already; I am so happy! I want you to remember all the good things so you can enjoy those memories."

"They're coming back to me," Russia said. "The bullet is gone. I can be healing now."

Latvia sighed and kissed his jaw. When he moved back down, Russia put his chin over Latvia's head. He held him for a more few minutes, accepting the comfort and encouragement of Latvia's presence before he shifted and Latvia slid off him to the side so that Russia could stand up. He left the room and came back after a few minutes, sat on the couch and leaned against Latvia as though pulled by magnetic force. Latvia looked up at eyes that gazed over him while blinking slowly.

He asked him, "Are you tired again?"

"A little," Russia replied.

"You can take a nap then."

"But what about you…?"

"I'll read."

It was soon arranged that Latvia would take a book from his bag and bring it back. He sat at the end of the couch with it held in one hand while he put a pillow over his lap. Russia curled up beside him and laid his head down with a sigh. His stitches faced Latvia, so Latvia was careful to go around them as he pet the head on his lap. He decided to stroke his forehead in the spot he knew the other liked, as he flipped open the book and began to read. Russia soon went quiet and breathed gently, and Latvia only stroked him for a little longer before he rested his hand on the pillow just above Russia's head.

He let the hours go by. Periodically he would glance down and smile a little to see the absolute tranquility upon the other's face. Sometimes he caressed his cheek, as though testing to see if he was actually there, warm and alive and snuggled in under his touch. Russia never responded to the touches, and he remained deep asleep as his exhausted body demanded rest to recover. Latvia had no desire to disturb him for this reason, to shift his legs too much or just do anything that could wake him.

Eventually he placed the book to the side and paid attention only to the sleeping face below. Latvia could not help but look at him fondly and think of how innocent he looked, as he was curled up and napping on him like a cat. As he regarded him, Russia's eyes creaked open and he rolled onto his back to raise his violet eyes up at him. Latvia pet his face while dragging his thumb softly over his eyebrow.

"Hey," Latvia murmured and smiled at him.

Russia smiled back before he sat up and pressed against him, allowing Latvia to lie against his arm. Latvia looked down at his hand as it slid over and glided into Russia's grasp.

Russia sighed while taking Latvia's hand and trapping it between the warmth of both of his. He then said, "I just want to spend all day with you and cuddle."

Latvia felt a warmth in his chest and it fluttered as he nuzzled his arm.

"But," Latvia said as he rubbed Russia's side, stood up and stretched, "Bathroom first. You were sleeping on me for so long!"

Russia waited on the couch and finished off the biscuits and the bit of cold tea left at the bottom of his cup. When Latvia returned, he stood up and walked towards him. Latvia titled his head in confusion and stopped where he was, and then Russia very gently, so that he was barely touching him- wrapped his arms around him. Latvia put his hands on his waist and lay carefully against his body. It seemed that Russia just wanted to hold him, for he did not want to move for a minute while he ghosted his hands over Latvia's back and hugged him so very delicately.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Russia murmured down to him.

"You shouldn't though. You should rest."

"Nothing strenuous. Just in the woods."

"Oh, that's fine I guess."

Russia's hands retreated from his back and brushed down his arms until they briefly held onto Latvia's fingertips before letting go.

"Do you think anyone is outside?" Latvia asked.

"I don't think so," Russia said.

Side-by-side, they walked to the front door. Russia bent down and gathered his shoes, kneeling with one leg turned out to the side. He leaned over on that leg with his forearm against it and his hand dropping off. When Latvia came close to get his own shoes, Russia put his pair back down and instead straightened himself up and spread out his arms to Latvia. He received a sweet smile in return, before Latvia stepped into the hug. Russia glided his hands up his back and leaned in against him, holding him for a minute before Latvia reminded him of their plans.

"Outside?" he said with a laugh before pecking his nose with a kiss.

Russia hummed in agreement and let him go to grab at his shoes again and put them on. Once outside, a refreshing breeze welcomed them and cleared away the drowsy tinges of black in Russia's sight. They padded onto the grass and walked around the house until they reached the expanse of land in the back, just out of sight from the rest of the world as the grass led to trees.

It was quiet back here, and there seemed to be no sign of presences. Russia took his hand and they crossed the field of the flowing grass that kissed their ankles as the wind blew. They broke through the border of trees and grass, and started to follow a path through the woods.

"I think here was where I found Prussia," Russia commented as they went deeper and the trees swallowed up sight of Russia's home. "By the water I think."

Latvia listened and heard a river not so far away, as well as little chirps and streams of bird song around them. He tilted his head back and sought out the songbirds flitting through the branches above, and he caught sight of pale yellow shapes that disappeared so quickly among the dark green pine foliage.

They walked for a while on the dark path of healthy topsoil. Latvia could not remember the last time he had been here, so he relied on the feet beside him to be able to take them back the way they had come. Russia led them to the river; a place thick with life as insects buzzed around the shore vegetation and a few common waterbirds drifted along with the slow current.

"It's really nice here," Latvia said.

Russia nodded a little and said, "It is too bad that it does not last long. It is so different in the winter… it looks nothing like it did last January."

Latvia saw in Russia's eyes as he was imagining the calm river transforming into whatever he had seen before in his memory. Russia shook his head before pointing down the shore, just a little off trail among the pine trees and past a few bushes.

"Prussia was over there," he said. "I saw him from where we are standing right now, and then I came over as he started walking towards the shore. The river was big, and fast. And he looked so lost; I knew that he was just going to step off that ledge and let it take him. I wanted to help him, and I didn't want him to kill himself without realizing what that meant. I just wanted to show him that he wanted to live, even if I hurt him to do it and I am still feeling bad about it. I took care of him after, and we told each other our stories and he was very nice to have over. He was so unpredictable, and always wanting to have fun- I'm so happy that we don't hate each other anymore."

"Wow, you remember all that?" Latvia gasped.

Russia nodded again.

They strolled down the shoreline and regarded the shine of the flowing water over the stones. After a while, they arrived at a timber bridge that crossed over the river. Here Russia turned to him and asked if he would like to go further, to which Latvia agreed. They parted hands and stepped onto the bridge where their feet tapped satisfyingly on the planks.

"How long has this been here?" Latvia asked.

"I built it fifty years ago," Russia said.

Latvia smiled to himself as he followed behind.

They continued on for a long time by just following the trails. The time passed by quickly, and as they were heading back, Latvia was surprised to see the changing of colors in the sky through the foliage.

"What? How long were we out for?"

Russia lifted one shoulder in a shrug then said, "Well, now that I am thinking about it, I am very hungry. You are this as well?"

After receiving confirmation, they both hurried along to beat the setting sun. As they crossed back over the bridge, the water was glowing with the reflections of the orange and apricot colours from above. The grass underfoot became dimmer as the light was pulled away over the horizon, until only a bit was left by the time they were back inside.

Latvia, after having seen the time, ordered Russia that he needed to relax for the rest of the day. He took over the job of cooking, and when Russia protested and wanted to help, Latvia fetched his sketchbook and utensils and sat him down with it at the table.

"Draw something while you wait," he suggested.

"But what should I be drawing?"

"Surprise me."

Latvia did not watch him as he twitched his hand over the paper while he cooked. When it was done however, and he had set everything on the table, he came over to take a peek. Immediately before Latvia saw it, he received an apology from Russia. Latvia then held onto his shoulders and checked it out from behind him.

His eyebrows raised and he said, "Well, you surprised me!"

Russia closed up the book and hid its gory contents from sight.

"It is seeming that that is all I can draw," he sighed. "I tried drawing the flowers first but then the other thing just happened. It is just so easy for me to draw."

"I know," Latvia piped as he dropped an empty plate and glass in front of Russia. "It doesn't mean you're crazy."

"Punching bread would be much crazier art, da?"

"Yes," Latvia grinned and exhaled a laugh.

After they had eaten and cleaned up, they made their way to the couch that held a television in front of it.

"We did this one time before, did we not?" Russia asked.

"Yes, that's right!" Latvia perked. "But we never got to finish the movie."

"Da. Estonia called."

Latvia lay against him as the remote was passed to him and he was given the freedom to pick something. Once something neither of them had seen before was chosen, they settled in with Latvia curled up beside him with an arm just behind him, stretched out along the top of the back pillow.

Later on into the movie, the main character began finding an interest in a particular work colleague. Russia smirked and said to Latvia, "Of course you were choosing romance movie."

"What? No- I didn't do this on purpose!" he protested.

But as the story continued and the relationship between the characters strengthened, Latvia was only teased further.

"Oh," Russia grinned as a long-shot of a kiss appeared on screen. "Look at what you did."

"I've never seen this movie!" Latvia cried out while whipping his face up to stare at him sincerely. "I swear!"

Fingers touched him underneath his chin and Russia bent over. He pulled away just a little bit after the scene had ended, and he smiled again as the objecting light in Latvia's eyes died away and he just looked to the side with a shushed smile.

"I do not watch the romance movies so often," Russia said. "But so far I am not minding this one."

They continued to watch in silence until about ten minutes later when the woman agreed to let the man into her house after a date.

Russia sighed, "Latvia…"

Both of them predicted the next scenes. One thing led to another, and soon it became the stereotypical "after the third date" night. Latvia squirmed awkwardly and turned slightly to bury his face into Russia's side.

"Haven't they only known each other for two weeks?" Russia commented as the characters attempted to devour each other's faces. "Is this what is considered love? Because it is just looking like selfish thing right now."

Latvia looked back at the screen and frowned.

"I don't know… this is more for the audience I think. Increases the views."

"But you like this stuff, do you not? Is this not what you are reading all the time?"

"S-Sometimes but… that's not _why_ I read them," Latvia stressed.

"I do not think this is right. Can we be watching something else?"

Latvia agreed and they switched to a common family film.

When it was over, it had gotten much later into the night and it was decided that they would get ready for bed. However, when Latvia hopped onto the bed and offered up the deck of cards he had found, Russia accepted and spent some time relaxing his eyes by playing _Svoyi Koziri_ with him.

Although Russia was still drowsy from all that had happened to him last night, he was still awake enough to do the calculations and win the game. Latvia seemed surprised that he had lost, so Russia put the cards away and gathered him up.

"You might be winning next time," he murmured.

As he laid down Latvia carefully, Russia pulled his earlobe affectionately with his lips. Latvia gasped then smiled pleasantly, and Russia let out a giggle before nuzzling his face. Russia reached up his hand and he caressed his face, stroking down his forehead to his cheek lightly and repetitively. He turned his face towards him so he could look over his Latvia's face. His gaze softened dreamily and Latvia swam in the gentle violet waters of Russia's irises that were so warm and calm after the thaw. The eyelashes that blinked over the beguiling ocean of colours were pure and seemed to be made of beautiful frost.

Latvia touched both sides of his jaw and guided his head down. Russia was considerably gentle with him, only kissing him softly before lifting away and looking at him again. He gazed at the other's lips momentarily, revealing that he wanted to keep going, but he did not move until Latvia brought him close again. This time he was more comfortable, but again stopped shortly after.

"Is this okay with you?" Russia asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I was just thinking… I mean we were doing this yesterday, and I am starting to think that I do this a lot… is this too much? I love to kiss you, but I won't do it unless you like to do this too. I don't want you to say nothing if something is bothering you. Please... tell me."

"But yesterday I did those things without you telling me to. I chose it myself."

"But you wanted me to break the last barrier so that I felt comfortable with you again. You were treating some things like acts of trust… I don't know how much you like it when I do those things with you. Or when I just touch or hug you… is that wrong of me to be doing? I didn't think of it before, but now that I am getting my memories back, I realize that I never asked you so much if you liked those things. What everyone else said about me… I remember how they accused me at the meeting of doing things to you that you were not wanting. Have I ever done any of that? Has there ever been a time where you didn't want something I did?"

"Why are you questioning yourself?" Latvia said. "No, never. I like the things you do. You are nice, and so careful with me. All you want to do is cuddle all the time; do innocent things. It feels nice when you show that you love me."

Russia titled his head again and kissed him gently. He still lay mostly perpendicular to him, with only his hands on either side of him. When he drifted away, Latvia said to him, "You don't have to lie down like that. You can do like what I did yesterday."

Russia was silent and he cast his eyes to the side.

"It's okay," Latvia persisted.

He murmured in reply, "I don't want to scare you."

"No, don't worry."

Russia still did not meet his gaze, but instead he stared at the mattress.

"I did this one time to you, and I remember that you looked so frightened."

"O-Oh... you remember that."

Russia nodded before lifting his arms away from him and just lying down beside him on his stomach. Latvia rolled onto his side and stroked his fingers down Russia's spine. Russia closed his eyes and swallowed.

"It's okay," Latvia said. "I promise. We trust each other, remember?"

He gave his cheek a kiss and then slid away to lie on his back again as encouragement. Russia exhaled slowly and then opened his eyes and pushed himself back up. He glanced at Latvia's fully sincere gaze before he gave him a small smile and came back to him. He started kissing him as he had before, until he slowly swung his leg over him. He slid his right arm up the bed to lay it beside Latvia's head while his left hand ran down his arm before settling on the side of his rib cage. When he pulled away, he looked at Latvia's face and at his lips that were still partially apart.

Russia nervously gazed down at their positions and asked, "Are you sure you are okay with this?"

Latvia nodded and gazed at him; his mouth still inviting. Russia lowered his face.

When he lifted off him, he slid his weight backwards so his pelvis was not so close to him. He now had some more space to look down, and as he did this he felt a fear arise inside him as he realized how small Latvia looked under him. He suppressed shivering as he realized as well how trapped he looked, with his arms on either side of him and his legs spread over his crotch. He felt for the first time that he had too much power, and that if he was not careful, he would break Latvia by accident.

He had never thought about this the first time he had done this; but now that he was considering the subject more, the more he realized how much he could do. The fact that Latvia was right the night before, when he said that he could not stop him from doing whatever he wanted to him, and that he only trusted that he would not hurt him- terrified Russia. He looked so fragile right now; like a tiny china figure with slender limbs and delicate joints.

"Russia, you look upset."

Russia scooped his arms under Latvia's armpits before shifting down a bit and then lying over him and putting his head on Latvia's chest. As he lay there, Latvia moved a hand and rubbed the back of his head comfortingly.

"Today was a good day, don't you think?" Latvia murmured. "I mean, after we got back from the hospital."

"Today was very nice," and then a smile returned to Russia's face. "Thank you for it."

Russia felt Latvia's muscles stiffen as he said, "I just don't understand why no one showed up yet. They must have heard about what happened."

"Ah… I don't know," Russia replied.

He slid off Latvia and lay down beside him.

"I am not feeling good about this," Russia continued. "My boss was so angry the last time, and now that I've disobeyed him again, there is no way that he is just going to be forgetting about this."

"Yes," Latvia sighed. "He couldn't have just given up and decided to let us be. That sounds too good to be true."

"I will try being brave when he comes," Russia said. "I will do like you said. I am going to try standing up for myself."

"Like you promised," Latvia said.

Russia agreed and whispered, " _Like I promised._ "

And so after, they turned off the lights and slipped under the blankets. Latvia snuggled up under his arm, clinging to his side as they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

" _Russia_."

Russia _hmm_ ed when he heard his name being called, but he did not stir. He stayed in the darkness of sleep that continued to lay its influence heavily upon him.

" _R-R-Russia... wa-wake up."_

Russia still found himself in the dark, but then a bit of consciousness came to him as he recognized the voice he was hearing to be Latvia's.

 _Wait… why is he stuttering?_

As his body began to awake from its deep sleep, he began to see an orange light under his eyelids. When he opened his eyes, he noticed immediately and was surprised to find that the lights in the room were on. He turned over to Latvia but found that the bed beside him was empty. His eyes drifted upwards and found Latvia standing and trembling intensely while staring at him in stark terror.

"Obviously we need to talk," a calm Russian voice spoke behind Latvia.

The president held Latvia tight against him with one arm like a bar across his chest and the other raised and turned to keep the pistol jammed against Latvia's skull.

Russia jolted and gasped, "No, please- leave him out of this!"

When he shifted across the bed, his boss gripped Latvia tighter and replied, "He is a precaution. In order to keep you from attacking me, for it seems that you cannot be trusted."

"I will not attack you," Russia said and lifted a hand to demonstrate calm intentions as he came closer again. "Please, let him go."

"Stop. No closer, Russia. We will talk like this. If you make any moves, even if I may not be able to kill him, I will burst his brains and you will have to clean it up."

"But you can't hurt him. He is a NATO country."

His boss made a face of irritation and he said, "I know this perfectly well. I hope that you can see where the problem lies."

"But I cannot help it," Russia said. "And no matter how hard you try to educate me, this will keep happening again. It doesn't have to concern you though. If you leave us alone we won't bother you."

The other's eyes widened.

"Doesn't concern me? How could it not?" he shook his head. "You have grown so rebellious, Russia. I don't know what has gotten into you, but this problem needs to be addressed. And if all of your disobedience is _his_ fault, then it needs to end before you do something stupid and get this whole nation in trouble. He needs to go."

Russia frowned.

"Wait, what are you-"

"I really don't want to do this, but I need to prioritize the people. He needs to _go_ Russia, but I don't think I can do it. It will have to be you who does it."

"What?" Russia cried.

His boss nodded solemnly and said, "Take the gun, Russia."

"No."

"This is an order, Russia. Take the gun."

"But even if I wanted to, I can't kill him! He has a NATO alliance. I can't do this!"

"Where are we now?" he said. "In your house. In Russia. With no one around. No one else will have any proof. Of course they will have their suspicions, but when Latvia 'goes missing', you will look concerned too, won't you?"

"No, none of this is necessary. I do not understand what is happening. You are a really good president… you aren't like the others. You aren't a murderer so why…?"

"I command you to take this gun and kill him. Clean up after, bury him in the woods back there, and make sure _no_ other nation finds out about this."

"No!"

"Russia."

He had not raised his voice, but the clarity of it, and the condescending look in his eyes made Russia freeze and all emotion disappear from his face. His boss raised out the pistol and very slowly Russia reached out a quivering hand to grab it. Latvia looked at the gun fearfully and then at Russia's pale face as he gazed over it.

The gun was slipped into Russia's hand. His boss slunk away from Latvia and left him stiff against the wall while Russia still held the gun down as he swallowed. He raised his eyes and met Latvia's, and he was amazed at how the fear had left his gaze. Latvia had stopped shaking, and now he seemed to relax now that Russia was standing in front of him with the weapon.

"I'm sorry," Russia murmured. The muscles in his hand tensed and the gun burst in his hand. Metal crushed inwards and small pieces dropped between his fingers when he relaxed his grip.

"I thought as much," his boss muttered.

Russia immediately replied, "Look, no one has to find out about this. I can keep a secret, and if you can too, then none of the Russian people need to know about this. You will never be able to stop me from being with him."

"What?" the president said. "You think that _this_ is my problem? No. Russia. I have made no laws that make homosexuality illegal in this country. There are other countries in this world that arrest people for this, and some even hold the death penalty for it. Not here though. You know well the culture of the people here, and how the Orthodox church views this subject, but even if it is nontraditional and not encouraged, I am not an expert on this topic so I will not condemn you."

Latvia blinked in surprise, and Russia said, "So, then…"

"But his presence is a threat to the nation. I want to do nothing else but make this nation strong and gain pride for the people. But if you decide to slack off work and act rebellious to all authority in this country, then go as far as establishing relations with other countries without the consent of me, there is where we have a problem."

Russia cocked his head, "Relations…?"

"It is already an issue when the Western countries break their pledge not to extend NATO and they give the status to Eastern countries who _border_ us," he said with a solid glare at Latvia. "Forcing them to choose between their alliance and Russia. And now that the West is trying to demonize the land and even me, the people need our support more than ever. They need to rely on us. If they hear about how you have betrayed them and formed an alliance with this NATO Baltic country, and how you disobey their leader, then they will lose confidence with not only me, but the government."

"N-No, you have it all wrong," Russia stammered. "This has nothing to do with international politics."

"But are you not this country? Does not everything you do affect this land?"

"No," Russia said. "It does not have to. This is just a human choice that I am making."

"Human choice?" he echoed. "You are not human. You do not have this."

Latvia crept over to the bed until he stood nervously beside Russia. Russia's eyes widened as a sort of understanding hit him.

"Wait, do you not think that I can make my own choices?"

"How can you? Do you not do as the people do, and does that not drive your decisions? If you disobey me, then I must work harder to gain the popularity of the people while keeping you as cooperative as possible."

"Of course I am affected and influenced by them, but I am also a citizen here just like everyone else. I had to live through all of their struggles, and I grew up with the same culture and beliefs as them. But I still have a mind. I still think things over. I decide things all the time, such as what I will have for breakfast, what I will do in my free time or when I am on vacation."

"Yet you only eat Russian food, do you not? And you vacation in hot places, just like everyone else here likes to do in the winter. These aren't your choices."

"They are though!" Russia protested. "If I knew how to cook something else that is also tasty, then I would. And if I go somewhere warm, it is because I got sick of the winter. That is my feeling about it."

"Pl-Please, Sir," Latvia cut in. He received another sharp glare. "Think of us as humans that are immortal. It is easier to understand this way."

"So you are telling me that you are choosing to disobey me. Not because of an influence."

"No, I am not disobeying you. There is a misunderstanding. Because I _choose_ to spend my time with him, it does not mean I have formed an alliance, agreement, or treaty of any kind with his country. I would never do such a thing without talking with you first."

"I see," he replied.

"Okay, I am seeing now why you were angry," Russia sighed. "But no. This will have nothing to do with you at all, I promise. Only my personal life will be affected."

"But I am worried that if you do something to him and get in trouble with the other countries, like if you attack or hurt him- their leaders will think that signifies an attack on the country. It will be a national crisis with headlines in the West describing how the 'evil' country of Russia is forcefully trying to incorporate the Baltic countries back into it. You know how the media works over there. If you don't tread lightly, everyone will jump at the opportunity to throw more hatred upon us, and I refuse to endanger the lives of everyone here."

"No. I would never hurt him. He is very special to me," Russia replied. "Also, everyone else already knows about this and it isn't a big deal anymore."

"You never told me this."

"I was not sure if you would be more angry to hear this," Russia said.

"You cannot hide anything from me. If the other nations tell their leaders rumors about us, I need to know."

Russia said, "I don't know if they did. They know too that this is just something we are doing and it does not involve politics."

"Then as long as this does not involve me or become a problem, _this_ "-he waved his hand between them both- "doesn't concern me. But you must prioritize your work, and don't you make me regret anything. Or else I _will_ have to take measures I do not want to take."

"I do not want to be punished. It hurts. A lot. I am saying no to this."

The president shook his head, "Around me you have acted only like a robot who registers pain but doesn't seem to feel it. You know where you get hurt, but I have never heard you emit the smallest sound of pain. The things that have been done to you under my command were done as crippling methods, in hopes to inconvenience you. And the medication was to keep you from registering the bullet in your head of course, so you would keep it in and not remove it and become rebellious again."

"But the bullet and medication hurt him," Latvia said. "The prescription was too high! He stopped breathing in his sleep and he almost _died_! And when I convinced him to stop taking them, his head hurt so much that he couldn't sleep."

"Then, I must apologize. No one knew how many someone like you would need, and no one knew that it could possibly harm you."

Everyone looked at each other unsurely as they stood around. Latvia had lost all fear and anger now that an understanding had been reached, and he looked up at Russia and saw utter relief there.

"I will do whatever work you give me," Russia promised. "I will prioritize of course, but spare time and vacations I want to have with him. I will stay out of your way."

"Then, this is settled," the president nodded. "I hope both of us have reached an agreement. Well, I will be seeing you later."

He calmly flicked off the light in the room and then headed out and left the house. They did not hear it, but he did indeed turn his key and lock the door on his way out.

"Oh my god," Latvia whispered in the silence.

Russia snaked his arms around his waist and held him against him. Soon, he changed his mind and he hopped back onto the bed and beckoned Latvia to him. Latvia crawled into his arms and slid up close against him. Russia did not react to it as he had the night before, and instead he only pet Latvia from his soft hair down to his lower back.

"It is okay now," Russia changed back to English, and whispered to him. "We can be together now."

Both smiled so joyfully and from his position Latvia gave his chest a kiss through his shirt.

"That's it? It is really okay now?"

"It is," Russia purred and clung to him. "No one is left to tear us apart."

They both held each other protectively, and as they forgot the rest of the world and only felt the warmth in their hearts, the gun was forgotten with it pieces still scattered across the floor.

* * *

 **Myshka (** **мышка) is a term of endearment that means _little mouse_.**


	24. Everlasting Gold

**The typos will be filtered out over time as I look back and reread my work, because I truly want to provide the best writing for those who enjoy this story.**

 **I have plans to release one-shots of this pairing (which can be considered extra scenes for this story) every once in a while. As the main intention of this story was to encourage a positive outlook upon the Ruslat pairing, I wish to continue contributing nice works for the fandom.**

* * *

"Scary dream I had," Russia said.

Latvia _hmm_ ed and looked up as fingertips breezed over his cheek.

He whispered, "What did you dream about?"

"Terrible thing. And I saw it so clearly," Russia murmured. "But I know that it wasn't really a dream. It was one of the memories you were telling me about."

"Was it?"

He watched how part of the beam of light sneaking into the room from the window bathed half of Russia's face. It glowed like nectar; amber on his pale skin. One eye shone as though it was radiating the beautiful light of a celestial, purple star. Latvia watched as he delicately hugged the bundle of cushiony covers to his chest, how the other's lips pulled out into a saddened smile. He sank into its soft feeling and he slowly inhaled the clean smell of the covers, and the familiar relaxing scent of Russia that was sweetly embedded into all the materials.

Russia said, "I was standing on the shore and I watched you hit your head off the ice before you fell in. I remember how slow I felt running across the ice, and when I was in the water, how heavy we felt and how I seemed to be getting nowhere. I threw you out, but the water was so cold and the ice kept breaking, and I felt like giving up so much and just slipping back into the water because I was so tired. But I still remember so well how when I saw you looking at me, I knew that you didn't want me to die. And then I wanted so much to get to you, and carry you to someplace warm."

"It was scary for both of us," Latvia murmured. "But everything turned out alright."

"I can't even imagine how things would have been if you had died that day. I do not want to even be thinking about it."

Russia had been lying up on his side, and now he reached out his arm over Latvia and started caressing his back. Latvia closed his eyes contently as Russia switched to putting his hand up his shirt and rubbing soothing circles over his lean back muscles.

Russia continued, "I am so happy that you are okay, and that you are here right now."

After a few minutes of cuddling and waking up, they went off to do their own things before heading to the kitchen. Russia was made to relax again and draw at the table while Latvia worked on preparing some thin, Russian pancakes. He put a bunch on a plate and set it on the table before putting strawberry jam down beside it. Milk was dropped down as well, and then a bowl of diced cantaloupe was slid into the middle.

"This is so nice of you," Russia smiled at him as he cleared away his area. "Thank you."

Latvia sat down and handed over to him his plate and utensils. Once he was sitting directly across from him and observing him in full profile, Latvia considered his appearance consciously for the first time since he had come out from the operation. Half of his hair was cut right down to a something that neighbored a buzz cut, and this sort of punk-style haircut made him look more intimidating than when he had had ashen-blond hair hanging softly down on both sides of his head.

Russia cocked his head when he noticed Latvia staring at him. Despite the haircut, his continued innocent expression instilled no different feelings into Latvia as he regarded him. He smiled nicely at him and put his attention upon his knife and fork.

After a few pancakes disappeared, Latvia tapped the side of the bowl with his fork and said, "Eat the fruit. You are still recovering and you really need it."

Russia gave him another soft smile and complied, spearing an orange cube and popping it into his mouth. Latvia continued to harass him so that he would keep taking them. Even when half of the bowl was gone and Latvia had only taken a few for himself, he insisted that Russia have more.

"Come on," Latvia said.

Russia sighed and replied, "I already had half. You should be having some too."

"You need it more," he persisted.

Latvia sank his fork into one of the pieces. He then leaned over the table and held it in front of the other's face.

Russia laughed softly, "You are really wanting me to do this?"

When Latvia smiled, Russia leaned forward a bit and slid the fruit off the fork with his teeth. Latvia laughed gleefully and grabbed one piece after the other until only a few were left. That was when Russia decided to lean backwards against his chair and continue to cut his pancakes to leave Latvia with the rest.

"And you called _me_ cute," Latvia giggled with a grin.

A tinge of pink ran across both of Russia's cheeks, but he remained quiet.

Latvia did the dishes while Russia went off presumably to his office. Latvia caught up to him after and saw him there, and he tapped on the door before approaching his desk.

Latvia asked, "Is it okay if we talk quickly?"

"About what?"

"I… I don't want to upset you, but it's just that I've been here for a month. I was thinking that because I haven't talked to my boss at all about this, that I should… you know…"

"I understand," Russia murmured. "You… you have to be going home."

"Yeah…" Latvia breathed.

Russia's eyes went down to his screen. Latvia looked over his figure, and found himself again fixed on his head and at the thick, stitched injury. The first thing he considered was that it looked vastly different than how it had the day before, and that its colour was nearly a normal one. His next thought was that perhaps today or tomorrow he could get the stitches taken out.

"But…" Latvia went on. "It's not that I want to leave you. I really like being with you."

Russia looked back up at him and turned his head slightly while smiling sadly.

"You were never meant to stay with me forever," Russia said. "No one was. I used to feel the regret over this, and I was sad that everyone had left me alone. But it is okay. I started to learn this in the last few days, after I told you to go home although you stayed. It is not my choice anymore, nor will it ever be again. I can't have you, or anyone. It is just something I am learning to accept."

"No…" Latvia whispered. "That doesn't sound right. That sounds so… so…"

"Sad," Russia said. "I know. But this is how life is working, is it not? It is cruel, and passing time is a curse. You will come and go, but when you are here, you are not really here, do you not think so as well? I will blink my eyes, and you will be gone. Like you were just an illusion."

"Your happiness isn't so... _evanescent_ ," Latvia choked. "There is so much for us to do. I want to be with you. I will be with you. How could I let you be alone?"

"Latvia," Russia murmured. "It doesn't have to be a sad thing. At least the time apart will keep us from being sick of each other."

"But how could I get sick of you when there is an infinite amount of things to do? All the places to go, the new inventions and events… I want to do all of these things with you. How could you think that after how hard I worked to help you, how after I had stayed beside you despite everything that was thrown at us- that I would get _bored_ of you? I won't!"

"No…?"

"No," Latvia said. "Even if I spend time away from you, it is not like we are taking a break. How could I stop thinking about you,and about how much I just want you to be with me? Of course I want to spend my life with you, because of how we changed together from the people we used to be. After all these years, I feel as though we need each other… And it just feels so wonderful to be with someone who cares about you unconditionally."

"Do you mean that?" Russia whispered. "You are really wanting to be spending your life with me?"

Latvia nodded. "Of course. You. I want to be with _you_. Despite all those books I've read, I've never believed that I would feel this way myself, with anyone. I don't know if I can feel like this for anyone else. You are amazing; you are so kind and gentle to me. I feel so safe in your arms, and I love to make you happy. Didn't I tell you your real smile is beautiful? All I want is to be with you and see it all the time."

"I really want to be with you," Russia sighed. "I just want to hold you, and I want you to feel happy and safe with me. I want to fall asleep beside you every night and wake up to see your sweet face."

"And we will. So much. I promise that I will see you as often as possible, and even hurry over even if it is only for one day with you."

Russia lifted himself up in his chair.

"Really? You would be doing that? Even if it is one day?"

When Latvia nodded eagerly, Russia beamed and said, "Can I do this too? Can I come over to your house?"

"Whenever you want," he replied. "I'll give you a key too."

Russia gasped and drummed his fingers on the desk excitedly.

"Really? I can come over whenever I am wanting to? You are fine with this?"

"The only person who isn't going to like this is my boss, but I guess he will have to get over it, yes?"

The delight shone brightly in Russia's eyes. Latvia would have approached him, but because he had his things out on his desk, he stayed away out of consideration. He was therefore surprised when Russia, after glancing at something on his screen, beckoned Latvia over. He hesitantly came to his side.

Russia explained, "We should look at this together."

His email account was open and there was a long list of unread emails. One was currently highlighted, sent an hour ago, and it was from none other than Russia's boss. It was untitled.

"Are you sure?" Latvia asked.

"It's going to be about us," he replied.

What they found inside was exactly a follow-up of the discussion from last night. Immediately a list of negotiations, or rather, rules- was set before them. Before they started reading them, both of them felt quite apprehensive, but then as Russia muttered them aloud, their attributes were revealed.

"Assignments will be prioritized. If you are given an assignment, even while he is with you, you must isolate yourself and complete the work before putting any attention back upon him," Russia read.

"But you've already kind of been doing that, right?"

Russia nodded, then continued, "If he is present when I come over to meet you, he must go to another part of the house where he will not hear or have a part in our business."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

"Okay, and then… Activities in Russia are permitted, but absolutely no public displays of affection will be allowed." Russia peered over at him. "Do you think that we can do these things in other countries? Is this allowed?"

"You can ask."

"Hmm… we can just assume. If we get in trouble, I can try defending myself with the confusion."

Latvia slipped a hand onto his shoulder and leaned in against him to follow along.

Russia continued, "Latvia must sign a form to prove that this relationship is nonpolitical, and that both parties consent to it. Agreement is required so that this nation is not accused of obligating and taking control of a NATO nation. This form will also be signed by the Latvian president, and then sent back to me."

He scrolled down and then the entirety of the next page was the aforementioned form. They glazed over the terms at the top, which described the previous term in more detail.

Russia asked, "Do you think that your boss will sign this?"

"I think so. This seems fair."

On the next page, were the final words.

"Regarding upcoming vacation times, both weeks 33 and 34 are available for you. Do what you will, but contact me beforehand and let me know your planned location and submit all information on hotels, flights, rentals, etc."

"That's next week!" Latvia gasped.

Russia worriedly asked him, "Can you get it off?"

"I'll do anything to get that off," Latvia smiled.

"Should I be emailing Prussia? Maybe we can set something up."

Latvia nodded enthusiastically before setting his chin on Russia's shoulder. A hand reached up and stroked his cheek before setting itself down on the keyboard and getting to work. Latvia watched him write the inquiry to Prussia and send it off. After this was taken care of, Russia swallowed and said, "So, when was it you were leaving today?"

"Sometime this afternoon. I should be back home for tomorrow morning."

When a look of sadness crossed over the other's face, Latvia eased him into a hug. Russia raised his back off the chair so Latvia's hands could slip onto his back. As the angle still made it difficult to embrace him, Latvia slid over the other's legs and clung to him while seated sideways on his lap. Russia leaned into the hug and held him tightly.

"I'm going to miss you," Russia murmured.

"I know," Latvia whispered. "I will miss you too. But we'll see each other again soon. It's just a few days."

"It will be hard to sleep without you," Russia said. "The pillows aren't as cozy and warm."

Latvia nuzzled his chest and Russia smiled down at him with an exhale that expressed adoration. He pet the back of Latvia's head while holding him close against him. After a few minutes however, Russia dropped his hand.

He sighed, "But I am having assignment to be doing now… He says that I have to do it first, but I just want to hold you… especially because you will be leaving soon."

"But I can stay here, can't I?" Latvia perked. "I can turn my body then and you can type."

"But you will be facing the computer."

"I won't look…." then Latvia considered that it would not be fair to offer this if Russia had no way to know if he had his eyes open or not, so he added, "Actually, give me your scarf. I can have a blindfold."

Russia took it off and wrapped it around Latvia's eyes and tied it for him. When it was comfortably on him, he let the ends of the scarf drop over the side of the chair and lie on the carpet. He smiled contently when Latvia pressed against him and he could rest his arms on Latvia's sides as he reached to the keyboard.

Latvia closed his eyes under the blindfold and relaxed against his body as he listened to the taps of Russia's fingers efficiently striking the keys. Although there was nothing to do to occupy himself, he hardly cared when he felt so fuzzy between Russia's arms and so snug from his warmth. He could feel his diaphragm moving and how his chest expanded, and as he respired slowly his solid bones and muscles rocked Latvia back and forth. He felt the smooth bumps of his ribs when he turned his face to the side and laid it against Russia. Through the fabric of the scarf, he heard the calm thudding of his heart, and the deep, relaxed inhales and exhales that the other took.

 _Such precious, little things that I never thought about so long ago. But I love them now; I am close to him, and I can feel how he is alive. And how glad I am, that he is here with me right now._

The tapping stopped after a while and Latvia felt the muscles in Russia's arm go taut as he stretched them. When they went slack, they slid around Latvia and momentarily squeezed him into a hug while his hands caressed his sides. This only lasted for a few moments, before Russia put his hands back on the keyboard. After a few seconds however, he bent his back and dropped his head to nestle a kiss through his hair while still typing.

When the noise ceased to continue, Russia promptly set all his attention upon Latvia. He brushed his hands down Latvia's chest and rested them on his waist. He shifted again and leaned forward, tilting his head so he could delicately kiss his cheek. After, he carefully undid the knot and threw the scarf back around his own neck.

"I am done," he smiled as he slipped his arms around the other's body and held him gently.

Latvia continued to be limp in his hold, just lying against him and listening to his breathing and heartbeat. Then, Latvia asked softly, "What do you want to do before I leave?"

"Can we cuddle?"

"Of course."

Russia carried him out of the office and to his bedroom. He carefully laid Latvia onto the mattress before he turned off the light and walked around to hop in and join him. He slid under the blankets with him and adjusted a pillow below his arm for Latvia. Latvia shifted in, put his head down, and slowly sunk into comfort against Russia.

"Ah," Russia sighed. "So warm."

* * *

Latvia had stayed over with Russia for longer than the original plan, and now there would be no avoiding the trouble he would get from his boss for being late. Now, it was already night and Latvia was waiting on the platform for his train to arrive. He stood outside in the breezeless, warm night, leaning against a pillar and occupying himself by dragging a foot over a crack on the ground repetitively. Around him, hardly anyone else stood around and waited for the train that departed to Riga. The few people here only fiddled around on their phones by themselves against their own pillars further away.

A thud sounded to his side and he glanced to his right. A man clutched at a garbage can for balance before he trudged away from it and grumbled along. Latvia saw the corner of a ticket poking out from his pocket, but the man did not seem in the mood to stand and wait like the others. This man's wide-eyed stare locked onto him, and then he stumbled over to him with a sway that threw his body in diagonal trajectories.

Latvia stepped back uncomfortably as the man came closer.

 _Is he actually looking at me? Why is he coming over here?_

The man groaned out heavy breaths, and the reek of alcohol reached Latvia's nostrils as he came closer. Although his path was crooked, his objective still did not switch from Latvia.

So he said to the man in polite Russian, "Sir, what are you doing? Could you please not come close to me?"

He slurred, "Twentyeleven minutes is 'nough time. Wanna go back there?"

"What?"

"Mmm, before the train comes. Maybe we do something before I sleeps…? Let's go in."

The man turned his head towards the public washroom.

"What are you talking about?"

"Small…" he mumbled before gazing over him.

As the eyes scanned him, that was when realization struck Latvia. He was looking at him with those piercing, lustful eyes as those men in California had looked at him before. The man had his focus low, and promptly Latvia threw his bag in front of him and covered that part of his body while yelping, "Hey! Don't look at me like that!"

The man smacked his lips and took a wavering step closer and invaded his space.

"I won't hurtcha, just come back there with me."

"No! Get away!"

"But you look so _gooood_. Small... you gotta be tight, yes?"

His dirty, meaty hand reached out to touch his face. Latvia looked straight into the man's eyes, and here he saw only animalistic desire that was devoid of all morality and consciousness. He leaped away and walked backwards, throwing his head back briefly to see if the other people saw what was happening on this side of the platform, but he found that no one's attention had been snatched away from their phones.

Yet even as he walked out into the open for all eyes and cameras to see, the thick legs of the man moved forward under his round gut. He practically moved like a zombie, lurching and reaching out a hand towards the item he desired. Latvia narrowed his eyes at the gritty fingernails that reached out for him, and words rushed through his mind.

 _To win, I have to be just as merciless as the opponent. To survive I have to not only defend myself, but strive to attack and destroy the enemy._

Starting a brawl here at the train station would not fare well on his behalf, so a good second-best that satisfied him was snapping his foot into those fingernails and driving them in, bending them and creating white lines across them all. The man howled in pain, and people jolted to see the filthy, one hundred kilogram man looming over the tiny, 140cm of a person, while he bellowed and clutched at his hand. Latvia retreated into the group of approaching people, who ringed around him like a herd of muskoxen. One person talked to him and assured him while the rest harassed the man until he staggered away and lay alone over the garbage can.

"Honestly, they let the worse kind of people on the trains," someone groaned. "First it's watch dealers, then it's dirty drunkards. God, how he'd even get a ticket?"

Latvia waited with the comfort of the other people until the train arrived in ten minutes. All the while he could not help but feel gratification inside, that the situation had been handled so well.

 _He taught me how to be strong and stand up for myself even if I look like easy prey. I never expected that helping Russia with his morals would help me so much._

And he smiled to himself as the train picked up speed and he lay back to sleep.

* * *

Latvia answered the knock at his door and gasped although the arrival had been expected. Russia was dressed in such unexpected attire; such that Latvia had never seen upon him before. He wore formal clothes, but none of the old-fashioned ones that were known to fill his wardrobe. Today, rather, he had a modern black suit and pair of dress pants, a white shirt and dark tie on him. All his features were sharp, and as Latvia stared at him in awe, Russia gave him a thin, white smile.

"Oh my god…" Latvia breathed. "You look so…"

He trailed off and just grinned up at him. He moved in and hugged him, catching scent of the fresh, new clothes. Footsteps came up from behind Latvia, and he drew away and looked at the man coming up beside him.

Russia furrowed his eyebrows as Latvia's boss immediately swept his eyes analytically over Russia and spoke in Latvian. Latvia's facial expression dropped into one of disgruntlement and he muttered, "Jā. Viņš ir…" before he shook his head and said to him, "Yes. That is him."

Russia watched on unhappily as the president continued to speak in Latvian, flicking his eyes back at Russia occasionally. Latvia cut in and said, "Please speak English. You're being rude."

The other huffed and continued on regardless. Russia turned his attention onto Latvia, who only appeared more and more vexed at the words he was hearing.

"Don't talk about him like that," Latvia distressed. "He's right there and you're just saying such terrible things! He's good- be nice to him!"

His boss snipped something at him, and Latvia exasperated, "Come on, just look at him!"

Russia stiffened as the eyes focused on him.

"Apologies," the president finally spoke in English. "Now, I don't think we have ever been formally introduced to each other…"

The man stepped forward and shook Russia by the hand while giving out his name and title. Russia listened and then he presented himself.

"Yes. I am the Russian Federation. Pleased to meet you."

The other nodded in what seemed to be approval, before he withdrew.

Latvia asked, "Could you give him the form?"

And while the president turned and went to fetch it, Latvia gave him a smile and said, "It took a long time to convince him to sign it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He said a lot of mean things about you, and we got into an argument about it, actually. He was mostly still unhappy that I ran off and stayed at your place for a month without permission."

"But he really said that you could be going to Germany?"

"I asked after he signed the paper. He was really sick of talking about it, and he mostly gave up on dealing with me."

He went quiet as he heard him coming back. The form was begrudgingly passed over to Russia, who looked over the signatures while pulling one lip out to the side with satisfaction. Latvia's boss sighed and held his briefcase tightly before shoving past Russia and leaving the house.

"I'm sorry," Latvia murmured. "He really doesn't like this."

"But he won't do anything to you, will he?"

"No, it's alright. He just dislikes me right now… a lot. He said that no one else in this country will like it also if they find out. That they'll hate the idea of their nation getting… well, he said some vulgar things. He was horrible."

Russia followed him inside and sat on the couch with him. While he leaned against him, Latvia stroked over his suit and said, "So, wow… you got really dressy."

"We will be having a nice night today. I wanted to wear something that would surprise you and that you would like."

Latvia circled his finger over a button and asked, "Hmm, but now I have to match you, yes? I'll have to see if I have any good suits."

"You don't have to wear one," Russia said as he pulled him in and embraced him. "Actually, I would like it a lot if you were just wearing the clothes that you had at the cultural festival. You looked so sweet."

Latvia agreed to this, and received a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Do you want to go out to dinner right now?" Russia asked.

Latvia nodded, and then was released to get ready.

* * *

That night was composed of a dinner at a high-grade restaurant in which Latvia had to honor of paying for them both this time, and then a movie afterwards. As they walked back, his heart felt so light and he happily bounced along Russia's side.

 _It was so nice that we did this. So nice! Ah, tonight was such a perfect- oh, this was a date. A really great date night._

The entire time they had been out in the city that night, they had remembered to keep their distances from each other as to not draw attention. But Latvia had noticed everything: the murmured words by his ear, the fleeting glances at his hands and eyes, and the grazed touches of his hand of his back- and he knew how much Russia wanted to be close to him. Inside was freedom, and finally Russia's hands could stroke his arms and hold his hands, and he could pet his hair and kiss his neck. He scooped him into his arms, and Latvia snuggled into him, looking up with soft eyes like melted caramel. In the bed, Russia held him and laid him down carefully as he kissed him. Latvia flickered his eyelids as he looked up at him, and he soon pulled Russia's face back to him.

"Ah," Russia sighed as he pulled away and pet his cheeks. "Every time we kiss I feel so tickly inside. So soft and nice."

"Like butterflies?" Latvia offered.

"Yes," he whispered. "A lot of little butterflies with delicate wings. Sometimes I feel like they're there too, when I am just thinking of you."

Latvia made a pleased sound and hugged him.

Russia quietly clicked his tongue once off the roof of his mouth, and he looked down at Latvia and breathed, " _Aww_."

They sat up and Russia caressed his hands over him. Latvia closed his eyes and let him touch him gently, giving those hands all his trust. Fingers touched under his chin, down the side of his neck and then swept over his chest. His hands met each other behind his back, and he hugged Latvia again while pressing his fingertips into his muscles. Latvia's head rolled and he looked up dreamily as Russia dug in and made little circles on his back. Latvia put his face against his chest and shifted closer as Russia pressed up his back. Latvia sighed softly and rubbed his cheek against Russia's ribs as he squeezed him.

Russia murmured to him, "I love you."

Latvia kissed his sternum and then nuzzled him again.

"I love you too."

His back arched as Russia pressed between his scapulae. He felt as though his tense muscles were liquidizing as his fingers seemed to dig through every fiber, stroking and massaging even his bones. He wrapped his legs around Russia and curled his toes contently.

Russia glided his hands over the silky clothes that were delightfully cool to the touch. The shirt slipped loosely to the side, and Russia happened to look at the clear smooth skin of Latvia's shoulder when it was revealed.

"Latvia," he whispered with a little gasp. "Are your scars gone?"

"Yes," he exhaled.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to surprise you."

Latvia allowed Russia to slip his fingers under his shirt and pull up. Russia watched his face carefully until he pulled the soft clothes over his head. Latvia sat before him with his fingers grazing over the blanket and his toes rubbing the fabric between themselves. Russia gazed over him, but there was nothing malicious or lascivious in his eyes and Latvia's heart only beat placidly. Russia moved closer, and he turned and looked behind him over his back. He looked over its clean purity that was completely unmarked by any white lines.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that," Russia murmured from behind him.

Latvia said nothing and just allowed Russia to run his hands over where the marks used to litter his back. Russia finally sighed after he had felt over him and had found no bumps at all, then he slipped his arms around him and hugged him from behind while dropping his face. He put his lips on the muscle by his neck, and he felt warmth in his heart as he touched his tender skin and inhaled his sweetness.

Russia's voice was a hushed breeze.

" _Never again_."

* * *

Germany was upstairs in the bathroom when he heard the uproar of three of his dogs as they rushed to the knock at the door. He groaned and soon was heading down the stairs just as the noise quieted down. The door had already been opened by Prussia, who greeted the guests energetically, and to his surprise- jumped at Russia's raised greeting hand, spinning before slapping it with a high five. Russia as well seemed surprised, but he promptly broke out into a grin and he looked at Prussia with an energetic rush in his eyes. Germany nearly expected them to tear across the house chasing each other like hyper cats- but instead the attention was lowered to the dogs waiting excitedly behind Prussia, with their tails wagging while they begged to be noticed.

Prussia grinned, "I guess I can give you a formal introduction to these crazy guys!"

He knelt down and rubbed the doberman on his head. He started listing out their names, pointing every time before continuing to scratch Berlitz on the head. When these three were introduced, Prussia added, "But our dalmatian is probably sleeping with the pup right now, but you can see them later. These guys just like to see whenever someone new comes to the door. But we have even more animals hanging around this place: a cat or two, and my awesome bird, of course!"

Latvia emitted a sound of being impressed, before the doberman stood up and padded over to Latvia as he was removing his final shoe. He visibly stiffened as the large dog came up to him, but it stopped and looked at him with soft eyes and ears perked with interest. Latvia hesitantly stroked his head, as though fearing that its eyes would turn demonic and its lips would pull back before it would snap at his arm without warning. He cast a nervous glance over at Russia, but saw that he was on his knees and accepting the large, fluffy dog named Aster into his arms.

He was smiling so contently as he hugged and stroked the dog's fur. Germany as well watched Russia, although his eyebrows were furrowed and the discomfort was plain on his face. He moved down the last few stairs and then he moved to Prussia's side, still with his eyes on Russia, as though he expected him the grab his dog's head and snap his neck at any moment. Prussia seemed absolutely unconcerned, and he was in fact looking over at Latvia and nodding his head encouraging at Berlitz.

Latvia tried to relax as he scratched the dog between the ears. When he rubbed the dog's shoulders, Berlitz moved forward and Latvia inhaled sharply when the dog's muzzle disappeared from his view and neared his neck. However, soon a heavy, warm head dropped onto his shoulder and Latvia calmed before hugging him happily, petting and scratching his back. He saw movement, and noticed how the German Shepherd came over to Russia, sniffed the hands stroking Aster, before walking over to Russia's side to sit down and lean against him.

"Don't look like that, brother!" Prussia exclaimed as he saw the continued look of discontentment on Germany's face. "They got their stamps of approval!"

Germany raised his eyebrows and exhaled, trying his best to eliminate his expression.

"Yes, okay. I'm… sorry."

"So anyway," Prussia perked and spoke to the other two now. "What do you want to do today?"

Russia turned to Latvia expectantly. Latvia said, "Could we walk around here? I haven't been in Berlin in a long time."

"Yeah, sure!" Prussia exclaimed. "I can be your guide. Germany, do you want to join us?"

"Uh- no, that's alright," he said. "Italy said he's going to come over sometime today as well, so I'll have to stay and let him in and make sure he doesn't break anything."

" _Whoa_ , what? Italy's coming over today too? Like, we should make this into a party- call over a bunch of-"

"No. We're not having that."

"Yeah, okay fine," he smirked. "We got enough… but the beer fridge will be raided tonight!"

Germany sighed, and Prussia beckoned his two guests in so they could take care of their bags.

"We got a guest room here for you to use," Prussia said as he opened up a room for them.

They quickly glanced in and threw in their things before following him back to the door. Prussia snatched some keys and he shouted a farewell to Germany before he led the way outside with a skip in his step. Russia went in the back with Latvia as Prussia hopped in the driver's seat and started the car.

Prussia said partway through the drive, "Wow though, your head. That's crazy… what happened to you."

While the stitches had already been taken out, the line was still noticeable on the part of his head where the hair was clipped.

" _Mmm_. A lot of craziness in the last couple years, wasn't there, Latvia?"

"Ah, yes. Where would we even begin?"

Prussia nodded and checked them over in the rear-view mirror.

"I've been kept updated on everything," he said. "But I can't believe some of those things! I'm sorry that it all happened."

They drew into a silence in which Russia and Latvia looked around and out all of the windows to glimpse the sights around them. They looked at the busy life that spiced up the city with energy, as people hopped in and out of boutiques, restaurants, and cafes. Both Berliners and the tourists that stuck out tackily carried full and heavy bags of multiple colours as they walked past chalkboard signs with elegant German cursive words upon them.

Prussia took them to the Reichstag, and after conversing quickly with a few workers, they were permitted through and he took them into the glass dome of the building that was open to the public. Walkways like silver spirals were flooded in warm light, and they wandered and explored the vast room with the registered guests.

Latvia stopped and appreciated the spectacular view that looked over the city.

"Oh wow," he breathed.

He fiddled with his camera and tried to take a picture. Russia chuckled and said, "I do not think you will be getting good photo through the glass."

Latvia tried anyways, and he shrugged as he looked over the screen. He took some more as they went along and trailed Prussia, and Russia waited beside him every time he stopped.

They then went out onto the open roof terrace, and they all came up to the edge and held onto the metal bar to peek out over what could be seen over the horizon. Past the green yard of the parliament was a blend of grey buildings, trees, and the occasional German flag flapping in the wind.

Russia gazed over the parks, cathedrals, and shops that went out as far as the eye could see, and he said with a cheerful ring in his voice, "You have a nice home, Prussia."

"Yeah, I love it here," he sighed wistfully and set his head on his hand. "So much has happened here, but the strength of the people made it survive through it all and become the place that it is today."

Russia cast his eyes down. He felt that prick of guilt that slid a knife into his chest, and he looked far down below them as he murmured, "Yes. It is a very strong place."

Prussia had not heard him, and he only went on to lean eagerly over the railing to focus his rosy-eyed gaze downwards. Even Latvia had missed it over the sound of his camera snapping a photo, and he was momentarily distracted by the views to notice the grief that had filled Russia's eyes. For a moment, Russia could not see in front of him as he was sucked into his mind and trapped in a stream of memories. The first memory that came to him was the one where he had pulled Prussia away from his brother the day Germany was split between the Allies. Then he remembered the rebellious fury in his eyes the day he had first tried to stand up against him- an anger that lingered even after the blood had speckled the wall and his hair. He remembered so vividly how Prussia had lifted up his head, focused his dazed eyes upon him, and had summoned every ounce of his diminishing energy to murmur to him weakly, " _F...Fuck you_."

"Hey," Prussia muttered beside him. "Are you alright?"

Latvia heard the question and he looked up at Russia in concern.

Russia replied, "Sorry, I was just thinking of some things."

"Well come on, don't be doing anything like that!" Prussia exclaimed and playfully smacked his side. "Just enjoy the moment!"

A smile cracked his face and the memories drifted away. He nodded and watched Prussia hop away and spread out his arms to indicate the huge world around them all.

"Now, how about we go to the botanical gardens?" Prussia offered.

Prussia took them back to the car, and on the drive through the city, they listened to the radio more closely this time. Latvia and Russia knew some of the songs as they were also popular on the radios in their countries, and soon both were rocking side-to-side to the tune of the more upbeat, modern songs. Latvia tapped his foot on the ground as Russia held his hand and patted this thumb on his.

Again, Prussia negotiated so that all of them were given free admission. He padded into the garden and the two who followed behind him were immediately looking around with awe at the space around them that opened up into expansive magnificence. The lawns that burst with the bright colours of the flowerbeds on either side of the stone path made the whole atmosphere around them fresh and brought them energetic joy. Prussia led the way still with a perked hop in his step, and showed them to the most tasteful structures, some of which were sided by trees of purple blossoms and pines with different shades of green.

Latvia sighed, "Ah, it is so nice here."

He looked up at Russia and was excited at the calm happiness that glowed on his face along with the sunlight that reflected off him. A brilliant smile was spread across Russia's face as he turned his head and looked at everything scattered around them that lay in positions of perfection and exploded with beauty.

Latvia's heart leaped and pounded with exhilaration and he inhaled deeply, pressed up against Russia, and rubbed his face across his arm. Russia made a sound of adoration in his throat before he looked down at the little coziness against his side, and he found his hand and held it with his own as they walked along.

"Stand by the pond!" Prussia exclaimed. "And give me your camera, Latvia. I'll take a picture of you two!"

Both his guests looked delighted, and Russia was quite excited that he was going to get to have more pictures to add to his beloved collection. Russia knelt and hugged Latvia from behind as he looked over his shoulder with the most joyous smile. Afterwards having snapped the picture, Prussia took charge of the camera and preceded to keep capturing photos of whatever affectionate thing they did to each other, and a grin held itself on his face all the while.

On their way to grab lunch, Prussia passed the camera to the back seat and let them look through everything he had taken. There were pictures of flowers blended into the sentimental roll and overall, Latvia could not be happier with what they had received.

 _Prussia's really nice_ , he thought. _Hyper most of the time, but he must be a very good friend to have if Russia became friends with him._

After lunch, they went to the final destination of the day: the wall of Berlin.

"Why are you wanting to see this?" Russia asked as they walked towards it. "I thought that you hated it and would be wanting to avoid it as much as possible."

"It isn't the same for me anymore," Prussia said. "I started not to think so much about it negatively after it fell. I no longer see it as an object that you had used to repress me, because it lost that meaning so long ago. People have decorated it with graffiti and brought art and beauty to it, so now it is nothing like what it used to be."

They walked along and looked over the colourful images of people, German flags, and other odd creatures that had been spray-painted upon the old stone. It had been so long as well, since Russia had seen the wall, and he as well was eased by the changes that had been done to it.

 _So he wanted to show me this then_ , Russia thought. _How everything has been painted over;_ _the wall… and his hatred. This is the physical proof then, to show how he has forgiven me by taking me to this place with him._

The sun was beginning to set as they went and drove homewards. The weariness was in their legs after a whole day of travelling by foot and experiencing new things, and so both Russia and Latvia blinked sleepily in the backseat. As a calm dwindled in the car, they finally closed their eyes and Prussia smiled contently as he looked in the rear-view mirror and saw the two flopped against each other while sleeping lightly. He looked back ahead as they passed the streets they had gone by before, and he thought, _I think I did an awesome job today. They seemed to have had a great time! Ah, I can't wait until tomorrow._

Russia woke up as he felt the car slow down at a red light. He looked down at Latvia beside him and watched him with a mild expression as he slept. Russia listened to the music and Prussia was surprised to hear him whispering the words under his breath.

"You know this song?" Prussia asked.

"Yes, it is popular right now in my country," Russia murmured back.

Despite the effort to respond quietly, Latvia woke and creaked open his eyes. Russia whispered an apology to him, but Latvia looked outside and replied that they were almost back anyway.

Russia watched with interest as Prussia reached over and increased the volume of the song a smidge. Russia smiled a little and he dipped his head and he leaned himself slightly against Latvia. He began to sing quietly to him, and Latvia tilted up his head and looked at Russia with bliss. His eyes softened and he pulled against his seat belt to hug Russia. The other put his arm around him and held him close as he continued to sing to him.

Russia's hand stroked down the back of his head and Latvia made a happy sound in his throat while he nuzzled him. Latvia purred, " _Aww, lapochka,_ " to which Russia smiled at before holding him protectively. Russia looked up as soon, they were pulling into the driveway. Prussia slowed to let the final lines of the song conclude before he turned the car off.

Prussia laughed, "Ah, that was cute!" before he hopped out of the car and grinned back at them through the window.

They unbuckled their seat belts and quickly caught up with Prussia as he sauntered up to his house. Unheard by him, Latvia chuckled as he nudged Russia, "Yeah, your accent was adorable."

Russia inhaled sharply and blushed.

Once inside, they heard clanging and chopping in the kitchen, and Prussia popped his head in to see Italy in the process of cooking a large amount of pasta while Germany feverishly cleaned up every mess he left in his wake.

"Alright, Italy is cooking!" Prussia exclaimed loud enough so that the other two knew what was going on.

While they waited for dinner to be made, Prussia plopped on the couch and beckoned them to come sit and watch some television. Russia and Latvia were close as usual, but the moment Germany came into the room trailed by Italy, Russia moved away so that he was no longer touching him.

Italy looked over at Russia, and although he had been well aware that he was here, Italy was still surprised and admittedly slightly startled. The last experiences he had had around him were only him watching him dance cossack, and then before that he had been across the table from Russia as he stood alone, glaring murderously at America with a darkened voice and a dangerous aura creeping from him.

They were told that the food was ready, and as they got up to follow Italy and Germany, Prussia came to Russia's side and said, "I know you don't feel comfortable showing any affection in front of them, but if Italy sees you being nice to him, it can help him warm up to you and not feel so creeped out around you. No one here will feel uncomfortable, and actually all it would do is make you seem more like a nice guy."

"You are really thinking so?"

"Of course! Those two just got to see how much Latvia trusts you, and then they will as well, and then start acting not so tense."

Latvia nodded in agreement and took Russia's hand. Russia instantly looked nervous and he looked back to Prussia for reassurance. Russia tried to appear calm as they entered the dining room and eyes briefly fell upon them. Germany looked away, but Italy's brown eyes were opened and blinking at them while he tilted his head slightly with curiosity. They parted hands slowly, brushing over each other's fingertips, before sitting down in front of empty plates.

Everyone took their turn serving themselves the amount pasta and sauce that they wanted. Latvia and Russia looked with interest as they dropped the noodles on their plates, not remembering what to expect after having not had Italian-grade pasta in a very long time. However once the warm food was in their mouths, the look of delight on their faces made Italy perk in a happy pride.

Prussia decided to talk about everything they had done today with Italy and Germany, and he took charge in keeping conversations going and settling everyone into a calm and contented mood. After dinner, already Italy was acting like his relaxed and happy self, and Germany was no longer so stiff and unsure in Russia's presence. Even in the kitchen when his German shepherd padded up to Russia, Germany did not feel compelled to guard over his dog as Russia bent down and scratched behind his ears.

It was decided that because his guests still appeared rather sleepy, they would not drink alcohol but would instead just all settle down by the television before going to bed tonight. Italy was the first to decide that it was going to be a comfy event, and he raced away and returned with pyjamas on. After he poked at Germany for a while, he finally sighed and complied before leaving to put on his own. Prussia joined the trend so his brother would not feel so awkward, and then as everyone else did this, Russia and Latvia decided to as well.

Germany was quick back and as was Prussia, who immediately walked out and went into the kitchen to fill up snack bowls and take them back. Italy and Germany had chosen to sit on two armchairs that were side-by-side, and Prussia dropped the bowls on the coffee table before taking the spot at the one end of the couch nearest Italy's side. Russia appeared, looking calm and friendlier once out of his summer day clothes and in some relaxed, soft pyjamas, and he sat on the couch as well.

Everyone glanced over as Latvia was the last to enter the room. Russia, who was at the end of the couch closest to the entrance into the room, sighed and leaned on the couch's arm as he looked over Latvia's clothes. He was wearing his soft loose pyjamas that covered his body in comforting fabric, and it was the same thing he had worn once before to tempt him into stroking his arms. He looked so small and innocent as he came in quietly with his hands in front of him and clasped together.

Russia felt something within him soften and he cooed, " _Come here_."

Latvia drifted over to the couch. There was something interesting to the onlookers that they recognized, and it has how he came over just as immediately as he had would have when commanded to during the Soviet Era at a World Conference. This time however, it was not out of obedient fear. Now there was absolute unwariness about him, and he approached him with trust in his eyes and no hesitation in his walk. Just by observing him, everyone could understand this tiny Baltic who no longer trembled, truly felt that no harm would come to him if he approached the other, and that he completely believed that he would receive kindness from him. He was indeed welcomed into Russia's arms, pulled onto his lap and hugged tenderly while all eyes were upon them. Yet even though the intention had been clear beforehand, Germany and Italy seemed still impressed and awed that Latvia had demonstrated pure willingness to come to be where he was right now, in the arms of a person they had known before to be unpredictable and dangerous.

Latvia wrapped his arms around his waist hugged him back, squeezing himself against him. Russia stroked his cozy back before shyly glancing over at Prussia, who nodded encouragingly back at him.

* * *

When Prussia stopped by the guest room, he looked through the open door into the room that already had its lights turned off. He saw Russia and Latvia already cuddling close to each other, relaxed and quietly breathing. Prussia was about to leave as to not disturb them, but then Russia's eyes flickered open and he gazed at him.

Prussia said, "Sorry to wake you. I just came by to see if you guys needed anything before I settle down too."

"Maybe some water," Russia whispered. "Thank you."

Russia closed his eyes and dozed during the time Prussia was away. He woke again when Prussia came back with a full glass and put it on the side table.

As Prussia left, Germany and Italy passed by the room, and Prussia stopped in the hall as Germany said something to him that was too quiet for Russia to hear.

Prussia replied in German, "They're fine. They aren't going to do anything. I know what they are like, and it's not like that."

Russia reached for the water and sipped it carefully over Latvia before putting it back down. Latvia shifted and wearily murmured to him, " _Hmm? What?_ "

"Nothing, kitten. Go back to sleep."

Germany looked up when he heard Russian being spoken. Everyone else glanced over at the direction he was looking out of curiosity, and they saw how Russia stroked the back of Latvia's head, gently kissed his hair before quieting down and drifting back to sleep.

"See?" Prussia said. "Innocent sweeties. Don't worry about them."

And then Prussia departed and the others left as well after taking one last look at the tranquil expression upon Russia's face.

* * *

He saw Latvia sitting alone on the couch reading, assumably waiting for the others to awaken. Russia wandered over to him, and Latvia put his book to the side when he saw him approaching. Russia eased in beside him while wrapping his arm over his shoulders and turning his face to the side, pointing it at Latvia's neck. The air he exhaled through his nose tickled his skin, and Latvia smiled and leaned into him.

A hand crossed over and stroked down the side of Latvia's face, and he reached up and held it there against him. Russia's thumb then strayed away and breezed over his cheek, rubbing his skin gently.

"Do you like it here?" Russia asked him.

Latvia nodded softly and replied, "I do. Everyone is being so nice. I like really like Prussia now too, and Germany isn't being scary either."

"I'm glad," he sighed. "I hope you feel comfortable around them."

"I do," Latvia murmured.

When Russia's fingers shifted, Latvia let go of his hand. It went free and swept down and across his face, the fingertips grazing over his lips. He turned his wrist and then covered Latvia's lips with his palm, and Russia leaned in and kissed his own hand and smiled in amusement as he pulled away. Latvia smiled as well, a light of mirth in his eyes as he pulled away the hand over his mouth. Russia allowed it to be moved, but it continued to explore the textures of his face, and fondly touch him.

Russia sank down a bit until he was closer to him. Latvia closed his eyes and parted his lips expectantly, but Russia only tapped his on his cheek and then pulled away quickly. Before Latvia protested, a stream of kisses were planted up the side of his face before Russia withdrew and looked shyly to the side. He could see no one coming down the stairs, and despite how Prussia had said that no one minded that they demonstrate affection, he still blushed and looked notably sheepish.

While he was turned away, Latvia jumped in and pecked his cheek. The attention was switched back to him, and Latvia was soon found with his face being stroked before delicate, quick kisses were given to him again. Now Latvia could no longer hold back his flashes of smiles and bursts of light laughter as he was giving such teasing, tickling touches.

Finally, a thumb caressed his lip, and then a butterfly's kiss was put there. He was swift to pull away, but Latvia placed his hand over the back of Russia's head. He did not pull him, but rather rested his hand into his smooth and soft hair.

"Please?" Latvia murmured.

He received a nod. Russia cast his eyes at the staircase in the other room before he as well, closed his eyes. He let Latvia pull his head close and then take his lower lip. Russia melted at the touch of the gentle fingers in his hair, and when they drifted apart, he kept his eyes closed as his face hovered by Latvia's.

The footsteps that thumped down the stairs without rhythm indicated the arrival of none other than Prussia. Russia opened his eyes, and Latvia slid his hands down to his shoulders, but none of them truly felt compelled to let go of each other.

"Good morning!" Prussia exclaimed before leaving with a rambunctious laugh. They did not take offense from it however, recognizing that he did not intend to upset them, but was rather just feeling energetic.

When solid footsteps came down next, Russia tried to pull away sharply, but Latvia held onto him and said to him in Russian, "It's alright."

Russia closed his eyes and dipped his head. Latvia listened to the footsteps, and he picked up the sound of lighter and quicker feet coming down simultaneously. He threw away hesitation and rose up to met his lips. Russia inhaled sharply, but he did not dare pull away from Latvia or open his eyes. He recognized Latvia's goal, and he hesitantly put his hands on his back and encouraged him to be close.

Germany and Italy froze at the sight before them. Latvia listened to the silence, knowing that they were watching, so he stroked Russia's scarf until he pulled his face away and sunk down to snuggle against him. Automatically Russia held him and looked at him fondly before he suddenly remembered their audience. He flashed up his eyes and they wavered nervously as he scanned for their reactions. Germany's mouth hung open a crack as though he was about to say something but could not find the right words. His clear blue eyes met Russia's, and finally they saw the concern there, so then Germany closed his eyes and reopened them to reveal a new gaze of neutrality.

"Good morning," he said.

Italy rocked back and forth innocently behind him, a bright eye open and watching them while a calm smile played on his lips.

Russia and Latvia got up and followed everyone into the kitchen. A line of dogs waited with their tails excitedly whipping side-to-side as they waited for their breakfast, and Germany led them to their food bowls. As they heard the sound of kibble dropping into the dishes, Prussia threw open the fridge and started pulling things out. Everyone helped out and took the food to the table, and here they ate with even more of a familiar atmosphere than yesterday as everyone grew more comfortable in each other's presences.

Prussia's bird suddenly made an appearance, landing neatly beside his plate. He cast his eyes down at it and said with a smirk, "Hey, where were you yesterday? You missed all the fun!"

He pulled off some bread and put it at the bird's feet. As it pecked it, Prussia then said to everyone, "So, I came up with this idea of where we can go first this morning, and it's somewhere not far from here."

Germany said, "And where are you thinking?"

"It's a surprise!" he exclaimed.

Before they left, they took out the dogs out for a walk, in which everyone got to take one of them by the leash. Prussia grinned and gave Latvia control over the puppy while everyone else took the dogs that weighed more than him. After taking their time looking like a sort of dog-walking group, they came back and left the dogs with extra food, before Prussia jumped in the driver's seat of the car enthusiastically. Germany took shotgun beside him, and Italy eased into the back beside Latvia, who had taken the middle seat so that Russia would not be uncomfortably crammed against Italy.

Everyone waited expectantly, looking out to window for some kind of indication as to where they were going. Eventually, Germany made a sound of understanding, and then a few minutes later Russia jolted and pressed against the window excitedly.

Latvia whipped his head back and forth and then looked up through the windshield as they continued to drive between the walls of gold on either side of them. Soon, Prussia found a place to park, and Russia leapt outside with a cry of utter joy. He spun around and glanced in every direction, where the fields of sunflowers stretched out so far into the distance.

Latvia met Russia's eyes, and he saw nothing but the purest, most uncontained happiness there. The most beautiful of smiles appeared on Russia's face; a white one that glimmered so brightly under the warm light of the sun that watched above. Latvia's heart pounded excitedly as simultaneously Russia's did as well. No one remembered who was the first to start it, but soon everyone submitted to the joyous urge to dash into the field and be immersed in the world made up of sunlight and fulfilled dreams. Not even Germany could hold back the desire to follow along, as they all sprinted through the rows and had the petals of the sunflowers kiss their arms as they raced by.

Russia eventually stopped in the middle of the field, and he turned and waited for Latvia to catch up to him. Russia sighed as he looked at the sunflowers that bordered the little joy that walked over to him. He extended his hand out to him, and Latvia placed his into it. Russia felt delightful chills as he felt his soft skin touch him, and a fuzziness that contaminated his organs and made them feel like cotton fluff.

Latvia stared up from their hands and into Russia's eyes.

"Here we are," Latvia said. "Did you notice it? After every struggle we have had to face, your pursuit for happiness is finally at an end."

"Ah, I never imagined that I could feel so warm," Russia sighed. "And now I can feel like this no matter where I go, no matter if I am here under this summer heat or at home while a winter storm is going on outside. It is you who gave me this inextinguishable warmth and taught me how to love. I will never stop being thankful for everything you have done for me."

Latvia replied, "No matter what changes are to come, Russia, I will always be by your side. You as well have given me a warmth that I have never known before. There is nothing I want more than to see the world with you, explore everything and share the most amazing memories with you. Even if we can't go to the stars, we can try to find every field of sunflowers, and every mountain and forest. No matter where we go, we can always find happiness with each other."

"Please," Russia whispered as he stepped up to him. "Let us be doing this."

Latvia nodded and he said, "I love you."

Russia embraced him, and as he held him, a few tears dripped off his face and landed upon the soil.

"Thank you," he replied as the tears ended and all he could do now was smile. "Sweet _kotik_ , I will always love you."

Latvia leaned against him and Russia allowed himself to fall backwards. Latvia fell into the arms that surrounded him with such a delicate touch despite the absolute strength they were capable of. As his strong but soothing hands drifted over his skin, he relaxed, feeling nothing but absolute safety. Latvia put his ear over his chest, and through the thin shirt, he could hear it.

Such a warm, strong heartbeat.

The wind breathed out in a calm sigh, and it tickled the petals of the sunflowers and made the plants sway in tune around them. Here, it had found them again, as it had promised that it would on that one, silvery night.

Latvia looked up with Russia at the endless sky above, as though the countless, beautiful possibilities could be seen in the purity of the blue vastness. Around them, the healthy walls of magnificent gold surrounded them; the tall sunflowers that stretched on and on out to the horizon that one day, they would go over together. And here they finally knew that among the blue and gold colours, that like the beauty of the sky and the hope Russia found in these divine flowers, their happiness would be undoubtedly, everlasting.

 **The End**


End file.
